An eternity appeared to pass while Lottie caught her breath. It seemed impossible to imagine that her limbs would ever be untangled from Alec’s, that her racing heart would ever not pump with such vicious joy. Nothing she had imagined could have prepared her for his tenderness, for the way his own heart seemed to shatter at their joining, as if it had been his innocence that was taken. He nuzzled her neck with a kind of boyish pleasure and she hugged him tighter, loving the feel of his body, no longer as coiled as a spring, pressing down against her own.
Eventually, Alec pulled out of her embrace and walked over to a small washstand in the corner. Lottie was pleased he didn’t attempt to hide his naked form—and that his backside was as impressively muscular as his front. She gripped the sheet tightly between her fingers, already aching to touch his skin again. He had been hot everywhere. Hard, yet soft. Such an apt description for both the body and mind of this man. She made sure to avert her gaze once Alec returned with a pitcher of water and soft pieces of damp linen. He sat down beside her and began to gently wipe her stomach and thighs with such care that her heart began to race once more, but when he pressed between her legs she inhaled sharply. Alec immediately stilled.
“Sorry,” she mumbled sheepishly. “I—I didn’t expect the soreness.”
He stared at her with that unfathomable expression once again. “No,” he finally said as he looked away. “I’m the one who should be sorry.”
Before Lottie could object, he stood and returned the pitcher to its resting place. Then he came to the foot of the bed, hands clenched in fists by his side while his hazel eyes burned hotly in the moonlit room. For one agonizing moment Lottie thought he would announce his intention to sleep elsewhere, but then he laid down behind her and pulled her against his chest. Lottie let out a breath as he enveloped her in his powerful arms and sleep began to overtake her. For so long she had ached to be held like this—held by him.
I wanted it to be you.
It had been a relief to speak the truth, even if she hadn’t been quite bold enough to say the rest: It’s only ever been you.
But she would. Soon.
Lottie fell asleep almost instantly and woke hours later in the exact same position as dawn began to break. She could not remember the last time she had slept so soundly.
She smiled and leaned back, loving the heat of his embrace and the feel of her skin against his. His arms tightened around her automatically, as if even in sleep he couldn’t bear to let her go. She could have happily wiled away several more hours just like that, but after a few minutes an urge of a different sort called to her. One that could not be ignored. Lottie gently extricated herself from Alec’s hold and picked up her crumpled chemise. She pulled it over her head and crept from the room, closing the door quietly behind her.
After making use of the washroom, Lottie stepped out onto the small balcony off the parlor with the intention of watching the sun rise. The air was already rich with the mossy smell of the lagoon, but even the pungent aroma couldn’t wipe the smile from her face. She would savor every second of this day. This new beginning. She hadn’t even felt like this after arriving in the village. But then, that had been an escape. This was a start.
Lottie spent the next few minutes happily imagining their idyllic future, until the distinct sound of a key scraping into the lock of the flat’s door cut through her reverie. She turned around just as the door eased open to reveal Rafe Davies. Their eyes met across the room, and for a very brief moment Lottie swore his brow tensed. She stepped back into the parlor as he sauntered over, dressed in an evening suit and looking as crisp as he had the previous day.
“Well, good morning.” Rafe gave her a sly smile, as if he knew some delicious secret about her. Lottie nearly strained her neck looking up at him. The man had to be over six feet tall. He was more broad shouldered than Alec but leaner limbed, with straight brown hair perfectly combed.
“It’s a bit early for visitors.”
He let out a soft laugh and his dark gaze roamed over her figure.
Goodness, she was standing there in nothing but her chemise. Lottie blushed and folded her arms across the gauzy fabric at her décolletage, though it didn’t do much.
Rafe’s smile grew. “How was your evening?” His voice was deeper than Alec’s, and goose bumps broke out across her arms at the silky tone. “Did you enjoy the signore’s party?”
The teasing note on the last word made it clear he knew very well what sort of things happened at the villa.
“We left early.” Lottie lifted her chin a little higher. “I take it your evening is just ending?”
Rafe’s smile vanished. “Aren’t you observant.” He stepped closer until the toes of his polished shoes nearly touched her slippers. Then he leaned over and murmured by her ear. “I heard that our mutual friend did not complete his task, as he was distracted all evening by his cousin.” Lottie’s head pulled back. Rafe was spying on Alec? “You will leave. Today.”
She met his thunderous glare head-on. “That isn’t your decision.”
“It isn’t yours, either,” he growled, and his lip curved in a sneer. “Alec can have his fun. We all do. But it will not affect the work.”
