Madison felt a little numb by the time she rolled into Northampton. She already regretted her rash decision to drive up and meet Erika, but it was done, and she wanted that bracelet back. When she opened the door to Northampton Coffee, Erika was already there in the back, looking at her phone with two cups in front of her. She stood as Madison approached. She seemed genuinely unsure what to do, and Madison felt satisfaction at her indecision.
Madison reached out her hand to forestall a hug. Erika stared for a second before taking it with a half laugh. Madison pointed toward the counter. “I’m going to get something.”
Erika pointed toward the second cup. “I bought you a mocha with caramel syrup.”
She remembered. Of course she remembered. It was her attention to the detail that had earned her Madison’s admiration to begin with. Erika paid attention when it suited her intentions, and right now, Madison suspected that her intentions revolved around her. “Oh, thanks.”
She sat and pulled the cup toward her. Erika settled across from her.
The silence was brief before they started speaking at the same time.
Erika said, “How are you?”
“How long are you going to be in Providence?”
Shaking her head, Erika smiled and said, “For the week. I have a conference at Brown. I’m the keynote speaker. I was planning to come down the weekend before.”
Of course she was. Madison couldn’t resist the urge to needle her. She’d always wanted to get her away for the weekend, but Erika had always said that her wife made it hard to leave. “What does Annelise have to say about that?”
Erika looked at her cup and turned it so the handle faced the opposite direction.
Madison knew that look. She had something to share and wanted a certain outcome but didn’t know how to share it, so she was choosing her words carefully. The sudden return to her life, the weekend away in Providence…had she broken up with her wife?
“Annelise left me.”
Madison suppressed her laugh. Against her better instincts, she had to know. “Why?”
Erika spread her hands. “I fucked up. She was going through our receipts and found a charge that she couldn’t figure out. After all those years with you, and it was a random hookup in Boston that she found out about.”
Jealousy that this nameless woman rated a hotel when she had not made her ask, “Did you even know her name?”
Erika’s face turned indignant. “Of course I knew her name, but it didn’t matter. I think I wanted Annelise to know. After you left, I got careless.”
Madison leaned in, furious that Erika had the gall to bring this up. “Careless? You call poisoning every work option for me in Northampton and Boston careless?”
Erika reached out and tried to hold her hands. Madison pulled them back. “I was hurt. And scared. I shouldn’t have done that to you.”
For so long, she had been desperate for Erika to see her for who she was, but now she didn’t care. She was done with her and didn’t want to hear any more. “Can I have my bracelet?”
She pulled back. “Uh, it’s in my car. I thought we could talk, and I’d go get it.”
Madison leaned back, disgusted but not surprised by Erika’s tactics. “I can’t believe I was ever with you.”
“You don’t mean that.” She reached out again, and Madison recoiled. “What we had was good.”
“For you.” Everything Erika did was quid pro quo. She took care of Madison for as long as it benefited her, and when it stopped, so did their relationship.
“And you, too. You benefited from it.”
“But I never thrived. You held me in place for so long that I forgot I could be anything else.”
Was this what her life was like now? Terrible moments with people she didn’t like? Jen would never do this. Hold a piece of her life for ransom. On the surface, they were mirrors—age, academic backgrounds—but that was where the similarities ended. How could she have missed that so completely? She had become so used to the idea of second best that it had become her default.
She had assumed the worst intentions because that was what she expected. And now she’d pushed Jen into a similar position, hoping she’d fight for her. But Jen was never going to fight for her because she didn’t see her as a possession.
“I’m done here. Let’s go get my bracelet.”
Erika scrambled to her feet and hurried out to the parking lot. Outside in the bitter wind, Madison hunched into her coat, wondering why she’d come all this way. The bracelet had been missing so long, she’d already accepted its loss. But it’d been a flimsy excuse to get away. And as much as she hated to admit it, seeing Erika cleared away any lingering regrets about losing her. Never had she been more thankful for a direction not taken than when Erika dropped that bracelet in her gloved hand and tried to apologize.
Madison pocketed the bracelet and said something she should have a few years ago. “This is the last time we’re going to talk. There’s nothing more between us. I don’t care if you find another heirloom or missing sock or whatever. We’re done. Don’t contact me again.”
She backed out of the parking lot and drove away feeling better than the last time she’d headed toward Providence. Erika had been the reason she’d met Jen, but Jen wasn’t Erika. She knew that now. Too bad it didn’t change anything.