Unlike the previous seven chapters, which contain entries from a single notebook, this one draws on Susanna Wesley’s entire journal output in two small notebooks.1 However, this final batch of journal entries returns to her traditional practice of thrice-daily meditations and continues to deal with, the same range of subjects and authors we have come to expect. For instance, there are references to, and wholesale copyings from, such important mentors as John Locke (209-211), George Herbert (20S, 216), Pascal (207), Seneca (186), and the relatively unknown theologian Richard Lucas (202-203, 20S, 208, 212–214). Even Gilbert Burnet, bishop of Salisbury (an early partisan of the prince of Orange and thus politically distant from the semi-Nonjuring Susanna Wesley) figures in two entries (199 and 2 IS).
Among issues that engage her in these meditations, two stand out. One, a matter of belief, addresses the question “How can we know God?” In a string of entries (187-191) she walks a theological tightrope, acknowledging the positive role of reason and nature but balancing on the other side the necessity of the “experimental” knowledge that claims heart, will, and affections, as well as understanding.
The other issue, a matter of practice, is that of Christian perfection, a much-debated emphasis of her son John in later years. Meditations 193–199 address it in a preliminary way, including the recognition that “corrupt nature” (the same corruption that annuls the sufficiency of natural reason in matters of faith) also invalidates “all our fine speculations” in the pursuit of virtue (193) and, in an oblique reference to Thomas a Kempis’s classic, that Christ is a moral pattern, as well as a Savior (194). She finds John Locke of some use here—his argument that “uneasiness” motivates the will helps her understand the human condition after the fall. Her real teacher in this school, however, is Richard Lucas, the blind Welsh priest and author of Religious Perfection. She does not buy all of his views, but she is obviously taken with many of them and copies them into her journal for further pondering.
The disciplined faithful life leads her once again to affirm her devotional routine and the vision that underlies her practice. In the final entry (217), as she describes God in classic terms, awe-inspiring yet attractive, she affirms “these blessed lucid intervals when the soul by contemplation holds [God] in view.” The phrase is a useful reminder of the journal’s importance to her at the deepest level of her life.
Entries Jrom Headingley MS B
Entries 185–199 are taken from Headingley MS B, Wesley College, Bristol: a small notebook also containing poems of the Rev. Samuel Wesley and one bit of doggerel by one of the Wesley daughters, young Hetty. None of the entries are dated or contain internal evidence that gives any sense of when they were written.
[185. Take care not to be diverted from “accustomed exercises.”]
Morn[ing]
Such a time devoted […]2 Whenever company or business inclines you to quit your retirement and either to omit or cursorily perform accustomed exercises and you instead of resisting comply with such inclinations, you may observe that you are always guilty of some sin or error, that upon reflection gives you more pain than the profit or pleasure gave you satisfaction. Therefore, make it your care to conquer your inclination to any company at such times, nor let any trivial business divert you; for no business, unless it cannot be laid aside or suspended without sin, can be of equal, much less of greater importance than caring for the soul—3
[186. Seneca’s standard for friendship better than that of most Christians.]
Even[ing]
That man which will readily believe an ill report of you never was, or at least is not now, your friend. Seneca, a heathen, could say, “In some cases I’ll not believe a man against himself. I’ll give him however time to recollect himself; nay sometimes I will allow him council, too.”4 But Christians, bad Christians, are rarely so candid. He is a friend indeed that is proof against calumny. But he is a rare Christian that will not believe a man against himself.
[187. “What is it to know God?”]
Morn[ing]
“This is eternal life: to know thee, the true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou has sent.” 5—But what is it to know God? Or what is that knowledge of God on which eternal life depends?
[188. Human reason and nature can teach us of “one supreme, eternal … self-existent Being.”]
Noon
What can human reason do or how far can the light of nature direct us to find out the knowledge of the most high? From the primordials of the universe6 we collect that there is one supreme, eternal, consequently self-existent Being that gave being to all things, since to act presupposeth existence, for nothing can act before it be. That this Being must possess by way of eminence all the perfections we discern in the creatures reason tells us, for nothing can impart that to another which it hath not to impart.
[189. Other divine perfections discoverable by the light of nature.]
Even[ing]
And, as creation demonstrates omnipotence, so that infers wisdom, justice, truth, purity,7 goodness, etc. for all these perfections are intellectual powers, and were God deficient in any one, he could not be omnipotent. That he is a Spirit, unbodied, undetermined, immense, filling heaven and earth, and all imaginary spaces beyond them, most simple (pure), uncompounded, and absolutely separated and free from whatever pollution a spirit is capable of being defiled with, immutable, uncapable of change or alteration for the better or worse, perfectly free,8 having no superior, no equal that my impel, allure or persuade him, but acting always spontaneously according to the counsel of his own will, we may discover by the light of nature.9
[190. Another kind of knowledge: “God known to the heart, the will and its affections.”]
Morn[ing]
This is to know God as a man, as a reasonable creature, but this is not that knowledge that leadeth us to eternal life. That is a knowledge of another kind. The one we attain in a scientifical method by a long train of arguments for which die bulk of mankind want either capacity or leisure, the other by frequent and fervent application to God in prayer. The one is an effect of reason assisted by humane learning,10 peculiar to a few of more noble and refined sense—God perceived, known to the understanding as the creator, preserver and governor of the universe. The other11 is reason acting by the influence and direction of the Holy Spirit—God known to the heart, the will and its affections, not merely as the author of our being, but as he is exhibited to us under the character of a healer, a repairer of the lapse and misery of human12 nature, a Saviour, him whom our soul loveth.13
[191. “Experimental” more important than speculative knowledge of God.]
Noon
To know God only as a philosopher, to have the most sublime and curious speculations concerning his essence, his attributes, his providence, to be able to demonstrate his being from all or any of the works of nature, and to discourse with the greatest elegancy and propriety of words of his existence or operations, will avail us nothing, unless at the same time we know him experimentally, unless the heart perceive and know him to be her supreme good, her only happiness, unless the soul feel and acknowledge that she can find no repose, no peace, no joy but in loving and being beloved by him, and does accordingly rest in him as the centre of her being, the fountain of her pleasures, the origin of all virtue and goodness, her light, her life, her strength, her all, everything she wants or wisheth in this world and for ever. In a word, her Lord, her God!14
Thus let me ever know you, oh God! I do not despise or neglect the light of reason, nor that knowledge of you which by her conduct may be collected from this goodly system of created beings, but this speculative knowledge is not the knowledge I want and wish for.15
[192. Overcoming an inclination not to obey; exercise virtues of meekness and humility.]
