Quinn pressed her back against the lockers until the metal bit into her shoulder. Kerstin’s demon had grown since she’d last seen it. Six feet tall, it towered over her petite frame. Dozens of tentacles whipped and writhed from its shifting body of fog, pushing through Kerstin’s chest, wrapping around her arms, curling in her hair like a deadly vine. Smaller threads of the creature connected directly to her skin, reminding Quinn of the strings of a marionette. Quinn hugged herself as her grief intensified, her head pulsing in pain as the beast tried to break through her defenses.
“Kerstin? You have to let me help you,” Quinn stammered. She strained to catch her breath as the demon’s essence pushed against hers, looking for a crack in her barrier. Sweat beaded on her lip, and she resisted, using all her energy to focus on keeping it out.
The demon laughed from Kerstin’s throat. “It’s too late for that now. The girl has been the perfect host, such anger and insecurity to feed on. And look how we’ve grown?”
“Leave her alone.” Quinn pushed forward the bubble of light surrounding her, trying to engulf Kerstin in the protective shield, but the demon was too strong.
“You don’t have the power to banish the likes of us, Eol Ananael. I am stronger than you.” Smoke slithered around Kerstin, obscuring her from sight. “This one is mine until she dies.”
Heat pulsed against Quinn’s calf, and she reached for her dagger, but before she could pull it from the sheath, a misty tendril pushed through her defenses. The light barrier cracked around her like an eggshell as the tendril threaded into her chest. Frozen in place, she tried to call to Azrael for help, but the creature’s power had wrapped around her gift, suppressing her ability to communicate with her Sentinel.
“Regret,” the creature said. “So full of it, there’s room for little else inside that soul of yours. We can feel it running through you, calling to us, the grief and guilt. You are guilty, aren’t you, Quinn?”
Quinn convulsed as a cold hand squeezed her heart between invisible fingers. Pain exploded through her chest, the beat slowing under the crushing weight of the demon’s influence.
“It would have been easier for everyone if you had died in that river like we planned. I could do it now, squeeze until you have a heart attack. So easy.” A crooked smile twisted Kerstin’s lips. “As easy as watching a stupid boy die for love of you.”
Anger filled every inch of Quinn. She could feel her face flush as heat rose in her cheeks. This creature and all his brethren had pushed her and Aaron apart, threatened her, driven her to the brink of insanity. Her biggest remorse was listening to them in the first place.
Your regret is like a black beacon, Azrael had warned. You must let go of your guilt, let go of the boy. Azrael was wrong, it wasn’t giving up on Aaron that would help her, it was holding him close. Quinn gritted her teeth and reached for the spark of light deep within. A kiss under the stars. The melody to Aaron’s song thrummed through her, and she felt the demon’s grip weaken.
Power, hot and white, burned within Quinn. Blue lightning crackled around her, aching to be released. A deep breath focused all her energy into her intent, and she released the blow into the demon. The demon jerked backward, pulling Kerstin with it. Together, they flew six feet down the hall, slammed into a row of lockers and crumpled to the floor, energy sparking around Kerstin’s skin like tiny fireworks.
“Your name, demon,” Quinn demanded, her confidence growing with her anger.
“I’ll never tell you.” Black eyes wide, the demon hissed.
“Eudmhox?” Like a flash, the demon’s name was on her lips. “Jealousy, is it?”
“No, you can’t make me leave. This one called to me, wanted me.” The creature hugged Kerstin close. “You have no right.”
“Do you know what this is, Eudmhox?” Quinn pulled the glowing blue dagger from its sheath and pressed the tip to the hollow of Kerstin’s throat. Kerstin’s body convulsed with its touch and Quinn grinned.
“That old thing doesn’t have enough poison in it to kill one such as me.”
“We’ll see.” Quinn dragged the dagger across Kerstin’s skin and the demon screamed and shrank back. Kerstin’s eyes flashed from black back to blue as his dark influence wavered. Seizing the chance, Quinn wrapped her power around Eudmhox’s essence, ripped his shadow from Kerstin, and threw him across the hall. In a blink of an eye, Eudmhox shrank into a tiny black fly and then zoomed through the roof and out of the building before Quinn could invoke the banishment.
Well done. Azrael stepped through the row of lockers behind her, swords drawn, a grin on his face.
He got away. Quinn returned the dagger to her boot.
Azrael nodded. You will have another chance. His hold on the girl is strong.
Coming back to herself, Kerstin blinked and looked at Quinn, confused. “What are you doing here?” She glanced around, forehead knitting in worry.
“Heading to class. You?” Quinn offered a hand, but Kerstin pushed her away and pulled herself up on the edge of Aaron’s open locker.
Be careful. Even now I feel a small piece of him squatting inside her like a virus, Azrael warned.
“None of your business.” She stumbled, and Quinn grabbed her elbow to steady her.
“Are you feeling okay?” Quinn asked.
“Why?” Kerstin jerked away and glared as if Quinn were the devil himself.
“Well, I wanted to make sure you’re all right, that’s all. You look a little green around the gills.”
