Susan sat anxiously on the bench as Bishop Henry stood to close the Sunday morning service. Today was pre-communion church, and she would have to leave in a few minutes, along with the other non-members. Oh, if she’d only taken the baptismal class with Teresa last year! Then she could stay and hear what Bishop Henry and the leaders had decided to do about Daett’s situation.
Bishop Henry was speaking in a soft voice. “And now that the brothers have given testimony on the Word of God shared today by the ministry, I’m glad that all could give a gut word. So let’s be dismissed. Those who are members, please stay behind as we prepare ourselves for our communion time in two weeks.”
Bowing his head, Bishop Henry waited as the nonmembers left. Susan stood with the younger girls and moved down the aisle. The other young women her age had stayed seated because they were members. Some of them were even married, their husbands sitting across the room in the men’s section. Even Steve was still seated. He was considered a visitor, but because he was baptized, he could partake in communion. He was a member in good standing in his home community.
Now what was she supposed to do? She could perhaps help prepare lunch for the children. Susan reluctantly made her way to the kitchen and got busy helping set up the children’s table in the washroom. She listened for any unusual sounds coming from the living room. Walking past the kitchen opening, she caught brief glimpses of Bishop Henry standing in front and speaking in his quiet preaching voice.
He would be going over the Ordnung, she knew. Touching on points he thought needed refreshing. And the other ministers would soon be adding their own points. Afterward, everyone would express their unity with what had been said. Not that she had ever sat under such instruction, but the years of listening in kitchens and hearing her older sisters talking about what had been said gave her a fairly good picture.
Bishop Henry’s voice droned on, and Susan served the meal with the help of the school-aged girls. In the basement, the young boys took full advantage of their privileged status of getting to the first table, whooping it up as loudly as they dared.
“Quiet down!” Susan ordered. “Your daetts will be coming down if you disturb the meeting.” This produced the desired result for a few minutes, but they were soon at it again.
“I can hardly get two sandwiches down,” one of them moaned in pretended agony. “Normally I can handle three. I think I’ll wait until later next time, when the preachers have the members sitting in.”
“Maybe you can sneak to the table with the grown men when they come out,” one of his friends teased. “We can paste some straw on your face for a beard.”
“That would work,” another said, and they all roared with laughter.
“Benny’s got enough stubble of his own, if he’d let it grow,” the first boy added when they quieted down.
“You mean he’s getting ready to ask Ben’s Rosanna home from the hymn singing and forgot to shave because he was in such a rush.”
Benny made a face at first but soon joined in the laughter. Susan gave up and retreated upstairs. Let their daetts come down and tell them to quiet down if they wanted to. She had done her part. Boys this age weren’t exactly controllable by someone they considered little more than an older sister.
In the kitchen again, Susan heard her daett’s name mentioned. She walked to the kitchen opening and listened. Several of the young girls looked at her, and she whispered, “They’re talking about my daett.”
That seemed to satisfy them. They would also want to listen if their daetts were being discussed at pre-communion church. Only people in trouble were personally talked about on this day, so Susan’s daett must be in deep, deep trouble.
Susan’s attention perked up as she listened to the Bishop.
It has been revealed to us that Menno Hostetler has a son in the Englisha world. We can tell you that Menno, along with his wife, went to Deacon Ray to confess this sin. An action of repentance for which we are quite grateful. But what is troubling to us is that Menno did not reveal this matter prior to the Englisha man making himself known to the community and revealing this sin in such a public fashion.
The revelation has brought great shame upon all of us, and has placed our testimony to the outside world in question. As the ministry, we do not believe this matter can be ignored. Although Menno has straightened this matter out with Da Hah and his wife, it has now become a matter for the community to deal with.
I don’t need to remind any of you that we are all a community. What affects one of us, affects us all. Perhaps this is a gut lesson to be reminded of. And that sin cannot be covered forever. Da Hah will see that it is revealed and laid before the eyes of all to see. We as the ministry believe that Menno has been in grave sin all these years by hiding this matter from us.
With that in mind, it is our decision to refuse communion to Brother Menno when we observe it in two weeks. And we also believe it would be best if some further punishment were given in order that all may know the seriousness of this sin. Accordingly, we have taken counsel together as the ministry. Deacon Ray spoke with Menno and Anna last night about this.
Susan held her breath. So this was what that visit had been about. She’d guessed right, but both Daett and Mamm had refused to say a word about the matter.
Bishop Henry continued.
Sister Anna has requested that she also be included in this punishment, which at first glance seemed unnecessary to us. But upon further consideration, we see her point. She has lived with Menno all these years and has admitted that at times she wanted to ask him about his past life but chose not to. What these reasons were, we did not think necessary to inquire into. It is enough that Anna wishes to share in her husband’s punishment because she is his frau.
