CAT CLOSED HER eyes when Javi kissed her, his hands warm on her cheeks. His lips were gentle, not at all what she’d expected. But what did she expect?
He pulled back, and she made a soft noise of disappointment. His thumbs stroked the skin underneath her eyes.
“Hey,” he whispered.
She opened her eyes. His were troubled and staring into hers. Maybe he didn’t think this was such a great idea. Maybe it wasn’t.
She released a long sigh. “If you don’t want—”
“Shh.” He smoothed a tangle of hair away from her forehead. “Oh, I want. You must know I do.”
“But?” she prompted.
He shook his head. “No buts. Definitely no buts.”
He yanked off his T-shirt and spread it on the ground.
She pulled off her own and placed it beside his. Her nipples peaked when the rain-cooled air met her flesh. She was once again nude and exposed to him.
As she lay down on the soft cotton, she heard the sound of a zipper releasing. When she gazed up at Javi, he’d come to his knees and stared down at her with a strange smile. He’d removed his shorts, and his tented briefs revealed all too clearly that he did indeed want her.
Relieved and longing for his warmth, she raised her arm, beckoning him to join her on the floor.
He lay beside her, and raised his hips to slide off his briefs. His erection sprung to life, and she reached out to touch him. He was solid and warm.
He groaned and rolled onto his side, removing himself from her reach. Before she could worry about why, he propped his head on a bent elbow and began caressing her right breast.
“We’re not drunk tonight,” he said. He smoothed his hand over to her left nipple.
She inhaled deeply, pushing herself farther into his touch. “Good thing.”
“But you’re frightened.”
“Not of you,” she said. “Not anymore.”
His gaze shifted to her face. “You were afraid of me?”
She raised her hand to his earring. “My dangerous buccaneer.”
He laughed softly, and slid his hand lower, leaving a trail of sensation across the flesh of her abdomen.
“I need to touch you everywhere,” he said.
She swallowed and nodded. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to fully relish the pleasure his words and hands created.
“You know, I think I was half-afraid of you, too,” he said.
Startled, she opened her eyes. What an outrageous concept. “You were afraid of me?” she whispered.
He nodded. His gaze traveled lower on her anatomy, and his fingers followed in gentle inquiry.
She took a deep breath, finding it hard to focus, yet intensely curious. “Why?”
“You don’t know how beautiful you are, Cat. That’s a dangerous attribute in a woman.”
A quicksilver flush of pleasure warmed her. “I like it when you use my real name,” she murmured.
He leaned down and parted her lips with his, and she forgot whatever they’d been discussing. His tongue probed her mouth while his questing fingers did marvelous things to her insides, dissolving any last boundaries or hesitation.
“Look at me,” he said.
She opened her eyes and met his penetrating gaze. Surely he wouldn’t stop now. He couldn’t.
He rolled on top of her, poised just outside her, ready for entry.
“Javi,” she breathed. She’d beg, if she had to.
“You aren’t going to die tonight,” he promised, his gaze locked with hers. He thrust into her, filling her totally. She closed her eyes again when he began a slow, sensual rhythm, and she lost herself completely.
* * *
JAVI CAME BACK to his senses gradually, becoming aware of Irish beneath him, soft and warm, the harsh quickness of their breath. The grit on the flooring beneath them.
A strange perception of—what was it?—completion. He felt whole for the first time in—well, ever, perhaps.
He gazed down at Cat. Her eyes remained shut. Soft light from the dying fire undulated across her face, casting a gentle shadow of her long eyelashes onto her cheeks. Another new feeling, one of protectiveness, welled up inside of him as he watched her breathing slowly return to normal.
God, she was beautiful. And sweet. Not to mention brave and smart. A perfect match for him. He never thought he’d feel that way about a woman. He was a man who preferred to travel through life solo. Without complications.
He wished he’d met her under any other circumstances.
The disaster that had overtaken them slammed into his consciousness, and he slid away from her, rolling onto his back. She murmured a protest and turned to place her cheek on his chest. She wrapped an arm around him, her distinctive fragrance mingling with the smell of wood smoke.
Staring at the dark ceiling, he stroked her hair and listened for the rain. No drops pounded on the roof. The wind had died, as well. A few charred branches over hot, glowing embers were all that remained of their fire. For a while he’d been oblivious to anything but making slow, sweet love to Cat.
Just another day in paradise.
How much time had passed? Would the pirates have dropped their guard yet, drifted off? For the hundredth time, he wished he’d grabbed his waterproof watch when he’d left Spree.
But he knew he hadn’t fallen asleep, so plenty of time remained in the night to execute his plan. He glanced down to Cat. Her breathing had grown regular. She might have drifted into a deep sleep. He hoped so.
Was it possible for him to steal away so quietly she wouldn’t notice he’d gone? He liked that idea since it would avoid the argument sure to come.
No. She’d awaken and be frightened at his absence. She’d search for him, find him, probably interrupt the op at the worst time—yeah, that sounded like Irish—thus putting herself in danger, which is what he wanted to avoid. At all costs.
