Christy faced the two women, knowing that questions were ready to pour out of them.
“I’ll tell you,” she said, sitting down at the kitchen table. “But please don’t ask me anything or give me advice. I’m too tired and confused to deal with anything more tonight. I just want to talk a little, and then go to bed. In the morning you can say anything you please.”
So they listened, and except for exchanging a look now and then, neither one interrupted. And if Lili consulted Josef, she did so after Christy had gone down to her room.
She got ready for bed quickly, telling herself that she wanted to think of nothing further about this whole crowded day. She had no answer to anything, and she saw how bitterly and finally Hayden had been trapped. Just as she was trapped, since there was no way out of his caring for Deirdre for the rest of her life. She must not think of her own premonitions of some danger. Not unless they could, in some way, be used to help Deirdre and Hayden.
Tonight her one comfort was the memory of that moment when he had held her hand against his cheek. With the tenderness of that gesture, he’d told her what he couldn’t put into words. If Deirdre had been less helpless, less totally dependent on him to keep her from further “escapades,” then there might have been some hope. But if Deirdre had committed murder when it came to Rose, and if she had put the snake in Oliver’s bath—there would be some terrible times ahead for Hayden.
After a long while, weariness brought restless sleep, though for once no dreams. By the time the sun touched the tops of the trees near the lower deck, she was wide awake. Awake, but far from ready to deal with whatever this day would bring.
When she’d showered and dressed, she went upstairs to find Nona getting breakfast. Lili never rose early unless she had to. Nona said her mother was leaving later on, anxious to get back to all that waited for her in her own life. She was unable to do anything more for Christy.
“Josef thinks you’ll be all right on your own now,” Nona finished.
For once, Josef was right. Christy had no need to lean on Lili or ask her advice. They had drawn closer on this visit than ever before. In her own way, Lili loved her daughter, but she could never play the role of mother for long.
Nona continued, “As soon as you’ve eaten a batch of my blueberry pancakes and have come to life a little, you and I are going over to Hayden’s. Lili can fend for herself.”
Christy wasn’t sure she was ready to see Hayden yet, but when Nona took over in that tone of voice, it was useless to oppose whatever she planned.
At least, morning was a time for hope. The mountains around Redlands stood against a washed blue sky, poplars and oaks a furry fringe along high ridges. Cows were out in the lower meadow, and a bright red cardinal sang its morning song in an oak tree. A mockingbird was awake too, mimicking cheerfully.
When they started off on foot for Hayden’s, Christy matched Nona’s stride mindlessly. She didn’t want to ask what Nona intended, she didn’t want her own thoughts to start tormenting her again. All that was ominous still lay ahead, but she would deal with it later.
Hayden came down the steps to meet them, and obviously none of the problems that weighed on him had lifted. He looked as though he’d had little rest last night.
“Donny doesn’t know yet that his mother’s home,” he told them. “He’s out playing, and Deirdre is still asleep. Once she knew I’d stay on guard, she seemed able to let go. When I left her room for a shower and breakfast, I locked her in.” He looked at Nona apologetically. “I have to do this. She can’t be trusted not to run away again, and perhaps do herself harm.”
“Of course,” Nona said. “Christy has told us about Deirdre, and that’s why I’ve come. I want to take over for a while, Hayden. You and Christy both need a break. Forget about everything here at Redlands and take Christy off somewhere pleasant. When you come back you’ll feel better able to decide about the future.”
Hayden managed a smile. “Thanks, Nona. I accept—if Christy will too. And I know where we can go. Not far away, and not for long. But first come upstairs with me so I can let Deirdre know I’m not abandoning her.”
They all went up together, and Hayden unlocked Deirdre’s door. She sat up in bed as he came in, and looked past him to Nona and Christy.
“Good morning, everyone. I’ve had a wonderful rest.” She reached out her arms happily to embrace Hayden. “Darling—you must be horribly tired. I know you stayed with me all night, and that was kind. But now you need a rest from me. I’ll be perfectly all right.”
