I cradled a new hope inside me as I sought out Res. Auma and Elkona would support me in a second bid to form the alliance. Kiva had been right—this wasn’t over yet.
I reached along the bond. It thrummed back reassuringly, leading me back to the pavilion and down toward the plateau Res and I had trained on. I expected Kiva but found a different familiar voice.
A spark of fury cut through my rising mood. I paused just around the bend of the path, pressing into the shadow of the hill.
“It’s frightening when things are outside your control,” Estrel said softly to Res. Between the strands of long grass reaching down from the hill, I could just make out the curve of the crow’s feathers beside the scarred flesh of Estrel’s arm. “My life has felt out of my control for months.”
My nails dug into my palms. Out of her control? She’d chosen to leave Rhodaire. Chosen to leave me.
“Fear can do that to you.” Estrel’s voice was heavy. I opened my eyes. “I was afraid that when she saw me, she’d think me broken. And I was. I was supposed to be her strength. To be anything less in a time like that would have only hurt her more.”
I imagined the days I’d spent curled beneath my covers. What would I have done if I’d known Estrel was just as shattered, just as ruined? Seeing her the other night had nearly destroyed me. Would it have been the last weight that dragged me down beneath the depths?
Res let out a soft coo and nudged Estrel’s shoulder with the side of his beak.
“I know. I didn’t want to hurt her either. But I was wrong to leave and wrong to think she couldn’t handle it. We have to trust her to take care of herself. We owe her at least that.”
I swallowed against the warring emotions gathering in my throat. The pain that fueled my anger refused to fade, but Estrel’s voice, so full of guilt and longing, was familiar to me.
Res turned his head, peering at me through the foliage. Of course he knew that I was here. He felt me like I felt him. I felt the pulse of doubt, much weaker than before, and I felt it fade as I stepped out onto the path, meeting his gaze unwaveringly.
Estrel turned with him, her eyes widening a fraction. She stood, her hand on Res’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Little Peep,” she said, and I gritted my teeth at the nickname.
“Did you even care?” My voice broke. “Did you even think about me? About Rhodaire?”
“Every day.” She stepped closer with the hesitance of a flighty crow. “I—” She squeezed her eyes shut as if fighting back things she didn’t want me to see. Res nudged her arm, and she opened her eyes, peering down at him. She seemed to draw strength from him, her back straightening as she forced out a breath. “I couldn’t save her, Thia. I tried. I tried, and I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t do anything. And afterward—” She lifted her hands, baring the scars that twisted along her skin. “I couldn’t face you. I couldn’t fail you too.”
Every word she spoke wriggled beneath my skin, pooling cold and sharp in my stomach. She wasn’t the only one who’d hidden herself away. The only one who couldn’t face what remained of the world she’d loved.
“I’m sorry, Little Peep,” she whispered again, bowing her head.
“It isn’t your fault.” The words came out surprisingly steady.
Estrel lifted her gaze, a tentativeness in it I’d never seen before. It made my chest ache, made my heart beat with a fierce, protective fury.
“Feeling that way wasn’t your choice.” Just like it hadn’t been mine or anyone else’s who struggled with depression. You couldn’t just snap yourself out of it any more than you could mend a broken bone. It was a wound as real as the scars along her skin, and for those, I would make Razel pay. For so many things, I would make her pay.
“It doesn’t make you weak or broken or anything less than,” I said. “I’m just sorry it took me so long to tell you that.”
I closed the distance between us, throwing my arms about Estrel’s neck. She clasped me to her, the familiar strength of her embrace breaking down every wall I’d built, every ounce of pain I’d gathered inside myself, and washing them away.
“I’m just so glad you’re here,” I said softly.
“Me too,” she said. “Me too.”
A new kind of heat rose inside me, chasing away the last wisps of anger and betrayal.
This was the heat of mending. The heat of reforging.
Because this was real. This was happening. I had hatched a crow, I had helped it discover its powers, and I had brought it to the heart of this alliance, to the person who was always meant to be by my side.
“We’ll make a formal request for a second meeting in the morning,” Estrel said when I finished telling her about Elkona and Auma. “And I promise this time, I’ll be there for you.”
For the rest of the afternoon, Estrel helped me train with Res. She corrected his form, gave him pointers on techniques to try, and even reminded him that in addition to wings, he had this wonderful thing called a tail that was quite effective at providing direction.
There was a moment, as the sunlight glinted off the backs of his dark feathers, the sheer breadth and strength of his wings stealing my breath, where I felt outside myself. Like a spectator in someone else’s dream. Except this was my dream. One I’d worked toward for a lifetime.
At last, I stood beside Estrel, training a crow I called my own.
I only wished Iyla were there to snap Res into shape each time he started to beg for a snack.
