The Mother-Son Fun Run started at eight o’clock and was located in a park close to Amanda’s apartment building, so she let Holt know she’d meet him and Robby there. She could barely wait. She hadn’t seen either Dalton yesterday. She’d planned on going over to tutor Robby as usual but Holt had canceled, saying “something came up.” Amanda had always thought that was code for “making something up to get out of plans.” If Holt had said Robby had a dentist appointment or he had a buddy coming over or a terribly tummy ache, she would have believed it.
Something came up. Humph. Something was up was more like it. But why would he want to stop her from coming over? She spent her time with Robby—not Holt. Maybe he’d explain this morning.
When she arrived at the park, the sight of all those mothers and boys in their matching race T-shirts almost took her breath. If Amanda was lucky, one day, she’d have two boys and two girls. But right now, she got to stand in as mom, and the idea gave her a little jolt of joy.
“Amanda!”
She turned to find Robby racing full speed ahead toward her. He slowed down a bit, thank heavens, before wrapping his arms around her. “Morning, partner!” she said, giving him a hug back.
He beamed up at her.
Holt was making his way over, weaving through the crowds, his expression neutral. What was going on with him?
“I’m so excited!” Robby said, taking her attention, for which she was glad. She’d spent way too many hard nights analyzing Holt Dalton, and she had to put a stop to it.
“Me too!” she said, giving Robby a high five. They’d both already picked up their registration packets from the town hall the other day and had their race shirts and bib numbers pinned on. The last three numbers were the same to show they were a pair.
As Holt joined them, Amanda could see he was definitely subdued. Maybe he’d had a run-in with his dad yesterday and that was why he’d canceled. Or a tough afternoon with Robby? Single parenting couldn’t be easy; Amanda had no experience in that, but she wasn’t kidding herself that it would be good times 24/7. In any case, she should stop speculating. Ten years ago, when he’d left her and hadn’t looked back, she’d had no choice but to wonder about what had been going on in his head. Now, he was right here. All she had to do was ask if she wanted honesty about why he’d canceled. And why he seemed so...distant now. Subtle, but she could see it in his face and feel it in the air around them.
“That’s the start line,” Robby said, pointing at the huge banner across the grass. “And on the way back it becomes the finish line.”
Amanda eyed the mile-long loop and hoped she didn’t conk out halfway. She wasn’t a runner and didn’t belong to a gym. Her exercise came from walking around town—which, come to think of it, probably didn’t count as exercise. Hey, at least it was something physical.
As Robby was talking about their matching T-shirts and race bibs, a boy standing nearby turned and stared at him. He looked to be around Robby’s age.
“Why are you here, Robby?” the boy asked, freckles dotting his cheeks.
“Same as you, Ethan!” Robby said, pointing to his blue sneakers. “I’m running.”
Ethan tilted his head. “Yeah, but you don’t have a mom. How can you run in the mother-son race if you don’t have a mom?”
Amanda’s stomach flip-flopped. Kids came out with whatever was on their minds. She glanced at Holt, who stood ramrod straight, his gaze on his son, whose expression had gone from happy and excited to sad and defeated.
“I have a mom,” Robby said, frowning.
“No,” Ethan insisted.
“Yes. She just lives far away.”
The boy scrunched up his face. “That’s weird.”
“You’re weird!” Robby said, and went to push the boy, but Holt clearly knew his son and scooped him up and away before he could.
“What is going on here?” asked a woman who looked a lot like Ethan.
“Robby said I was weird,” the boy said, and stuck out his tongue.
“Mrs. Anderson said kids should mind their own business!” Robby shouted, tears in his eyes.
“Mrs. Anderson isn’t our teacher anymore,” Ethan said, his mother pulling him away.
Amanda shook her head. “Why don’t we wait on the other side of the lineup?”
“Good idea,” Holt said, and they moved a few feet away. Holt looked angry, Robby was about to cry, and Amanda’s heart was breaking for the little guy.
“Is Ethan right?” Robby asked his father, tears falling down his face. “I can’t run the race cuz I don’t really have a mom?”
“Hey,” Holt said, kneeling in front of him. “You saw the race rules—‘mom’ means anyone who feels like a mom. Someone special in your life who’s kind and helps. Do you know someone like that?”
“Amanda’s like that,” Robby said, swiping under his eyes with his forearm.
Holt gently pushed Robby’s bangs out of his eyes. “Right. So there’s no problem with you running the race.”
“There kind of is, Daddy,” Robby said. The tears fell harder and Amanda bit her lip. “Why doesn’t my mom want to live where I live?”
Holt glanced at Amanda, and she could plainly see the pain in his eyes. He looked at his son and put his hands on Robby’s little shoulders. “I wish I understood that myself, Robby. Because you’re the best kid in the world.”
That seemed to make Robby feel better. “But I always get in trouble. Is that why my mom doesn’t come to see me?”
