When they arrived at the station in Bologna, Alec dashed off a quick cable to Mr. Wetherby in London explaining that they were traveling through Venice to avoid meeting anyone in Florence. Wetherby had been adamant in his instructions, but hopefully Sir Alfred would be so overjoyed Alec had found Lottie that he wouldn’t care about their little detour. What Alec really should have done was scrap the plan entirely and send Lottie home on her own, but he simply couldn’t.
Or wouldn’t.
The express train to Venice was, remarkably, on time for once. As they took their seats in first class, Alec sent up a silent prayer to every saint and god in charge of travel to spare his tattered nerves. Lottie slid into the seat across from his own and turned to the window, a vision in a demure pink-and-black plaid traveling gown and matching wide-brimmed hat. It was trimmed with a few blooming pink roses that bordered on obscene. He should have made her change. She would never blend in wearing that, but since their argument at the inn, they hadn’t spoken beyond what was necessary. Everything was perfectly polite. Eminently civilized. And yet, Alec couldn’t stop thinking of her body eagerly pressing into his, of her fingers curling into his hair, and of his hand moving between her thighs. Whether it had been real or part of his fevered dream mattered little; he wanted it all.
Alec had been with his share of confident women over the years, but the sight of Lottie standing in nothing but her chemise boldly declaring her intention to find a willing partner had still managed to shock him. Somehow the girl he had once known so well had grown into one of the most surprising women he had ever met.
It was incredibly arousing.
Alec shifted in place, though it offered little relief. What he truly needed was a moment alone. But even more irksome than his unsated desire was Lottie’s revelation about Sir Alfred. It extended far beyond the bounds of common decency regarding what an uncle should discuss with his niece, but it was the timing that set Alec particularly on edge.
For five bloody years Lottie had been under the impression that not only did Alec enthusiastically use sex as a weapon but that he was damned good at it. He gritted his teeth once again against the outrage that had threatened to consume him all morning. Plenty of men considered bedding unsuspecting targets a perk of the job, but Alec did have some morals.
There were times, especially when he was younger, where he slept with women during missions, but they were either agents like him or seasoned informants used to the game. The distraction had usually been more trouble than it was worth.
And Alec hadn’t done that in a very long time.
However, it seemed rather self-serving to point out this discrepancy to Lottie merely to make himself feel better. Besides, he still used his charm to manipulate people when necessary. And he had not once felt anything like remorse.
She was right. He was a hypocrite.
But that still didn’t explain Sir Alfred’s actions. Alec had done exactly what the man demanded—he left immediately and never contacted Lottie again. Why bother maligning him further?
As the train pulled away from the station, Alec cleared his throat. Neither his body nor his mind could sit across from her for the next four hours. “Would you like anything from the dining car?”
Lottie shook her head and continued to stare out the window. “I’m fine, thank you.”
Alec rose. “Remember. If anyone asks, we’re married.”
“Mr. and Mrs. Gresham,” she responded automatically. “I know.”
Alec hesitated. He should say something comforting. Something to reassure her. So she would know she could trust him, at least in this.
Not likely now, chap.
At his silence, Lottie finally tore her gaze away from the window and raised her eyebrow. “Are you doubting my ability to remember a simple name?”
The corner of his mouth lifted at her sardonic tone. “Not at all. I was just thinking how nice it is to work with such a competent partner for once,” he added, savoring the look of pleasant surprise that crossed her face. It was doubtful he would ever see it again.
Alec made his way to the dining car and slumped into a booth, but his mind was still fixed on the past, and how he had come to be the man she thought so little of.
He had always assumed his deeper feelings for Lottie began on the night of her coming out ball, but the first spark had been a year earlier when he attended a small dinner party at Sir Alfred’s London town house. His guardian had been talking of his future for months, but Alec was reluctant to make any firm commitments. He assumed the invitation was Sir Alfred’s version of a peace offering, but during predinner drinks, Alec was introduced to several men—two from the Home Office and one from Naval Intelligence. Then he understood the true purpose of the evening.
Alec excused himself shortly before dinner was announced—under Sir Alfred’s disapproving glare, but he needed to be alone. Blessed relief had flooded through him as soon as he stepped into the silent library. Alec let out a heavy sigh and walked toward the hearth. A fire had been lit and he was immediately drawn to the comforting glow.
“Tell him you won’t do it,” Alec muttered as he stared at the flames. “Tell him you don’t owe him anything more. For God’s sake, how long are you supposed to be indebted to him?” He curled his fingers into a fist and was about to pound it against the mantel when someone loudly cleared their throat behind him.