Morn[ing]
‘Tis very probable that your hujmour] last night was rather the effect of fancy and passion16 than of a clear sound judgment. If otherwise, why did you feel uneasiness at another person’s being out of humour? Was it not pride made you resent contradiction? Or from what other principle could that reluctance flow which you felt in17 obeying a trivial command which perhaps might proceed from narrowness, yet, the matter being indifferent, obedience was unquestionably your duty. A wise person18 ought seldom, or indeed never when authority is not disputed or contemned, do acts of power, because19 they are shocking to human nature, which, if not fortified and strengthened by religion, is apt in such cases to throw off a subjection and rebel even against lawful government. But though you should meet with such instances which the pride of man will throw in your way, yet take care not to swerve from your duty. Look upon every such act as a call of divine Providence to exercise the virtues of meekness and humility. When you can bear severe reflections, unjust censure, contemptuous words and unreasonable actions without perturbation, without rendering evil for evil, but with an equal temper can clearly discern and cheerfully do your duty, you may hope that God hath given some degree of humility and resignation.
[193. Enlightenment by “some higher principle,” not philosophical speculation, can conquer “corrupt nature.”]
Even[ing]
The philosophy of the whole world hath not sufficient force to conquer20 the pro-pensions of corrupt nature. Appetites and passions will bear sway maugre21 all our fine speculations, till our minds are enlightened by some higher principle by virtue of which light it discerns the moral turpitude of those things in which before it placed its supreme happiness, and the beauty of that virtue and holiness that it was accustomed to despise.22
[194. Imitating Christ and following his precepts.]
Morn[ing]
You commit your soul morning and evening to Jesus Christ, as he is the Saviour of the world—Then observe what he saith unto you, resolutely obey his precepts and endeavor to follow” his example in those things wherein he is exhibited to us as a pattern for our imitation.23 No circumstances or time of life can occur but you may find something either spoken by our Lord himself or by his Spirit in the prophets or Apostles that will direct your conduct if you are but faithful to God and your own soul.
[195. An obstacle to Christian perfection: loving the world.]
Even[ing]
Two great obstacles in the way of Christian perfection, the first […] 24 What says our Lord by his apostle St. John? “Love not the world nor the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” 25 That man will as certainly be damned whose affections are fixed on sensual pleasures, riches or honours, though he never enjoy any or a very inconsiderable proportion of them, as he that, having them all in his power, indulges himself the satisfaction of his most criminal desires. For ‘tis the heart God requires, and he that suffers his heart (his affection) to centre on any thing but God, be the object of his passion innocent or otherwise, does actually make that thing his God and in so doing forfeits his title and pretensions to eternal happiness.26
[196. Another impediment to Christian perfection: “deep adversity” or “immoderate anxious care.”]
Morn[ing]
Another great impediment is deep adversity, which27 often affects the mind too much and disposes to anxious doubtful and unbelieving thoughts. Though there be no direct murmurings, no repining at prosperity of others, no harsh reflections on providence, but a constant acknowledgment of the justice and goodness of God, that he punishes less than iniquities deserve and does always in the midst of judgment remember mercy, yet, if you think too severely or unjustly of men, if you are too much dejected or disposed to peevishness, covetousness, or negligence28 in affairs, if you work too much or too little, are presumptuous or desponding,29 wholly omit to implore divine blessing and assistance on honest prospects and endeavours, or are too solicitous and earnest in prayer for external blessings, if the thoughts of your circumstances invade your privacies or disturb your rest, if any little access of trouble have power to ruffle your temper and indispose or distract your mind in your addresses to heaven, in reading, meditation or any other spiritual exercise; you are certainly in the power of the world, guilty of immoderate, anxious care. Then observe what your Lord saith by his apostle, “Be careful (anxiously careful) for nothing”;30 what he says himself, “Therefore I say unto you, take no thought […]”;31 and remember that he ranks “cares of this life” with “surfeiting and drunkenness,” which are mortal, damning sins.32
[197. Lawful enjoyments can become occasions of sin.]
Morn[ing]
The great difficulty we find in restraining our appetites and passions from excess often arises from the liberties we take in indulging them in all those instances wherein there does not at first sight appear some moral evil. Occasions of sin frequently take their rise from lawful enjoyments, and he that will always venture to go the utmost bounds of what he may, will not fail to step beyond them sometimes, and then he uses his liberty for a cloak of his licentiousness. He that habitually knows and abhors the sins of intemperance and will yet stay too long in company of such as are intemperate, and, because God is pleased to indulge us a glass for refreshment, will therefore take it when he really needs none, ‘tis odds but this man will transgress, and though he should keep on his feet and in his senses, yet he perhaps will raise more spirits than his reason can command, will injure his health, his reputation or estate, discompose his temper, violate his own peace or that of his family, all which are evils [that] ought carefully to be avoided. It holds the same in all other irregular appetites or passions, and there may be the same temptations in other instances from whence occasions of sin may arise. Therefore be sure to keep a strict guard and observe well lest you use lawful pleasures unlawfully. Fly from occasions of evil.33
[198. Christian discipline; practicing any virtue reinforces all others in the “golden chain.”]
Noon
The Christian religion is of so complicated a nature, that unless we give up ourselves entirely to its discipline, we cannot steadfastly adhere to any of its precepts. All virtues are closely joined34 together, and break but one link of this golden chain, you spoil the whole contexture. As vices are often made necessary supports to each other, so virtues do mutually strengthen and assist virtues.35 Thus temperance and chastity, fortitude and truth, humility and patience, divine charity and charity towards man, all virtues of what denomination soever, reciprocally cherish and invigorate one another.36
[199. Readings (unacknowledged) from Bishop Burnet: the “power of religion” alone can effect “inward and universal purity.”]
