”Hi, Sam,” he said casually, like it was no big deal. “Can I come in?”
“No,” I spurted. I couldn’t have Brady in my studio. I already had too many memories of him. A new one of him telling me, all over again, that he didn’t want me might break me. I couldn’t let him into my studio, the one place that had remained Brady free.
I stood and walked to the side door leading to the parking lot and stepped outside. He followed me out, but looked disappointed. “Fair enough. I don’t deserve anything from you after the way I treated you.” He hesitated, brushing his hand over his close cut hair. I looked him over, hating myself for still wanting him after he’d hurt me so badly. He looked good, but tired. His hazel eyes were dark with bags underneath. His knuckles sported fresh scrapes. His jeans hung low on his narrow hips and his shirt stretched over his always firm chest.
Damn him. He was even wearing my favorite shirt.
He shifted his weight and I caught a hint of his fresh scent and nearly swooned. Damn, the man had power over me. It just wasn’t fair.
“Are you seeing someone else, Sam? Is he on the way here?”
“What are you doing here, Brady?” I asked, ignoring his question. If he thought I could move on so quickly he was a fool. Then again, he probably had. There was nothing keeping him from being with someone new. It wasn’t like he loved me and had to work to get over me.
“I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I fucked up, Sam. I shouldn’t have taken things out on you like I did, and I’m sorry.”
I nodded once, willing the tears building in my eyes to stay put. I would not cry in front of him again. “Okay, thanks,” I said then turned to go back inside, safely away from him before the dam broke.
“Sam, wait. That’s not it. I mean, I have more I want to say to you.”
I lost it. The flood of emotions was too strong. “Why, Brady? Why bother? It doesn’t change anything. Thank you for the apology, but you said it’s over. Nothing changes that. I can’t see you.”
I turned away from him again and had my hand on the doorknob when he whispered, “I love you.”
Oh, shit. He did not just say that. I couldn’t believe it. I knew it wasn’t true. He told me he was incapable of love, and in less than three weeks there was no way that could have changed. I never thought of him as someone who would play games, but I had proof right in front of me.
My head rested against he door as tears poured down my cheeks. I couldn’t look at him. “Why Brady? Why are you doing this to me? This has been the worst few weeks of my life. Please, Brady, just leave me alone.”
“I’m telling the truth, Sam. The last 19 days have been the worst of my life, too. And that includes the 16 years I lived through my dad’s constant abuse. The only thing that has ever given my life meaning is you. And losing you was the most horrible thing I’ve been through. Please, Sam, give me a chance to talk to you. Five minutes, Sam. If I can’t convince you I love you then I’ll leave and never bother you again. Five minutes.”
Five minutes would kill me. Hell, five seconds was torture. Hearing my name on his lips was almost too much to take. Could he be telling the truth though? If there was any chance, I owed it to myself to listen.
“Five minutes, Brady. Not one second more,” I finally agreed.
Brady thanked me then jumped into his argument. “I know you met Margaret. She told me when I went to see her Sunday that she’d met you and asked where you were. She didn’t know your name, but I knew it was you when she told me my girlfriend went to see her at the wake. She told me what you said about giving me time. You were right. I was so wrapped up in my own fucking head that I couldn’t see straight. I couldn’t see what I was missing out on or what I was letting go.”
He took a deep breath. I realized I’d been holding mine and exhaled slowly, trying not to hyperventilate.
“I never should have said any of those things I said to you. I was pissed off all over again with my father. I didn’t want to admit it, but I’d always hoped he would apologize for what he did. Doing it from his death bed felt too easy. Like he was just a dying old man trying to cheat his way into heaven. When I met Margaret she told me who he’s been since she’s known him. He’s been watching me for years, just inside the shadows, and making sure I was okay.”
His hand brushed over his nearly bald head again and he walked out into the parking lot. “Watching you walk out my door snapped something inside me. I was hurt that you’d actually do it. I told myself if you really loved me then you wouldn’t have left me when I needed you the most.”
I started to interrupt him, but he held up his hand. “Let me get this out, then you can say whatever you want.” I nodded and clamped my mouth shut.
“I was an idiot. I hurt you. I meant to at the time. I wanted you to go. Having you tell me you loved me was more than I could handle right then. You’re the first truly good thing that’s ever happened in my life. Mixing your love with my father’s hate, or my hate for him, turned everything sour in my gut, and I didn’t believe it. I had to hurt you the way I was hurting.”
He shook his head.
“I know. It’s not fair, or right. Watching you walk out the door a part of me knew I loved you but wasn’t ready to admit it. I fucking lost it when you left. I became a complete asshole to work for and work with. People started avoiding me. Greg took me aside and threatened to kick my ass if I didn’t work my shit out. He told me to go home and not come back until I had my head on straight.”
He took a deep breath and waited. I risked a glance at him and saw pain and shame in his eyes. “I spent a week drinking. If my dad could erase my mom with a bottle I thought maybe I could erase you. But it didn’t work. Lucky whined at the door every night, waiting to go see you. I smelled you on my sheets and couldn’t bring myself to wash them. I saw you every time I closed my eyes and felt you every time I closed my hands.”