Oh Robby, Amanda thought.
“Robby Dalton, I promise you that you’re a great kid, the very best I know. The reasons your mom lives far away don’t have anything to do with you. That is the truest thing I know.”
Amanda stared at Holt in wonder. She was so moved by his honesty and how he didn’t try to change the subject. He was answering his son’s questions the best way he knew how—questions that didn’t have answers.
Robby was staring at the ground.
“I agree with your dad, Robby. You’re a great kid.”
Robby glanced up at Amanda and a smile broke out on his face.
“The race is gonna start soon,” Holt said. “But if you don’t feel like participating, that’s okay.”
“Do you still want to run with me, Amanda?” Robby asked.
She reached out her hand and he put his little one in hers. “You bet I do. I can’t wait. This will be my very first race. Let’s get to the start line!”
“I hope I’m faster than Ethan.”
Amanda smiled and tapped his nose. “Ooh, I just thought of something. How about after this we go out for a special brunch? My treat.”
Holt was staring at her. Uh-oh. She’d gotten so caught up with Robby that she wasn’t thinking about the fact that Holt didn’t want her in his orbit for some reason. But then his expression softened. “French toast sound good to me.”
“Pancakes,” Robby said. “Chocolate chip ones. And bacon.”
“That’s what I’m having too,” Amanda said.
Robby was smiling and excited again.
“You know, Robby,” Holt said, kneeling down in front of his son again, “I like the way you handled that conversation with Ethan. Except I got the feeling you were about to push him. You might have thought he deserved it because he wasn’t being kind, but pushing someone is wrong. Same with hitting. Right?”
“Yeah. But I did want to push him and hit him. Teachers always say ‘use your words,’ but sometimes I don’t know what to say.”
“I completely understand,” Holt said. “When you feel that way, just walk away. You can find me and we can talk it over, or if you’re at school, you can tell your teacher.”
“’Kay, Daddy.”
“Family hug?” Holt said, holding out his arms.
Robby flung himself at his father, and Amanda realized just how much she wished she could be part of that family hug—and how attached she was to both Daltons.
A whistle blew and then a man’s voice could be heard over a megaphone. “Time to line up, moms and sons!”
“That’s us!” Amanda said, taking Robby’s hand. “Ready?”
The smile on Robby’s face almost made Amanda cry. “Ready!”
Amanda glanced at Holt, but again, he seemed...distant. Something was bothering him. Something that might have been exacerbated by what had just happened.
“See you two at the finish line,” Holt said. “I’ll be cheering you on.”
The whistle blew again and the runners were off. Amanda felt like part of her heart was right beside her and the other part waiting at the finish line.
Holt had been prepared for his son to want to talk about his mother during brunch, but Robby hadn’t brought up Sally Anne once, and now the three of them—Holt, Robby and Amanda—were just about finished with brunch. On one hand, Holt was relieved the subject hadn’t come up; on the other, maybe he himself should have asked Robby outright if he had questions or wanted to talk about his mother. Waiting for cues from Robby had always been the way Holt had handled the topic, but maybe that was wrong. Maybe Holt should ask. He wished he had all the answers, all the right answers—to his own questions and to Robby’s—but he didn’t.
And maybe talking in front of Amanda wouldn’t have been a good idea, anyway, though she seemed comfortable with the conversation in the park. She’d let him handle it, which he appreciated, and when she had joined in, it had been to back him up that Robby was a great kid, which he’d also appreciated.
During brunch, his son had been focused on talking about the run—that he’d finished without stopping, that he passed by that “mean Ethan Snowling” and that it was one of his favorite days of his entire life, maybe only after adopting Bentley and Oliver.
Because he’d had a “mom” for the morning? Because he’d simply had a fun time with his tutor, who he liked very much, his dad cheering them on?
Holt had thought he should distance himself from Amanda, that he should put any notion of a second chance out of his head, but maybe he had it wrong again. As he’d watched the mile-long race, Amanda and Robby running their hearts out, Robby smiling, focused, happy, Amanda so damned beautiful without a shred of makeup, her hair in a ponytail, wearing the bright blue race T-shirt, a thought had hit him. Hard. Their wants and needs were in perfect alignment.
Amanda wanted a child. He wanted a mother for Robby. Maybe the two of them finding what they needed in each other was the answer. Amanda had said she was done with love. And hell, maybe he was too. He didn’t want to be, but after his marriage fiasco and trying to date to find Robby a good mom, he’d backed way off from trying to find a life partner.
They could both get they wanted. What they needed.
He’d just have to show her that she could trust him, that he was the guy she’d always thought he was.
The race had ended in a snap, so he’d had to put his thoughts out of his head so he could drive them all to the café without crashing into a pole. He’d done a good job of focusing on his breakfast companions, but now he was back to wondering. Was it possible—
“Earth to Holt, earth to Holt.”
He started, realizing Amanda was talking to him.