Morn[ing]
Philosophy and morality are not sufficient to restrain us from those sins that our constitution of body, circumstances of life or evil custom strongly dispose us to. Nature and appetite will be too hard for their precepts unless a man be determined by a law within himself. They may teach him caution and give check to his vicious inclinations in public but will never carry him to an inward and universal purity. This is only to be effected by the power of religion, which will direct us to a serious application to God in fervent prayer,37 upon which we shall feel a disengagement from the impressions sensual objects were wont to make on our minds,38 and an inward strength and disposition to resist them.39
“Good men who felt upon their frequent applications to God in prayer a freedom from those ill impressions that formerly subdued them, an inward love to virtue and true goodness, an easiness and delight in all the parts of holiness, which was fed and cherished in them by a seriousness in prayer, and did languish as that went off, had as real a perception of an inward strength in their minds that did rise and fall with true devotion, as they perceived the strength of their bodies increased or abated, according as how they had or wanted good nourishment.” 40
This replied to Lord Rochester’s] objection against answers of prayer, which he supposes “fancy” and an “effect of a heat in nature”—that it had effect only by diverting the thoughts41
Entries Jrom Headingley MS C
These entries are from Headingley MS C, Wesley College, Bristol. A small (3 Vi-by-3-inch) notebook, it is similar to MS A and B, except that its binding is along the short end. In addition to the undated meditations, it also contains, beginning at the other end of the notebook, a draft letter to S. W’s son Samuel Jr. (11 October 1709) and two draft letters to her daughter Suky (14 January 1709/10, on the Creed, and an undated one on the Decalogue). A number of pages (about ten) seem to be torn from the beginning of the meditation section of the notebook.
[200. Self-criticism for taking up worldly affairs in her meditation time.]
Even[ing]
You did ill in admitting of any discourse about the things of this world in the morn[ing] before the reading the psalms and chapter. It argued, if not a profane, yet a very careless indevout temper, a great deficiency of reverence and love. Do you not yet know that God is a holy and a jealous God! That he abhors all profane mixtures and worldly regards in his service? How long will it be ere you consider and attain to that purity, that perfect abstraction from all earthly things that is required42 in such as take upon themselves the honour of approaching the divine majesty?
[201. Resolution.]
Morn[ing]
Resolved to be more careful in this matter for the future.43
[202. Reaction to Richard Lucas’s objections to “solitude and retirement.”]
Even[ing]
What Dr. Lucas jon] Christian Perfection44 observes, that “the practice of wisdom and virtue is the best way lo improve both,”45 is undoubtedly true; but that therefore we ought not to seek solitude and retirement upon a pretense, that it cuts off the opportunities of many virtues that may be practised in a public life, I utterly deny, unless our circumstances are such that we cannot without a direct opposition to the order of providence retire from the world, and then are we to exert ourselves and practise those virtues that are more peculiarly proper for persons of a distinguished character. I would fain know what that state of life is wherein the virtues of meekness, patience, charity, zeal, etc. are not necessary, or what place too remote from commerce with mankind as to exclude all occasions of practising these virtues.
I am of opinion that abundance of the temptations we meet with and many of our sins are owing to our too great desire of being known to, and unnecessary converse in, the world. There are but few, ah very, very, few, in whom the prince of this world46 finds little to work upon. None but he that was God as well as man, in whom he hath nothing;47 and ‘tis great presumption for us to pray daily “lead us not into temptation” 48 and yet expose ourselves unnecessarily to those trials that we are sure to meet with in the common conversations of the world; and he that in confidence of his strength will go abroad to exercise his virtues will, ‘tis to be feared, in a little time have no virtue to exercise. For your part neither seek nor shun temptations if providence cast them in your way. Remember this rule which I think will always hold good: fly all temptations to unlawful pleasures, for he that in that case parleys49 will yield. Encounter trials that carry difficulty and pain with courage and resolution, for he that turns his back is sure to be overcome.
[203. On Lucas: trials and temptations may strengthen some, but most should try to keep out of their way.]
Morn[ing]
He [Lucas] says, “the world is an excellent school to a good Christian; the follies and miseries, the trials and temptations of it, do not only exercise and employ our virtue, but cultivate and improve it […],” etc.50 This is also truth in some cases, but I doubt51 where one cultivates and improves his virtue by converse in the world, ten thousand lose their virtue and their souls by willfully plunging themselves into it, that otherwise might have been saved, had they been careful to keep out of the way of temptation. We do not know ourselves, every man is not qualified to enter the lists or take up the gauntlet against pleasure, riches, or honour. No man is always wise, but some are never so, nor have skill or address to combat with such formidable enemies, and therefore ‘tis the safest course to keep out of the way as much as we lawfully can. But if providence leads us into danger to exercise our virtue, God’s grace is sufficient for us and will certainly preserve us from evil, if we sincerely desire it.
[204. Resolved never to speak against any person, unless God’s honor or human good requires it. ]
Even[ng]
“Speak evil of no man”52 is a positive command founded on the eternal law of charity. As all positive commands are to give place to moral duties which, having an antecedent foundation in nature, are of perpetual obligation, so this among the rest, when the. glory of God and the good of mankind require it. But when neither the glory of God nor your own nor neighbour’s good obliges you to speak ill of any, you ought never to make mention of any person’s faults in their absence. Resolved never to speak against any person upon any occasion unless it evidently appear necessary to vindicate the honour of God, the reputation of myself or neighbour, or by way of advice or’ caution to those spoken to, or for some other good end then53 in view.
[205. Necessity of spiritual exercises; Lucas (and George Herbert) on appropriate virtues to emphasize in various circumstances.]
Morn[ing]
Experience teaches you that ‘tis absolutely necessary to spend a considerable time in spiritual exercises, and therefore be careful to get and improve all opportunities of retirement and recollection. Your mind is weak, consequently inconstant, your thoughts desultory, hard to fix on useful subjects, which is another evident mark of impotence. As in bodily so in spiritual distempers a considerable part of the cure is owing to a knowledge of the disease, and therefore you54 must carefully observe what state of health your mind is in, what power is defective, what passion irregular and most predominant; for different defects and imperfections, as well as temptations, times, circumstances and opportunities, often makes [sic] the exercise of one virtue more necessary than another. Lu[cas]: three things to be aimed at in all instrumental duties such as prayer, meditation, etc.: “l.[…] enlivening the conscience; 2. confirming and strengthening resolutions of obedience; and 3. raising and keeping up holy and devout affections. […] Tenderness of conscience will preserve from all appearance of evil. Spiritual strength renders us steadfast and immovable in good works; holy passion will make us abound in them. To spiritual passion we owe the zeal and pleasure, to spiritual strength [or liberty], the constancy and uniformity of holy life, and both strength and passion are generally owing to an enlightened conscience.”55 Which of these do you most want? I fear all in a great measure. “If,” says L[ucas] “a man’s temper be such that his passions do soon kindle and soon die again, that he is apt to form wise and great projects and [as] unapt to accomplish anything; in this case it will be his duty to aim especially at the increase of spiritual strength.”56
And here Herbert’s advice is excellent,
If thou dost purpose ought within thy power
Be sure to do it though it be but small,
Constancy knits the bones and makes us stower …57
“But if on the other hand a man’s temper be cold and [phlegmatick, slow and] heavy, it is [but] fit that he should particularly apply himself to the [awakening and] exciting devout affections [in his soul]. For as excellent purposes do often miscarry for want of constancy and firmness of mind, so constancy58 and firmness of mind doth seldom effect any great matter when it wants life and passion to put it into motion. Again, if [one’s] past life have59 been very sinful or the present unfruitful,60 it will behove such a one to increase the tenderness of conscience, to add more light and life to its conviction[s], that by a daily repetition of contrition and compunction he may wash off the stain or by the fruitfulness of his following life repair the barrenness of the past.” 61
[206. The capability of receiving divine blessings and human kindnesses.]
