That afternoon, as Thomas Stoll drove his buggy south on the gravel road, the rays of the setting sun flooded the side of his face. He squinted, turning his head before pulling down the rim of his hat. Troubled thoughts raced through his mind. Susan had finally invited him to stop by their place this week. But why hadn’t she done so sooner? Was she having doubts again? He would be best man for Teresa’s side of the family at the wedding, so this should give him quite a solid footing with Susan for the foreseeable future. And he was taking her home from the Sunday hymn singings again.
A smile crossed Thomas’s face. He settled back into the buggy seat as the sun went behind low-hanging clouds on the horizon. Things would be in an uproar of busyness when he arrived at the Hostetler place. The wedding preparations were in full swing, so perhaps he should offer to help with the work this evening. A little thoughtfulness on his part couldn’t do any harm, and it might just warm Susan’s heart toward him all the more.
Thankfully this was finally happening. He had apologized often enough for the brief attention he’d paid to Eunice. And for the kiss, which he never should have done, of course. Thankfully Susan hadn’t learned that while she was away in the Englisha world he’d gone on a date with Eunice. That itself was a miracle of sorts in this tight-knit community. Perhaps he should have told her about that date. It might have helped soothe Susan’s hurt feelings sooner if she’d known he had pursued his attraction to Eunice just to make sure they were only a passing fancy. And that’s how it had turned out.
Susan was the woman he wanted to marry. He’d wanted to marry her since his early teen years. They would have been married already if Susan had accepted his explanation about Eunice and hadn’t overreacted. There never had been a reason for Susan to rush off to the Englisha world like she had. Everyone knew the Englisha offered no better solutions to matters of the heart than what the community had to give.
Thomas slowed down as the Hostetler farm came into view. The fields were laid out behind the barns in long, even squares, the corn almost ready for harvest. The hayfields were already in their second cutting. Menno had hired a new man for the summer—a situation Thomas hoped was temporary. First, because he should rightly be living on the farm this summer, learning how to farm by working alongside Menno. It wouldn’t be long before Susan’s father, due to his advancing age, might not wish to put the energy into training someone who hadn’t grown up on a farm. But he had always dreamed of owning a farm, expensive as they were. He would have to pay Menno a fair price after Susan and he were married. He couldn’t afford to make many mistakes in his farming practices because they could be costly. Things like crops planted on the wrong week. Hay cut when the weather wasn’t right. Ruined hay could mean a winter spent having to purchase feed for the livestock, taking a serious cut out of the farm’s profit margin.
That, of course, explained why Menno wanted a hired hand until Susan was married. Steve no doubt helped not only with the labor, but also with minimizing the risk of mistakes.
Thankfully, Susan seemed unaware of the sideways glances Steve was giving her at the hymn singings or the way Steve’s face lit up when she spoke to him. How Susan failed to notice was hard to imagine, but hopefully this was a good sign.
Susan was quite gut looking. It was surprising that some other boy, perhaps better situated than he was, hadn’t already made a move for her attention. They would have, he figured, if it hadn’t been for the ruckus surrounding Susan bringing home that Englisha girl, Teresa. Well, Teresa wasn’t exactly Englisha any longer. She was now almost like one of them. She could even talk the language decently, and his friend James sure was taken with her.
With everyone in a wedding mood, now would be the perfect moment to get Susan’s promise of marriage.
Pulling on the lines, Thomas turned Freddy down the Hostetler driveway. A few buggies still sat near the barn and horses were tied to the fence. He stopped and jumped out to tie his horse. He’d unhitch after he talked to Susan.
Walking to the house, he knocked on the front door. It was answered moments later by Susan’s mamm. With a surprised look, she said, “Thomas! Hello. We were too busy to notice someone else driving in, I guess.”
“That’s okay,” Thomas said, pushing his hat back on his head. “Is Susan around? She said I could stop by and help.”
“Of course.” Anna turned to holler toward the back of the house. “Susan! There’s someone here to see you!”
Susan appeared moments later, her hair hanging in strings out of the back of her kapp. Thomas beamed. Susan was even better looking in this state, he thought, than she was all fixed up on Sundays.
“Ah, so you’ve come.” Susan pushed the stray hairs out of sight under her kapp. “I had almost forgotten.”
Behind Susan two of her sisters’ faces appeared around the kitchen doorway. Betsy and Miriam, Thomas noted. So those must be who the two buggies tied out by the fence belonged to. They smiled and disappeared again.
“I thought perhaps I was still in time to help out this evening. We had a job in the cabinet shop that ran late.”