Robby giggled and put down his little glass of orange juice. “Daddy, Amanda was saying your name but you were in another world like people say about me when I’m not paying attention to them. You were probably thinking of something really good, right?”
He smiled—and wanted to reach over and hug his son hard. “Yeah, I was thinking of something good.” He turned to Amanda. “Sorry. What were you saying?”
“Hey, aren’t those your brothers? See—by the painting of the dog with the cowboy hat on?”
Holt looked over and squinted. Huh. Dale and Shep were just getting up from their table. “Yup, you’re right. Hey, Robby. I see your uncles over there. Wanna go say hi?”
Robby leaped up and raced over before Holt could remind him to walk. Luckily, a waitress with a tray of full plates wasn’t anywhere in his path.
Holt tried to put cash on the table but Amanda reminded him this was her idea and her treat, and he relented. When the group met up at the door, Shep and Dale said they were headed to watch a rodeo competition a few towns over and invited Robby, who practically catapulted onto the ceiling in excitement—an opportunity to see Daring Drake. Holt took off Robby’s race bib, and off the boy went with his uncles. Again, Holt was grateful that he’d moved to Bronco so that his son would have a big family who loved spending time with him.
Now he was also grateful he’d moved here because of Amanda.
“Take a walk?” he asked her. He bit his lip, wondering if he should come right out with his idea about them. It was a big deal, though, and something he should think over. He held open the door and out they went into the warm, bright sunshine.
“You’re cutting me out, aren’t you,” she said, a statement, not a question. She stood stock-still, staring at him. “You canceled yesterday and you seemed conflicted this morning—before the conversation with Robby, I mean.”
Since they were smack in the middle of town, he kept seeing people he knew and so did Amanda, so they decided to talk in his truck. Once they were both settled, he said, “I’m going to be honest with what’s on my mind.”
“Good,” she said.
“You said you were done with love and romance, but I kept thinking maybe I could have a second chance here. But then I realized that I don’t deserve it. I was selfish ten years ago—walking away from our relationship to protect myself. Not you, myself. I didn’t want to get found out for the imposter I was.”
She seemed to be taking that in. “Okay, I get that. But that was a decade ago. Now is another story. You’re distancing yourself because...?”
He stared out the windshield, then turned to her. “I was thinking I should because nothing in my life is working out right now, Amanda. Relationships haven’t worked out—from my marriage to the women I’ve dated the past year. I need to focus on Robby—get him more settled before school starts. I need to be more present for him, too, as evidenced by this morning and the conversation before the race about his mother. I need to focus on him. And I need to fix my problems with my dad—somehow.”
“So, canceling a tutoring and babysitting session with me is helping Robby? I’m part of that ‘get him settled’ before school starts.”
“Well, thinking I should back off from you was before I realized the opposite is true.”
She narrowed her eyes. “What are you talking about exactly?”
Just come out with it, he told himself. You don’t risk, you don’t get. That was the damned truth. He looked at her, bracing himself. “I’m just saying let’s give this a real shot, Amanda.”
“Give what a shot—a relationship?”
He nodded. “You want a child. And you adore Robby. I need a wonderful, loving mother for him. Someone I trust. Neither of us is looking for...someone else to give us what we need. So...why not give us a chance?”
She was staring at him as though he’d grown an extra head. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Very. I want to do what’s right and best for Robby. That seems to perfectly align with what you want, Amanda.”
Tears shimmered in her eyes. Oh hell. Did he mess this up?
“What are you thinking?” he asked gently.
“I’m thinking I don’t know. That I just need to go think—alone.”
“I understand.” He didn’t want her to get out of the truck. He just wanted her close.
“So, basically, Holt, you’re asking me out. On a date. I mean, if we’re gonna start something, it’s gotta start with that first date.”
A date. Yes. “We can see how it feels to be together on a date. And that date can be anything you want it to be, Amanda. We can take Bentley for a long walk and just talk and hang out. We can go out to dinner and share a bottle of wine. We can sit on the sofa and watch Marvel movies.”
“You mean rom-coms,” she said, sending him a half smile.
There was hope here. He could tell. “I’ll watch any lovey-dovey movie you want.”
She glanced out the window, then turned to him. “I’m not saying no. Or yes. I need to think about this, Holt.” She took a deep breath. “I’ll take the weekend to think about it. I’ll be over Monday to tutor Robby and babysit. We can talk afterward, okay?”
How would he get through the weekend not knowing if she’d say yes?
“I’m just asking for a chance, Amanda. To show you who I am now.”
She looked at him and he knew by her expression, by her eyes that she was halfway to yes already. She wanted a second chance just like he did, but after how he’d treated her, after getting left at the altar in her wedding dress, she was afraid to try again, afraid to even believe in love. She might say no, that dating—even one date—was out of the question.
“See you Monday,” she said, getting out of the truck.
He wished she was still beside him.