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Sophia
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When Evan asked me to stay, I felt an odd rush of confidence and agreed before I could overthink my decision. Now that we’re sitting here alone, just the two of us, I’m at a loss for what to say.
Even with my discomfort, I’m still surprised and flattered that Evan wants to keep talking to me after Alex and Sarah leave. I can tell they orchestrated a quick exit so I’d have some alone time with Evan. They’ve been my friends long enough to know that I wouldn’t typically make the first move to flirt with a guy, but they also know the kinds of guys I usually like and Evan is head-to-toe my type.
There seems to be a buzzing in the air between us and I wonder if Evan feels it too. In a brief moment of confidence, I wonder if the attraction is mutual and consider whether he likes me, too.
Then I mentally shake myself back to reality and remember there’s no way a guy as good-looking as him would ever be interested in me. Girls like me don’t get to date guys like Evan.
All these thoughts cross through my mind in a split second, before he asks me, “Do you need a refill?” I shake my head and say, “No, thanks.”
He excuses himself for a moment and walks over to the counter with his empty beer glass. As he’s standing there with his back turned to me, I take the opportunity to check him out. Even though he would never consider dating me, it doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the eye candy while it lasts. I decide to ignore the stab of regret in my chest and enjoy the view.
He doesn’t look as nerdy as most guys I’ve seen in the finance department, even with the tie. His dress pants fit him perfectly and show off his nice rear end. I can tell he’s in good shape by the way the sleeves of his dress shirt are clinging to his biceps. He’s not super tall, but I remember from our time standing next to each other at the whiteboard that he’s at least a few inches taller than me. With my average height, it doesn’t take much.
He turns around and sees me looking at him, so I smile and wait for him to come sit back down. As he walks towards the table, I take a moment to appreciate the contrast between his dark hair and his light blue eyes. He returns my smile as he sits down across from me and puts a basket of chips and salsa on the table in front of me.
“I remembered what you said about snacks and realized you didn’t get anything to eat,” he says.
Touched by the gesture, I say, “Thank you, that was so nice of you. I love chips and salsa.”
I realize it’s probably not a big deal, but none of the guys I’ve ever gone on dates with have done something so considerate for me before. If I’m being honest with myself, it usually feels like they’re just mentally checking boxes in their head, hoping that if they fulfill the very minimum requirements then they’ll end up getting laid.
Evan is different, I decide. He doesn’t look at me like he’s wondering if I’ll be any good in bed. I wonder if that’s a good thing or a bad thing?
While these thoughts run through my brain, I grab a chip and dip it into the salsa before taking a bite. He takes his own chip and does the same. He nods that it tastes good and we chew in silence for a moment. After swallowing the chip, I take a sip of my cranberry vodka, suddenly feeling shy after realizing how intimate this must look to anyone passing by. Here we are, two people sharing a basket of chips at a cozy table in a bar.
I wonder if anyone thinks we’re a couple? The thought crosses my mind right before a twinge of disappointment hits me in the chest. Nope, definitely not, Sophia. You’ve never been in a relationship. No one has ever wanted you to be their girlfriend, so why would this be any different?
Evan must detect the faraway look in my eyes as I consider this, so he jumps into a new topic by asking me, “Did you grow up around here?”
“Kind of,” I answer. “I grew up in a suburb outside of Chicago. It was a pretty small town, so I knew I wanted to get away and go to a school out of state. After I graduated, I wanted to be closer to my mom, so I came back and got the job at Vox.”
He nods understandingly. “Same here. I grew up in Michigan and I felt the same way. Sometimes it’s hard being away from my family, but I knew I needed to get away and start my own life. How did you find Vox?”
I answer him, saying, “Like you mentioned before, I love to read and thought it would be interesting to work for a publishing company. There are a lot of industries where I could use my graphic design skills, but I knew I wanted to do something that was interesting to me. And it didn’t hurt that they offered me the best salary out of all the interviews I had. I don’t know about you, but I’m just barely making a dent in my student loans and I knew a higher salary would be helpful. Even as it is, I’m still going to be paying loans for the next ten years or longer.”
I’m surprised with myself for bringing up such a personal topic and I hope he doesn’t think I’m rude for talking about money with an almost stranger.
He doesn’t seem bothered though and jumps in to say, “Yeah, I totally get it. I’m in the same situation. I knew it would be cheaper to stay in-state and go to a public school, but I was desperate to get away from my hometown. College was an amazing experience and it was worth every penny. But I know what you mean about student loans. My parents didn’t have enough to help me out much. And then I graduated and I was really on my own. Vox was the first place I interviewed and it just felt right, you know?”
“Yeah, I totally get that,” I reply, feeling myself open up a little more. “I love it. The company feels like home and my co-workers are my family.” I realize how corny this sounds out loud, so I am glad that he’s nodding as if he completely understands what I’m saying.
I decide to take a quick restroom break and excuse myself from the table. As I walk to the bathroom, I realize that the bar is quickly starting to fill up. There’s even a short line outside the ladies’ room and they’ve started playing music on the overhead speakers. It’s funny that I tuned out all of those distractions while I was at the table talking to Evan. We were in our own little world.
While I wait in line for the bathroom, I begin to realize how much I’m enjoying our conversation. I’m a little shocked that I’m opening up so easily with Evan. Generally, I’m more introverted when I first meet someone, almost to the point of being painfully shy. But for some reason, it just feels natural and comfortable talking to him. It’s almost like I’ve known him a lot longer than just today.
I catch a glimpse of myself in the restroom mirrors and see how flushed my face is. I’ve only had the one cocktail, so I know the coloring is not from drinking too much. I smile to myself as a stall opens up and I step inside.
Maybe there is a little hope of something happening with Evan. He did make it a point to stay behind and talk to me one-on-one, I think, so that’s got to mean something. And he is really hot, gotta give him credit for that!
Almost as if they read my thoughts, I hear two women talking at the sinks as they wash their hands.
“Holy crap, did you see that hot guy wearing the suit?” one woman asks.
The other one replies, “Dibs! I totally call dibs on him. He is all mine!”
They both laugh, and then one of them says, “But he was sitting at the table with a girl. Maybe they’re in a relationship.”
“I doubt it,” her friend says. “She looks way too plain for him. There’s no way he’d lower his standards that much.”
“Becky!” her friend admonishes her, “You can’t just say that about someone. Maybe she’s nice.”
With a vicious laugh, Becky says, “There’s no way he’s dating her for her personality. Guys like that are always just looking for some ass.”
Loud music fills the bathroom as the door opens and I hear their voices fade away as they walk back out into the bar. My hands are shaking as I open the stall door and walk over to the sinks. I look myself in the eye as I wash my hands.
They’re right, I realize. There’s no way Evan is interested in me. I’m so dumb. He must just want to talk about work. I’m a means to an end for him, that’s it. Disappointment and shame wash through me and my eyes prickle as I almost start crying.
I shake my head, trying to clear the swirling thoughts from my brain and not let myself get too emotional. I remind myself that this is nothing new. Evan is just one more guy who is out of my league.
I dry off my hands and open the restroom door, bracing myself to return to the table and not make an idiot out of myself.