Alec spun around and found Lottie tucked up on the window seat with a book on her lap. She gave him an amused smile. “Are the guests really so boring you’d rather converse with the fireplace?”
How would he ever be a spy if he couldn’t even deduce when he was alone? “I didn’t know you were back,” he blurted out once he recovered from his shock.
Lottie had spent the summer traveling the continent with the family of a school friend. They had not seen each other since Easter. She set aside the book and placed her feet on the floor. As she crossed them, Alec caught a flash of slim ankle. She must have slipped off her shoes. “After the French Riviera Abigail’s father decided he had seen enough of the continent, so we came home early.” Her mouth briefly tightened with disappointment. Then she brightened. “Now, tell me why you’re skulking about the library instead of talking with my uncle’s boring friends.”
Boring indeed. Lottie hadn’t any clue just how powerful her uncle was. Alec himself hadn’t realized it until a few months ago. And he couldn’t say a word to her about it. Guilt settled deep in his belly.
“You won’t ever make new friends if you don’t try,” she continued as her lips curved in an impish smile. She was only teasing him. Possibly even mildly flirting with him. Attention from women was hardly anything new, but Alec’s ears still grew hot. They hadn’t been alone in a room together for many years. He scratched his fingers against the smooth surface of the mantel as he tried to brush the thought aside, but it stubbornly remained.
“I don’t need any more. Apart from you.”
This wasn’t entirely true. Alec had friends, but they kept a polite distance, both of their own accord and his. At school everyone knew about his father, the tragic dead poet, that he had married a servant—a foreign one—and how his uncle, the current Viscount Gresham, still refused to acknowledge Alec’s very existence.
Lottie was the only person who had ever seemed interested in him. Not where he had come from or what had happened. Just him. What else could one call that but friendship?
Her teasing smile faded but her steady gaze seemed to bolt him to the ground.
“I enjoyed your letter from Cannes,” he pushed on while the air thickened between them. “Are you disappointed not to have gone on to Italy?”
Lottie openly stared at him for another excruciating moment, until Alec’s ears grew hot once again, but then she shrugged and glanced away. “No, not really. I’d rather not have my first experience tainted by Mr. Thorne’s complaints. Besides, Italy isn’t going anywhere. I’ll journey there some day.”
“Yes, you will.”
How innocent they both had been. Alec’s chest ached with a useless desire for the impossible. To travel back to that exact moment and make the opposite of every decision that had followed. A vicious longing now flooded through him to storm back into the compartment, to tell Lottie the truth about everything, to fall at her feet and selfishly beg forgiveness for all his sins. It was sheer madness, and yet he shifted a foot, braced his hands on the table, and began to rise from his seat, determined to do just that, when someone called out his name. Alec looked up as a fashionably dressed older man sauntered down the aisle toward him, and his heart plummeted.
“I thought that was you, Professor! Enjoying your school holiday, I see.”
It was none other than Signore Cardinelli, one of Italy’s more unscrupulous businessmen and a major player in the country’s constantly shifting political scene. He counted several of the more corrupt cabinet ministers among his closest friends—though less clear was whether these friendships stemmed from camaraderie or coercion.
Alec gripped the edge of the table and plastered a smile on his face. He had met Cardinelli under innocent enough circumstances—he liked buying ancient artifacts and sought Alec’s opinion on a piece of Etruscan Bucchero earthenware he was considering—but the signore had gone on to become his most valuable source, and the greatest gain of his intelligence career. No matter what Alec thought of him personally, it was vital that he keep things amicable between them. His association with men like Cardinelli was exactly why he needed to stay away from Lottie. Why he could never truly be forgiven. Alec had made his choices. And now he had to live with them.
“Hello, signore. This is quite the surprise.”
“I should say so! I was thinking of inviting you to dinner this evening.” Cardinelli grinned but his sharp gaze closely watched Alec. He possessed a rare kind of animal magnetism Alec had only seen in one other man: Sir Alfred. “I’ve a guest coming who has an interest in Etruscan art. You two should meet.”
“It’s kismet, then.”
“And where are you traveling from?”
“Pistoia. I was visiting some friends over from England. Yourself?”
“Roma. Business. You know how it is,” he said with a wink.
Where Cardenelli was concerned, that could mean anything. Alec would need to send word to Rafe Davies, his point of contact. The signore’s activities were always of great interest to the Crown. “Would you care to join me for a drink?”
The man glanced toward the doorway. “Tempting, but I saw the most alluring creature boarding earlier. I think she came this way. She looked English. Did you happen to see her? She wore a pink gown and was in possession of a divine backside.”
Alec bit the inside of his cheek. What a poet. “Sorry. Haven’t seen anyone matching that description.”