“Menno’s still out in the barn with Steve doing chores,” Anna said.
Being in the barn with Steve wouldn’t be quite what he wanted to do, but Thomas found himself saying, “If that’s what needs doing, then I’ll help.”
“That can wait. Come with me!” Susan pulled on his arm. He followed her out the door to the swing hanging from the porch ceiling, where she plopped down. “I need a rest, and they have things under control with the chores.”
“It’s nicer out here with you anyway,” Thomas said.
Susan ignored him. “We’ve been working hard all day. This afternoon we cleaned the barn beams and weeded the garden. You could have helped with that earlier.”
“I would’ve been glad to, but things got busy at work, like I said.”
“And earlier in the day I looked decent.”
“You look beautiful,” he said. “You really do.”
“That silver tongue of yours.” Susan sighed. “I hope you keep it to yourself around Eunice.”
“Now please, Susan.” He lifted both hands in a sign of surrender. “You know that’s behind us. It’s been behind us for a long time. I’ve done everything possible to make things right. You know I have, Susan. I love you more than I love any girl...or ever loved any girl.”
She looked sideways at him. “How do I know you won’t change your mind again? Perhaps even after you’ve said the vows? It’s not like a promise kept you from running after Eunice the last time.”
“You know I wouldn’t do that to you, Susan. Our people don’t do such things.”
“I don’t think you’re being honest with me, Thomas.”
Thomas took a deep breath. Should he or shouldn’t he? It would be a great risk, but he obviously wasn’t getting through to Susan now. “I’ll tell you something you don’t know and would never have found out. I know it might make me look bad, but that’s how much I care about you.”
“Okay.” She was looking warily at him.
“While you were living in Asbury Park, I took Eunice home from one of the hymn singings.”
“You did!” She sat bolt upright on the swing.
“It was only once, Susan. I thought I should find out for sure what I wanted to do. And I did find out. I found out I really do love you! Can’t you see that?”
Susan was staring across the open hayfield, her eyes on the last light lingering on the horizon. “I’m too tired to fight with you right now, Thomas. It’s not going to change anything.”
“But nothing will change the way I feel about you, Susan.” He took her hand in both of his. “You know that, don’t you? Can’t you find forgiveness in your heart?”
Susan shrugged. “That does make me feel some better, I guess. And I forgive you, Thomas. I know I’m not perfect myself.”
“But you are!” he protested. “You’re too perfect for me, Susan, and yet I keep dreaming that you’ll someday return my love again. With all your heart. Remember how it used to be between us? How much fun we used to have together? Teasing each other in school. Me hiding your papers until your temper exploded. I’m still the same person, Susan. And you also are. We still love each other.”
“Maybe so. I just wish we had what Teresa and James have.”
“We once did, and we will again!” he declared. “And you can’t compare yourself with other people. Even someone nice like Teresa. And they have suffered a lot. Like we have. Suffering makes people better.”
When Susan said nothing, Thomas continued. “Can you imagine what it must be like to have a child outside of marriage and face people with that? It would have to destroy you or make you a saint.”
“That’s nice of you to say, Thomas.” Susan took his hand and squeezed it. “I’m sorry. I really am trying to control my temper. And we did have some sweet times together. Remember the time I succeeded in throwing a snowball into your face? You looked so surprised. Like you never thought a girl could do that.”
“You have surprised me a lot of times.”
She came closer to him, nestling against him, leaning her head on his shoulder.
He smiled, holding her hand, “I’m sorry for what happened, Susan. I really am. Do you think we can get a fresh start? Maybe this wedding will be a good place to begin. Especially since James and Teresa are such good examples for us.”
“They are,” she agreed. “And perhaps we can. I know I would like to if we could. It would be nice not to have this hanging over our heads all the time.”
“I agree.”
They sat in silence for a while until Susan closed her eyes and started to drift off. Thomas gently lifted her head. “Susan, you’re exhausted. You need some rest and so do I. Since there’s nothing for me to do here, I’ll go on home.”
“Aren’t you staying for supper? You’re welcome, you know.”
“It’s tempting, but I better go,” he said.
“Okay. I’ll see you at the wedding.”
“Until then.” Thomas kissed her on the cheek and turned to leave. When he got to his buggy, he untied his horse, climbed inside the buggy, and guided Freddy around toward the road. As he drove his buggy out the driveway, he turned to wave at Susan, who was still sitting on the porch swing. She was a wonderful girl indeed. No matter how hard he had to work, he would be a fool to lose her again.