I was pretty groggy when I came round. First thing that happened was I tried to sit up, but hit something, and for a horrible moment I thought I was still trapped underground. Then I realised I was on a lower bunk and I’d thumped my head on the bottom of the one above it. Then I saw a pair of big yellow eyes staring at me, and it was a black cat, sitting at the end of my bed. There was a lot of shouting in the background—a ring of women, all yelling at once, with this little ratty-looking warden in the middle, trying to reason with them.
‘You can’t turn the poor beast out in this!’
‘The rules state—’
‘Bugger the rules! That’s Mrs Everley’s cat, and you’re not throwing it out!’
‘I’m sorry, but animals aren’t—’
‘You lay one finger on that cat, and you’ll have us to deal with!’
I got off the bed and tottered towards them, then tapped one of the women on the shoulder and pointed at the cat. ‘Is that George?’
‘Yes, that’s right. This bastard wants it out.’
‘Mrs Everley’s dead.’
‘Yes love, I know. Here…’ She looked down at my tattered skirt. ‘Were you the one with her?’
‘Yes.’
‘Blimey, dear, you didn’t ought to be standing up, not after that. Come on.’ She led me back to the bunk, helped me lie down, and covered me with a blanket.
‘Have you seen my sister?’
‘Who’s that, then?’
‘Nicholls. Dora Nicholls.’
‘Oh, yes. Down the other end, poor woman. You heard about Joe?’
‘Yes, I know… I told her.’
‘Dreadful business. Dora’s having a lie-down. Best not to disturb her, I think.’
‘Where’s Tommy?’
‘Oh, he’s being looked after, don’t worry.’
‘All her things…’
‘I don’t know, about that, dear, but she’ll be lucky… Looters everywhere. You hear these stories, don’t you? No respect for other people’s property any more, though from what I’ve heard, there wasn’t a whole lot left to pinch.’
‘No, there wasn’t.’
‘She’ll have to go to the Assistance Board, tomorrow. They’ll sort it out.’
‘The cat…it’s expecting—Mrs Everley told me.’
‘I don’t think so, dear, its name’s George.’
‘I know. She said she made a mistake.’
‘It does look a bit big round the middle, come to think of it. All the more reason for it to stay put. I’d lie down again, if I were you. You look done in.’
She went off and got stuck into the argument again, and I closed my eyes. I was exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep. Everything was spinning round inside my head: Joe, and how Dora was going to manage, and the chest with the money, and Mrs Everley and her blasted cat, and how I’d lost my identity card, but I felt too tired and numb to be worried about any of it. Perhaps it was the shock, I don’t know—or that tablet—but I couldn’t seem to get a grip on my thoughts, somehow. It was like being on the outside of my own mind. Then I heard someone say, ‘Rene,’ but it seemed to take a long time between hearing and understanding, sort of like a pebble being dropped into the middle of a pond when you’re standing on the edge and the ripples come out wider and wider until they reach you.
‘Rene.’
When I opened my eyes, there was Harry, sitting on the floor beside the bed. ‘How are you doing?’
‘Oh, Harry, am I glad to see you…’
‘Are you all right? Nothing broken? You should be at the first aid post, you know.’
‘I’m all right, Harry, really. Just a bit…you know. What’s the time?’
He grimaced and glanced at his watch. ‘Half past one. You’d think they’d be asleep by now.’ He gestured at the gaggle of women. ‘Now, come on, have a bit of this.’ He held up a little flask. ‘You look as if you need it.’
‘What is it?’
‘Brandy. Only for emergencies.’
I swallowed some. It felt like fire going down my throat, but certainly helped. ‘Lovely. Thanks, Harry.’ Then I looked at the end of the bed.
‘It’s gone.’
‘What has?’
‘The cat. They were arguing about it. Oh, well.’
Harry looked worried. ‘Have a drop more.’
