Chanel stood on her lawn, which was littered with leaves of orange and yellow from one of the large trees in her backyard, rubbing her arms and watching a couple of rabbits race across the expanse. She was dressed in a thick cream sweater, jeans and boots that were wet from the morning dew.
A mosquito buzzed by her ear. She swatted it away and wiped her brow, glad she had remembered to apply the Skin So Soft this morning. The little pests seemed to love feasting on her brown skin. Though it was November, the weather was still in the low seventies, which prolonged the mosquito season that usually ended in October or during the first freeze.
While she drank her second cup of coffee, she reflected on her activities over the past seven days. First, she had fixed Cara’s vegetable garden, but she knew the small wire-welded fence she had put in wouldn’t keep the rabbits, deer or Wolf out for long.
Next, she had finished the exterior Christmas decorations, adding a couple of reindeer and another snowman on the lawn. Chanel had ordered a wreath for the front door. Every time she came home and inhaled the pine scent, she had to smile.
And finally, she had cleaned and organized the house—a habit developed from working in the library. She had read about ten novels. Yes, ten. She was a fast reader and enjoyed posting her thoughts about the books on an online review site. Chanel had toyed with the idea of opening a bookstore, but so many independent bookstore owners she knew had ended up closing because of significant loss of income.
Instead, Chanel had decided to volunteer at the library. She glanced at her watch. She had an appointment with the local librarian, Mrs. Nora Madden, in about thirty minutes, so she should have already been on her way.
Lifting her face, she soaked in the morning sun and scanned the open field before her. It was time to till the land to make it yield fruit and profit again.
She sighed and turned her back to the yard before going inside to put her coffee mug in the sink and grab her résumé. She made sure to secure the back door, frowning when it jangled. The locks needed to be switched out.
After deciding to do that after her meeting, Chanel headed into town.
Once she had parked in front of the huge building, Chanel took a moment to admire the large, new library. The automatic doors made a satisfying swoosh as she sauntered inside. There was a staircase to the second floor on her left. In the middle, a door led to an atrium. Chanel could see herself sitting out there, surrounded by greenery and sunlight while she read.
To her right was a children’s nook with a book checkout not too far away. Her brows rose at the self-checkout area. This new library exceeded what she had experienced as a child. Noting that she was ten minutes early for her appointment, Chanel wandered into the children’s alcove. There were books about fall on display, a DVD section, a large reading area with a mix of small and large couches and chairs, and a small play area. A couple of toddlers sat playing with a bead-maze toy, tugging it between them while their mother shushed them. All they did was giggle.
Chanel laughed at their antics. She felt a light tap on her waist and jumped before looking down. It was Gabby.
“What are you doing here?” Gabby asked, holding a couple of picture books in her hand. “I didn’t have school today, so Daddy bought me here so I can look at books.”
“You mean brought, not bought,” Chanel corrected. Stooping to look Gabby in the eyes, she said, “I love coming to the library.” Her heart twisted at the earnest expression on Gabby’s face. Something about this little girl just warmed her insides and made her ache for something more. Something she couldn’t have.
“But this section isn’t for grown-ups.” Gabby’s voice was loud in the otherwise quiet of the room.
“I know, but I love reading stories to the children. And don’t forget to put your inside voice on, okay?”
“Okay,” she said, nodding, her voice solemn.
Ryder approached, wearing a black turtleneck, black jeans and brown boots. “Fancy meeting you here,” he said, eyes twinkling, holding on to the strap of a laptop bag on his shoulder.
“Dad, can I go play with the beads?” Gabby asked, loud enough to draw attention. Chanel bit back a laugh. It was obvious Gabby had already forgotten about using her inside voice.
Gabby stood with her chin in the air, looking up at Ryder with such trust that Chanel had to bite her lower lip to keep from melting and cooing, “Awww.”
“Sure, but keep your voice down. And let me hold those books while you go play.” Ryder patted Gabby on the head, his eyes following when she ran over to play with the toddlers, a grin on his face.