Morn[ing]
If you would receive any particular blessing from God or any kind offices from man in any case, you must endeavor to render yourself capable of receiving it. Those that are duly qualified and sincerely apply themselves to obtain, never are denied any instance of his favour they really want. You cannot ask so much as God can give, nor is he ever unwilling to give to such as will worthily receive. Goodness is his essence, bounty, or beneficence, the essence of goodness.
[207. Human ignorance and error prevent the communication of divine goodness and favor; Pascal’s thought on human disregard for ultimate concerns.]
Noon
As light and heat are inseparable from the sun, which would always appear with equal lustre, did not clouds interpose and solid bodies obstruct the penetration of his beams; so that immense Fountain of pure goodness would overflow and fill each creature according to the measure of its capacity, did not the clouds of ignorance and error and the more solid bodies of unmortified sins prevent the communications of his favour. Blessed God! that ever you should be willing to impart and condescend to offer that grace which man so much wants, yet is unwilling to receive! Did not constant experience put it out of our power to doubt the truth of it, we should think it impossible for human nature to be so much corrupted as to despise or undervalue that grace which was so dearly purchased and upon which present and eternal happiness depends. But so it is in fact our hopes, our fears, our desires and. expectations are commonly concluded within the prospect of this life. Every man living knows he must die; very few but also know that an eternal state of happiness or misery attends the issue of this life, yet with what indifference and ease can we hear or think of these things. As M. Pas[cal] justly observes, “They are quite other men in all other regards: they fear the smallest inconveniences; they see them as they approach and feel them if they arrive; and he who passeth days and nights in chagrin or despair for the loss of an employment or [for] some imaginary blemish in his honour is the very same mortal who knows that he must lose all by death, and yet remains without disquiet, resentment, or emotion. ‘This wonderful insensibility with respect to things of the most fatal consequence in a heart so nicely sensible of the meanest trifles is an astonishing prodigy.…” 62
[208. Spiritual strength through prayer, meditation, and a little help from Dr. Lucas.]
Morn[ing]
Strength and power are equivocal terms; weakness and impotence are so also. The one, if acquired by labour and industry, is a virtue; the other, as far as ‘tis voluntary, that is, if it be an effect of sloth, aversion from labour through love of ease or pleasure, unnecessary cares and regards for the things of this life, is a sin. Where either are purely natural, it is not morally good or evil. If you would judge of the strength of your own mind, observe what power you have over your passions and actions, what impressions you receive from the things you are conversant about. If you find your passions quickly raised, your mind soon elated or depressed, your will easily determining to act contrary to your better judgment, your mind is certainly weak, and you must vigourously apply yourself to the gaining of more strength by fervent prayer and frequent meditation.
Dr. Lu[cas] observes that spiritual strength “stands upon two bases, the reduction of sin and the growth of virtue. Whatever does weaken and reduce our propen-sion[s] to evil,63 whatever promotes the subjection of the body adds power and authority to the mind and renders virtue more easy and pleasant.”64 Whatever strengthens one virtue, strengthens all, because of their mutual connexion and dependence.65 “Especially, whatever strengthens our hope, quickens our fear, [or] enlarges our knowledge, and increases our faith [, this] does confirm and establish our resolution more than anything else. Faith is the roof, fear the guard, and hope the spur of all our virtues.” 66
[209. The Holy Spirit’s role in strengthening the (Lockean) will]
Noon
The inclining or disposing to, strengthening, and confirming the will in the paths of virtue seems to me the principal design of the Holy Spirit in all his operations. For this end I humbly conceive he enlightens and enlarges the understanding and purifies the affections, and the reason appears obvious, because the will is that “power of the mind that directs the operative faculties of man to motion or rest, as far as they depend on such direction,” 67 which is very far. But I do not […]68
[210. Understanding does not determine the will; rather, as Locke says, “uneasiness” in the want of some good.]
Even[ing]
[…] think it reasonable to suppose that the will always follows the last practical dictate of the understanding, as some have vainly imagined, especially in case of future happiness or misery. “For all absent good,” as Mr. Locke says, “by which alone barely proposed and coming in view, the will is thought to be determined and so to set us on action, being only possible but not infallibly certain, ‘tis unavoidable that the infinitely greater [possible] good should regularly and constantly determine the will in all the successive actions it directs; and then we should keep constantly and steadily in our course toward heaven without ever standing still or directing our actions to any other end.” 69 ‘Tis uneasiness that seems immediately to move the will. The understanding has a perception of absent or present good, that perception causes love, love raises desire, which is the most restless passion we have, that desire begets uneasiness, that uneasiness put as upon action, as Mr. Locke has excellently proved, and in proportion to the uneasiness is the vigour of the act.70 For let a man’s perception of any good be never so clear and evident, it will not “determine his will unless his desire, raised proportionably to it, make him uneasy in the want of it.” 71
[211. More on uneasiness as determiner of the will: an objection to Locke and S. W’s response in support.]