‘Well, if you’ve got some.’ I held out the cup. ‘But there really was a cat in here. It was Mrs Everley’s. I was in her flat when we were hit. Ground floor. She was worried about it, Harry. She said it was called George and it was expecting and she’d lost it and that’s why she wasn’t in the shelter. Then she said she was sorry she never offered me a cup of tea and then she just died, Harry. Like Joe. That’s my brother-in-law; he’s dead, too… his arm, it was there… I didn’t tell Dora about it, but his arm fell on me, it just—’
‘Come on, don’t upset yourself. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. But I am taking you to the first aid post, as soon as you can move, Rene. You’ve got to let a doctor have a look at you, at least.’
‘I’ll be all right in a minute. Let me just pull myself together…get my legs over the side… Ooooh… Better keep the blanket, for decency’s sake.’
‘A-a-a-untie Re-e-n-e-e!’ Tommy came barrelling across the shelter, bawling his head off, and buried his face in my stomach.
‘There, there, pet, it’s all right, it’s all right…’ I’m stroking his head, thinking what a stupid thing to say, it’s not all right at all, but you’ve got to say something, and kids don’t really understand, do they?
‘Come on, let’s mop you up a bit, shall we? Have you got a handkerchief, Harry? That nice girl did give me one, only I gave it to Dora.’
Harry pulled out his handkerchief, and I gave Tommy’s face a wipe and got him to blow his nose, but the poor little lad was crying and shaking, and I could see it wasn’t doing much good. I said, ‘Come on, you sit up here beside me. You’ve got to be a man now, look after your mum, because she’s very upset over your dad.’
‘What…what are we going to do?’
‘I don’t know, darling, but we’ll sort something out.’
‘Can we come and live with you?’
‘Yes, dear, if you like. This is Mr Nolan. Are you going to say thank you for the handkerchief?’
Tommy looked at Harry, and hiccupped. ‘Th-thank you,’ he whispered.
Harry said, ‘What’s your name, son?’
Another whisper. ‘Tommy.’
‘Well, Tommy, I’m going to take your auntie to the first aid post. She’s had a nasty shock, and I think she needs to see the doctor. Do you want to come with us?’
I said, ‘Wait a minute, what about Dora?’
‘I’ll go and see who’s looking after her, and I’ll tell them he’s coming with us. It’s probably better if she doesn’t have the worry of him, not now.’
So the three of us went off to the first aid post, and Harry got Tommy and me sat down with mugs of tea and said he’d see me later. I did have a fair bit of blood on me—most of it was Joe’s, from his arm, but I couldn’t explain that in front of Tommy, so the nurse insisted on undressing me to check, when all I wanted was to be left alone. You can’t blame them for that, I suppose, but all the same…
We spent the rest of the night dozing on a camp bed, and left when the All-Clear went at seven. We saw Mr Bernstein, my landlord, for a spare key, then went home. I was completely filthy, but far too tired to do anything about it, and poor Tommy was as exhausted as I was, so I got his shoes off and put him on the bed, and then I did the same, and he put his little arm round me and we both went straight off to sleep. We only woke up when Dora came at midday.
She looked stunned, like she didn’t know where she was. She sat on the bed with Tommy and they had a cuddle and a bit of a cry while I made a pot of tea. I told her, ‘You can stay here as long as you want.’
She looked at me over Tommy’s head and said, ‘It’s very kind of you, Rene, but we can’t stay here, not with…well, you know. Mrs Lord, she’s from the next block—ours was evacuated, what was left of it—she’s said we can go there, and she’s got a camp bed so it’ll be easier. I’ve been back to our block, but it’s hopeless. I kept picking things up and throwing them away again. There’s nothing worth keeping. I didn’t even recognise half of it. I was looking for that chest of Joe’s, with the money in, but I don’t suppose we’ll get it back, not now—it’s all the savings that he was keeping for us, all lost…’
I said, ‘Look, Dora, you’d best forget about that money. It’s not going to bring Joe back, is it? Let me take you down to the Assistance Board. They didn’t find my handbag, or not that I know of, so I’ll have to get a new identity card.’ I remembered as I said it that the letter for Tommy had been in my bag, too, and the photo—the only one I had of Vic—and they were well and truly buried. I felt a bit sorry to start with, but after a while I thought, well, maybe it’s for the best, all things considered.
