Two days later, Nick found himself walking back to the Psych department, cursing himself for his weakness even as he asked the secretary if Barb was available for another therapy appointment. A time was set for later that evening, and by the time he faced the psych student again she seemed as excited and optimistic as he felt depressed and defeated.
“I knew you’d come back!” Barb announced proudly, twirling a pen between her fingers. “It was a pretty big shock, learning that you’re carrying around disassociative identities, but your dominant mind is too rational to ignore the possibility for help.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Nick sank down on the couch and asked himself again why he had come back, and received the same answer as before—he didn’t have any real alternatives. The nightmares had faded a bit, but he was still wracked with guilt over what he had done, and this tall, somewhat foolish woman seemed his only chance to learn to cope with it. If he didn’t strangle her first.
I suppose I can’t blame her though, he admitted to himself. Finding a fresh case of genuine multiple personalities while still in grad school—it would be like his locating a new strain of Parkinson’s Disease. A hell of a find, and certainly something that one would get excited about. But that didn’t change the fact that it was him she was getting so enthusiastic over, and that it was all due to a misdiagnosis anyway—although, he thought wryly, she’d flip if he told her the truth! How about the psychological makeup of a man who’s just discovered he’s some sort of energy vampire? That’d be one for the record books!
“Is there something amusing, Mr. Gordon?” Barb’s voice, now calm and professional with only a hint of enthusiasm creeping through, broke him out of his reverie.
“Sorry, no—just thinking of something else.” He dropped his grin. “I’m sorry about the way I acted last time.”
“That’s all right.” She sounded sincere. “You get used to people taking out their frustrations on you, in this business. And you had a lot to take out.” She opened her notebook. “Shall we get started?”
“Sure.”
“Good. Now then, when did you first notice . . . Angie’s thoughts in your head?”
“It was,” Nick shut his eyes and reviewed the days that had blurred by so recently, “a little more than a week ago.”
“Hm. You can’t have formed such a distinct personality in that short a time . . .” he held his breath, hoping she would offer a new theory that better fit what had actually happened, “so it must have been developing quietly and been forced out into the open by some sort of trauma.” Damn!
“Tell me, Nick, what happened to you a little more than a week ago? Did you meet anyone new, perhaps—someone who upset you in some way?”
“Well, yes . . .” he hesitated again, and then chided himself for it. Even if she could only help a little that would be something, but he couldn’t expect even that much from her if he withheld information.
“It was the same night I met Daniel.” Daniel, who obviously held the answers he needed. The problem was, Nick had only seen the man that one time, and he didn’t have a last name or an address with which to find him again. He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he almost didn’t hear Barb’s comment.
“Aha!” Her voice carried a sort of quiet triumph, and he looked over at her.
“You know him?”
“Well, no, not him personally, but I know what he represents.” She sounded slightly smug, and that brought a sinking feeling to Nick’s stomach. Sure enough, she continued with, “Obviously, Nick, you have buried homosexual tendencies.”
“What?”
“Yes, and since your dominant personality is strictly heterosexual, you developed an alternate personality that would feel more natural possessing and expressing those feelings. A female personality.” Barb leaned forward in her chair now, her eyes bright with victory.
“This Daniel obviously made a pass at you, and you couldn’t cope with the interest you unexpectedly felt, so you released ‘Angie’ to deal with it.”
Nick climbed to his feet and stared down at her. “This is stupid! I’ve had about all I can take of your crap!”
Barb looked up at him, obviously unfazed by his attack. “The fact that you feel so strongly about this indicates that I’ve hit a nerve, which suggests we’re on the right track. Why don’t you sit back down, Nick, and we’ll talk more about how you met Daniel and how he made you feel?”
But Nick stepped away from her.
“Why don’t you sit here and pretend that you’re me and that you’ve just met Daniel,” he snapped, “and you can let me know how it all turns out? Since I’ve got multiple personalities, there’s no reason why you can’t be one of them. Besides,” he admitted more quietly, “I can’t remember enough about him to serve any purpose, anyway.”
“Perhaps not consciously,” Barb replied as he headed toward the door, “but we can regress you through hypnosis!” She may have said something more, but Nick didn’t hear her as he stormed out of the room and the building. He wondered again why he had thought he could find any help there, while simultaneously wishing he had. Unfortunately the therapist clearly had preconceived notions and solutions, and his problem wouldn’t exactly fit into those neat categories. He was on his own again. Unless he could find Daniel.
The next day was Saturday. Nick took the L down to the lakefront, and then spent the afternoon walking about hoping to catch a glimpse of the elusive older man who had interrogated him and then subdued him so easily. But there were literally hundreds of buildings in that area, and without a better clue as to location he couldn’t possibly hope to find the right one. Especially with so little to go on.
If only I’d seen more of it, Nick fumed. But I woke up already in that room. The most I saw of the outside—or the location—was that one glimpse through the window. Even that might help, if I could just remember it clearly enough!
That reminded him what Barb had said as he was leaving, and Nick gritted his teeth at the mere thought of it. Am I doomed to be in therapy with this woman forever? he wondered as he returned home and reached for the phone and the campus directory beside it. But for once it seemed as if she might provide some genuine help in solving this puzzle, so although his fingers shook slightly Nick dialed the number of the Psych department and left a message for Barb to call him.