“Look, you can drop the goody-goody attitude. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, is that your game? We’re not friends.” Kerstin smoothed a stray curl with the palm of her hand.
“Paranoid much? There is no game; that’s what I’m trying to tell you.” Quinn tried to re-assure her.
“As if. You say you don’t want him because you know he loves me, not you. I know you’d like nothing better than for me to disappear, me and the baby. Don’t worry, Quinn, I won’t give you the satisfaction.” She thrust a hand into Quinn’s face. A diamond the size of a pea sparkled under the fluorescent lights.
Quinn rolled her eyes. A few months ago, the sight of Jeff’s engagement ring on Kerstin’s hand would have sent her over the edge, but not now. Truth was, it all seemed so stupid and juvenile—the fact that Kerstin slept with Jeff, his lies, the pregnancy—like something that happened to another Quinn in another life. She still cared about Jeff, but because of what they had, not because she wanted something more. And Kerstin, well, she realized that she and Kerstin were a lot more alike than she wanted to admit.
Quinn shrugged. “Congratulations. I hope things work out between the two of you. You both deserve to be happy.”
“Oh, we’re very happy. And don’t think that just because you’re back anything’s going to change.” She rubbed a hand over her belly.
“We’ve both been through hell, Kerstin. Don’t you think it’s time to put it all behind us and start over? I don’t want to fight with you. Honestly, all I want is to get through the rest of the year and get out of this hell hole and forget everything that’s happened here.”
A remnant of the demon surged through Kerstin, turning her pupils into black saucers. Azrael drew his sword, but she stayed his hand.
She’s not going to hurt me. The spirit’s hold has weakened. I’m fine.
Azrael ruffled his feathers. For now, but no doubt it will return. She is a gaping wound, an empty vessel waiting to be filled.
She’s a human.
She’s a pawn of the Underworld.
A pawn, which is all the more reason to try to help her. She didn’t envy the confusion and pain that came with that darkness, no matter how she felt about Kerstin.
“What would you know about my life? You don’t have any idea what I’ve been through, and don’t pretend to give a shit. I don’t care about your little sob story. I have it pretty good compared to you,” Kerstin continued on her rant. “I’m not the one who leapt off a rock in a desperate attempt for attention. I’m not the one who killed Aaron.”
Kerstin reeled as Quinn’s palm slammed across her cheek. “Don’t you ever mention his name to me again. Do you hear me?” Quinn’s warning escaped in a growl.
And you wanted to help her?
Quinn gave Azrael a dirty look. He shrugged, sheathed his blade, and disappeared through a wall and back out onto the Westland campus.
“What the hell?” Jeff sprinted to Kerstin and cupped her jaw in his hand.
Great. Quinn should have known he wouldn’t be far. They were like conjoined twins, the two of them. Quinn crossed her arms over her chest and braced herself. There would be no way to defend her position. All Jeff had seen was Quinn slapping his pregnant fiancé. Never mind that Kerstin had been harboring a demon and had started the fight, or that all Quinn had wanted was to lay low. Kerstin wouldn’t let her. Quinn would get the blame and Kerstin would get the sympathy. Welcome back to Westland High, Quinn.
“God, Quinn. Look at this!” Jeff turned Kerstin’s cheek so she could see. A red mark stung the skin but would quickly fade. She hadn’t hit her that hard, but Kerstin was out to win an Emmy for best performance with her tears, and the gloating smirk on her face when Jeff wasn’t looking made Quinn want to smack her again.
“I want to go home, Jeff. Please, take me home.” Kerstin sobbed and pulled at his sleeve, a child begging a parent. “Tell the nurse I’m too sick to drive myself. I need to get out of here, I need you.”
“Fine. Go wait for me in the car,” Jeff said.
“Aren’t you coming?”
“I have a few things I need to say to Quinn first.”
“I’m not leaving you alone with her.” Kerstin’s eyes flashed from blue to inky black.
Jeff gave Kerstin a hard look that Quinn had never seen before, his patience running thin. The fog rolled around Kerstin, thick and black, but she didn’t argue. Instead, she turned and stomped down the hall. Jeff waited until she had disappeared around the corner then turned to Quinn.
“Nobody’s seen you for weeks. Reese said you locked yourself away like Miss Havisham from that Dickens novel. The whole school’s been worried. I’ve been worried. Now you show up, and within five minutes Kerstin’s been assaulted. What were you thinking? She’s pregnant, Quinn.”
“Yeah, no need to remind me.” Quinn rubbed the toe of her shoe on the back of her jeans and stared at the ground.
“I don’t even know who you are anymore,” Jeff said.
“Of course you don’t. I’m not the same Quinn you dated for four years and then cheated on, or the Quinn who foolishly fell right back into your arms because she was too afraid to trust herself. You can’t go back, Jeff, and frankly, I don’t want to anymore.”
“I’m sorry, for what it’s worth, about Aaron, about everything.” Jeff rubbed at his temples. “I know those words are a little too late, and not nearly good enough to erase the damage that’s been done. I was running too, from the mess I made. I didn’t know how to handle it.”