I couldn’t believe it when I looked in the bathroom mirror. For a moment I thought I’d gone white, because you do hear about that sometimes, when people have a shock, but then I realised my hair was one solid great lump of plaster dust. It took me ten minutes just to get out all the pins, and then I had a dreadful tussle brushing it out, and even when I’d finished it looked so terrible that I had to wash it. The hot water ran out halfway through, and the basin looked as if it was full of thick black soup by the time I’d got done.
I had a wash after that, then I dried my hair in front of the fire and felt ever so much better. Dora was sitting in the armchair with Tommy in her lap, and I couldn’t help feeling jealous, even then, that it’s Dora he goes to when he’s upset and not me. It’s daft, but with that sort of thing, you can’t help it, even when you’ve only got yourself to blame in the first place.
The town hall’s right down the bottom of Charing Cross Road, by Trafalgar Square. They’d got a list of people killed or missing stuck up on the door. Joe’s name was on it, and Mrs Everley, with nine or ten others. There was four there with the same surname, which really upset Dora, because they’d been neighbours, a family with twin girls Tommy’s age.
There was a lot of hanging about and waiting, but in the end Dora managed to fill in a war damage claim for the flat and they gave her twelve pounds for food and what have you, to tide her over, and I sorted out my identity card. Dora kept asking me, all the time we were waiting, ‘Do you think they’ll find Joe’s money?’ and I didn’t know what to say. Afterwards she said, ‘I suppose they don’t bother, do they, once they’ve got the people out. I’ll go and have a look again tomorrow… Oh, Rene, I’d rather have him back than any money, but I don’t know how we’re going to manage, I really don’t. All that money he was saving, and now it’s gone, and I don’t know what I’m going to do. He’d have wanted us to have it, wouldn’t he? He was saving it for us.’
I looked at her poor face, all white with grief and shock, and I thought, well, that’s it, Rene my girl, she’s convinced herself she’s lost a good breadwinner, and you’ll have to take his place, for Tommy’s sake. I said, ‘We’ll manage. We’re a family, aren’t we? We’ll stick together.’
‘Oh, Rene, I don’t know what I’d do without you, honestly I don’t.’ And she starts sobbing her heart out, right in the middle of the street, and Tommy’s tugging at her hand, going, ‘Mu-um, Mu-um…’ and his lip’s trembling, and I can see it’s all he can do not to join in, and I’m thinking, I’ve got to look after them, I don’t care what happens or how frightened I am, I’ve just got to pull myself together and look after them…
I said to Dora, ‘You’ll be all right. You’ll get your pension, won’t you? Widow’s pension?’
‘I suppose there’ll be something, but I don’t know, and it’ll take time to sort out, won’t it? At least I’d got my handbag with me, with our ration books and whatnot.’ She’d opened it and she was fishing inside for a hanky, when she suddenly looked up and sniffed and said, ‘Oh, I forgot, there’s this…’ and she held up this little blue thing. It took me a minute to recognise it, but then, well…my heart almost stopped. It was Lily’s blue felt case.
‘Where did you get this?’
‘It’s yours, isn’t it? It was in your hanky.’
‘What hanky?’
‘You gave it to me, remember? In the shelter at Wild Street. When I unfolded it, this thing fell out. Must have got caught up in there. Rene, why are you looking at me like that? It is yours, isn’t it?’
‘I…’
‘’Cos if it isn’t, we can always throw it away. It’s only a cigarette card inside. Robert Taylor.’
‘I know.’
‘Let’s see, let’s see.’ Tommy’s hopping up and down, holding out his hand.
‘Are you sure that’s where it came from? The hanky?’
‘Yes, I told you, it fell out on my lap. Stop looking at me like that, Rene, it’s only a cigarette card, for heaven’s sake.’
‘Let’s see!’
Dora gave the little case to Tommy, who immediately started pulling at it so the card dropped out on the pavement. I said, ‘Oh, don’t do that, dear, give it to your auntie. Look, it’s just a silly old cigarette card.’
