Chapter Fifteen
IT was past midnight when Julia arrived at the hospital. The hallways were all but deserted. She was glad for that. Taking a quick stop in the restroom, what she saw in the mirror led her to believe that the first doctor she passed in the corridor would want to treat her. Frank had definitely done a number on her right ear Half the lower lobe was missing, and what was left looked none too pretty. Both her eyes were purple. A bruise the size of a baseball was poking out from the center of her forehead, and her hair looked as if it had been dipped in a can of red paint.
When I walk into intensive care, I’ll tell them I belong there. That I just got up to go to the bathroom and got lost for a couple of days.
Julia wished she could at least find a bandage for her ear. She could hide the mess beneath her hair, but the strands kept brushing against the torn tissue, making her feel nauseated. In fact, before Julia left the restroom, she vomited. There was too much ugliness in her head. The kid’s knee exploding. Jim’s white jacket turning to red. Frank’s bitter sneer. Yet those things weren’t the only source of her nausea. Bent over the toilet bowl, the contents of her stomach already gone, Julia realized that she was no better than Frank, that she was worse in a way. She had wonderful gifts and all she had managed to use them for was to bring other people pain.
“What would your mother say?”
Her mother wouldn’t have said anything. She wouldn’t have complained. She would just have done what she thought was right, and let God worry about the consequences.
“People are responsible for their actions, but not the fruits of their actions. Always do what you think is right, but don’t worry if good does not always come from what you do.”
Kneeling on the floor beside the toilet, Julia lowered her head and prayed. She prayed for the courage to do what she knew she should have done from the beginning, since the first shot had been fired, but she didn’t have her mother’s courage. She also prayed that she wouldn’t die doing this thing.
Finally Julia stood and left the cubicle. She washed her face in the sink. She needed a plan. She couldn’t just waltz into intensive care, no matter how beat up she looked. It was late, but there would still be at least one nurse on duty, and she needed to be alone with Scott.
Julia had only stepped out of the bathroom when she spotted Sally Hanlon. She recognized the waitress, of course, from the football game, when the woman had slugged Scott with her bag. Scott had told her a bit about Sally. But the woman didn’t recognize Julia. Sally had a cake box in hand, and she didn’t even pause as she passed Julia in the hall. Julia suspected Sally was there to visit Scott, the late hour notwithstanding. Sally was heading in the direction of intensive care.
“Hi,” Julia said.
Sally stopped. “What happened to you, dearie?”
“I got mugged.”
“Oh, you poor thing! Have you seen a doctor yet?”
“No. I’ll see one soon. You’re here to see Scott, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I am,” Sally said. “Are you a friend of Scott’s?”
“Yes. I saw you at the game with him.”
“Really?” Sally paused. “How old are you?”
“Seventeen.”
Sally sighed. “You’re the youngest one yet. Do you know Randy Classick?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that jerk was supposed to be at my house hours ago, but he never showed. Do you know where he is?”
“The last time I saw him, he was at the liquor store on Barnes, by the lake.”
Sally was disgusted. “Getting himself something to get drunk on, I bet.”
“No. He was trying to put out a fire.”
“Come again, honey?”
“Never mind.” Julia glanced at Sally’s cake box. “Did Randy tell you that Scott was in the hospital?”
“Yeah. When Randy didn’t come over, I thought I’d mosey on down and visit with Scott. I brought him a chocolate cake from the diner.” Sally glanced at her watch. “But I suppose it might be kind of late for socializing.”
“Did Randy tell you what’s wrong with Scott?”
Sally wasn’t as dull as she appeared. She looked up sharply, concern in her heavily painted eyes. “No. He just said Scott was sick. What’s wrong with him?”
“He’s been shot in the head. He’s in a coma right now. The doctors say he’s going to die.”
Sally paled and put her hand to her mouth. “Oh Lord, the poor child! Randy didn’t tell me none of this. Can’t we do something for him?”
Julia took a step closer to the woman. She spoke seriously. “I can. But I have to be alone with him. I need your help.”
Sally was confused. “What are you going to do?”
For a moment, Julia wished she had her aunt’s power to influence people by the power of her eyes and voice alone. It sure would have come in handy right then. On the other hand, her own cleverness and Sally’s good nature might serve just as well. Along with a good dose of the truth.
“Do you believe that there’s healing power in love?” Julia asked sincerely.
Sally nodded. “I know that when I have a man in my life who loves me, I never catch a cold or the flu. Is that what you mean, child?”