“Yeah, well, we’ve all made mistakes.” As much as she should hate him, hate Kerstin, none of it mattered anymore. Jeff was the past, and her future didn’t have room for him. “Let’s forget about it.”
Jeff nodded. “I still care about you, I’ll always care, but I think it would be easier for everyone if you stayed away from Kerstin and me from now on.”
Quinn nodded. “I think that’s for the best.”
A knot twisted in her gut as Jeff disappeared down the hall. Maybe she shouldn’t have let him go without warning him. No, nothing good could have come out of him knowing. He had made his choice, and no matter what Quinn said, he wouldn’t believe her. Besides, she had other things to focus on, and none of it had to do with school.
Aaron’s journal lay beneath his still open locker. She bent to pick it up, along with the photo of him and Marcus. Quinn fanned through the book. The pages were filled with a few other entries along with poetry, guitar chords, and sketches of gardens, angels, and her own face.
The handwriting on one particular section drew her attention. It looked so different than the other pieces of scrawled notes and poetry. The lyrics to “Starlight Memory,” the song he’d written for her, were neatly printed in blue ink, filling the blank space as he had poured his heart onto the page for her, for them. Each lyric had been carefully put on the page, with purpose. She traced the lines of the lyrics with a finger, the haunting melody playing along with the words.
Another page turn revealed a letter in the same hand. At the top of the left corner was her name, printed in blue ink. It looked as if he had written it over and over in the same place, the letters overlapping each other, her name bold against the stark white. Jagged white teeth edged the sheet where it had been ripped from the binder and hastily replaced with a small strip of tape. It looked as if it had been crumpled and then smoothed out again, the author torn on whether or not to keep it. When she looked at the date, she understood why.
September 15th, the night of their first date, the night she stole Marcus’s Jeep and Aaron walked in on her and Jeff kissing. It had been the beginning of the end.
Quinn,
That night under the stars, you said something that got me thinking. You wondered if I had come back from the brink of death for you. What if it’s true? What if you’re the reason I’m supposed to be here?
Quinn remembered curling her body against his, the way he had given her his trust, shown his true heart without hesitation, and how she let herself fall in love so completely in that moment that she had been willing to ignore the demons bent on keeping them apart. Looking back, it was the one and only time she let herself believe their connection was more than a crush, that it was magic, dangerous, and exciting. What if he had been sent back for her? Fate or destiny, all the things the cynicism of adult reality had ripped from her the minute her father had left, the second Jeff had cheated, restored with Aaron’s kiss, his arms around her.
But the spell cast that night faded as the shadows of fear and doubt settled on her, whispering in her ear. She had been so distracted, she never stopped to consider why the demons would fight so hard to keep her away from Aaron if he were nothing more than an ordinary boy. Had they known something she had been too blind to see, or had she been too much of a coward to see the truth?
Such a beautiful little fool, Quinn thought to herself. Daisy’s statement to Nick and Jordan in her favorite novel took on a frightening new relevance. Rubbing the ache above her chest, she went back to the entry.
I hope today is the day for a new beginning for us. It’s hard for me to put into words how I feel about you, so I decided to do what I do best and say it with a song. I hope you were surprised by Starlight Memory and all that it expressed. Music and you are the only two things that make me feel centered in this world. I don’t know why I’m drawn to you, but I am. Your smile, your happiness, means everything to me. You inspire me.
Yours always,
Aaron
She couldn’t change the past, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t make it right. She could make this right, listen, believe, stop being afraid. The future wasn’t written yet. She flipped to the next page. The entry was short and not so sweet, the handwriting chaotic, angry.
September 16th
When I reach out with my ability, there’s nothing there. Not a thought, not an emotion, nothing but an endless black void. I can’t feel her in my mind at all anymore.
Marcus had been right. Proof that she and Aaron had some sort of psychic connection. Heat rose in her cheeks, and she gripped the edge of the journal.
I keep asking myself why I even care, why I feel such a weight of responsibility for her, but there is no reason, only this nagging sense of dread in my gut that won’t go away. I can’t help her. She won’t open up to me, and I can’t read her mind, even with the help of my gift, I can’t see anything clearly. So full of secrets that it’s hard not to want to rip them from her. I keep reminding myself that she doesn’t even want my help. She’s thrown the truth of it in my face enough.
Having read enough, Quinn closed the journal and hugged it to her chest as if it might bring them closer together. Proof that Marcus was right about Aaron’s gift couldn’t be denied. Reese would have to believe her now, they would have to help her look for him. Her heart turned upside down, draining all the sorrow and pain she’d been trying to hold back ever since she’d emerged from the river. Tucking both journal and picture in her purse, she sent Marcus a text.
Quinn: Meet me in the school parking lot in five.
Not wanting anyone else to have access to Aaron’s private space, she closed the metal door and replaced the lock. The shackle clicked into place and Quinn started for the nearest side exit before anyone else noticed her.