At a few minutes before five o’clock, Amanda pulled up in the drive at Holt’s beautiful cabin. She could see Robby throwing a ball in a large fenced pasture at the side of the house, Bentley racing to get it, his furry tail wagging in the breeze.
Holt threw another ball to Robby, who couldn’t catch it, but the smiling boy didn’t seem to mind one bit. He ran after the orange ball, Bentley trying to get it first, and Robby was laughing so hard he dropped to his knees.
“You’re faster than me, Bentley!” Robby said, giving the dog a rubdown. “I love you so much!”
Bentley put a paw on Robby’s leg, and the boy was up like a shot, throwing the ball, which the dog went chasing after.
“Wow,” Amanda said as she approached the fence, her tote bag with her reading supplies on her shoulder. “I knew Bentley was going to a great home, but to see him running around with a happy little boy, chasing balls, well, it warms my heart.”
Holt nodded. “And they’ll both sleep very well tonight. Not sure about me, though.” His face hardened and he shook his head. “Heard you ran into my dad at a daycare in town.”
Phew, she thought. On the drive over here, she’d hoped his father had already talked to Holt about that. Because if Neal hadn’t, being here and having all that in her head with Holt none the wiser would have made her feel awful.
“Yeah,” she said, wincing. “I asked why he was there and he told me. I had a feeling the conversation between you two would not go well.”
“It didn’t.”
“How many hours does your mom watch Robby?”
“Two. Three to five, Monday through Friday. Just for August. Maybe he’s too much on her, even though she’s never said anything. I can hire a sitter so that there’s more back up. Someone with really good references in handling high-energy kids.”
Amanda bit her lip, working over an idea in her mind. A good idea? Bad idea? You-are-crazy-Amanda idea? She looked at Robby, throwing the ball for Bentley, then trying to race the dog to get it, his laughter a beautiful sound.
“I’m your gal,” she said with a nod, then felt her cheeks burn. “I mean, I’ll take over that time slot if it turns out your mom does need a break. Robby and I can spend an hour on reading and then an hour on playing with Bentley and Oliver. I can give him some really good training tips.”
Holt stared at her, his expression a combination of wonder and surprise. “You’d do that? I’d pay you an amazing rate.”
“Nope,” she said. “I won’t take a penny for helping Robby with reading, and I won’t take a penny for hanging out with him. It’s just three weeks. And to be honest, Holt, I want the experience.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You have plenty of that, though. I’d pay any rate you asked.”
She shook her head. “I don’t mean experience tutoring. That I’ve got.” She looked away, suddenly not wanting to say it—the reason.
He tilted his head and looked at her. Waiting.
She sucked in a breath. “Well, I’ve come to a realization. I want a child. Since that likely won’t happen the traditional way, I’ve been starting to think about adopting as a single mother. I just know I want to be a mother more than anything. And spending some real time with Robby, not in a classroom setting like at school, a couple hours every day will really help me figure things out. Maybe I am meant to adopt an older child.”
Holt was still staring at her, not saying anything, and she could see he had questions that he hadn’t really formed yet. Same here, guy.
“What do you mean that it won’t happen the traditional way?” he asked. “Why not?”
“I told you—I gave up on love and thinking my Mr. Right, the man I’m meant to spend my life with, will come along. I like the idea of adopting an older child who needs a family.”
Still the dark brown eyes were on her intently. He was taking it all in, she realized. Processing.
“You gave up on love because of me,” he finally said, grimacing, his head dropping. “I’m so damned sorry, Amanda. If I could—”
She shook her head. “I kept my more recent past to myself. Two years ago I was engaged to be married and my fiancé left me at the altar. Almost literally. We were in Las Vegas, minutes from our appointment at the wedding chapel.”
He sucked in a breath. “I’m very sorry.”
She shrugged. “Like I said, I’m done with love. Romantic love, I mean. But I do want a child. And you need a sitter and I’d like to do my own firsthand research of sorts by spending lots of time with a child.”
He had that slightly confused look on his face again. The processing.
“Yay, Amanda’s here!” Robby suddenly said, and she turned toward his voice. He was smiling and waving at her, then kneeled beside Bentley. “Bentley, guess what? Amanda’s gonna teach me to read better.”
Amanda managed a smile at Robby and waved. She wasn’t sure she could bear to continue this conversation with Holt, so she was glad it had come to an end.
“Can we continue this conversation after the tutoring session?” he asked. “Or tonight, actually. I’d like to assure us some privacy away from big ears,” he added, upping his chin at Robby.
“Okay,” she said, answering before her brain had time to process the consequences. Privacy. The two of them, alone. At nighttime. Just what had she gotten herself into here?
