Jen sat at her kitchen island with her laptop open, browsing her donor list. She was on the cusp of securing a six hundred-thousand-dollar gift to Hutchinson’s endowment, the biggest one so far, but well under the million dollars range she worked with at Brown. The Hutchinson’s gift had been a fluke recommendation from a friend of a friend that had required relatively little work on her part. Which was good considering that with Rachel on tour, she’d had no time for anything other than her work and Carter. Once this endowment gift was squared away, she could focus on her project with Madison and whatever else was happening between them.
Two weeks ago, Carter had brought home an envelope addressed to Jen with fifty dollars in it and a simple note thanking her for the help. She didn’t know how to respond, so she’d deposited the money into Carter’s college fund and had sent a quick email letting Madison know she’d gotten it. She’d opened the door to talk, but so far, Madison hadn’t taken her up on it. She didn’t want to let her drift away, and she had work to do with her, so she kept emailing.
“Are we still on for the Iron Pour tonight?” Carter asked as he walked into the kitchen.
“Always. Is that tonight?” Jen glanced at her calendar, and there it was.
His face lit up as he pulled out his phone and sat next to her. “Great. I’ll tell Del that I’ll meet him there.”
She groaned on the inside. That meant one of Del’s parents was going to be there, too. Neither option seemed particularly inviting. Kim would be slightly aloof and socially awkward but not in an endearing way, and Shawn…who knew what Shawn would be. She did not want to face that alone.
The Iron Pour drew a wide range of people from the artist enclaves in Providence. People Jen knew at a distance but no one she could text beforehand. Her mind ran through her list of acquaintances, looking for someone to be her third wheel. Her closest friend there, Wilson Paige, was a master blacksmith and one of the event’s cofounders. He was often busy working the forge or the crowd. She could pull him away with work talk. His money came from one of the founders of the silver industry in Providence, and he often contributed to charitable causes, like the scholarship money he’d put aside for art apprenticeships at Brown.
Madison. Jen could introduce her to Wilson. Madison could also be a charming and attractive buffer for Del’s abrasive parents. This could be the perfect excuse to see her again.
She finished her breakfast and cleared her dishes. She kissed Carter’s head and went upstairs. She checked the time to make sure it wasn’t too early and grabbed her phone to text her only to realize she didn’t have her cell. How did that happen? She felt certain she should have Madison’s cell by now. She texted Kathleen instead. I need Madison’s cell.
She took a shower and came back to her phone and two new texts. The first from Kathleen. Can’t give you her number, but I’ll give her yours. The second from an unknown number. Hey, it’s Madison. Kathleen said you wanted to get in touch.
Do you have plans tonight?
No, what do you have in mind?
She smiled. That was easy. She wished she wasn’t asking her for work purposes. Iron Pour. Carter and I go every year. There are possible donors there I want you to meet. Jen texted her a link and felt her excitement grow at the possibility of her saying yes.
Sounds cool. All three of us?
Jen paused. Was Madison hoping to be alone with her? Fuck, texts were so difficult to interpret. Best to go with the truth. Yes. Hope you don’t mind.
Not at all.
Relieved, Jen texted back, Great. I’ll pick you up at seven. Wear something warm. She facepalmed. “Could I sound any more like someone’s mother?”
Jen spent the morning doing bills and the afternoon in the yard hacking back the English ivy growing up the side of her garage, reliving her cringeworthy warm comment and increasing anticipation of a fun night.
Carter headed over to Isaac’s house across the street and came back close to dinner with Isaac and his father, Eli, in tow. Eli came bearing cookies, a product of his relaxation baking.
Jen stopped pulling ivy long enough to glance up and smile. “Are those what I think they are?”
He hefted the plate. “Chocolate chip.”
Jen tossed the ivy in her mulch bucket. Putting her hands behind her back, she straightened and felt her vertebrae crack. She stripped off her gloves and plucked one from his plate. He had a gift. She could never get hers to be so gooey and crisp without burning them or serving them raw. “Tough week?”
He glanced at his son, who was disappearing into the house with Carter. “No video games!”
Carter looked at Jen, who nodded. She had no problem enforcing Eli’s rules at her own house. They shared similar opinions on screen time.
Eli took a cookie and nodded. “Yeah. One of my clients lost their kids to their abuser.”
Jen winced. She couldn’t imagine doing his kind of work day in and day out without losing hope in humanity. She liked coaxing the better angels out of people through financial gifts. Everyone always felt better in the end. “That’s rough.”