‘Oh.’ He lost interest after that, and I put it in my pocket.
‘I don’t understand. When I showed you, you looked like you were going to have a heart attack.’
‘Oh, it’s nothing. Just…I lost it ages ago, and I was a bit surprised, that’s all.’
‘I thought you liked Clark Gable.’
‘Yes, I do, but it’s nice to have a change, isn’t it? Anyway, let’s get you round to that neighbour, shall we?’
We had to walk past the wreckage that was Dora’s flats, and I hurried the two of them along as fast as I could, because it was a forlorn sight. A great big heap of rubble, with a few people scrabbling about on it, and others standing around listlessly, as if they couldn’t believe what had happened, and a couple of kids playing tag. I saw the top of a mangle sticking out, and what looked to be half of a basin, and there was the odd bit of material and broken china here and there, but mostly, it seemed to have turned into one big brown and grey lump. Hard to believe that it had been the same as the other half of the building not twenty-four hours before.
Dora was a bit tearful when I left, but Mrs Lord seemed a good sort, very welcoming and friendly. I told them I’d be back tomorrow to see how they were doing, and went off feeling like I’d got a lump of lead in my stomach, with my heart banging away like there was no tomorrow. Soon as I got back round the corner into Long Acre, I stopped and pulled Lily’s little blue case out of my pocket.
Dora said it had come out of the handkerchief the girl had given me, which didn’t make sense… Why should she have it? There couldn’t be two of them…unless she knew Lily, which wasn’t very likely. I mean, she’d been in the air-raid shelter, and if Lily’d lost it, if it had fallen out of her bag, or…but Lily would have said, because she told me, she always used to kiss Robert Taylor goodnight, and the girl, Lucy, wasn’t a regular. But she couldn’t be…I mean, Jack the Ripper was a man, wasn’t he? So far as we know. No, that’s ridiculous. Women don’t do things like that, and if they did it would be some crazy old maid, or a mannish sort that’s gone a bit funny in the head, not a nice kid like her. I suddenly thought, perhaps someone gave it to her. Father? Brother? She hadn’t said anything about a boyfriend, not as far as I could remember, but I’d seen her in the shelter with that airman, the handsome one. Maybe he wasn’t a boyfriend, just a pal. I couldn’t remember her surname, either. Lucy what? All I knew was, she came from the mobile canteen.
I went over to the post but Harry wasn’t there and no one seemed to know when he’d be back, so I left a message for him, just to say we were doing all right, and then I rushed round to Eileen’s. She was at home, thank God, and by the time I got through telling her, and I’d showed her the cigarette card, she was as puzzled as I was, but she kept saying, ‘It means Ted’s innocent. We’ve got to take it to the police. They’ll have to let him go.’
‘But I don’t know the girl’s name—well, I know it’s Lucy, and I know she was on the canteen, but that’s all.’
‘But they can find out, can’t they?’
‘And I was the only one who knew Lily had this card. Ted didn’t know.’
‘He must have.’
‘No. Lily thought he’d be jealous.’
Eileen thought for a moment, then said, ‘Yes. He could be a bit funny like that. But still, Rene…’
‘It’s only my word, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, but they’d investigate, wouldn’t they? They’d have to.’
We argued for a bit, but in the end we went down to the police station at Tottenham Court Road, and Eileen waited outside while I went in and talked to the sergeant. I wasn’t very happy about that, but as she said, it wouldn’t look good if they found out she used to be Ted’s girl.
I recognised the sergeant immediately—I’ve seen him a good few times over the years—and I think he probably knew me, too, although he didn’t say so, just, ‘What can I do for you, miss?’
So there I am explaining about the cigarette card, and he’s listening, but I can see from his face that he thinks it’s a lot of rubbish, and the more I say, the dafter it sounds.
‘You say this girl gave it to you, miss?’
‘No, she gave me the handkerchief, and it fell out. I’d know it anywhere.’
‘But you don’t know this girl.’
‘No, but I know that her name is Lucy, and—’
‘Did you see the paper today, miss?’