He held her gaze and nodded, then turned toward his son. “Robby, collect the balls and drop them in the bucket by the gate,” he called over to him. “Then we’ll head in to wash up before you start reading time with Amanda.”
“’Kay, Daddy!” Robby said. “Bentley, come help me. You get that ball and I’ll get this one.” He pointed to the orange ball, and what do you know, the dog picked it up with his mouth and looked at Robby for next steps. Robby gasped. “Daddy, he did what I told him!”
Holt flashed Robby a thumbs-up. “Like Bentley, like Robby?” he whispered to Amanda with a warm, hopeful smile.
Robby ran over to the bucket and dropped the ball and pointed to it, and the dog dropped the ball right inside. The boy covered Bentley with hugs and praise.
“I don’t always make the right choices,” Holt said to Amanda. “But this,” he added, nodding his chin at his son coming out of the gate with Bentley. “I knocked it out of the park.”
“You sure did,” she agreed.
Did I make the right choice by suggesting this little arrangement? she wondered. One minute she was resolving to keep an emotional distance from Holt. Now she’d suggested learning about motherhood by spending a lot of quality time with his son.
Holt glanced over at the gate. “Robby, latch the gate—always, right?” he called.
“Oh, right, Daddy.” The boy turned back and latched the gate, and they all headed into the cabin.
Holt told Robby to wash his hands, and the boy scampered off.
“He and Bentley really are so good together,” Amanda said, needing to keep the subject light right now. “Talk about a bonded pair from the get-go.”
Holt nodded, his dark eyes so focused on her that she had to look away. She was too aware of him. Tall and strong and masculine, Holt Dalton filled a room, and they were in the small front hall where his presence was overwhelming. In a good way. “So where do want to work with him?”
“Normally I’d suggest a kitchen table, but I think Robby and I should work in his room. I want him to be at ease, in his element when he reads. And have a dog and cat around for support.”
Again the smile he sent her could warm the coldest heart. “Sounds good. I like how you really seem Robby-focused instead of just reading-focused. I have such a good feeling about this, Amanda. And if I haven’t said how much I appreciate that you’re here, working with him...”
“It’s my pleasure. Really.” And she meant it.
Robby returned from the bathroom. “I’m ready to get better at reading now.” He held up his washed hands, which smelled faintly of green apples.
“Robby, while you and Amanda are reading together,” Holt said, “I’m going to Grams and Gramp’s house to talk to Gram for a bit. I’ll be back very soon.”
“’Kay, Daddy. Tell them Bentley and Oliver say hi.”
“And what about you?” Holt asked with a smile.
“Of course me too, Daddy!” Robby said, rolling his eyes in an exaggerated way at Amanda.
She laughed. “Let’s go read in your room. Bentley can come too.”
“Later, guys,” Holt said, and headed out the door.
Later, guys. Just like he was leaving for a while and coming back to the house they shared...as husband and wife.
I’m going bonkers, she thought, shaking the wayward thoughts out of her mind as Robby ran upstairs, Bentley on his heels. She’d told herself she could not be having these fantasies about Holt—similar to ones she’d had a long time ago when she really did believe they were headed for marriage and children and forever.
They hadn’t been then, though. And she’d better remember that they weren’t now either. Or she’d have her heart rehanded to her.
Holt walked the half mile to the main house, barely aware of the breeze he’d normally be grateful for on a warm August afternoon. Amanda had been left at the altar? Who the hell would walk away from—
He shook his head at himself. You, idiot. That’s who. He’d been young and stupid ten years ago. Two years ago, if she’d been his, he would have picked her up in his arms and run carrying her to that chapel to say I do.
And now she was planning a life that didn’t include a husband. Which meant he was out before he was entirely even sure he should be counted in.
He wanted something, though. A second chance. A shot. He’d loved Amanda fiercely ten years ago and she was that same beautiful person, inside and out—kind, compassionate, interesting, smart, funny. Except now, the girl who’d been so open was a guarded woman—for good reason.
He’d helped put up those walls and maybe he could try to take them down. If she let him anywhere near her heart again.
He did have the child she wanted and already seemed to adore, but Robby was a package deal with his dad. Holt frowned, kicking at a rock in his path. Usually Holt had to tell women that he was a package deal. Now, the woman he couldn’t stop thinking about had no interest in getting involved with him.
Well, he certainly helped put that plan into motion for her ten years ago, and some jerk cemented it.
And that’s it? he asked himself. You’re just gonna give up that easily? Show her who you are, that you’ve changed, that you wouldn’t hurt her again, that you’d never walk away from her.
He didn’t know how to do that, though. It wasn’t like she’d date him. She’d made that clear. He’d have to show her on the down-low, in the times they were together. Before and after the tutoring sessions. If Holt’s mom was okay with her two hours a day of watching Robby on the weekdays, he could always suggest to Amanda that she simply come work with Robby every day on reading. That way, she’d still get a lot of time with him.