“Of course you will be,” Nona said briskly. “I’m going to stay here for a while, to give Hayden that rest he needs. That is, if you’re willing to have me.”
Sinh had come into the room with them, and she was stalking about as though on unfamiliar territory.
Deirdre sighed. “Poor old Sinh! You don’t trust me, do you? But I’ll try to stay, home now. I was very sick for a while, but I’m much better now, and I think I’ll sleep a while longer, if nobody minds.”
The cat, however, looked as though she didn’t believe a word of this, and went haughtily out of the room.
Hayden kissed the cheek Deirdre raised to him and accepted another hug. Armed with reading material she’d picked up downstairs, Nona sat down in Deirdre’s armchair.
“When you want to get up,” she told her, “let me know. I’ll ask Leonie to bring your breakfast here. Donny doesn’t know you’re home yet, but when you’re ready we’ll bring him in.”
As Christy followed Hayden out of the room, she glanced at the book Nona had picked up and saw that it was the one they’d dug out of the llama pen last night. Good! Now Nona could read about siblings, and perhaps she could come up with some new ideas.
Once more in the Jeep, Hayden followed the road that dipped into the valley, ran past a little lake, then up toward the farther high ridge—a mountain much higher than on Hayden’s side. When they were near the top, Hayden parked under pine trees and they got out to climb the rest of the way on foot.
Beyond a stand of birches stood a high outcropping of rock, where they could sit and look out over the countryside. This was nowhere near that other pile of rock that Christy had grown to fear.
From up here the high ranges of the Blue Ridge stood clear, with mists floating below, so that peaks seemed to rise from a white sea. Below the driftings of cloud, the foothills crowded in, offering blue-green views in all directions. Just beyond where they sat hawks soared—twenty or more, playing on currents of air. A lovely sight. Inwardly, however, Christy was aware only of the man stretched out beside her, aware of her own pulse beat because of his nearness.
Nona’s house and Hayden’s were both visible on a much lower level across the valley from where they sat. They looked like miniatures from this height, with nothing stirring around them, so that the scene seemed dreamy—almost like a make-believe stage set. Christy knew only that she was waiting.
Hayden appeared less tired now, as though he had shed the burden of Deirdre’s problems for a little while. He held his hand toward Christy, questioning, and she put her own in his. His warm fingers closed about hers, and when he began to speak, his voice was so low that she bent her head to catch his words.
“I recognized you the moment you walked into my life,” he said. “That time when you were with Donny reading to the cows. I didn’t want to recognize you. At first it was easy to deny and set myself against you. I can’t do that any more. What lies ahead may be rough going, Christy. But I know this now—I want you with me—somehow. I want you to be there.”
She answered easily, warmly. “I want to be there, Hayden.”
His hand tightened around hers, and he raised it to his cheek. “Deirdre changes with every hour. Sometimes she needs me, and sometimes she doesn’t want me near her. This long period while she was gone has made me think about her in new ways. During that time I asked myself how I would feel if she were dead; how I must act if she were found alive. It began to seem that her death would mean a release—but I couldn’t wish that for her. Now that she’s returned, I know I want to care for her, and I always will. She’s like a child—like a helpless, injured daughter. What I feel about you, Christy, is totally different. These days I’m filled with too many if-onlys, and that does me no good. I’m not sure what lies ahead, and it’s not fair to ask anything of you. But I don’t want to be fair—I need you. So if you’re willing . . .”
She knew how willing she was. Up here in this clear mountain air his words brought joy, and a lifting of her spirit.
Hayden moved suddenly, standing up. “There’s a car down on my driveway. I can’t tell from here whose it is.”
A small figure—man or woman?—got out and went up on the deck, to disappear into the house. The lovely moment between them was lost for now, and Christy stood beside him, all her senses alert to new alarm.
“We have to go back,” she said. “I can feel that something’s about to happen. Something you need to prevent.”
He didn’t question her certainty, but before they started down, he held her to him and kissed her hair, her eyes, her mouth. That was all they dared for now, and they went down to the Jeep together, their hands touching as they hurried.
