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I lay against the cushions of the bed—Odele’s bed—feeling miserable and entirely too alone. First, I’d practically exiled Prince Kai for having the audacity to plan a wedding without consulting me, and then I’d yelled at the princess in her own room. Captain Saber hadn’t come looking for me and was perhaps still with the queen. Elias was gone, searching for Odele when she’d been at the palace the whole time.
My life was falling to tatters.
And I only had myself to blame.
If I’d just gotten here and done what I was told, if I’d just shut up, kept my head down and pretended to be Odele in every way, then my world wouldn’t have been in upheaval.
Perhaps the truth would have found its way to me eventually. Eventually, I would have discovered who I truly was, that I came from two royal families and two powerful kingdoms. But would have I accepted it? Did I accept it?
I wanted nothing more than a mother, a father. Two things that seemed entirely too impossible had become even more so in an instant. Having royal parents seemed an even more unattainable thing than wanting parents who were just un-dead.
If King Dorian knew who he’d waged war for, would he regret it? Would he take one look at me and decide I was better off a figment of his imagination? Would he look at my fin with disgust and mourn the daughter he wished I was? Would he rage upon looking at me and see that I was the reason his wife had been killed?
I could not accept it.
Some secrets were better off buried.
My throat tightened painfully. I tried to swallow past it, but my body was unresponsive. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream.
I wanted this to be over.
“Cousin...”
I jolted up in bed and turned to the tapestry. I had been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t noticed the sound of stone scraping away. Odele was holding the tapestry aside and looking at me with uncertainty. Around her shoulders there was a dark cloak of poor make and a sword at her hip.
“You went out,” I whispered, in a voice that was surprisingly steady. Odele looked uncomfortable for a moment. I noticed her forehead was red, as if she’d been smacked across her skin. “Are you okay?”
She waved off my concern with a flick of her fingers. “I know you think I can’t do anything right,” she said. Guilt shamed me. Even if what I said had been true, it hadn’t been the way to say it. It had been cruel, rude. “But I hope this makes up for it.” She moved aside to reveal a merman behind her. A merman I knew and recognized as if he were the very beating of my heart.
“Elias...”
The tears swelled from my eyes then and I cried, stifling my sobs by slapping my hands against my mouth. In all the world, if there was one mer who understood me, it was Elias. If there was someone out there who would understand, it was he.
Seeing him before me could almost make me forget how angry I was with him for showcasing me in front of Captain Saber like a slab of meat for a hungry shark.
Almost.
“You tadpole!” I shouted, grabbing a pillow and hurtling it at him.
He dodged, and the smirk he gave was familiar, almost comforting. “Hey, little fish. Nice outfit.”
My face flushed profusely. I’d almost forgotten what I was wearing. Now that he’d seen me in it, he wouldn’t let me hear the end of it, I was sure.
Odele looked between the two of us. “I’m confused. Are you two lovers or not?”
“You embarrassed me in front of Captain Saber and then just left!” I accused, ignoring the princess.
Elias rolled his eyes. “I left because you asked me to.”
“But you didn’t even apologize for acting like a total barnacle!”
Odele sighed, a lengthy and annoyed sound. “Ooookay...” She swam deeper into the room. “You two obviously need to have a very private and personal talk. I’m just gonna...” She slipped into her swim-in closet and closed the doors behind her.
Elias didn’t spare her a glance as he swam into the room to sit across from me on the bed. “Little fish...” His hand reached out to cradle my face.
I pushed him away angrily. “Don’t touch me.”
He masked the flash of hurt by arching a dark brow. “What’s got your fins flaring?” he asked with little mirth.
My fingers went almost involuntarily to the ring settled warmly between my breasts. His eyes flickered to the ornament then back to my face, assessing, calculating, and gauging my secrets with the depths of his eyes.
“Don’t do that,” I whispered, closing my eyes as if in pain.
“Don’t do what?”
“That,” I accused, opening them again to glare at him. “Look at me like you can pull out all of my secrets with your inquiring gaze.”
His lip quirked into a mischievous smile. “Can’t I?”
The door to the closet opened, and Odele swam out, interrupting my reply. We both looked her over. She’d changed into a simple day dress in a very light blue. Her hair was swept over one shoulder, the tendrils magically curling down to her chest.
She looked fabulous. And she’d managed it in less than a minute, too.
“Since I can hear everything from there, I’m going to take a turn about the palace while you two work things out.”
My heart thundered. “But—”
“I know, I know. I’ll be careful. As long as you stay in here there shouldn’t be a problem. No one will suspect a thing.”
I was sure I looked doubtful, but she waved me off with her fingers. “Please, go back to your stimulating conversation.” With that, she went to the door, opened it, and swam out, leaving Elias and I truly alone.
I sighed, a long suffering sound. She was too much.
I looked back at Elias. He was staring at me with dark, expectant eyes.
“I’m mad at you,” I told him, though there was no anger in my words, just a bone-deep tiredness.
“So I’ve gathered. What I don’t understand is why.”
“Don’t you?” I asked. “You’re great at swindling secrets, after all.”
Elias scooted closer to me and took my hand. This time, I didn’t pull away from the warmth of his touch. I let our fingers entwine, and his own fit through the spaces like it was meant to be his home.
“Talk to me, little fish.”
I sighed. Of course, he had his perfect ways of stealing my secrets. With a look, with a touch, with nothing more than the softness in his voice...
“You used me to satisfy your own amusement. Me and Captain Saber.” My fingers tightened on his, as if I could transfer the pain I’d felt in that moment to him. “You ridiculed me. Despite knowing how I feel about the captain, you put me through that. You must have known how it hurt me.”