“And what is the work, exactly?”
He let out a sharp laugh and looked at her with renewed interest. “I like your spirit. No wonder Alec was compelled to give up his monkish habits.” Rafe leaned down until his warm breath tickled her throat. “However, my means are far greater than his. You are a woman of business, no? Whatever he is paying you, I’ll double it.”
Lottie was so mortified by his offer that she couldn’t speak. But Rafe seemed to take her silence as consideration and moved even closer. She instinctively jerked away and slapped him soundly across the face. They both froze, and her eyes went wide with shock. She had never slapped anyone before. As Rafe slowly turned back to her, Lottie steeled herself to meet his outrage. But he merely cocked his head. “Who are you?”
She tried to push past him, but Rafe blocked her way and crowded her against the wall. “Answer me, dammit. Who do you work for? What do you want with him?” All traces of irreverence had vanished. This was a man not to be trifled with. He pressed his palms on either side of her body. They did not touch, but he effectively caged her in.
Rather than give him an answer, Lottie turned her head.
Rafe let out a growl of irritation. “I’ve a strict policy of not harming women,” he said through gritted teeth. “But if you’ve put Alec in danger, I may be forced to make an exception.”
Lottie met his dark brown eyes. He was deadly serious. “He’s not in danger,” she choked out as her heart pounded. “And I don’t work for anyone.”
Rafe’s glare deepened. “Then I’ll ask again: Who are you?” Somehow his calm tone was even more unsettling than his anger; the promise in his words spoke of things she had no wish to experience. But she couldn’t. Alec had told her not to tell anyone, and this man already admitted to spying on him—
“I should warn you that I’m not known for my patience,” he growled. “Out with it.”
“I’m a friend,” she gasped. “I’ve known him for years.”
Rafe pulled back a little and eyed her. “Prove it.”
Lottie blinked. “How?”
“If that’s true, then you’ll know.”
Uncle Alfred.
Her stomach twisted as she spoke, as if she was revealing some closely guarded secret. “His guardian was Sir Alfred Lewis. He was eleven when he came to England. After his parents died.”
But Rafe’s face remained hard. “Who told you this information? I can have you brought up on charges of treason for interfering in Crown business.”
“No one! No one told me!”
“Then how do you know?” His voice was unbearably smooth, controlled, but there was a harsh, frightening look in his eyes.
Lottie merely shook her head, unsure of how to answer.
“Trust me. You won’t like the jail cells here.”
“Because,” she choked out. “Because I was there.”
Something like fear flickered across Rafe’s face, and he immediately stepped away. Lottie sank to the floor. All she could hear was the pounding of blood in her ears. Rafe loomed over her, but she wouldn’t look at him. He was the very last thing she ever wanted to see, but after what felt like hours he uttered a single, short curse.
“You’re Lottie Carlisle.”
She didn’t bother to respond. Rafe bent down, but Lottie shied away. He whispered another curse. “I’m—I’m so sorry. Please, let me help you.”
Lottie shook her head, but he swept her into his arms anyway. Before she could protest, he had already placed her on the ancient sofa. Lottie steadied herself as he moved to the flat’s tiny kitchen. Eventually, he returned with a cup of tea. When he knelt beside her, she flinched.
His eyes filled with remorse. “Here.” He handed her the steaming brew. “It’s chamomile. It will help calm your nerves.” Lottie cut him a skeptical look as a light, flowery scent rose from the cup. “It’s a traditional remedy,” he offered.
Lottie cleared her throat. “Aren’t you a fount of knowledge.”
He gave her a weak smile. “It comes with the job, I’m afraid.”
Lottie took a tentative sip as Rafe watched. She couldn’t stand the guilty look on his face, as if she was a figurine he had carelessly knocked off the shelf. “You know who I am, then?” The silence was becoming excruciating.
“Of course I do,” he said softly.
Lottie frowned. What was that supposed to mean? She glanced at him. Perhaps she could use his remorse to her advantage. “What did Alec tell you?”
Rafe’s gaze turned sympathetic. “I’m afraid you’ll need to take that up with him.”
Lottie let out a little huff. “Now you’re loyal?”
His eyes narrowed. “I beg your pardon?” The dangerous growl returned, but Lottie wasn’t scared anymore. She was too furious on Alec’s behalf.
“You had someone watching him last night.”
“That was for his own protection,” Rafe insisted. “He wasn’t himself yesterday. I could see that he was distracted. And if I had known why—” He stopped before finishing the thought and shook his head. “You of all people should understand why I was concerned. And why you need to leave.”