Hayden drove, but the rain had settled the roads, and no clouds of dust rose behind them. There was no time, Christy thought—no time! Already they might be too late. Events were quickening, and Deirdre must be their only concern.
The roundabout way took no more than fifteen minutes, and they rushed together into the house, to be met by silence. Upstairs, Deirdre’s door was locked from the outside, so Nona must have gone out. But when Hayden opened the door and looked in, Eve Corey sat on the edge of Deirdre’s bed, and Deirdre was gone.
Eve grinned at them sardonically. “Good! I need to be rescued. I couldn’t make Leonie hear me—she’s doing laundry in the basement, or something.”
Hayden brushed her words aside. “Where is Deirdre? Why isn’t Nona here?”
“When I came in a little while ago,” Eve said, “Nona had just had an urgent call from Lili. Josef was warning her about something. So I offered to stay with Deirdre until she got back. Deirdre wanted to talk, and I sat down and listened. She seemed to be getting too excited, and I wasn’t sure I could handle her. She was talking about the Sun Wheel at Victor’s, and how it might help her. I told her she should wait till you came back, Hayden, and she seemed to accept that. She got up and dressed in jeans and a sweater, and then lay down again. But when I turned my back, she dashed out of the room and locked me in!”
“The Sun Wheel—that’s where she’s gone?” Hayden demanded.
For just a minute Eve hesitated, and Christy heard the pause uneasily. “That’s what she told me,” Eve said.
“Will you stay here, Christy?” Hayden asked. “In case Deirdre comes back. I’m going over to Victor’s right away.” He rushed off, and minutes later they heard him start the Jeep.
“I’m sorry,” Eve said, though she didn’t sound especially upset. “There were a lot of things I wanted to ask Deirdre, but there wasn’t time.”
Moving about Deirdre’s room, Christy was aware once more of Nona’s rainbow painting. She remembered the tiny face Nona had caught among the trees, and which Donny had seen. Looking for it now, she found it easily. A face that bore a resemblance to Deirdre, though the expression was sly and far from innocent. Had Nona, painting automatically, glimpsed the sister Deirdre had rejected?
She turned back to Eve. “I’m glad she told you where she was going.”
“She didn’t.” Eve went to a window to watch Hayden drive away.
“What do you mean?” Christy cried. She thought of the way Deirdre might have frightened Oliver with that snake, and that Eve had loved Oliver. So it might not be wise to trust anything Eve said about Deirdre.
Eve turned, her smile unpleasant. “She hasn’t gone to the Sun Wheel, but I had to convince Hayden, so I could get him out of the way. I don’t know where Deirdre has gone, but I know what she wants to do. There’s a payment she needs to make—and I don’t think we should interfere.”
Christy took her by the arm. “Tell me what you’re talking about! Tell me exactly!”
“Hey!” Eve shook off her hand. “I’m willing to tell you, now that Hayden’s gone. There’s nothing you can do except sit down and listen.”
Eve dropped onto the bed again, and Christy seated herself reluctantly in Deirdre’s chair, stirred by an impatience that urged her to action—if only she knew what action to take. Sinh crawled out of a corner and sat at her feet, mewing.
“It was the book that made her decide,” Eve said. “Nona was reading it, and she left it like that—open and face down.” Eve pointed to where the big volume lay on the floor. “Deirdre knew that Nona had found the place Oliver had marked, and that she would tell Hayden. Deirdre asked me straight out if I knew that Oliver had made notes in this book, and I said that Oliver had told me a little that night when he drove me down from Wintergreen. At least, he told me his suspicions. Deirdre almost cried when I mentioned Oliver. I couldn’t feel sorry for her, somehow. She said someone ought to read what was in the book and maybe try to help her. She’d meant to take it to Floris, but someone was up there in her house, so she buried it in the llama pen, meaning to get it later. Though I suspect she didn’t really know why she buried it—she’s been off in outer space for some time. She said it was as though someone told her to bury it—forced her to.”