He took another bite. “They have more money and access to the system.” He frowned and then raised his cookie in a toast. “I made cookies.”
Jen tapped hers against his. “Cookies.”
They munched companionably for a bit before Eli said, “Carter invited Isaac to Iron Pour tonight. Are you okay with that?”
Jen nodded. They often shared child care with each other. It’d be easier tonight with Madison along. Carter would have someone his age. “Should be fine.”
He grinned. “Great. Dani and I were thinking of going out to dinner and then stopping by to watch the show.”
“You should.” Jen chatted with him about possible restaurants and about the boys. He left after a few minutes but not without offering to leave the cookies in her kitchen. She wagged a finger at him. “Don’t you dare.”
He chuckled and walked back home. Eli and his family were one of the reasons she’d agreed to a nesting arrangement with Rachel. The neighborhood was just too good to leave.
She finished up and found the boys in Carter’s room, looking through comic books.
“I’m hungry,” Carter announced.
“We’ll get food there. Go pee before we go.” Jen entered her upstairs bathroom and paused at the reflection. “Definitely a shower.” She was showered and dressed in fifteen minutes. A white button-down tucked into dark green jeans and a pair of smart wool socks. She checked herself in the mirror twice before she realized what she was doing, getting ready for a date. Obviously, her not-so-unconscious desires were making their wishes known. She laughed at herself. “It’s not a date. Just two people getting together to raise money with my son and his friend along for the ride.” Shaking off her nerves, she headed downstairs.
“Let’s go.” By the front door, she slipped into her black Blundstone’s and her brown barn coat. She marshaled the boys into coats and boots and led them out the door.
Jen pulled out of their driveway with the kids tucked into the back seat. She zigzagged through the neighborhood and parked in front of Madison’s house.
“Where are we going?” Carter craned his neck and looked around.
“Wait here. I’m picking up a friend.” Jen got out and crossed the street just as Madison opened the door. Her breath caught as she took her in.
Madison wore a deep purple V-neck sweater that showed off her cleavage and formfitting jeans that defined her curves in just the right ways. She held a black leather jacket in her hands. “Is this warm enough?”
“You look great.” Fuck, she looked stunning. Jen moved closer, just stopping herself from touching her. She had a feeling she was going to spend the rest of the evening fighting off that desire. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
Too late now.
* * *
Jen’s appreciative smile made Madison feel like her outfit was the right choice. She’d debated longer than she normally did about what to wear. She wanted to look good when Jen introduced her, but she also wanted to impress Jen. She wasn’t ready to let the pleasant hum of attraction between them die. She still wasn’t sure how she felt about Jen living with her ex. But for the moment, she enjoyed Jen’s attention and pushed her reservations aside.
Madison got in the car. Reaching for her seat belt, she said, “Hi, Carter.” Another dark-haired boy sat next to him. “And you are?”
“That’s Isaac,” Carter answered.
Jen dropped into the driver’s seat and started the car. “Isaac, this is Madison.”
Madison turned back and smiled. She winked. “We’ve met. Carter just told me.”
Jen nodded and held up her phone. “Any requests?”
“‘Another Brick in the Wall,’” Isaac said, wiggling in his seat.
“Again?” Jen laughed and tapped her phone before putting the car in gear.
Madison stared at her. Jen’s guard relaxed around Carter, and she liked this side of her.
Jen flashed her a grin. “Pink Floyd.”
A shrill scream came out of the speakers, followed by a driving drum beat. The singing started, and the boys joined in. Jen sang with them as they shouted the lyrics, ending up in laughter when they started chanting toward the end. She liked car DJ Jen.
Jen adjusted the speakers to the back and switched on another station. An upbeat pop tune blared out the back, and the boys ignored it while they talked to each other.
Madison stopped laughing and shook her head. “That’s so funny. Do they always do that?”
Jen smiled and shrugged. “Sometimes. We do a few songs. That one’s in heavy rotation right now. Ten-year-old angst music.”
“Where’s that from?”
Jen grasped at her chest. “Oh no, please. Don’t make me feel so old. It’s from The Wall.”
Madison didn’t want Jen to think she was some kid, but she also sucked at music. “I’m sure I’ve heard it, but I don’t remember.”
Jen shook her head. “It’s the classic anti-school song.”
Kayla always knew songs. Her dad had played classic rock on Sunday mornings while he made breakfast for Kayla, her, and whoever else was staying over. Next time she saw her, she’d ask if he played Pink Floyd.