He reached the main house, struck as always by its grandeur. His father sure had hit the jackpot—literally. Holt wasn’t a gambler, and poker and slot machines and the tables had ruined his father a time or two before, but he’d gotten very lucky and now he’d given his wife all this. His parents had gone from having barely anything to their name but a run-down small ranch to absolute wealth on anyone’s terms. Holt tried to see the bright side of that, even if his mother would have been happy with a ranch a quarter of this size, this majestic. Deborah was about family, not money.
Which brought him back to why he’d come. He shook off his thoughts and entered the house, hearing the sound of talk radio coming from down the hall. He followed it to the “Mom-dom.” That was his term for his mother’s sanctuary, a large, sunlit room that was part home office, part library, part crafts room and all Deborah Dalton, down to the apricot-colored walls and watercolor paintings of the Montana wilderness. His mom sat at her desk and was on her computer, an invoice up on the screen, scrolling through an upcoming cattle auction.
“Hi there, Holt,” Deborah said, smiling up at him. “Got my precious grandson with you?”
Now that was what he liked to hear. He certainly wasn’t going to put his mother on the spot—or cause a problem between her and his father. He’d just feel things out and get a sense of how his mother felt. Deborah Dalton was a kind, loving person who tended to put others first. She’d never come out and say that Robby was too much for her, but Holt had always been able to read his mom well. He’d know.
“Actually, Robby’s at the house with Amanda right now. She’s tutoring him in reading starting today. She volunteers at the elementary school and has a lot of experience. And best of all, Robby really likes her.”
“I can understand why. Amanda seems lovely. You really like her too?” his mother added with a sly smile.
“Actually yes,” he admitted. “But I messed up ten years ago, and I doubt she’ll give me another chance. She’s already planning a future without me or even any husband in it.”
His mother raised an eyebrow. “Really? What do you mean?”
He wasn’t so sure he should be talking about Amanda’s personal life this way, but he’d always been able to talk to his mom, and right now he needed some advice. “Between what I did ten years ago and getting left at the altar two year ago, she says she’s done with love and romance. She wants a child, though, and is thinking about adopting an older kid. She even suggested working with Robby every day on his reading and then spending another hour just playing so she can get some ‘mother experience.’ In other words, in three weeks, when Robby goes back to school, I won’t see her anymore.”
“Well, I’ll tell you, Holt. She may have given up on love—or think she has, anyway—but if you have feelings for her, then see what you can do about changing her mind. Minds can be changed. Trust me.”
He glanced at his mom, wondering if she was referring to herself and the rough patches she’d had with his dad.
“I do, absolutely,” he said.
She stood up and came around the desk and held out her arms. “You’re never too old to hug your mama.”
He smiled and let her wrap him in one of her big hugs, the kind Robby loved so much.
“Oh, you know, Holt, I wonder if Amanda’s request to spend two hours a day with Robby might work out timewise. I signed up for an intensive knitting class that meets every weekday from three o’clock to five o’clock for the next two weeks. Usually I watch Robby at that time and figured I’d switch times with your brothers. But maybe Amanda can fill in?”
Could this have worked out any better? “She’d love to, so that’s perfect. Listen, Mom, I want to ask you something and I want your complete honesty. Deal?” Now that she was off the hook, he felt comfortable coming right out with the question.
“Of course,” she said, sitting back down.
“Is Robby too much?” he asked.
“For me? If you’re asking if that’s why I signed up for the knitting class, absolutely not. I adore my grandson and spending these two hours a day with him is a highlight, Holt. Yes, he’s a whirlwind, but he’s a sweetheart—and I’m not saying that because he’s my grandson. Robby has a huge heart and means well. I love that boy to pieces, and there’s no way I’m giving up my summertime with him. I’ll split the difference with his uncles and get my Robby time that way.”
He’d known before he walked in here that this was how his mother felt about his son, but hearing it filled him up.
“Dad thinks he’s too much,” he said quietly. He wanted his father to feel about Robby the way his mother did. Not want to get him out of his hair for the next three weeks.
“Your father thinks just about everything is too much,” Deborah said, her blue eyes twinkling. “The price of feed. The news. The way Shep races his horse. The weather. I could go on.” She shook her head with a smile.
“Thanks, Mom,” he said, getting up, feeling like two heavy rocks had been lifted off his shoulders.
On the way home, it struck him that his mother’s new knitting class sure seemed coincidental. Same time that she watched Robby? For the next two weeks? And it had come up just as he’d brought up Amanda being available? Uh-huh. Sure, Mom.
He had a feeling Deborah Dalton was playing matchmaker. And loved her even more for it.