Eve paused, and Christy prodded impatiently. “Never mind all that. Tell me what else Deirdre said.”
“She said, ‘I know where I can meet her. I know where she’s sure to come. And I know what I need to do.’ Then, before I could guess what she intended, she ran out of the room and locked me in. So when you and Hayden came, I decided to throw him off. He’d try to stop her—and that shouldn’t be allowed. Anyway, it’s too late now.”
“I must find her!”
“How are you going to do that? She could be anywhere.”
Christy didn’t trouble to answer. She picked up Deirdre’s nightgown that lay across the bed, and returned to Deirdre’s chair. Sinh watched intently, and she spoke to the cat with a strange sense that the animal could understand.
“Can you help me, Sinh? Can you help me to help her?”
Sinh mewed again and rubbed her head against Christy’s ankle.
The gown still carried a trace of Deirdre’s heathery scent, and Christy held it in her hands and closed her eyes, letting everything around her slip away. The cat leaped onto her knees and rested its head on the folds of the gown. Perhaps, between them, they could find Deirdre.
As the picture came into Christy’s mind, the mists flowed in gently, leaving their center clear, so she could see Deirdre standing alone, waiting. Then, as foggy edges moved back, Christy knew where she was, knew the terrible threat to Deirdre. For a moment longer she sat very still, with an inner listening. It was as if she heard her mother’s voice speaking words that gave her strength and direction.
Go deep inside yourself and accept, Chrystal. Make peace with yourself. Then you can act.
A quiet recognition of her own powers flowed through Christy, filling her with a sense of confidence. She knew what she must do, knew she must act swiftly before it was too late. As she moved, Sinh flew off her lap and Christy ran to the door. Eve called after her, but she paid no attention, rushing downstairs and out the front door.
This place was one she could reach only on foot, and she ran with a new, tireless energy. Past Nona’s without a glance. Past the cabin where she’d sheltered with Victor. Turning away from open sky and mountains, and down through the darkness of the woods.
Clouds had covered the sun again, and the path ahead grew misty. But these were real mists, with a hint of red earth showing through at ground level. Columns of trees on either side formed a high wall, and she knew she had been here before, not only in her dream but in her waking hours.
She slowed her progress, lest she run into a rock or trip over a fallen log. The only part of the dream that was different was that she heard no pounding footsteps following her.
When she came into an opening in the trees and found herself above the high pinnacle of rocky cliff from which Rose had fallen, she knew this was her destination. Deirdre stood near the edge—stood still, as though she waited. Almost as though she knew someone would come.
Christy ran to throw her arms about Deirdre’s slight body and draw her back from the edge. Deirdre went limp, weeping helplessly as Christy held her.
“You have to let me go,” she whispered. “This is the only choice I can make.”
“No! There are always other choices, other ways! Hayden wants to help you.”
Deirdre looked sadly into Christy’s face. “Hayden deserves happiness—and it can’t be with me. Christy, let me go. Let me go before she comes back!”
“Your sister?” Christy said gently. “Tell me about your sister.”
“There’s no time,” Deirdre said. “I know she’s coming.”
She began to struggle in Christy’s grasp, moving nearer to the place where the rock pitched downward. Then, even as Christy tried desperately to hold her, she saw the change that began to happen in Deirdre—as though a terrible metamorphosis was taking place. The soft contours of Deirdre’s face hardened, her eyes turned dark with hatred, and the woman in Christy’s arms struggled with a strength greater than Deirdre’s. She could never hold this woman who was not Deirdre. There was no time to understand—but only to know that there were two women in Deirdre’s frail body, and the other was the stronger of the two.
Christy was being pulled toward the edge, and in a moment she would be thrown over—to her death far below. But now, strangely, as though she were in her dream again, she could hear feet beating heavily on the earth. Someone was following, after all.