The flash of water was all the warning she got before she saw the bridge ahead and gripped the door handle in preparation. The road surface switched just a bit, but the car’s suspension made it a much smoother ride than when she drove over it in her own car. She closed her eyes and held her breath.
Jen put a hand on her knee, and she opened her eyes. Jen squeezed and whispered, “Are you afraid of bridges?”
Comforted by her touch, Madison put a hand on top of hers and nodded. “A little. Can you use both hands please?”
Jen smiled. “Of course. Let me change lanes.” She moved to the left lane and increased their speed.
The bridge wasn’t very long, but Madison took a deep breath when they drove past the power station and onto solid ground.
“Why didn’t you say anything? I could have taken another route.”
Madison shrugged, self-conscious about her fear but putting up a brave front. “I didn’t know where you were going, and you have to cross somewhere. Providence is built around lots of water.”
“But there are less bridge-like crossings.”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to take care of me.” Madison smiled, feeling cared for even as she protested.
“I’m not taking care of you. I’m just…”
Jen had dealt with Travis. Madison didn’t want her to cater to her every whim. And even though she was afraid of bridges, she handled that fear on her own without Jen just fine. She folded her arms. “Jen, seriously, you don’t have to think of everything.”
Jen exhaled. “I’m sorry, it’s a knee-jerk reaction.”
“I’m younger than you but not a kid.”
Jen gave her a sidelong look that raked up and down her body. “Of that, I have no doubt.”
Madison couldn’t tell if she was serious or joking with that look so she smacked her in the shoulder and changed the subject. “What’s your connection to Iron Pour?”
They got off the highway and drove along the river. The area was a mix of greenery and nondescript, single story industrial buildings. Traffic had tapered off.
“One of Rachel’s bandmates dated the original organizers, and we’ve been coming on and off since it started. Rachel played occasionally, and then when Carter was born, we brought him pretty much every year.”
Madison felt a nervous twitch in her stomach. It was the first time Jen had mentioned her ex since Madison had learned about their living arrangement. She wanted to know more, but first, she needed to be sure. “Rachel’s your ex?”
Jen looked at her, confused. “We’ve talked about her.”
“Not by name.” Would she tell her that they still lived together? She was torn between wanting to know and asking herself why it mattered. They weren’t dating.
“Oh.” Jen frowned. “I forget what you know about me. Sorry. Yes, Rachel is my ex.”
“Is she going to be there?” Even if they weren’t dating, she’d rather not run into her.
“Not this year. She’s on tour.” Jen looked at her, then looked away.
She wasn’t telling the whole truth. “What are you not saying?”
Jen glanced in the mirror before she shook her head. “I’ll tell you when we get there.”
“Tell her what?” Carter asked.
Somehow, that didn’t comfort her at all. Even though the music was loud enough to give them the illusion of privacy, they were not alone. Which meant that Jen did not want Carter to know. She swallowed her worry and resolved to get the truth later. She already knew the big one, that Rachel still lived with her, so she hoped that it was just Jen coming clean without the kids listening. Although Carter already knew, so why wait? She didn’t have much time to think about that as they turned into a crowded parking lot and climbed out of the car. Carter and Isaac started to run, and Jen called, “Watch for cars!”
The boys slowed and waited at the curb. They crossed the street with half a dozen people while cars waited to let them pass. Music poured from across the street. They walked through an open chain link fence with metal signs affixed to it. Most of the signs displayed artistic shapes, but three of them spelled out “The Steel Yard.”
Once inside, Carter and Isaac took off. Jen and Madison strolled through the crowd. Food trucks lined the perimeter with a stage at the opposite end. In between sat all manner of metal and steel sculptures. Several people in welding masks were moving around with blowtorches, and sections of the yard were roped off around what looked like a large metal bird. As they moved through the crowd, her smile grew. It looked and felt like an industrial renaissance fair. These were her people. How had she never heard about this event? What else had she missed being away from home?
A shower of sparks erupted from the centerpiece. She tilted her head to the side and stared at the metal structure in surprise. Her mouth dropped open, and she turned toward Jen, clutching her arm. “Is that a dragon?”
Jen smiled and laughed. “Probably. There’s usually some theme and story to go with the massive amounts of molten iron they pour.” She tucked Madison’s hand into her arm.