Even if that meant making her hate him.
He’d promised her she wouldn’t die. He intended to keep that promise, so she needed to remain behind when he made the assault on Spree. If things went south where he was concerned, at least she’d be safe and rescued within a matter of days by a passing yacht.
But she wouldn’t agree to let him go without her. He needed to come up with a strategy to convince her. One thing for sure, she and her friends were the most stubborn women he’d ever encountered.
He tensed at the thought of Joan and Debbie, restrained and terrified on Spree. Poor kids. He hoped they were still alive.
“What’s wrong?” Cat asked.
“Nothing,” he said. “Go back to sleep.”
She slid her hand down his chest onto his abdomen, then lower. He smiled to himself. Did she have round two in mind?
He sobered as he realized that he’d had unprotected sex for the first time in his life. Not that there’d been any help for it. They’d needed each other too much.
He wasn’t worried about disease, but what if she became pregnant? What if he died in the upcoming op and he’d left her carrying his child? He threw an arm overhead in frustration. What had he done?
“Something is wrong,” she said.
“Are you on the pill?” he asked.
She laughed, a delicate sound, yet one that somehow broke the tension in his gut.
“I think we have more to worry about than birth control,” she said.
He nodded. Right. Of course they did.
“But, yes, I am.” She snuggled closer and said, “You really are a control freak.”
“Thanks for the second opinion, Dr. Sidran.”
She raised her head and smiled at him. He smiled back and brushed a tangle of hair from her eyes.
“Have you always been this way?” she asked as she placed her head on his chest again. “Even as a child?”
The question surprised him. Had he always tried to manage everything on board Ganesh? He continued to stroke her long hair.
“You must have driven your mom and dad nuts. I imagine these carefree people, sailing wherever the wind took them, and yet their son constantly fretted about every little thing.”
“I don’t think I was a total asshole that far back.”
“You’re not a total asshole,” she said, a smile in her voice.
“Gee, thanks.”
“It must have been the FBI training that changed you,” she said.
“No,” he said as the truth hit him. He knew exactly when he’d developed this need to control his environment. Dr. Moon had diagnosed the situation months ago. “It began after my brother was murdered.”
She sucked in a quick, startled breath. Javi exhaled when she did. He’d never spoken those words aloud to anyone but his therapist. Saying them didn’t get any easier.
“Murdered?”
“When he was fifteen years old.”
“How old were you?”
“Thirteen.”
She remained quiet for a few heartbeats. A last log on the fire shifted and fell into the embers, flaming up briefly.
“You blame yourself for some reason, don’t you?”
“He wouldn’t listen to me,” Javi said. “He was my older brother and thought he knew everything.”
“What happened?”
“We were in Belize, the two of us out in our inflatable exploring an island when we stumbled onto what we both knew was a drug drop. There were four men, all of them with guns. I told Roberto we should get the hell away. He thought it was exciting and wanted to watch, called me a wuss.”
He was back on that island now, still smarting from his brother’s taunts. They were crouching on slippery rocks, hiding, waves crashing around their bare feet. Berto slipped, lost his balance, made a noise. A man in a ripped faded yellow T-shirt turned, raised his arm in slow motion and pulled the trigger. As Berto rose from where he’d fallen, the bullet slammed into him, throwing him back into the crystal blue water, blood streaming from his gut. The men laughed, called them stupid kids and told Javi he could go.
“I dragged Berto to the inflatable and got him inside, but he bled out by the time I got him to civilization.”
“Oh, my God,” Cat breathed.
Her soft words jerked Javi backed to the present, off that island of death.
“I’m so sorry,” she said.
“Me, too,” Javi said. “Especially since the murderers were never found and brought to justice.”
“You can’t believe his murder was your fault.”
“Logically, no. But I was there, and I couldn’t stop it.”
“You were a child,” she said. “What could you have done?”
“I should have been able to convince Roberto to leave.”
“Your older brother? I’ll bet he usually told you what to do.”
Javi managed to smile at that. He’d worshipped his brother, would do anything he asked. Like foolishly hiding to watch a drug deal.
“So you became a cop.”
“Eventually. Life aboard Ganesh changed after Roberto died.” Javi combed fingers through his hair, thinking about how everything had gone sideways with only three of them on the boat.
Cat remained silent, listening to Javi breathe, imagining the pain he had suffered after such a cruel twist of fate. No wonder he insisted everyone follow the rules.
“Hell,” he said. “Everything changed.”
“Do your parents still cruise around the world?”
“They stick closer to the US these days. But yeah, they still live aboard Ganesh.”
Cat noted a change in Javi’s tone. “They surely didn’t blame you.”
“They never said so.”
“But you wonder.”
“My mom was never the same after Berto died. Every time she looks at me, I know she’s thinking about what happened.”
“She’s probably thanking God you weren’t killed, too.”
“Maybe.”
Cat hugged Javi as tight as she could manage. “She loves you,” she whispered into his neck.