When Hayden hurled himself into the clearing, she felt no surprise. He snatched her from Deirdre’s grasp, drawing her back from where the cliff plunged down. She stood trembling in his arms, and they both stared at Deirdre—who was changing again. Changing into the gentle sister, who only loved and would harm no one. She smiled at them both—a smile of happy triumph.
“Look!” Deirdre cried, and opened her arms wide.
Christy and Hayden looked toward the sky to see the rainbow curving above the trees and rocks, rising from the mist to paint a tremendous arc across the heavens. An arc that held all the colors, as though they had been set there and would never fade.
Deirdre’s arms seemed to embrace the glowing arc. “Do you see what it means? The green is for healing, the pink is for joy, and the blue is for—peace.”
She looked at Hayden with love and stepped out into space as if beneath the rainbow, disappearing into the mists below. The two who were left stood in shocked silence. As mist blew aside in a light wind, Deirdre’s slight body could be seen lying far below, unmoving. She had known, and she had chosen, taking her “sister” with her.
But now, with her own special sense, Christy saw that something strange was happening to the earthly body Deirdre had left behind. Two wisps of vapor rose from her inert form and separated, to float away in different directions. One seemed to lift upward toward the rainbow that still arched across the sky. The other drifted off into the woods and disappeared.
With a wonder she did not question, Christy knew that Deirdre was safe. About the “other” she couldn’t tell. Only she had seen those two wisps separate. Gently, Hayden released her, and as she moved farther from the cliff’s edge, she saw the woman who stood near the woods watching.
Lili was smiling with her own radiance. “I came as soon as I sensed something wrong. But you’re fine, and you didn’t need me, Chrystal.”
“I couldn’t help her.” Christy moved toward her mother, and Hayden came with her. “I couldn’t help Deirdre,” she repeated sadly. “She chose the rainbow.”
Lili looked up at the sky where the colors held clear, and she seemed to understand.
“There were two Deirdre’s,” Christy said. “While she lay on the rocks down there, the two separated.” She turned to Hayden. “I saw it happen—their spirits, like wisps of smoke, rising in different directions.”
Lili nodded sadly. “Sometimes two souls are born into one body. They can be so opposite in nature that they struggle against each other all their lives. Deirdre chose to free herself in her own way. I thank God, Hayden, that you got here in time to save my daughter.”
Hayden said, “Sometimes I sensed that there were two—but I didn’t understand. There was—deception. And I was fooled.”
“You mustn’t blame yourself,” Lili said. “How were you led to come here?”
Hayden put an arm around Christy as though he couldn’t let her go. “I went to Victor’s because Eve told us Deirdre had gone there to the Sun Wheel. She wasn’t there, but Victor told me to stand inside the Wheel and ask for help. So I went into the quadrant of the western fire and asked for wisdom. Right away, Christy, I knew your danger. And I knew the place. I have Victor to thank for making me listen.”
“The time was right, and you were ready to listen,” Lili said.
She stepped to the edge of the cliff and looked down sadly. When she had spoken a few words of prayer, she turned toward the path up the hill. “I’ll go back now, and find a telephone. You’ll stay, Hayden?”
Hayden nodded, and Christy waited for him while he climbed down the cliff to Deirdre.
Good and evil, she thought. All human beings were a mixture of the light and the dark. In Deirdre the separation had been extreme, dividing into two parts, each trying to defeat the other. In this strange way the split had become absolute, and perhaps Deirdre’s real goodness had won.
I don’t know where I am, or what has happened to me. Something is terribly wrong. Everything around me is familiar, but I seem to be floating, drifting. I can go anywhere—but no one sees me or speaks to me. There’s no sense of time where I am, and nothing is solid around me.
I have seen Donny, but he never sees me. He is not my son—he is Deirdre’s, and she is no longer with me.
Will I go wandering down the years like this? Through the meaningless centuries? Always searching, though I’m not sure for what?
Those two will be happy together in each other’s arms, but I feel nothing about them any more. Only the sight of a rainbow fills me with sadness. Then the loneliness comes in and I stray through the woods, hoping that someone will see me, speak to me. But no one ever does.