Jen’s touch—so intimate and familiar—jarred with Madison’s earlier thoughts. And as much as she’d like to pretend this was a date, there was still so little she knew about Jen. She pulled her hand back, reassured by the frown on Jen’s face as she did it. Whatever else was going on, Jen wanted to touch her. “What did you want to tell me?”
Jen sighed and scratched the back of her neck.
She was nervous, and that added to Madison’s anxiety. Surprised by how easy Jen was to read, Madison waited.
“Rachel’s not the ex that’ll be here tonight.”
That was not what she was expecting. “Oh.”
“Carter doesn’t know about her, and I’d like to keep it that way. It was a mistake, but she’s the mother of one of Carter’s friends.”
Madison’s mind reeled with the implications. Jen had dated someone at school, and that someone was a parent, which meant Madison knew or knew of them. Great. She did not sign up for this. In fact, she didn’t sign up for any of it. Jen had been a one-time deal that had bled over into her real life. “Who is she?”
“Shawn Jorgensen.”
She had no idea who that was, but it didn’t give her much comfort. The intersections between her work and personal life were getting too close for comfort. “Thanks for telling me.”
Jen opened her mouth and then shook her head. When she finally spoke, she changed the subject. “We have about an hour before the show. Are you hungry?”
“What about the kids?” Jen’s ease with the whole situation angered her. How could she drop a bomb like that and ask about food?
Jen shrugged. “They’ll materialize when they’re out of money.”
Madison didn’t know what else to do so they wandered up and down the food line, settling on a locavore truck with chimichurri cheesesteak for Madison and a fried chicken sandwich for Jen. Jen led them toward a low stone wall and sat.
Madison took a bite, and they ate in silence. The sun had already set, but the sky was still light. The yard was bounded by several low brick buildings that acted as a windbreak. People were beginning to fill up the open spaces. She tried not to feel trapped, but her instincts were telling her to get out. She’d let Jen introduce her to the donors, but after tonight, she was going to pull back.
Jen finished first and crumbled up her wrapper. “You’re mad, aren’t you? I should have been up front when I asked you.”
Madison stopped eating and took the opening. “Yes, you should have.”
Jen ran a hand through her hair. “I just wanted to see you again, and I thought this would be a good idea. For the project. For us. But obviously, I didn’t think it through…”
Jen kept talking, but Madison stopped listening. Jen babbled when she was nervous. Madison made her nervous. And like their first night together, Madison took courage in it, but now it also gave her hope.
“Why didn’t you tell me Rachel lives with you?”
“Rachel?” Jen laughed, a long, hearty laugh.
Madison stared at her, unsure what to do or say. Nothing was funny about this fact. “What?”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. She doesn’t live with me exactly. We share the house but not at the same time. We’re nesting.” Jen put the word nest in air quotes and glanced around before she leaned in and whispered, “It’s a living hell.”
Madison had heard the term before. Everything about this woman was so complicated.
“Aw, shit. We’ve been spotted.” Jen nodded at a pair of women Jen’s age walking toward them.”
The pair stopped in front of them, and Madison stood, throwing her trash in a nearby can. The first woman extended her hand. “I’m Shawn.”
“Madison.” Her defenses went up.
Shawn barely touched her before pulling away. “This is my wife, Kim.” Kim nodded and didn’t reach out.
How unpleasant. She was beginning to see firsthand what Jen’s life choices entailed, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to be a part of it.
Shawn wrapped her hand around Kim’s waist and leaned into her. Her eyes never left Madison while she spoke. “I’m so glad I found you in this mess. We ran into Carter and his friend. Delia’s already gone with them.” She paused and cut her eyes at Jen. “Is this her?”
Madison’s senses went on red alert. Shawn knew about her?
“Jen said she was seeing someone.”
Seeing someone? Madison felt a pang of jealousy, then everything became clear when Jen’s arm circled her waist. “Yes, it is.”
What the hell was going on? Jen’s arm tightened around her waist, an almost desperate pull, and suddenly, Madison didn’t care. Jen was asking her to help, and she couldn’t say no. She squeezed Jen’s hand to let her know she was game.
Shawn looked Madison up and down. “How did you meet? Are you a student?”
Do I look like a high school student to you? Madison didn’t take the bait and bit back her first reply.
Jen laughed. “No, we met at a wedding.”
Shawn eyed her with disbelief. “You look familiar. You don’t have kids at the school, do you?”