“Is it something terrible?” one of the younger girls whispered in Susan’s ear.
Susan nodded, pressing back her tears.
Bishop Henry was clearing his throat again.
It is the decision of the ministry that Menno Hostetler be put on a six-week bann. During this time he is to have no communion or fellowship with the community. Menno and Anna are to be seen by all as having been placed outside the church. We are to accept nothing in material or spiritual aid from either of them. If they should pass over to the other side during this time, we pray only for their souls. We ask that Da Hah would understand the special circumstances and will have mercy on both of them. So let us now vote on this matter, as well as on having communion in two weeks.
Low sobs came from the living room. A few women’s voices were raised in agony.
Susan heard the shuffling of feet. Deacon Ray and the other ministers would be going around the aisles and asking each member for his or her vote. Clutching the doorjamb, Susan tried to stay upright. It wouldn’t do any gut to go crashing across the floor in a dead faint. She’d known this was coming.
What was Teresa going to say about all this? She was in there, and she didn’t understand their ways yet. Still, she had to vote, and she loved Daett. What if she objected? “Oh, dear Da Hah, help her,” Susan whispered, turning to find a chair at the kitchen table. “Why didn’t I go over to her place last night and talk with her?” But perhaps James would have told Teresa, if he had thought of the matter.
“What’s happening to your daett?” the same concerned girl was back, standing a few inches from Susan’s knees.
“Something awful,” Susan managed. “Daett sinned years ago, and he didn’t confess it to the community.”
“He has an Englisha son,” the girl said, more statement than question. Obviously she knew already. “How could your daett have done something like that?”
“It was before he was baptized,” Susan said. Hopefully that would satisfy, but the girl wasn’t moving away.
“My daett didn’t do anything like that before he was baptized.”
“I know,” Susan said, trying to smile. “And you can thank Da Hah he didn’t.”
The girl nodded and then disappeared to her chore. Susan turned to the implications of the bann. Mamm and Daett were being thrown out into the darkness to walk without the blessing of the church for six weeks. Why was there bitterness and anger rising up in her heart? Thankfully she hadn’t spoken those words to the young girl. That would have been awful indeed. Perhaps she was feeling anger because she had been out in the Englisha world herself, becoming polluted by their way of thinking. Out there, being obedient and compliant wasn’t the way people lived.
Susan walked over to the kitchen sink and offered to help dry the dishes. A girl handed her a towel, and Susan forced herself not to listen to the murmur of voices in the living room. Instead, memories floated in her mind. Visions of Laura and the bakery shop. Of laughing and joking with Robby and the time they ran along the shores of the ocean at Asbury Park after dark. Of sitting on the sand watching the moon rise over the ocean with the wind blowing in their hair. How free it had all felt, and how different from this life.
No one here knew all the things she had done. Were they sins? The thought jolted her. Was the day coming when she would need to confess what had happened before she was baptized? All of a sudden, she had to leave. She dropped the dishcloth and dashed outside. The children playing in the yard looked up as she went by and headed for the barn. She stopped halfway there. She couldn’t go there. That was where the young boys gathered to talk, telling their stories after lunch until it was time to go home. Where else was there to go? Turning toward the line of buggies, she saw theirs. Almost running there, she climbed inside and pulled the buggy robe over her head. This is foolish, she told herself. But let it be foolish. So what if someone saw her? Let them think what they wanted. Daett and Mamm were inside being excommunicated. This felt like a winter night’s nightmare. Dreams she had suffered through as a child. Night torments of bears chasing her in the woods. Huge fish that came leaping out of ponds with their mouths wide open, sharp teeth bared to sink into her skin. Screaming hadn’t been an option then, and screaming wasn’t an option now either.
Susan controlled herself, breathing slower. She thought about Teresa. The poor girl. What had she said when asked to vote? If Teresa objected to the excommunication, they would no doubt have Deacon Ray over the next Saturday night for a visit.
Susan placed her hand on her mouth. She had to think sanely about this. James was Teresa’s husband, and Deacon Ray was James’s father. They would have thought of this very thing, and Teresa would have been warned. She had to have been. Neither James nor Deacon Ray were that careless.
Sobbing, Susan stayed under the blanket. The buggy door was tightly shut, but she peeked out once in a while to see if church had been dismissed. When the men spilled out into the yard, she pushed the blanket down, dried her tears, and marched back toward the house.
As she neared the washroom door, it burst open and Steve came out.
“There you are!” Steve exclaimed. “I was looking for you.”
“For me?”
“We’ll make it through this, Susan.” Steve took both of her hands in his. “Just be strong and don’t get bitter. It will come out right in the end.”
“Why do you care?” Susan asked, amazed that right there in front of everyone he’d taken her hands.
“I work for your daett. Of course I care.”
But Steve cared about more than Daett. She could see it in his eyes. He cared about her.