“I came to volunteer, keep myself occupied,” Chanel said once Gabby had squatted to the floor. She curled her fingers around her purse to hide the discomfort she still felt a week after expressing such intimate feelings about her only child and chance at motherhood. Ryder was a stranger, and Cara wouldn’t share personal details of her life with her neighbor—or anyone, for that matter. Since that day, she had avoided Ryder, his dog and especially his daughter.
Not to say she didn’t watch Gabby frolicking in the yard with Wolf. But though her feet itched to go outside and join them, Chanel stayed rooted on the other side of her door.
Hibernating. Hiding.
“Ah... I see.” His eyes widened before he gave a little nod. “Have you decided when you’ll be able to help with Wolf?” His tone was friendly but neutral. Safe.
Ryder had sent her a text to ask about the dog training, but she had told him she needed a few more days to get herself together. Chanel knew she couldn’t stall anymore.
“How about tomorrow?” she asked, her heart thumping in her chest.
“That sounds good.” He pierced her with a gaze. “I read about what happened in the paper, with that computer hacker and how you resigned.”
She lowered her eyes, hating the deception and small-town news. “Yeah, I hate that he’s free because of my mistake.”
He tilted his head. “That’s not the way I see it. Neither does anyone in this town, for that matter. We see you as a hero—or rather, heroine. You’ve got to know that.”
Her head popped up at the compassion and slight awe in his voice. “What do you mean?”
“The only reason Jeremiah Greene escaped is because you stopped to help a pregnant woman in labor. Debbie would’ve lost the baby if it weren’t for you. So cut yourself some slack.”
She stifled a gasp. That was the mistake? Cara was too hard on herself. She hadn’t told Chanel all of that. Chanel vowed to scour the newspapers for more details.
Realizing Ryder anticipated a response, she said, “I guess.”
“No ‘I guess.’” He tucked her under the chin. “You’re one person, and if no one else tells you, you made the right choice.”
Her heart squeezed. “Thanks for saying that.” Her eyes became glassy as she thought of how driven her sister was to solve this case. How filled with guilt. It was nice to know the people of Hawk’s Landing didn’t share the same perspective.
He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry I made you run off the other day. Or was it last week? The days seem to blur into one another.”
Chanel blinked. “No need to apologize. I was...overwhelmed.” Then she remembered she was playing a role and couldn’t lose character, so she cleared her throat and hardened her tone. “But, as I said before, I’d prefer to leave the past in the past.”
His face reddened. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. It was just that...ah...well, you seemed so...sad.”
Oh, if only he knew it wasn’t just this conversation that made her feel on edge. That was a small part. The greater part was him. She liked his company. Felt more alive than she had in years. But she couldn’t dishonor her husband’s memory. Not when he had died trying to save her.
“I’m good,” she said. Glancing at her watch, Chanel could see it was time for her interview. Tucking her bag under her arm, she said, “If you’ll excuse me, I have to talk with the librarian.” But even as she put distance between them, Ryder and his daughter infiltrated her thoughts more times than she could count.
What some called nosiness Ryder called curiosity, and he had an abundance of that. Curiosity was a necessary trait in his field of work—but not in regular conversation.
If he were thinking, he wouldn’t have brought up the topic of her child, for whom it was obvious Cara still grieved. Key words being if he were thinking. But he hadn’t been. He had been admiring her long lashes splayed across her cheeks like a fan, and her ready smile. And Ryder had caught the tender look she had on her face while observing Gabby.
So that’s why Ryder had asked the question, and also to keep from hugging her, consoling her about a past that time hadn’t eased.
He tapped his chin. He knew a lot about that kind of pain. The damage inflicted by his parents hadn’t lessened. Their betrayal had left a gap, a chasm he had worn like a trusty blanket until he met a love big enough to fill any open space: God’s love. He hadn’t known it at the time, though.