Of course, the captain and I made our decision. We’d chosen to do it in front of the others. Maybe I was just grasping at whatever excuse I could find to be angry with Elias, to be angry at anyone else because of this mess that was now my life.
Elias, for the first time since I’d known him, looked honestly bewildered. “Little fish, I didn’t...” He broke off, ran a hand through his dark tendrils of hair. “You have to know that wasn’t my intention, to humiliate you.”
“But you did.”
He winced, as if my words were slaps to the face.
The action had me softening. I was unjustly taking my ire out on him. At the end of the day, I had free will, and I chose to do what I did.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “You don’t deserve that. We did what we wanted to do, even if you were poking the shark.”
Elias observed me, his dark eyes seeing all too much. “I didn’t do what I did because of you, little fish. I did it for Captain Saber. You have to know that.”
My eyebrows pulled together. “I don’t understand.”
He let loose a small breath. “I didn’t do it to ridicule either of you. I did it because I know the captain has feelings for you and I wanted him to open his eyes. I wanted him to realize what he felt for you.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.” I frowned.
“Doesn’t it?” He smiled. “Mermen, especially one like him, like the competition, the challenge. I wanted to prove to him that he could let go of the feelings he so tightly leashes. He just needed that push.”
I shook my head, disbelieving. It was more likely he’d done it to thwart the captain. That he’d done it to infuriate and mock him by waving me in front of his face; me, the mermaid who looked like the lost love of his life.
Elias put his fingers beneath my chin and lifted my face up to meet his gaze. “Why do you doubt his feelings for you?”
I shrugged. Because of his actions. Because he seems to despise me and push me. Because it’d be easier to accept his hatred.
Of course, Elias read every thought on my face and he shook his head, cupping my cheek in his palm. “He doesn’t love her, little fish. I wonder if anyone ever could love her, if I’m honest. She hides what she is so tightly, and even if she didn’t, she could never compare to you. So if he chooses her over you, more the fool he is.”
I let out a breath through my nose and found myself smiling, a slight turn of my lips. “I’m still upset with you, you know.”
“I’d be disappointed if you weren’t.” He pulled away and leaned back on his hands, smirking with that mischievous grin of his. “So tell me, how does it feel to be actual royalty?”
My whole body jolted with hyperawareness. “How—”
“Odele told me everything. Though I can say I’m not surprised.”
My eyes narrowed, distrust shamefully filling me. “Was this another secret you knew and kept from me?” I demanded.
Elias flicked his fingers across the bed casually. “A secret? No. But I did have a feeling...”
“A feeling?” I echoed.
“Tell me you didn’t have it as well, little fish? There is no possible way that you two could look so alike and not be related. And when you told me about the missing royal... well... it just solidified my belief.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
His eyes narrowed at my accusing tone, but he merely shrugged. “Would you have even believed my suspicions? Do you even believe the truth? Don’t answer, I can tell that you don’t.”
A part of me despised that I was so readable, but another part was relieved. I didn’t have to voice what he already knew.
“Why do you doubt so much?” Elias inquired. He held his hand up, and began ticking off on his fingers. “You doubt Captain Saber’s love for you. You doubt my honesty. You doubt you are of a royal bloodline.” He dropped his hand, raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
The hardest part of all this was explaining myself. I’d told Odele why, but I hadn’t given her the truth, at least, not entirely. I braced myself to tell Elias the truth now.
“All my life, I thought I was one thing,” I explained quietly. “Everything I thought I was has suddenly changed. Yesterday I was an orphan with no family, today I have a cousin and a father. If I accept this role, if I accept my lineage, it means accepting this...” I gestured to the room around us. “Accepting that my mother is dead.” My throat tightened, and I couldn’t seem to get through the rest of the truth.
“So?” Elias asked quietly, fiercely, though not unkindly. “You thought both of your parents were dead before. Now you discovered only one of them is. What’s the real reason behind it, little fish?”
My fingers went to the ring for strength. “I keep thinking that maybe he won’t want me. That maybe he’ll take one look at me and I won’t be enough. I won’t be what he expected. This truth has changed me, Elias. Everything about me is different now.”
He shook his head. “That’s bullshark, Maisie.” I blinked at the ferocity in his voice. He leaned forward, so close that our noses touched. “If he didn’t want you, he wouldn’t have tried tearing this kingdom apart to find you. He will want you, all of you. I’m sure of it. As for the other bit?” He closed his eyes briefly, the shadows of his lashes swimming against the top curve of his cheek. “This information doesn’t change you. Not at all.” He pressed a hand to my chest, right over the rapid thumping of my heart. “This is still the same. Perhaps the only thing that’s changed is your knowledge of who you truly are. But deep down, you are still that mer from Lagoona. You are still the mer who wants a better Thalassar. Except now, you finally have the power to change things, if only you dared.”
“So you’re telling me to accept it,” I breathed. “To be a princess.”
He shook his head, dark eyes piercing mine. “Accept it. Don’t accept it. That’s up to you. But don’t let anyone force you into any roles, little fish. You are you. You are Maisie and Odalaea. You were born a royal, but raised in Lagoona. You are a waitress and a princess. And no one can take that away from you except you.”
Was it possible to not just be one thing? Was it possible to be a myriad of emotions and things? Wasn’t Elias here proof enough of that? A criminal who saved mer, secretive yet honest. Dangerous but safe.
Was I proof enough of this?
Could I accept the role as Princess of Thalassar, of Kappur, and still be me?
“You’ll never know unless you try,” Elias answered my unasked question.
And maybe he was right.