He appeared before us, claws outstretched, wings thrown back like a tapestry caught in the wind. He was no less majestic, no less artful in the way he landed. As he tucked his wings in tight, a flurry of adrenaline-laced excitement skittering down the bond, I grinned.
“You’re perfect,” I told him.
“What do you say to giving a little magic a try?” Estrel asked him. A flicker of unease crept down the cord, and Res shifted uncomfortably, digging his talons into the dirt. “I know. But with training, you’ll learn to control it, and your fear.” She reached out a hand, hesitating. Then she laid it on Res’s beak. “Trust her,” she said softly.
I laid my hand atop hers.
Res leaned into our touch, still for a single, peaceful moment. Then he stepped back, and the pulse of power rose beneath our hands. Energy roared to life around the bond as his wings lifted. The clear sky grew thick with mist that coalesced into heavy clouds, and the wind swept up to pull at my clothes and hair. Lightning crackled, splitting the sky with echoing booms of thunder.
Beside me, Estrel laughed. She spread her arms as the rain began to fall. I joined her, turning my face to the churning sky, relishing the rush of power undulating between Res and me and the feel of each cold, shocking droplet like a call to life.
Res released a piercing caw. A voice rose above the wind, and then another. A crowd had begun to gather on the edge of the plateau above. They pointed at Res and gestured up at the sky, leaning close to be heard over the storm.
An idea struck me, and in an instant, I was on Res’s bare back. He moved immediately, knowing what I wanted without me needing to ask. With a stroke of his wings, we were airborne. The storm unfurled around us as we rose.
More people gathered at the plateau’s edge. I saw Caylus and Kiva, Auma and Elkona, Samra and—there. Queen Luhara emerged from one of the nearby corridors, her normally impassive face slack with wonder.
You are a tempest of lightning and thunder. You give me strength, and you will do the same for them.
I leaned close to Res, “Show them what you can do.”
The storm erupted. Wind spiraled around us in a cyclone. The rain fell still, the droplets hanging midair. They turned first to ice, then mist. An inky shadow rose, swirling dark ribbons into the wind before dispersing, only to be replaced by tongues of fire. I could feel Res’s concentration, his struggle for control as he reached out for one power and then the next. But he didn’t falter.
He let the flames go and the shadows settle, let the rain fall and the wind quiet. Then he alighted effortlessly behind the growing crowd beside where Estrel had just arrived.
Queen Luhara stepped forward. “What is the meaning of this?”
“Your Majesty.” I inclined my head. “I intended to submit a formal request in the morning for another meeting to discuss our kingdoms’ alliance, but I never have been very good at political conversation. You were concerned about Res’s abilities; it seemed more fitting to show you.”
Res screeched again, flaring his wings to their full impressive width. Even in the dim light of the storm, they cast a shadow over the gasping crowd.
“The Ambriels are with Rhodaire,” Estrel said with a nod to Samra, who returned it. “As is, recently, Jindae.”
Queen Luhara looked to Elkona and Auma, who bowed their heads.
“I’ve learned from my mother’s mistakes,” I said. “She tried to close Rhodaire to the world, thinking that would keep it safe. But in the end, it only made us weaker. I want to be better than her. I want to do better. Let me show you that I can. Ally with us. Help us defeat Illucia.”
The snap of Res’s energy faded as he let the storm dissipate, his eyes returning to their normal gray as the sky outside thinned, blooming cobalt once more.
In the resounding silence, the air felt alive.
The queen surveyed us with scrutinizing eyes. Then she lifted her head, her strong voice carrying across the courtyard. “Trendell has been a nation at peace for as long as our history remembers. We have striven hard to remain neutral, to be a place of learning and growth, not destruction.”
I stilled.
She inclined her head. “But we recognize that a change is upon the world. If we do not act, we will be acted on. Trendell will ally with Rhodaire.”
* * *
I felt like a cloth someone had wrung dry, every ounce of emotion spent and gone. It left me feeling strangely light, as if a gentle breeze could carry me away. I’d be half-inclined to let it. After the queen had pledged Trendell to the alliance, we’d agreed to meet again the next morning to begin planning our defense. In the meantime, messenger birds were sent to Rhodaire as well as the soldiers waiting in the Ambriels and Jindae. One was even sent to Korovi in a plea for them to reconsider their position.
Then the courtyard emptied, leaving me alone with Kiva, Estrel, Caylus, and Res. I sprawled out in the grass, releasing a breath it felt I’d been holding for a lifetime.
“I can’t believe it worked.” My lips twitched, spreading into a grin. The feeling was infectious, matching smiles filling Estrel’s and Kiva’s faces.
“Well done, Little Peep,” Estrel said, and my heart swelled.