‘No.’
‘Well, if you did, miss, you’d know we weren’t investigating any further. He’s been charged, miss.’
‘What?’
‘Charged. Today. At Bow Street.’
‘So…that’s it, is it?’
‘That’s all I can tell you, miss. Now, if there’s nothing else…’
Well, that was that. Eileen was waiting for me round the corner. ‘Well?’
‘It’s no good. He’s been charged.’
‘When?’
‘Today. Didn’t you get a paper?’
‘No, I never bother with them.’
We bought a paper, and sure enough there it was: Man Charged With West End Murder. ‘It says Ted’s appeared today at Bow Street, charged with the murder of Mrs Lily Franks who was found dead recently in the West End. It says she was suffocated and slashed with a sharp instrument. Doesn’t seem possible, does it?’
‘I’m telling you,’ Eileen said, ‘he didn’t do it!’
‘Well, that’s what it says. It’s hopeless. You did say he’d had a skinful. I mean, perhaps it wasn’t the same as Edie or Annie, perhaps Ted was so drunk he just didn’t know what he was doing, or…oh, I don’t know. Like I said, it’s hopeless.’
‘I don’t believe it.’
‘Well, they must have some evidence, or—’
‘I’m telling you, Ted didn’t do it! There’s another one out there doing the killing, and this lot—’ she jerked her head towards the police station, ‘—want him to get on with it and see us all off. That’d save them a heap of trouble, wouldn’t it?’
‘Come off it, Eileen, they’re only doing their job.’
‘No they bloody well aren’t! If they were, they’d have caught the bastard, wouldn’t they?’
‘Well, there’s not a lot we can do, is there? Come on. I don’t know about you, but I could do with a drink.’
We went across to the Swiss on Old Compton Street and had a couple of Gin and Its, but it didn’t help. Eileen was grumbling on about the police, and I knew she was as scared about going out as I was, only we’d got to the point where it wasn’t worth talking about it. Seeing it like that, in black and white, suffocated and slashed, made me feel really sick. I sat and thought about it for a while, and then I said, ‘Well, as I see it, there’s only one thing we can do.’
‘What’s that?’
‘I suppose we ought to have done it before, but…’
‘What?’
‘Find Lucy. Talk to her.’
‘The girl who helped you? How can we?’
‘Well, there’s this warden I know, and I think he might help us if I ask him right. I know it’s not like the police, but he might be able to find out where the canteen came from. It’s got to be better than us asking, hasn’t it? Then, if we find her, we can ask her how come she’s got Lily’s card. I mean, it might be something or nothing, but at least we’d know, wouldn’t we?’
‘I suppose. It’s got to be better than nothing. This warden, when will you see him?’
‘He usually comes round the shelters, so I’ll have a word then. But right now, I’d better get off home and do myself up.’
‘You’re never going out, Rene?’
‘No choice.’
It wasn’t too lively, which was a blessing, because another big raid would have just about finished me. As it was, I don’t know how I got through it, but by midnight I’d managed to make six pounds. I saw one regular that I took back. He always wants a little scene where he pretends I’ve caught him stealing and goes down on his knees and begs my forgiveness. In some ways it’s money for old rope, because you don’t have to take your clothes off and you can charge the full amount for it, but it does mean you have to do the play-acting, getting angry and the rest of it, so you’ve got to put your mind to it, and it took far longer than it should have done because I was all over the place.
By the time I knocked off and went to collect my things for the shelter, I was too exhausted to think about Harry, or Lucy, or Dora, or anything, except sleep. I tottered round to Soho Square, found a place to sit, and that was the end of that until the All-Clear went at six thirty.
It was lovely to take off my clothes and slip into bed, and as I drifted back to sleep, I remembered how nice and cosy it was, lying there with Tommy’s little arm round me, being able to stroke his hair… I slept until eleven, when Harry knocked on the door. I was a bit embarrassed at being all untidy, but Harry didn’t seem to mind, just said he’d wait on the landing while I got dressed.