I’d felt the same. Brady was so ingrained in me that he was like a ghost in my house. It was like he was there, even though he never was.
“I went to see him. To his grave. I told him everything I felt, how much I hated him for what he turned me into. I yelled at him and cried and yelled some more. Margaret was there, but I didn’t know it. She heard all the things I said to him and told me how sorry she was and that she knew he was sorry too, and had been for years. She gave me a letter he wrote and invited me to lunch at their house Sunday so I could meet Grace. That’s when she told me about you going to see her. I knew I had to get you back.”
I cocked an eyebrow at him, not speaking, but silently asking why it took three days for him to visit me. If he had to get me back on Sunday, why wait until Wednesday?
“I know, I shouldn’t have taken three days to find you, but you moved. And I had to be worthy of you. I had to be someone you could be proud to be with.” He took a deep breath. “I signed up for get my GED, and I threw away all the liquor I’d bought and recommitted to myself not to drink. I’m not going to be him. I’m going to be someone you don’t have to be ashamed of, and I’m going to spend my life showing you how much I love you, Sam.”
What? Was he serious?
I looked at him and found him studying me. Waiting. “Is it my turn to talk now?” I asked. Brady nodded. “First of all,” I said angrily, “how dare you claim I wasn’t proud to be with you. I love you, Brady. Not your education, not your gym, not your past, not whatever. You, every bit of you. Second, you don’t know me very well at all if you think you need to prove yourself to me. And third, how dare you accuse me of being with someone else already. I’ve been a mess since I left your place. You told me to go. You told me you didn’t want me. You shattered my heart. Fourth, you’re not getting away with keeping me at arm’s length this time. You’re letting me in, all the way in, Brady. I don’t want you avoiding questions, dodging answers, or changing the subject. If I ask you something, you’re going to tell me the truth. More than your words, what hurt me was knowing how much you’d kept from me. Believing you cared so little for me that you didn’t even want to tell me anything. We’ve delved into my world, we’re getting comfy in yours next.”
Brady was grinning like a fool by the time I finished. I was out of breath, my chest heaving in my anger. He stalked toward me, his eyes shimmering in the light above the door. I stepped back but the door was behind me, trapping me.
“What are you doing?” I stammered. “Why are you smiling at me like that?”
Brady rested his hands on my hips and leaned in close. His lips brushed my neck and he whispered, “You said ‘this time.’ ‘This time’ like you’re giving me another chance. ‘This time’ like you forgive me for being such an asshole. ‘This time’ like I’m going to be able to kiss you and love you and hold you again. ‘This time’ I’m not going to screw it up.”
Then his mouth was on mine, demanding, taking, loving. With my back pressed against the door and Brady covering my front, I felt secure, safe, right. I kissed him back, our tongues battling for a taste, our hands roaming, our bodies aching to come together again.
A horn blared in the distance and Brady let me up for air. We both turned toward the parking lot and saw Carrie and Riley standing next to the car and smiling at us.
“It’s about fucking time,” Riley yelled.
“No shit!” Carrie agreed.
I pushed Brady away and started walking toward them, but they held up their hands.
“Nope. We’re gone. We were never here. Drag that man inside and have your way with him. Or take him home. We’ll reschedule,” Carrie said with a grin.
“Yeah, what she said. And let the dog out of the car,” Riley added.
“Dog?” I questioned, turning back to Brady. “You brought Lucky?”
Carrie and Riley’s doors slammed shut and they pulled out of the lot like nothing had happened. I was going to need to do something nice for them. Like, really nice.
“Lucky was Plan B,” Brady said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me toward his Jeep.
Lucky was on the driver’s seat wagging his tail and smiling at me. I was almost as excited to see him as I was to see Brady. Almost. He whined and pawed at the door, and as soon as Brady opened it he jumped on me for some loving. I ran my hands over his soft fur and cuddled him into my neck. I’d missed him.
We all headed back toward the studio and I remembered what Brady said. “What do you mean Plan B?”
Brady grinned and pulled me close. “If you wouldn’t take me back I was going to tell you how miserable Lucky was and ask for joint custody. I hoped that maybe seeing me all the time you would fall in love with me again and let me back in.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and lifted up on my toes so we were almost nose to nose. “You were never out, Brady. You were always in.”
“Good, now let me in the rest of you, baby. You’re already in. All the way. And once we get inside I’m going to show you,” he teased me with a nibble along my neck.
Brady snapped his fingers and Lucky fell into step beside us. Brady stopped me outside the door and sealed our lips together again, his hands drifting down to cup my ass. He lifted me, pulling me into his arms. My legs instinctively wrapped around his waist and opened me up to him. He felt so good, so right with me again.
Brady carried me inside and straight to my studio, laying me down on the blankets that were scattered on the floor. He ran out for a minute and I heard the doors click locked, then he was back. “I love you, Sam. I love you so much,” he said, peering into my eyes.
“I love you, Brady. I’m not letting you go again,” I said sternly.
“I’m not going anywhere. I promise, baby,” he whispered before slanting his lips over mine.
Then he proved to me, over and over again, just how deep inside his heart I was.