Even[ing]
It is objected72 that Mr. Locke is mistaken, that uneasiness can never be the object of desire, therefore cannot determine the will.73 Good, as good, he thinks, can only move the will—good as good is certainly the proper object of the will, and were not it for the depravity of man’s nature, simple good, whether absent or present, and the greatest good would constantly determine all the operations of the will. Nor could there ha’ been any uneasiness in the mind, because there would have been no want; but according to the present state of things, though good is still the object of the will and must have power to move it, yet let the good be never so great, and let it appear in the clearest light to the understanding, still, if it be future, and a man can amuse himself with any trifling matters that lie directly in his way and so does not apprehend that absent good as necessary to his present happiness, it will move his will so faintly (if at all) that he shall feel no uneasiness in the want of it, nor will he be at any labour to attain it, so that it appears plainly (I think) that Locke is in the right, that uneasiness is the immediate cause of the operations of the will. “Tis certain uneasiness can never be the object of desire, for all men naturally desire happiness, and every uneasiness is a degree of misery; were it possible for man to find pleasure in it, he would have no desire to get rid of it, nor does Mr. Locke suppose uneasiness the object of desire, but says that the desire to get rid of uneasiness74
[212. Reflection on Lucas: Christian perfection in this life, a “perfection of degrees” only]
Even[ing]
L[ucas] [on] Cfhristian] perfection]: “Religion is nothing else but the purifying and refining nature by grace, raising and exulting our faculties and capacities by wisdom and virtue. Religious perfection, […] such a maturity of virtue as man is capable of in this life. […] A ripe and settled habit of [true] holiness.”75 “He is a perfect man” (in his sense) “whose mind is pure and vigorous, his body [tame and] obsequious, [… | faith firm and steady, […] love ardent and exalted, […] hope full of assurance, whose religion has in it that ardour and constancy and his soul that tranquility and pleasure as speaks him a child of light [.…]”76
Perfection in the strict notion (notwithstanding all he says of it)77 in this life amounts to no more than a perfection of degrees. There are many degrees of comparison and a vast difference even in virtuous men. Some, by a singular felicity of temper, a peculiar happiness in the make and constitution of their bodies, seem formed for piety and virtue; others, by education and freedom from great temptations, are all their lives preserved from flagrant scandalous offenses, and such as these may and often do attain to a great degree of perfection unknown to the generality of the world; yet the sublimest pitch of virtue that ever any reached is unworthy the name of true perfection.
[213. Lucas on judging one’s spiritual state.]
Morn[ing]
L[ucas on] C[hristian] perfection]: His notion of perfection[.]78 Some rules whereby a man may judge of his spiritual state.79
1. “[…] If a man’s life be very uneven, inconstant80 and contradictory [to itself]—if he be today a saint and tomorrow a sinner, if he yield today to the motions of the gospel and impulses of the spirit and tomorrow to solicitations of the flesh and the temptations of the world, he is far from being perfect; so far that there is not ground enough to conclude him a sincere [or real], though imperfect convert. The only certain proof of regeneration is victory;81 faith […] is not […] saving [and justifying] till it have subdued the will[…].”82 “We may have sudden heats and passions for virtue, but if they are too short lived to implant it in us, this is not that charity or love which impregnates and animates the new creature mentioned in Galatians 5:6, ‘faith working by love.’83 [Lastly,] We may have good purposes [, intentions, nay] and resolutions, but if these prove too weak to obtain a conquest over our corruptions, […] too weak to resist the temptations we are wont to fall by, ‘tis plain they are not such as can demonstrate84 us righteous or entitle us to a crown which is promised to him that overcometh.” 85 We are not to conclude anything concerning our progress or perfection too hastily; we are not to determine of the final issue of a war by the success of one or two engagements, but our hopes and assurances are to advance gradually in proportion to the abatement of the enemy’s forces and increase of our own.86
“A [sincere] Christian [but especially one] of a mature virtue may easily discern his spiritual state.” 87 If divine truths make deep impressions, if conviction be clear, faith strong, standing “firm against the shock of carnal objections,” if “he earnestly desire to please God” and “thirst more after the consolations and joys of the spirit than that of sensible things,” if he laments his heaviness or aridity and frequently aspires toward heaven on the wings of faith and love, if he maintains a constant familiarity and converse with heaven and desires to be “delivered from this body of death”88 to enter into the peaceful regions of life and immortality, he must be sensible of these things upon reflection.89
The animal life, “the reluctancies90 of the body, the allurements of the world cannot be disarmed and conquered,”91 nor “the hunger and thirst after righteousness […] eager and the relish of spiritual pleasure” so strong and lively92 as to beget a settled “contempt of worldly things” and the man remain ignorant of his state.93
[214. Lucas’s checklist for determining “the goodness of our state.” ]
Even[ing]
L[ucas on] C[hristian] per[fection]: “If [then] we are94 frequent and fervent in our devotions; […], modest and grateful in successes, patient [and], resigned, calm and serene under the crosses and troubles of life; if we be not only punctual but honourable in our dealings; […] vigorous and generous in the exercise of charity; if […] not only just and true, but meek, gentle and obliging in our words, if we retrench not only the sinful, but something of95 the innocent freedoms of life96 and gratifications of sense, to give up ourselves more entirely to the duties and pleasures of faith; if, finally, we are never 97ashamed of virtue, nor flatter, or wink at vice; if we be ready to meet death with comfort and retain life with some degree of indif-ferency;98 if, I say, these things99 be in us, we have little reason to doubt of the goodness of our state….” 100
[215. “Never despair of pardon”; the necessity of both reason and experience.]
Noon
Despair naturally hardens the heart; this the devil knows by experience as well as observation, and therefore ‘tis one of his common artifices, when he sees a person’s life hath been very wicked or unfruitful, to suggest they can never be better; and if he can prevail with them to believe their case desperate, he knows they are in the readiest way to make it so. Mark this well, and whatever sins or difficiencies you have been guilty of, never despair of pardon for what is past or of God’s grace to prevent the like for the future. Preserve your faith in the Lord Jesus inviolable. All power in heaven and earth is committed to him for this end, that he may be the Saviour of the world. “As the father worketh hitherto,” says he, “so do I work.” 101 As the eternal Father by the operation of his providence preserveth, governs, and directs each individual creature 102 after such a manner as is best for the good of the whole system of created beings, so Jesus Christ the incarnate Word always presides over the human nature, ordering and disposing all events of God’s general providence in such a way as is best for the good of his church and for the spiritual and eternal good of every particular member thereof. So that if you have but a firm faith and dependence on the power of our blessed Lord, you will be able to say, as St. Paul, “I can do all things through Christ strengthening me.” 103
“Reason and experience determine our persuasion. Experience without reason may seem the delusion of fancy. Reason without experience proves oftentimes ineffectual. But when they meet together, they give a man all the satisfaction he can desire.” 104
[216. Submission to God’s will; poetic support from George Herbert.]
Noon
Submission and resignation is your present duty. God often times obscures the light of his favour to shine afterwards on the mind with greater splendour. None but he is always the same. “Tis the peculiar of the deity to be immutable. Be not discouraged, though your good intentions have no effect. Purity of intention is your duty and happiness, but events belong to God.
Besides things sort not to nny will,
Kven when my will doth study thy renown,
Thou hon’st the edge of all things on me still
Taking me up to throw me down.105
was Mr. Hferbert’s] complaint long ago. Throw yourself on divine mercy, and rest there.