He would have still been carrying that torn, tattered blanket of pain if it weren’t for a random internet search. One night, on impulse, he’d typed “how to overcome past pain” in the search bar. A YouTube video by Pastor Shawn Johnson called “When Past Hurts Still Hurt” popped up. That video was the beginning of him changing his life. If he hadn’t accepted Christ, Ryder knew he wouldn’t have been able to take care of Gabby. He wasn’t sure if Cara was a woman of faith, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t share his faith with her.
He moseyed over to sit on one of the couches and then put his laptop on his thighs to look up the video in his saved files. From his vantage point, he could keep an eye on Gabby while watching out for Cara.
Gabby ran over to him. “I’m hungry, Daddy,” she shouted.
He gestured for her to lower her voice. “We’ll get something to eat in a few minutes.”
“Okay,” she said, her shoulders drooping. “But I’m really, really hungry.”
Quirking his lips, he thought his daughter had never looked cuter, but he repeated, “In a few minutes.” He patted the books and asked if she needed another one. Gabby loved to read and to be read to, so Ryder wanted to encourage that.
She poked out her lips. “I’ll go find another book.” Then she scuttled down a nearby aisle.
Ryder clicked through his bookmarked sites until he found the video. He took out his AirPods, placed them in his ears and pressed Play. Twenty minutes later, after Ryder had fielded Gabby’s questions about when they would eat at least ten more times and checked out her picture books, Cara came out of Mrs. Madden’s office.
Hurrying to his feet, Ryder grabbed his laptop and books, then rushed over to catch her before she exited. Gabby was right next to him.
“You’re still here,” Cara said, eyebrows raised. Her eyes darted back and forth, like she was in a hurry to leave or trying to escape him.
Normally, Ryder would take that as a cue and just let her go, but he wanted to be in her presence, though he wasn’t sure why. He enjoyed being on his own, but he just knew that he liked her energy, her personality, when she shared herself with him.
“Yes, uh, I was waiting for you.” He sounded hesitant, unsure, even to his own ears.
She tilted her head, her eyes narrowed. “Why are you waiting for me?”
Ignoring the frost in her tone, Ryder said, “I wanted to show you something.”
“What is it?”
“Daddy, I’m hungry,” Gabby interjected.
“I know, honey,” he said.
“I’d better let you go,” Cara said, taking a step back. She looked like a deer, shy and ready to run.
Adjusting the items in his hands, Ryder squared his shoulders and gathered his courage. “Why don’t you come to lunch with us?”
Shaking her head and giving Gabby an almost fearful glance, Cara said, “I can’t. I have to check on something at home.”
“Is it something I can help you with?” he asked. “I can grab pizza and meet you at your house. I’m pretty handy.”
“You’re real persistent, aren’t you?” she asked with a little laugh.
“Yes, I can be when I really want something.” His heart hammered. She’d said he was persistent, not pushy. He saw that as a plus. Nevertheless, since he didn’t want to turn her off, he added, “I enjoy your company, and I wanted to share something with you.”
“The lock on the back door is loose. I’ve got to repair it before it gets too late. I won’t be able to sleep tonight if I don’t get it done.”
“I can help you with that,” he said, glad it was something he knew how to do. “I’ll stop by the hardware store and get you a Master Lock.”
Her answering smile brightened her face, and Ryder had to look away to keep from staring. “Tell you what—since you’re getting the lock, I’ll get the pizza.”
“Yay! I love pizza,” Gabby said, twisting this way and that.
“All right, see you in about a half hour.” It wasn’t until he and Gabby were in his vehicle that Ryder realized he had a huge grin on his face. All because of Cara. He frowned and self-corrected. If he was smiling, it was because he was about to eat pizza. Not because he was about to eat with his neighbor. He just loved pizza.
“Are you mad, Daddy?” Gabby asked.
Her question jarred him into action, and he pulled out of the lot. “No, honey. Just thinking about something.” Or rather, thinking about not thinking about someone.
“What? What are you thinking about?”
“Pizza.”
“But why would pizza make you mad?”
Why indeed?