“Oh, you wouldn’t have missed her,” Cardinelli laughed.
“Come, signore,” Alec cajoled. “One drink.” His mouth was beginning to strain from smiling so tightly.
The man let out a wistful sigh and, thankfully, took the seat across from Alec. “Ah, well. She’s probably too expensive for me these days.” In addition to a long-suffering wife who mostly lived abroad, Signore Cardinelli had a rotating group of mistresses, each one younger than the last. Alec didn’t know where he found the time, let alone the stamina.
The man then gave him a wily look as the waiter handed them menus. “And as you know, I am a man of exquisite taste.”
Alec flicked his eyes to the menu. “I would expect nothing less, signore,” he said lightly, while hoping for all the world that Lottie wouldn’t have a change of heart and come looking for him.
Once she was alone in the train cabin, Lottie let out a sigh and settled into her seat. She pulled out the hat pin and gently lifted the hat off her head and placed it beside her. She might as well be comfortable for the long ride. As Lottie nestled deeper into the seat, the very sight of the fussy piece of millinery made her smile. Lord knew she needed something to lift her spirits. She had the hat and matching walking gown commissioned before she left for Italy but didn’t dare wear it while in the presence of Mrs. Wetherby, as the woman thought pink clashed with her coloring. It wasn’t exactly appropriate for train travel, but Lottie was tired of waiting for the right time to wear it. She frowned as she ran a finger along the hat’s brim. A person could spend their whole life waiting, only to be left with nothing. That seemed like a rather obvious lesson she should have learned a long time ago.
Lottie rubbed her temples; they hadn’t stopped throbbing since her argument with Alec. His outrage had been surprising, but it was the deep hurt that flickered briefly in his eyes that haunted her still. What exactly had Uncle Alfred said all those years ago? She pinched the bridge of her nose as she tried to recall that awful morning after her coming out ball.
Lottie had awoken feeling lighter than air. Invincible. The fear, the sadness, the loneliness that had been slowly creeping in the last few years were gone, all thanks to Alec’s surprise appearance. She had always cared for him, of course, and wouldn’t deny she found him as handsome as ever. But more important, he was her dearest friend. Her champion. And yet something had changed between them on the dance floor. He looked at her differently, held her closer, spoke softer. Or maybe it had been earlier, when he appeared at her bedroom door, as if she had conjured him out of her misery. Lottie hadn’t realized how very much she needed him until he was there hugging her, assuring her everything would be all right.
And Lottie believed him. Completely.
He had promised to call as soon as he could that morning, and Lottie was so excited she could barely eat. Uncle Alfred already knew of her intention to marry for love, and who better than Alec? The more she thought about it, the more right it felt until no one else would do. Only Alec. She could wait until he finished the excavation in Scotland. She could even wait until he secured his future at Oxford. She could wait as long as it took if it meant spending the rest of her life with him. Lottie dressed quickly and then hurried downstairs to the parlor where she waited, and waited, and waited.
But he never came.
Around noontime, Uncle Alfred entered the room. “Well, hello Lottie.” But she couldn’t return his easy smile and he noticed her stricken expression. “What’s wrong? Are you ill?”
Lottie shook her head. “No, I––have you heard from Alec?”
Uncle Alfred gave her a confused look. “Why, yes. We were in my study talking just now.”
Lottie stood so abruptly that the book she hadn’t been reading fell to the floor with a heavy thud. “Oh! I was so worried I—”
Uncle Alfred held up a hand. “My dear, he’s already left. He almost missed his train back to Edinburgh.”
She sat back down. Her head felt fuzzy all of a sudden. Lottie couldn’t make herself understand what he was saying, and yet the words seemed to steal the very air from her. “Left? Did he say anything?”
Uncle Alfred raised an eyebrow. “About you? No. We only talked about him, I’m afraid. Alec’s decided to do his duty to the Crown.”
Uncle Alfred continued talking, but Lottie’s ears began to ring. She knew a little about her uncle’s activities on behalf of Her Majesty’s government, but not once had she ever thought Alec wished to be involved. The work could be dangerous, and he could be gone for months traveling to the farthest corners of the empire. How…how would they be together?
“I don’t understand. Alec doesn’t want to work for the Crown,” she insisted. “He’s interested in the Etruscans.”
Uncle Alfred gave her a long look. “We’ve been discussing it for nearly a year.”
Lottie tried to inhale, but it was as if the wind had been knocked from her lungs. This whole time, all those letters, he had kept this from her?