When I opened the door, he said, ‘Good. Now then, let’s start again, shall we?’ and he took me in his arms and gave me a kiss. It was just as nice as the first time, especially when he stroked my hair and said, ‘You don’t know how glad I was to see you in that shelter, Rene. I really thought…well, I thought…that was it.’
I laughed and said, ‘You don’t need to worry about me, I’m as tough as old boots.’
‘Well, it’s lovely to see you anyway. Let’s do that again, shall we?’
So we had another kiss, and when we came apart he said, ‘I’m getting very fond of you, you stubborn old thing.’
‘Less of the old, if you don’t mind. I’m very fond of you, too.’ I took his hand and led him over to the armchair. ‘Now then, you sit down here while I make us a pot of tea, and then there’s something I’ve got to tell you.’
When I brought the tray through, Harry said, ‘They gave me your note at the post, but before you say anything—if you won’t take my money, at least let me give you these.’ And he held up a packet of Players.
‘Harry! You are a dear. I was getting desperate. But you can’t give me all these; what are you going to do?’
He waved a finger at me and shook his head.
‘You’ve got a contact, haven’t you?’
‘Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies. Perks of the job, you might say.’
‘Fair enough. I won’t pry. But you’ve got to have one, at least.’ I lit two and passed one over, and then I got stuck into the story about Lucy and the handkerchief and Lily’s cigarette card in the blue case and getting the bum’s rush from the copper at Tottenham Court Road.
Harry thought for a moment and said, ‘I spoke to that girl—the one who helped you. Lucy, her name was, I remember that, but… Armstrong? No, that’s not right. It’ll come to me in a minute.’
‘I wondered if you’d be able to find out where she came from. Which centre, I mean.’
‘I don’t see why not. I can ask, anyway. But it’s all a bit complicated—nobody knows what anyone else is doing, most of the time… Armitage. That’s it! Lucy Armitage.’
‘It sounds right.’
‘I’m sure it is. I’ve met her before, you know. In Soho. She was meeting her young man. RAF, if I remember rightly.’
‘Yes, he was. I’ve seen her too, Harry, in the shelter at Soho Square. Only the once, but he was there with her.’
Harry said, ‘Supposing I do find her, what are you going to do, Rene? I agree it couldn’t be her doing this, but if whoever gave her this thing is…who you think he is…it could be dangerous. It could even be him, you know. The boyfriend.’
‘That’s why I need to talk to her. She could be in danger too, couldn’t she?’
‘Well, not necessarily. He might only be interested in…in…’
‘Tarts? Then what’s he doing with her?’
‘I don’t know, but…yes, that’s what I meant.’ Harry looked embarrassed. ‘Rene, I’m sorry. It’s just that there are some queer people out there, and I’m worried about your safety, that’s all. Come here.’ He held out his arms.
‘I warn you, I’m not as light as I look.’
‘I don’t mind. Come on.’ He tapped his knee and I went over and sat on it and we had a cuddle.
‘I’ll be fine, Harry.’
‘Well…’ he stroked my face with the back of his hand. ‘If you only want to talk to her, I suppose it’s all right. It’s possible that Lily might have dropped it, or something, and she just picked it up off the street.’
‘I expect that’s what happened, Harry, but I’ve got to find out, because if it isn’t—’
‘If it isn’t, you will be careful, won’t you? I mean, you won’t do anything without telling me first?’
‘I promise.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes.’ I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. ‘A real promise. Signed, sealed, and delivered.’
‘Good. I’ll see what I can do, then. If I find, out, what do you want to do next?’
‘I could write her a note. Just saying I’d like to return the handkerchief and thank her properly. I won’t mention the cigarette card. I thought I could ask her to come round here. I don’t know. Normally, I’d never…not a girl like that, and she might think it isn’t respectable, but I’ve got to do something, Harry, and she seemed…for one thing, she came crawling down all that way with that tablet for me, when she didn’t have a clue who I was and she could easily have been killed.’
Harry looked a bit doubtful, but in the end he said, ‘I suppose it’s worth a try. But if I do manage to find the centre, I think I ought to take the note. The volunteers aren’t there all the time, and it might be a day or two. Besides…’
‘Besides what?’