Madison recognized that look. Many of Erika’s friends had it whenever they talked to her. It said, you’re too young for this. She beamed. Relentless cheerfulness often won them over or tired them out. She didn’t care either way. “Not yet.”
“But I’m sure we’ve met.”
Great. She was fake dating a parent while talking with another parent. “I’m the social worker at Hutchinson’s.”
Shawn’s demeanor soured. “Oh, right.” Her focus shifted to Jen. “You should come in next time you drop Carter off at the house. It’s been so long since we hung out. Well, we should check out the work.”
“Nice meeting you,” Madison called. She’d kill her with kindness if she had to. Only Kim looked back. Madison stared after them until the crowd closed around them, then she moved out of Jen’s arms. “Whoa. What was that about?”
With a groan, Jen rubbed her forehead. “Sorry, I panicked. I didn’t expect her to find us so soon.”
“Instead, you let her think you were dating the school’s social worker.” She should be pissed, but seeing Jen so off her game softened her anger.
“I’m sorry. I ran into her a few weeks ago and told her I was seeing someone. I fucked up. I wasn’t thinking. I’ll go talk to her. Tell her it was a mistake.” She looked so dejected that Madison took pity on her.
“What kind of damage could she do?”
Jen squinted, a hint of her calculating persona coming back. “Minimal. Nothing I couldn’t rein in.”
And if Jen couldn’t, well, Madison had been through that before and had come out the other side. Jen had needed her tonight. Maybe she’d been too hard on her. She wasn’t perfect, and beneath that confident personality was a human being capable of making mistakes with real consequences. Given that detail, she could at least empathize with Jen. “How long did it last?”
“A few months. After Rachel and I split up.”
How could Madison share the same sex tree with Shawn?
Jen met her look. “What? It was the end of my marriage, and I was lonely.”
Madison shook her head. “I’m not judging.”
Jen lifted an eyebrow as if to say, “Really?”
“Not exactly. I’m just trying to figure out what you saw in her.” And what she saw in Madison, but there was no way she was asking that question now.
“She wasn’t always so brittle.” Jen opened her mouth to say more, but then Carter, Isaac, and Del showed up.
The next half hour was spent getting everyone fed, and then Isaac’s parents arrived. As they all gathered to watch the show, Shawn and Kim came back. Still cool and standoffish, they took up a place on the opposite side with the kids between them. Standing near one of Jen’s exes while they pretended to get along highlighted the differences in their lives. While Madison had run from her problems, Jen had stayed and dealt with them on a daily basis. That took a different kind of courage. A courage she didn’t have but wanted to.
The lights went down, and along the yard, the red glow of the forge mixed with a low hum that started on the sidelines and grew into the pounding beat of drums. The music coursed through Madison, and the swell of excitement built up inside her. The kids started to jump up and down. Isaac’s parents beside her were wrapped in each other’s arms, laughing and smiling, in stark contrast to Shawn and Kim, who stared ahead stone-faced, the very picture of unhappy.
She now understood how Jen could have been with Shawn; her unhappiness was so palpable that Jen would want to fix it. Madison didn’t care if Jen had a past as long as she was here in the present. Jen had already admitted that tonight had been an excuse to see her, and that was what mattered right here, right now.
She reached out and captured Jen’s hand in her own.
Jen turned toward her with a questioning look before interlacing their fingers together and squeezing.
A brass band stepped into the light, and a quartet of trumpets played an accompaniment. Fire dancers emerged, their bright red flames casting shadows across the gathering. Her body swayed with the tempo, and Jen pulled her into her arms. The heat and the sound wrapped around them and held them tight.
A woman spoke across the darkness, invoking ancient rhythms and telling a tale of dragons and knights while molten metal poured across the structures.
Jen leaned in and spoke next to her ear, her breath hot against Madison’s neck. “Pretty fucking cool, right?”
Still riding the high of the fiery display, she turned, inches away from Jen’s face. She caught her scent amid the food and molten metal smells. “Yes.”
In front of her, brass and bass crashed together, and a wave of heat erupted as the dragon burst into flames. But she barely noticed, her eyes locked on Jen. Jen’s hand moved up her back, and the crowd roared around them.
The kids jostled into them, and Jen lost her grip. Madison stumbled, and someone steadied her. The show was over, and the crowd was pushing in on all sides.
Madison wanted to pull her back in, but the moment was gone.
Carter announced, “I’m thirsty.”
And Madison looked at him and then over at his mother. Thirsty? Yeah, she was definitely thirsty.