[217. Holding God in view by contemplation.]
Morn[ing]
Pursue the thought you had lost of the purity of God which is very awful106 and indeed exceeding terrible to the willfully unclean. Purity is his essence. His power, wisdom, justice, goodness, truth, etc. are perfectly simple. No mixture of weakness or injustice pollutes his power; his wisdom is infinitely holy, admits not the least shadow of ignorance, error, folly or inadvertence. His justice, impartial, severe, equal and immutable. His goodness, sincere, absolutely separated from whatever implies impotence or instability. His truth is holy! Rectitude itself! Eternal, invariable, uncapable of fraud, deceit, etc.107
“But who can by searching find out God, who can find out the Almighty to perfection?” 108 To know you, Oh God, is impossible; not to know you, intolerable. Our understanding is too weak, is dazzled, confounded and overpowered, and faints at the perception of your glory. We cannot bear the smallest ray thereof, but nature sinks under the weight of an incumbent109 deity. Yet is the thoughts of you sweeter than rest, more refreshing than food, dearer than all the treasures upon earth! When you condescend, Lord, to manifest yourself, all pain and want and care, all sense of misery vanishes in a moment, no unkindness or loss of friends, no contempt, reproach of enemies, no evil of any kind does afflict any longer. The noblest wine, the most generous cordial doth not so much exhilarate and cheer the spirit as the least perception of your favour through Jesus Christ doth refresh and glad the soul, when ready to faint under the weight of its corrupt nature and tired with an unsuccessful pursuit of happiness in the enjoyment of what the world calls good. ‘Tis in these blessed lucid intervals when the soul by contemplation holds you in view that we say with your apostle, “Master, it is good for us to be here.” 110
Supreme eternal being! Fountain of life and happiness! Vouchsafe to be ever present to the inward sense of my mind. I offer you my heart—take possession by thy Holy Spirit for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen. Amen.111
1. Fifteen and 18 meditations, respectively, are found in the two notebooks in the Wesley College collection designated Headingley MS B and MS C. Further details on these manuscripts will appear under the two subsections of this chapter.
2. Three characters of what appears to be shorthand seem to complete this sentence. I have been unable to decipher them.
3. The meditation finishes at the bottom of the first notebook page. The next page is entirely blank.
4. See S. W’s several other quotations from Seneca in her letters—to Samuel Jr. (II October 1709), to her brother Samuel Annesley Jr. (20 January 1721/22), and to her son John (22 April 1727)—and in her devotional journal (entry 51). As in those places, I cannot find the source of the current quotation, although there are resonances in Seneca’s Epistles (see Seneca M Lucilium Epistuale Morales, ed. and trans. Richard M. Gummere [London: Heinemann; New York: Putnam’s, 193S] and Roger L’Estrange, ed., Seneca’s Morals by Way of Abstract, 7th ed. [London: Jacob Tonson, 1699].) My quotation marks.
5. Fairly accurate quotation of John 17:3; my quotation marks.
6. Beginnings, first principles. For a near contemporary example of such usage, the OED cites the Cambridge Platonist Henry More, Divine Dialogue (1668) 1:37: “The Primordials of the World Are Not Mechanicall, but Spermaticall or Vital.”
7. Followed by the crossed-out “immutability.”
8. The phrase, “acting always spontaneously” is crossed out here and inserted below in the same sentence.
9. The entry concludes, leaving nearly half a page blank.
10. Though “humane” was at this time a variant spelling of “human” (as in the original title of Locke’s Essay concerning Humane Understanding), the OED points out that by the turn of the eighteenth century it was also acquiring the more specialized meaning of refined, compassionate, courteous, and so on that we associate with the word today.
11. Crossed out here and then reworked later in the sentence: “God known to heart, the will and its affections, not barely the Author of our being but.”
12. In MS: “humane.”
13. Resonances of Song of Solomon 1:7, 3:1–4.
14. S. W. has personified both “heart” and “soul” as female. Interestingly, two young contemporaries of John Wesley sought to “correct” her. John Whitehead, The Life of the Rev. John Wesley … (New York: R. Worthington, 1881), p. 3.5, neutered the former (“unless the heart know him to be its supreme good …”) and turned the latter into a masculine reference: “unless a man feel and acknowledge that he …” (emphasis added). Clarke, transcribing the entry at a slightly later date, followed Whitehead on “heart” but S. W on “soul” (p. 2.59).
15. Entry concludes, leaving five or six lines blank at the bottom of the page.
16. Followed by the crossed-out “rather.”
17. Replaces the crossed-out “at.”
18. Replaces the crossed-out “superior.”
19. Followed by the crossed-out “in such.”
20. Replaces the crossed-out “bear down.”
21. Despite.
22. S. W seems to be reworking the words of Gilbert Burnet, Some Passages of the Life and Death of the … Earl of Rochester, … (London: Richard Chiswel, 1680), facsimile ed. (Mens-ton, Eng.: Scolar, 1972), pp. 45–46: “And that [i.e., “delight in the Dictates of Virtue”] could not be effected, except a mans nature were internally regenerated and changed by a higher Principle: Till that came about, corrupt Nature would be strong, and Philosophy but feeble: especially when it strugled with such Appetites or Passions as were much kindled, or deeply rooted in the Constitution of ones Body. … I told him … that all his Speculations of Philosophy would not serve him in any stead, to the reforming of his Nature and Life, till he applied himself to God for inward assistances.” This popular book is the bishop of Salisbury’s account of his conversations with the notorious atheist and loose-living poet (1647-1680) that led to a death-bed conversion. S. W returns to Burnet in at least two additional meditations in MS B and MS C (entries 199 and 215).
23. Hovering in the background (if this meditation is an awareness of Thomas a Kempis’s influential work, The Christians Pattern; Or a Divine Treatise of the Imitation of Christ (London: John Clark, 1659). See the discussion in S. W’s correspondence with her son John, 8 June 1725.
24. There follow four characters of indecipherable shorthand and what looks like “c p v-y.”
25. Nearly perfect quotation of 1 John 2:15; my quotation marks.
26. See Matthew 6:2Iff.
27. Followed by the crossed-out “too.”
28. Replaces the crossed-otit “carelessness.”
29. Losing heart or resolution.
30. Philippians 4:6 with S. W’s interpretive addition in parentheses, though she omitted the final one; my quotation marks.
31. Matthew 6:25. A space of several lines in the MS indicates that S. W intended, but did not return to fill in, a longer quotation from Jesus’ well-known discourse on anxious care from the Sermon on the Mount, probably through verse 34.