‘Well, it’d look better, wouldn’t it? My being a warden. More official.’
‘Yes. Yes, you’re right. And you’re a darling. I’ll write it now, shall I?’
‘In a minute.’ He gave me another kiss, and we cuddled for a bit. I must say, Harry’s the perfect gentleman, he didn’t try to do anything else. I was sitting there enjoying it, when I suddenly realised how easy I could really fall for him, if I let myself, but I can’t let him get any funny ideas about trying to ‘rescue’ me, because it wouldn’t work.
In the end, I said, ‘Come on, let me up, I’ve got to get this letter written, and then I’d better get round to Dora, so I can get that handkerchief back and give it a good wash.’
Harry laughed and said, ‘There’s romance for you,’ but he let me get on with it, then he pocketed the letter and we had a nice farewell on the landing before he went back to the post and I went round to Mrs Lord’s.
Dora was very quiet. I said hello, but she didn’t seem to notice I was there. It would have been better if she’d cried or done something, but she didn’t, just sat there. I sat down next to her and held her hand for a while, and then she said, ‘They’ve told me that Joe’s at the mortuary. They’ve said they’ll tell me when I can have him back.’
I could imagine why it might take time—what that other warden had said about Mr Mitten being like a jigsaw puzzle, it would be the same with Joe: some poor person having to put enough bits together to make a complete body. I said, ‘I suppose they’ve got a lot to do, but I’m sure you’ll get him back soon.’ Just so long as she doesn’t want to see him, I thought.
She gave me back Lucy’s handkerchief, and I gave her some bits I’d bought the day before—chocolate for Tommy, and a tin of cocoa and a few other things. She didn’t thank me, just sat there turning them over and over in her hands. Mrs Lord came out onto the landing with me afterwards, and said, ‘I’m that worried about her. She won’t eat, just keeps going back to the…you know…’ she jerked her thumb in the direction of where Dora’s flat had been. ‘She keeps talking about money, too, saying Joe had a pile of it hidden in the flat and she’s got to find it. Look at this.’ They’ve got this sink on the landing that they share with the others, and she pulled a basket out from underneath it, full of broken china and scraps of material and whatnot. ‘She brings it back. It’s all rubbish, but she won’t let me throw it away. I keep telling her there’s no money there, but she seems to think it’s valuable. She keeps coming out to check it’s where she left it.’
‘Oh, dear. I suppose it’s the shock. How’s Tommy?’
‘Out playing. He seems fine, but you never know with kiddies, do you?’
‘No. But I’m ever so grateful, Mrs Lord, you looking after them like this.’
She shrugged and said, ‘Well, you do what you can…’
‘You are good. I’ve left a few bits and pieces with Dora, and I’ll be back round tomorrow—if you don’t mind, that is.’
‘’Course not, dear. You’re very welcome.’
It was queer how I felt after that. Thinking of Joe in the mortuary made me angry, the idea that human beings can do that to each other, but then Mrs Lord being so kind made me think there is good in the world, after all. But I suppose wars bring out the best as well as the worst in people, don’t they?
What with worrying over Dora, and fretting about whether Harry’d be able to find Lucy Armitage, I’d got myself into quite a state, so this afternoon I thought I’d go to the pictures to see if I could take my mind off it all. There was a comedy at the Tivoli, with Arthur Askey, and I thought that might cheer me up a bit, but the minute I got inside the actual cinema, and it was dark and all I could see was the beam from the usherette’s torch, I just froze. It was like being buried all over again. I kept telling myself, just go in and sit down, you’ll be fine, but I couldn’t. No matter what I did, I couldn’t make myself walk into the dark.
In the end I went home and gave Lucy’s handkerchief a good old boil up on the stove, then I got dressed up for work. Just as I was going out, I remembered Lily’s little blue felt envelope was in my pocket, and put it on the mantelpiece for safekeeping. Harry told me he’ll come round the shelter tonight and tell me how he’d got on with tracking Lucy down, so all I can do now is wait.