Lottie held her tongue. She had no intention of taking orders from this man. He didn’t appear to be any kind of friend to Alec, no matter his reasons.
Rafe seemed to read her very thoughts. “If he is at all distracted, that will put him in danger,” he insisted.
“He has business with me at the moment,” Lottie sniffed. “Your mission, or whatever it is, will have to wait.”
Rafe lifted an eyebrow. “Is that so? My apologies, then. I’m sure another opportunity to gather time-sensitive information about one of our greatest adversaries will arise whenever is most convenient for him.”
How on earth could flirting with a Frenchwoman lead to that?
But that was just the sort of thing she could never know and would have to accept.
No questions asked, and no answers given.
Ever.
Rafe sighed. “Forgive me. This has been a trying morning for you, I’m sure. And I don’t mean to belittle whatever this…this business you have with him is, but Alec’s work for the Crown is vital. He can’t walk away. Not now.”
Doubt suddenly gripped her in the face of Rafe’s certitude.
She had thought—had hoped—that last night would change everything. But people didn’t change their minds after one evening, especially someone like Alec.
If he were interested in any kind of future with you, then you could have stayed in Tuscany.
Or he would have written over the years. Or said goodbye.
Or never have left in the first place.
But he had done all those things. And hadn’t once expressed anything close to remorse these last few days.
Lottie looked back at Rafe. His eyes had never left her. “How long have you known him?”
“We met during his training.” His lips curved at the memory. “Our backgrounds are both…irregular, so Alec was assigned to me. I’ve never met anyone with such a loathing for the work along with a preternatural talent for it. But I suppose that’s unavoidable when one grows up with a man like your uncle.”
A cold pit began to form in her stomach. “I thought he wanted to serve.”
Rafe let out a bark of laughter. “Alec? God, no. That was Sir Alfred’s doing, though I can’t imagine how he convinced him. But then Alec’s always tried to please that man, even when it nearly got him killed.”
“Killed?”
Rafe ignored her shock. “I can give you a few more hours together, but when he wakes, tell him to meet me at ten. He’ll know where. By then I should have the information he requested.”
Lottie gave a dazed nod, but she was still reeling from his revelation. Why on earth had Alec never said anything?
“Perhaps you could convince him to give up this place before you go. I swear it’s slowly sucking the life from him. He’s altogether too much stuck in the past,” he added, his double meaning clear.
Lottie swallowed past the lump in her throat and met his eyes. “But I am here. Now.” Her voice trembled with urgency.
“So you are.” Rafe stood and straightened his collar. Then he paused and gave her a decidedly pointed look. “But don’t make this harder for him than it needs to be. Or yourself, for that matter.”
When she was alone once again, Lottie rose on unsteady legs and walked toward the other bedroom. Her mind was blank as she retrieved her dressing gown from her trunk. She then performed her ablutions as if in a trance, barely registering the splash of water against her face or the taste of her tooth powder. It wasn’t until she passed by the dressing table’s mirror and caught a glimpse of her haunted reflection that she came to her senses.
She halted before the elegant table and ran a finger along the smooth edge. Then she sat down heavily on the chair and buried her face in her hands as the weight of so many uncovered secrets bore down on her. Both pain and anger warred within her. Uncle Alfred’s meddling went far deeper than she had ever suspected. It wasn’t exactly a shock to learn that he had lied to her about Alec, but to know that he had continued to maintain the illusion for all these years, even when faced with her deep pain and loneliness, was chilling. But it was the threat to Alec’s very life, as well as his own deceptive behavior, that she was still grappling with when she felt a soft touch on her shoulder.
She sat up with a start and met Alec’s gaze in the mirror. He let out a sigh of relief. “When I woke and you weren’t beside me, I grew worried.”
The tight ball of anger in her chest loosened at his obvious distress. “I couldn’t sleep.” Her eyes then fell on the sight of his hand still resting on her shoulder. Alec took notice and quickly pulled it away, giving his head a shake.
“Right. Well.” He cleared his throat.
She turned around to face him. In his haste to find her, he had put on a pair of rumpled trousers but hadn’t managed a shirt. Lottie’s eyes roamed over his bare chest, taking in the finer details that had been hidden in the shadows the night before. Though his muscular chest was reminiscent of a Roman statue, it was dusted with coarse, dark hair. A little shiver went through her as she recalled the delicious feel of it against her skin. Then she noticed a scar about an inch long near his collarbone. It was the same place he rubbed whenever he thought no one was looking.