What a lost little boy he must have been. In her opinion, the mother was more to blame putting her children at risk, in a position to get caught up in a drug deal. She’d never tell Javi that, though. He’d disagree and probably get mad, defend his parents, tell her he loved the way they’d lived.
And she thought she had problems with her parents because they urged her out of her self-imposed shell? No one had an idyllic childhood.
He raised her chin and captured her mouth with his, a deep, lingering connection she wanted to go on forever, a kiss that said thank you for listening and understanding. Life was complicated, but precious. If only she and Javi had more time together.
When he pulled back, he smiled down at her. Placing her cheek against his chest again.
She closed her eyes. She was in danger of falling in love with her sexy buccaneer. How embarrassing. Her feelings would never stand the test of routine day-to-day living. She and Javi needed each other, clung to each other, only because of the frightening situation they were in, revealing long-buried hurts that hadn’t seen the light of day in years. Better therapy than talking to any shrink.
If the pirates hadn’t crashed into her life and taken over Spree, this fling with the captain would have been over after one night. One night? If they hadn’t been cooped up together on a boat, he would never have paid the slightest attention to her.
But he was in her arms right now, and it felt good. Wouldn’t it be awesome to have the luxury of exploring her feelings for him, see if they lasted, grew into something meaningful? Knowing it was foolish, she allowed herself to imagine what it would be like to be Javi’s girlfriend, or maybe even his wife. She’d love to meet the nomadic parents. And how nice it would be to know Javi was coming home to her bed every night.
Unless he didn’t come home.
Hunting bad guys is what he did for a living, and he quite obviously loved every second of the danger. He’d already been shot once that she knew of—and who knew how many other times.
Was she the type of woman who could calmly wait by the front door, knowing he was out on one of his “ops,” in the crosshairs of someone’s gun? She would live with constant fear—fear as bad or worse than what she was experiencing now because she wouldn’t know what he was doing. Fear like that afternoon in the minimart. Fear that had changed her life.
Could she live with that uncertainty every day? She wasn’t that woman. She understood that about herself. She wasn’t strong enough. Or brave enough.
And what did it matter? She was fantasizing about a future that didn’t exist.
“Cat,” Javi said, his voice muffled, but startling her out of her musings.
“Yeah?”
“It’s time to go.”
“Okay.”
The hollow dread flared to life again in her stomach. The daydreams were over. They’d been nightmares, anyway.
He rose, stepped into his briefs and shorts, dropped his T-shirt over his head.
Just like that, their intimacy ended. She reached for her bathing suit, hating the idea of squeezing into it again. “What time is it?”
“Probably around two.”
She felt his eyes on her as she raised her hips and pulled up the tight fabric.
“You don’t have to get dressed,” he said.
“I’m not going naked.”
“You’re not going.”
“What are you talking about?” She sat up, pulling one strap up and then the other.
“I’m talking about you staying here.”
She looked at him. He was serious. She should have known he’d try something like this. The bathing suit squeezed her chest, made it harder to draw air into her lungs. “Forget about it, Captain.”
“There’s no point in both of us swimming out to Spree. It’s a risk you don’t need to take.”
She scrambled to her feet. “I can help.”
“I don’t need any help.”
“The hell you don’t,” she said, untwisting the straps on her shoulders. “I can climb on board Spree and cut the lines while you’re working with the propeller. I weigh less than you, so the boat won’t rock as much in the water.”
His eyes widened. “What? You’re nuts. That’s too dangerous.”
“Holding your breath and diving to remove the prop isn’t?”
“I’ll be underwater. They won’t know I’m there.”
“They will hear you banging around the diesel.”
“I’ll be quiet.”
“So will I.”
He shook his head. “You’re not going.”
“You can’t stop me.”
She glared at him. He glared right back, and she realized he’d planned to go alone all along. Did he really think she’d stay behind and let him go rescue her friends without her? She took a deep breath.
“For your plan to work—which you know I have serious doubts about, anyway—we have to make sure they can’t use the sails.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t argue with me, Cat. You’re staying here.”
“You know I’m right. We don’t know these guys. They might be expert sailors.”
“I doubt that.”
“Joanie knows enough about sailing to move Spree. She’ll figure it out if they threaten to kill her.”
He turned away. “You’ll get in the way if you come.”
She followed him and got in his face. “How would I get in your way, Javi?”
He looked away. “I work better alone.”
“You just think you do. Have you ever had a partner?”
“Damn it, Cat.” He grabbed her shoulders and his gaze bore into hers. “You’ll be a distraction. I’ll worry about you.”
“Don’t you think I’ll worry about you?” She flung her words at him. “If you don’t come back, I’ll never know what happened to you. Or my friends.”
His fingers squeezed into her flesh.
“You’re hurting me, Javi.”
He cursed harshly, and then crushed her to him, taking her breath away.
“If I had a way to restrain you,” he said, “I swear I’d do it.”
“No, you wouldn’t. Because you know I’d never be rescued if you didn’t come back. I’d starve all alone on this island.”
“I will come back for you, Cat.”
She placed her palm against his cheek. “You can’t control everything. I know you want to, but you can’t.”