Allison spotted Jim walking across his backyard into hers out of the corner of her eye. She gripped the edges of the white wicker chair, prepared to bolt, but then sagged back into the chair. The odds of him not seeing her make a run for the house were slim to none. She sat on her screened porch, directly in his line of vision. In fact, he was staring straight at her.
She turned her gaze away. Hiding in the house was in her past, not her future. He’d decided to talk to her again, and she would hear what he had to say. He probably wanted to tell her they were over in case she hadn’t already gotten the message loud and clear.
The tree she gazed at blurred. All her attention focused on his approaching steps. The rustle of grass against his shoes. The whisper of his clothes as he walked.
“Hello Allison, can we talk?”
He stood on the steps outside the screen door. Brown bangs lifted and fell over his forehead in the late afternoon breeze. Milk chocolate-colored eyes gazed solemnly at her. Who invented chocolate? It must have been a man, created as an instrument for women’s downfall.
“Of course. Can I get you something to drink?”
Please say no. She wasn’t sure her legs would support her.
“No, thanks.” He opened the door and stepped inside. Her gaze traveled over his baby blue T-shirt and faded blue jeans and skirted to the side and back to the tree in her yard.
Yup, her heart still reacted to the sight of him. Maybe it was just nerves.
He sat on the wicker couch across from her and rested his elbows on his thighs as he leaned toward her.
Just get it over with!
Jim was obviously gearing up to let her down easy. He’d never been this hesitant with her, like he was searching for the right words or afraid she would make a scene. Was that it? Did he really think she was going to scream at him or beg him not to break up with her?
Maybe that was what he was used to, but he wouldn’t get it from her. She’d known it was coming, and she did her breaking down in private. Well, most of the time.
“I’m sorry.”
Yeah, me too.
She should let him off the hook and end the misery for both of them.
“I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”
Wait, what? What kind of breakup speech is this? Conclusions about what? She frowned.
“I judged you guilty without even hearing your side. I have no excuse. I wouldn’t have thought I was the type of person to do that, but I did, and I should have known better. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I had to apologize.”
“You’re talking about me being arrested for Alan’s murder?”
His eyebrows pressed together. “Yes.”
“Oh.” She waved a hand in front of her. “I don’t blame you.”
The blank look on Jim’s face almost brought a smile to hers. Almost.
“Jim, I’m sure anyone would find it difficult not to judge me, considering the circumstances. I judge myself plenty. I was responsible for the fire that killed my parents, and then I was arrested for killing my husband. Only a saint wouldn’t doubt my innocence.”
“Your friend, Karen, didn’t.”
“What do you mean?” When had he talked to Karen?
“She stopped by earlier this afternoon and gave me hell. Told me about your innocence, that a nurse had done it.”
“She shouldn’t have done that.”
“I’m glad she did.”
Allison sighed and crossed her legs at the knee. Karen shouldn’t have gone to Jim, but she appreciated her friend’s loyalty. At least she had one friend in the world and wasn’t completely alone anymore. Although most of that was her own doing. She’d pushed everyone who remained away long ago. The guilt had been her prison.
“What else did she tell you?”
“That’s about it. Called me an asshole a few times. I thought she was going to punch me, but she restrained herself. Quite a firecracker.”
Allison winced. “Sorry.”
“You don’t owe me an apology.” He rubbed his palms on his jeans. “Can you tell me what happened, or is it too painful to talk about?”
“There’s not much more to tell. I was arrested, and they let me go after finding out the nurse who cared for Alan confessed to giving him a lethal dose of medicine. She’s already confessed to doing it to several of her clients.”
“That’s…I don’t know even what to say. At least they caught her. They’ll put her away for a long time. You got justice for your husband.”
“Did I?”
“What do you mean?”
“You came over and apologized because Karen told you I’m innocent, right?”
“I’d like to think I would have come to my senses eventually, but yeah.”
“I’m not.”
“Not what?”
“Innocent.”
Jim reared back. “What are you saying?”
“The nurse may have given him the fatal dose, but I had increased his medication that day too. He’d been begging me for weeks to help him end the pain. He wanted to die. I think he hated me at the end for not helping him sooner. That will live with me forever.”
She pressed her lips together as her eyes filled.
“I stopped going to church not long after Alan got sick. At first, I thought it was because I simply didn’t have the time, then I blamed the church for his suffering. Not that he got sick, but that letting him choose his own end was a sin. I blamed religion. I blamed the laws. But deep down, I was really blaming myself for not being strong enough to help him do what he wanted.”
She met Jim’s gaze. “The nurse did what I couldn’t. I don’t blame her for Alan’s death. I thank her for it.”
He stared at her silently. Was he regretting his apology now? Most likely, who wouldn’t?
“I can’t speak for her other patients, of course. I don’t know if they wanted to end their lives like Alan did.”
“I don’t know if I would be strong enough to help a loved one, either. You can’t blame yourself. I’ve never been in a comparable situation, and I certainly hope I never am. I’m sure your husband didn’t hate you. He hated the circumstances probably, not you.”
“That’s kind of you to say, and I hope you’re right.”
“I’m confused, though. Why did they arrest you in the first place? Were they investigating your husband’s death?”
“No. I thought my therapist reported me since I had just told him about Alan’s death and the role I played in our session. But the officer told me a woman had called in an anonymous tip. I have no idea who or why.”
“Do you think it’s related to your parents’ deaths and the person harassing you?”
“I hope not, but the thought has crossed my mind. I don’t know how they would know, though. My therapist is the first one I’ve ever talked to about it. I also thought maybe the nurse had to throw suspicion off herself, but then she confessed to Alan so that doesn’t make any sense either.”
“The police are following up, right?”
She shrugged. “I didn’t think to ask at the time, and the experience wasn’t something I wanted to relive. If anything else happens with the calls or packages, I’ll call, but otherwise, I’m hoping whoever it was is done.”
Jim shook his head. “Whoever is doing this is twisted. Knowing a woman made the call doesn’t make anyone come to mind?”
“No. I don’t know if they’re the same person. According to the store clerk, it was a man who bought the candles.”
“More than one person then if they are related.”
“It’s still a lot of ifs and maybes. Like I said, if something else happens, I’ll talk to the police again.”
“How about dinner? We could go out, or I’ve got some chicken I could grill.”
Allison blinked. Did he want to continue their relationship?
She’d assumed it was over, had accepted it.
“I don’t think so, not tonight.” Maybe never. She didn’t blame him for thinking her guilty and disappearing, but it had still hurt a lot. How much more would it hurt if they continued to grow close, and it came time for him to move on? Her heart didn’t appear to understand what a casual relationship meant.
“Jim, I don’t blame you, really, I don’t. But I think it’s best if our relationship remains platonic from here on. We both know it was temporary from the start.”
“Okay, I respect that. Friends can still eat together, can’t they?”
A twinge of disappointment spread through her. She hadn’t expected him to protest or try to change her mind, but maybe he could have shown a little regret that it was over. Maybe he had already decided it was over and had asked about dinner as a friend. How embarrassing.
Her cheeks heated, and she looked away. “Sure they can, but another time, okay?”
Jim stood. “So, we’re good then, right? No hard feelings?”
She forced a smile to her lips. “We’re good.”
He opened the screen door and glanced over his shoulder. “Call me if you need anything.”
“Thanks. Have a good night.”
He nodded and walked down the steps. The screen door slammed shut behind him. He walked back to his yard.
For the second time that day, tears filled her eyes. Would that be their final goodbye? He said to call, but she wouldn’t. He probably knew that. It was just something people said.