“There are some loose ends to tie up in Edinburgh, but he should be going abroad in a few weeks,” Uncle Alfred continued. “Egypt. Possibly Turkey. The more adventurous, the better, I gather.” He smiled proudly. “It was nice, wasn’t it? Seeing your old chum once again?”
It was such a trivial description of who Alec was and what he had come to mean to her that Lottie didn’t know where to begin to correct him. All she could focus on was the most immediate hurt.
“But…he didn’t want to say goodbye?” Her voice broke on the last word. She hated how pathetic she sounded. Uncle Alfred’s eyes softened, like they used to when she was a little girl. He walked over to the sofa and sat down beside her. “I was afraid of this, you know…” His voice trailed off and he shook his head. “I thought it would be better if he left. And Alec agreed.”
“You told him not to—to speak with me?”
Uncle Alfred tsked. “You make me sound like an overbearing brute. I didn’t want you to get hurt.” She opened her mouth to protest, but he held up his hand. “There’s no use denying it. I saw how you looked at him last night. But you mustn’t believe everything you see. Haven’t I taught you that?”
Lottie bristled. This was absurd. “You’ve taught me to be wary of people I didn’t know. But this is Alec.” She had never once spoken to her uncle in such an obstinate tone.
“And he has changed very much,” he immediately countered. “You’ve always given Alec the benefit of the doubt, Lottie. It’s in your nature to see the best in everyone, just like your poor mother.”
Lottie stiffened. Uncle Alfred rarely mentioned his beloved sister, but he had never said such a thing before. Did he not approve of Lottie’s father? How could that be?
“He came here specifically to make arrangements with me,” Uncle Alfred continued. “It was merely a coincidence that he happened to be in town the night of your ball.”
Lottie shook her head. “No, he said he wanted it to be a surprise—”
“Then why did he arrive so late?” her uncle pressed. “And why has he already left? Whatever he told you, whatever he may have wanted you to think, you weren’t a part of his plans, Lottie. You were only an afterthought.”
Her cheeks stung, as if he had slapped her. The words pressed on a raw spot so deep, she had forgotten to guard it.
But Uncle Alfred still watched her closely, with those sharp, all-seeing eyes of his. “What did he say to you, exactly?”
Lottie hesitated. Uncle Alfred had always protected her, and yet a voice inside whispered, Don’t. “Nothing,” she answered. “Only that he didn’t want to miss the ball. I suppose I thought…” She hung her head, too embarrassed to finish the sentence.
I thought he came for me.
Uncle Alfred squeezed her hand. “He wanted you to feel special. Especially after that horrible Lord Exeter was so rude.” Lottie looked up in surprise, but of course Sir Alfred knew. Nothing escaped his notice. Ever. “And you did, didn’t you?” He waited for her reluctant nod. “It certainly wasn’t malicious, Lottie, but it was still inconsiderate in the end. That’s why he’s right for this kind of work, you see. Men like Alec need to act quickly. Decisively. Without regrets. They can’t waste time worrying about anyone else because it could expose them to danger. He saw the chance to do some good, to brighten your day, and he took action.”
Lottie frowned at this explanation. It didn’t match up at all with the Alec she knew.
“You’ll see that now,” Uncle Alfred added as if he’d heard her protest. “You’re still thinking of him as that young boy you first met, or the charming fellow who comes round for holidays. But it will be different now that he has a life of his own. I’m afraid we’re much too stodgy for him. While we’re stuck in London, he’ll be off having great adventures, escaping danger, and meeting many glamorous people.”
Lottie flinched at the knowing look he shot her.
“He has a long and illustrious career ahead of him,” Uncle Alfred continued. “Of that I’ve no doubt. He has the best instincts I’ve ever seen. But that requires a great deal of sacrifice, you know. A willingness and an ability to do whatever it takes to win using any means necessary.”
He paused, waiting for his words to sink in. Lottie had to bite her lip to keep it from trembling.
“And he’ll do it, Lottie. Actually, I think he finds that part the most appealing,” he said with a chuckle. “You’re an intelligent young woman. I don’t need to tell you what that will mean for a handsome man like him.”
Deception. Intrigues. Seduction.
Her uncle sighed. “In any case, that is not the kind of life for a man with a family. With responsibilities. Obligations.”
It went against everything Alec had ever spoken of wanting. Everything he had ever claimed to hold dear. Was all of that a lie as well? But it must have been. Otherwise, he would have stayed. He would have bothered to talk to her.
Still, Lottie made herself ask: “You’re sure that is what he wants?”
“Alec?” Uncle Alfred laughed, as if the very question was absurd. “Oh yes, my dear. Quite sure. In fact, I think he may be the best man I’ve ever recruited.”