32. The phrases I have placed in quotation marks are from Luke 21:34.
33. Possibly an echo of Galatians 5:13 (“use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh”), which certainly fits the tenor of the entire meditation.
34. Replaces the crossed-out “linked.”
35. Replaces the crossed-out “one another.”
36. An eclectic list. Cf. the traditional seven virtues: faith, hope, charity, justice, prudence, temperance, and fortitude; and by contrast, the seven deadly sins: pride, covetousness, lust, envy, gluttony, anger, and sloth.
37. Followed by the crossed-out “the effect of which will.”
38. The phrase, “sensual objects were wont to make on our minds,” is not found in Burnet, Life of Rochester, p. 47, but rather seems to be a gloss that indicates her acceptance of Locke’s epistemology. See, e.g., John Locke, An Essay concerning Human Understanding, ed. Peter H. Nidditch (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 197S), 1.2.15 (p. 55) and 2.19.1 (p. 226).
39. This paragraph is both a loose paraphrase of and a meditation on a section of Burnet’s Life of Rochester, pp. 43–47. See entry 193 in this chapter.
40. This defense of prayer is a direct quotation, ibid., p. 50. Quotation marks have been added.
41. S. W gleaned the phrases I have placed in quotation marks, ibid., pp. 51 and 47, respectively. The last phrase of the entry closely echoes two of Burnet’s: one on p. 47 (“the strong diversion of thoughts”) and another on p. 48 (“if such Methods did only divert the thoughts”).
42. Followed by the crossed-out “to a worthy.” It appears that the word may have originally been “requisite” but that she altered it to “required” after changing the phrase that followed.
43. This brief meditation is written at the bottom of one side of a single sheet and at the top of its other side. Like the previous one (and, indeed, all the other meditations in MS A and MS B) it is written along the shorter axis of the page. On that same side S. W turns the notebook and begins to write on the longer axis, a practice she continues for the remainder of the entries.
44. Richard Lucas (1648-171S) was an Oxford-educated Welshman who became a popular preacher and writer in London, finishing his career as a prebendary of Westminster. Upon his blindness he wrote a three-part Enquiry after Happiness … (London: S. Smith and B. Wal-ford and Edw. Pawlett, 1696–1697), which established his reputation as an authority on the subject of piety. According to the Dictionary of National Biography, this work was recommended to John Wesley by his mother, and he esteemed it highly. The source of this supposition is seemingly the recollections of* Wesley’s friend Alexander Knox, published as counterpoint in Robert Southey’s Life of Wesley, 1 vols., 3rd ed. (London: Longman, Brown, Green and Longmans, 1846), 2:407–504. Though Knox underscores the importance of Lucas in the formation of Wesley’s doctrine of Christian perfection, he does not give Susanna Wesley any direct credit for recommending the book to her son. The closest he comes is to remark that Wesley was reading Lucas “from his first years of serious reflection” (p. 419) and that both Taylor and Lucas were “guides of his youth” (p. 4S7). For the extended consideration of Lucas, see p. 457–462.
In the present and in subsequent journal passages, S. W is reflecting on Lucas’s Religious Perfection. Or, a Third Port of the Enquiry after Happiness, 2nd ed. (London: Sam. Smith and Benj. Walford, 1697).
45. Ibid., p. 96, my quotation marks. S. W has omitted the words “and strengthen” after “improve.” Her subsequent demur is in response to his assertion further along in the same section: “it is plain, That we ought not to be fond of such a Solitude or Retirement, as cuts off the opportunity of many Virtues, which may be daily practis’d in a more publick and active Life” (p. 97).
46. That is, Satan. See John 12:31, inter alia.
47. See John 14:30: “for the prince of this world cometh, and hath nothing in me.”
48. Matthew 6:13; my quotation marks.
49. That is, discusses terms with the enemy.
50. Lucas, Religious Perfection, p. 97.
51. Suspect.
52. Titus 3:2; quotation marks added.
53. Apparently S. W’s underline.
54. Replaces the crossed-out “we.”
55. Lucas, Religious Perfection, pp. 107–108; my quotation marks. The quotation is nearly word for word, with bracketed words or ellipses representing material from Lucas not incorporated into her meditation.
56. Ibid., p. 109; my quotation marks, with an omitted word from Lucas inserted in brackets.
57. George Herbert, “The Church-Porch,” stanza 20, lines 115–117, from The Temple, in F. E. Hutchinson, ed., The Work of George Herbert (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1941), p. 11. “Stowre” (stour), that is, sturdy, strong, stalwart. The entire stanza, quoted from The Temple, Sacred Poems and Private Ejaculations, 12th ed. (London: Jeffery Wale, 1703), p. 5, runs:
When thou dost purpose ought (within thy power)
Be sure to doe it, though it be but small:
Constancy knits the bones, and makes us [stowre],
When wanton pleasures becken us to thrall.
Who breaks his own bond, forfeiteth himself:
What nature made a ship, he makes a shelf.
58. In Lucas, Religious Perfection: “steadiness.” S. W has miscopied here, reading from the line just above in Lucas’s text.
59. Ibid.: “has.”
60. Ibid.: “Not very fruitful.”
61. Ibid., p. 109, my quotation marks, with Lucas’s words inserted in brackets. The meditation concludes, leaving the bottom half of the page blank.
62. Pascal Thoughts on Religion, and Other Subjects… , Basil Kennett, trans. (London: A. and J. Churchil, R. Sarc, J. Tonson, 1704), chap. 1, par. 1, pp. 11–12; exact transcription with exception of bracketed insert; my quotation marks. The original passage concludes: “an unintelligible Enchantment, a Supernatural blindness and infatuation.” S. W copied a shorter version of the same quotation in entry 1 51.
63. In Lucas, Religious Perfection: “sin.’
64. Ibid., pp. 1 15–1 16.
65. This sentence is a paraphrase (ibid., p. 116).
66. Ibid.; my quotation marks, with S. Ws omissions from Lucas in brackets.
67. Nearly exact quotation (with quotation marks added) of Locke, Essay, 2.21.29 (p. 249): “The Will being nothing but a power in the Mind to direct the operative Faculties of a Man to motion or rest, as far as they depend on such direction.”