The things I do are never for pleasure. They serve another purpose entirely.
“We need to talk. About last night,” Alec said, commanding her full attention. “And why you let me take your virginity.”
Lottie blushed at his frank words. “I thought the answer would be obvious.”
Alec narrowed his eyes. “Was it merely insurance in case Sir Alfred forces you to marry?”
Lottie couldn’t even muster her anger at the insinuation. Of course he would think her motivations were so duplicitous. He had spent so long surrounded by lies. Living to deceive. But there was another way to be. Another path they could take. And she would show him what acceptance felt like. She stood. “No. That was the last thing on my mind. I thought only of you.”
Alec’s frown turned wary as she placed a hand on his shoulder. “What are you doing?” Lottie traced the small scar with the pad of her thumb. The skin was a few shades darker and rougher.
She heard the fear underlying his words, but Alec made no move to stop her as she leaned in and pressed her lips to the wound on his shoulder. He let out a small sigh and her mouth curved against his warm skin as the tension slowly eased from his muscles. Then she pressed her cheek against his shoulder. “How did you get it?”
“I was following someone. They noticed.”
Lottie pulled back. After last night she could now picture how such a scene might unfold. “Were you frightened?”
Alec looked past her. “I should say I wasn’t. But when I heard the first shot scream past my ear, a fear different from any kind I have ever experienced came over me. I haven’t felt it again.” He then met her eyes with what seemed like great reluctance. “Until last night.”
Lottie smoothed her palm over the scar. “It must be hard to always have this as a reminder.”
“He paid the greater price in the end.”
His stony expression first broke her heart before filling it with anger. She might be able to forgive her uncle for his overprotective behavior toward her, but it seemed impossible to imagine that she could ever forgive him for the part he had played in Alec’s life these last few years. Why had Alec ever agreed to Sir Alfred’s demand in the first place? The idea that any of it might have had to do with her was too maddening to bear. She lifted on her toes and moved to kiss him, as if she could will his sadness away with the force of her regard. His expression remained unchanged as she drew closer, but just when her mouth was a breath away, he pressed a finger to her lips. “Wait.” His hands then came around her waist, and he lifted her on top of the dressing table.
As he pushed up the hem of her nightgown and wrapper, she grew breathless. The urgency of his motions sent a shuddering pulse through her. She eagerly spread her legs and moved to pull him closer. But Alec shook his head.
“I’ve a debt to settle with you.” As he spoke, he lightly stroked up her inner thigh with the back of his fingers. “And, if nothing else, I always pay.”
Lottie frowned in confusion, but before she could voice her question he sank down, dragging his warm palms along her bare thighs. She sucked in a trembling breath as she realized his intent. Alec’s mouth curved in a small smile before he gripped her bottom and hauled her to the edge of the dressing table.
“Alec,” she gasped as he set his lips to that most private of places. She tried to pull back from the intense sensation, but he held her fast. The dressing table had a massive three-paned mirror, and Lottie sank back against the center pane, which only opened her to him more. Alec let out a low moan of approval. Her eyelids fluttered open and she glanced to the left. The smaller pane offered a perfect view of Alec pleasuring her. As active as her imagination was, even Lottie could not have conjured the scene before her—Alec on his knees, his dark head buried between her legs, while one wide palm gripped the flesh of her pale thigh, as if he was as hungry to perform the act as she was to receive it. The very idea seemed to turn her insides to liquid, and she pressed forward. Alec let out another moan of approval, and Lottie gasped at the feel of his lips rumbling against her oversensitive flesh. She sat up and pulled her hands through his thick waves. He slipped a finger inside her, much as he had done the previous night, but when combined with his demanding mouth it made a release far more intense begin to kindle.
“Oh God,” she sobbed. It was too much too fast. She twisted her fingers in his hair in a half-hearted attempt to stop him, but Alec’s only response was to add a second finger. He then gently pressed up while increasing the pressure from his lips and teeth, creating an aching need so intense, so relentless, that her eyes began to water. Alec held her fast as he dealt out the twin pleasures of his fingers and lips until her release broke. Wave upon wave rioted through her until she thought she would perish. Until her very bones seemed to dissolve into nothingness. No wonder the French called it “the little death.”
Before she had even begun to recover, he rose to his feet and began to gently bite and kiss her neck, working his way up. “There,” he spoke roughly by her ear. “Now we’re even.”
Even. It seemed impossible to imagine ever matching the pleasure he had just given her.
She slumped against him and pressed her damp cheek to his chest, still catching her breath. “Tell me it isn’t always like this.”