68. The sentence (and entry) stop in midstream but are taken up again in the meditation that follows.
69. Locke, Essay, 2.21.38, lines 20–29 (p. 255); my quotation marks.
70. S. W. is dealing with material found repetitively in ibid., 2.21.29-40 (pp. 249–258). Part seems to be a close phrase of 2.21.31 (pp. 250–251): “some (and for the most part the most pressing) uneasiness … successively determines the Will, and sets us upon those Actions, we perform. This Uneasiness we may call, as it is, Desire; which is an uneasiness of the Mind for want of some absent good.”
71. Close paraphrase of ibid., 2.21.35 (p.253); my quotation marks.
72. Four indecipherable shorthand characters follow, possibly identifying the source of the objection, a publication S. W has been reading or someone she has been conversing with on the subject, for example, neighboring clergyman Mr. Hoole. See her letter to him, 12 October 1726, discussing Locke.
73. More discussion of material in Locke, Essay 2.21.29LT. (pp. 249–258). See note 70.
74. The meditation breaks off at the bottom of the page.
75. Lucas, Religious Perfection, pp. 1–2, somewhat rearranged with some material left out as indicated; my quotation marks. The crucial passage reads: “Religious Perfection therefore, is nothing else but the Moral Accomplishment of Human Nature; such a Maturity of Virtue as Man in this Life is capable of; Conversion begins, Perfection consummates the Habit of Righteousness: In the one, Religion is, as it were, in its Infancy; in the other, in its Strength and Manhood; so that Perfection, in short is nothing else, but a ripe and setled [sic] Habit of true Holiness.”
76. Ibid., p. 2, with omissions indicated in brackets; my quotation marks.
77. Lucas spends an entire chapter (“This Notion of Perfection Countenanced by All Sides,” ibid., pp. 17–28) dealing with the controversy surrounding the idea of perfection. His definition seeks to take such objections as these into account and thus seems to anticipate S. W.’s, as well. “I never dream of any man’s passing the course of Life without Sin: Nor do I contend for such a Perfection as St. Austin calls Absolute, which will admit of no Increase, and is exempt from Defects and Errors” (p. 27).
78. Four indecipherable shorthand characters follow.
79. Lucas, in fact, makes five points (ibid., pp. 33–45), but S. W. gets bogged down in the first only before moving to other material.
80. Ibid.: “unconstant.”
81. Added, ibid.: “he that is born of God, overcometh the World, 1 John 5:4.”
82. Ibid., p. 33, thus far, with omissions as indicated; my quotation marks. Lucas continues in words dropped by S. W: “and captivated the Heart, i.e., till we begin to Live by Faith; which is evident from That Corn in the Parable, which though it shot up, yet had it not Depth of Earth, nor Root enough, and therefore was withered up, and brought forth no fruit. Regret and Sorrow for Sin is an Excellent Passion, but till it has subdued our Corruptions, chang’d our Affections, and purified our Hearts, ‘tis not that Saving Repentance in the Apostle, 2 Corinthians 7:10 …” (pp. 33–34).
83. Note, later on, one of John Wesley’s favorite verses.
84. Replaces the crossed-out “denominate.”
85. Lucas, Religious Perfection, p. 34; my quotation marks. The scriptural resonance at the end is from the second and third chapters of Revelation, particularly 3:11–12.
86. This summary, building on the biblical metaphor of victory, seems to be S. W’s own. A one-inch horizontal line is drawn in from the left margin, separating this paragraph from the next.
87. Lucas, Religious Perfection, p. 52, with S. Ws omissions in brackets and my added quotation marks.
88. My quotation marks; paraphrase of Romans 7:24.
89. Lucas, Religious Perfection, pp. 52—S3; loose paraphrase using many of Lucas’s words and phrases, even when not directly quoting. Direct quotations have been so indicated.
90. Ibid.: “reluctances.”
91. S. W has substituted “conquered,” for “weaken’d, and reduc’d” (ibid).
92. Ibid.: “brisk and delightful.”
93. Ibid., pp. 52–53; paraphrases and, where indicated, direct quotation.
94. Ibid.: “be.”
95. Ibid.: “from.”
96. S. W has substituted “freedoms of life,” for original word, “liberties” (ibid.).
97. Ibid.: “never be.”
98. Ibid.: “indifference.”
99. Ibid.: “if these things, I say.…”
100. Ibid., pp. 53–54; my quotation marks.
101. John 5:17, slightly altered; my quotation marks.
102. Followed by the crossed-out “[?]of his omnipotent goodness.”
103. Nearly exact quotation of Philippians 4:13; my quotation marks. A horizontal line, half the width of the page, separates this paragraph from the next.
104. This paragraph is an unacknowledged quotation (or close paraphrase) from Burnet’s, Life of Rochester, pp. 48–49; quotation marks added. The original, part of the bishop’s conversation with the libertine Rochester, reads: “I added, that Reason and Experience were the things that determined our perswasions: that Experience without Reason may be thought the delusion of our Fancy, so Reason without Experience had not so convincing an Operation: But these two meeting together, must needs give a man all the satisfaction he can desire.” The word “satisfaction” in S. Ws journal is partially underlined, though it is difficult to know if it represents an added emphasis or merely serves to end the entry.
105. George Herbert, “The Crosse,” lines 19–22, from The Temple in Hutchinson, p. 165. The entire stanza, quoted from, the 1703 ed., p. 159, runs:
Besides, things sort not to my Will,
Ev’n when my Will doth study thy Renown:
Though turn’st th’ Edge of all things on me still.
Taking me up to throw me down:
So that, ev’n when my Hopes seem to be sped,
I am to Grief alive, to them as dead.
The final stanza (skipping one in between) gives a heightened sense of the context:
Ah my dear Father, ease my Smart!
These Contrarieties crush me: these cross Actions
Doe wind a Rope about, and cut my Heart:
And yet since these thy Contradictions
Are properly a Cross felt by thy Son,
With but four words, my words, Thy will be done?
106. Worthy of profound respect or reverential awe.
107. S. W. made what appear to be copying errors in this section: she wrote, then crossed out “His goodness” just before the sentence beginning “His justice,” and at the end of the same sentence she has written and crossed out “his truth impartial se,” even though it is at the top of the next page between the divided word “immu-table.” Probably she was entering material from some other, unacknowledged source.
108. Slightly altered version of Job 11:7; my quotation marks.
109. Hanging over, weighing on the mind, impending, threatening.
110. Peter’s comment at the transfiguration in Mark 9:5, Luke 9:33, and Matthew 17:4.
111. This paragraph dramatically concludes the meditations in Headingley MS C. S. W has filled all her paper: the final phrase of her prayer appears on the same page as the last material already begun from the other end of the notebook (an incomplete draft letter on the Ten Commandments—see part III of this volume).