“Yes. Scott’s one of my oldest friends. We’ve known each other since we were kids. But there are things I’ve never told him—personal things. I want to tell him those things now. I believe that, even though he’s in a coma, he’ll be able to hear me, and that these things will help him. Does that make sense?”
Sally looked her over slowly. “You love him a lot, don’t ya?”
“I sure do.”
Sally nodded. “Scott’s a good kid. I could see that from the start, even if he lied to me about his age. How can I help you?”
Julia had driven Amy’s car to the hospital. She hadn’t had time to go for Scott’s when she dashed from the liquor store. But it was Amy’s car that had Scott’s camcorder in it. While Scott had been on the operating table, Amy had removed it from Scott’s car because she was afraid Scott’s parents would see his cheerleader tape. Scott’s mother was very conservative. Julia had noticed the camcorder on the floor of the front seat only a few minutes earlier.
“Could you come to the parking lot with me for a minute?” Julia asked. “I want to show you something.”
“Sure,” Sally said.
The moon was straight overhead now, dyeing the surrounding woods a soft lustrous silver. Julia led Sally to Amy’s car. Julia suspected Amy knew what she was up to and that she was not far behind. Time was of the essence. Julia took out the camcorder and handed it to Sally.
“Do you know how to work one of these?” Julia asked.
Sally studied the instrument. “Don’t you just push this little button here?”
“Yeah, that’s good enough. The red light will come on. You don’t need to worry about focusing. It does it automatically.”
Sally was confused again. “Are we going to be making a movie?”
“Sort of. I told you that I need to be alone with Scott, but there’ll be a nurse on duty. Now, that’s my problem. I need you to get her out of the way. I want you to pretend you’re from a local news station and that you’re doing a special on how hard the county’s nurses work. You’ll take this camcorder and tell the nurse you want to film her in the corridor, outside intensive care. Tell her she’s going to be on TV. Everybody wants to be on TV. She’ll be delighted. Do you understand?”
“What’s a camcorder?” Sally asked.
“That’s what you’re holding in your hand.”
“Oh.”
“You’re going to have to act all bubbly, like a TV personality.”
“Scott told me the night I met him that he thought I could be on TV,” Sally said, getting excited about the scheme.
“You’d be a natural,” Julia remarked. Scott always told women he hoped to make nude videos of that they were star material. “Keep her in the hallway as long as you can.”
“Gotcha.”
“I really appreciate you doing all this for me, Sally.”
“It’s my pleasure. Who mugged you?”
“The person who shot Scott.”
“Really?” Sally’s face darkened. “You should go to the police.”
“The police already have the guy in custody. Look, I was serious about needing as much time as you can get me.
Sally looked up at the moon. “I believe a person should be able to say goodbye to someone the way they want. I’ll take that nurse for coffee if I have to. And who knows, child—maybe your love will bring Scott back to life.”
“Maybe it will,” Julia said.
They went back inside. Julia waited down the hall, while Sally entered the intensive-care ward. Perhaps Sally was ready for prime time after all. Julia could have sworn the woman was in there less than a minute when she emerged with not one but two nurses. Sally quickly diverted them away from the entrance door, chatting all the time about the great work the nurses of Idaho were doing compared to the rest of the country and the high ratings the network expected to get on the program. Julia didn’t mind that Sally had changed her persona from a local to a national reporter. Moving swiftly but silently, Julia slipped into intensive care and made her way to Scott’s cubicle, relieved to find no other personnel on duty.
To the average observer, Scott would have appeared little different from the previous night. His head bandages had been changed and were no longer stained with blood, but otherwise he looked the same—shockingly pale, perfectly motionless, and with enough tubes and wires to qualify him as terminal. Yet to Julia, there was one significant change.
The previous night, when Amy had questioned her about Scott’s condition, Julia had told Amy that his light was weak. She had spoken from direct perception. Julia did not see auras in the sense some of her mother’s relatives did. She did not see elaborate patterns of colors around people from which emotions and secret desires could be divined. But she could see, on occasion, the energy field that surrounded all living things, particularly when she was viewing them in her pond. She had needed no pond last night, however, to see that Scott’s aura had shrunk to a faint blur that didn’t even encompass his head. And now that feeble glow was all but gone. Julia glanced at the EEG screen above his bed. His brainwave activity, depicted by a series of four lines of green light, was practically flat.
“Oh, Scott,” Julia said, wiping away a tear. “You’re never going to get to Tahiti in this condition.”
There were three chairs in the corner of the cubicle, and Julia pulled one close to the bed, near Scott’s head, and sat down. She reminded herself that Sally couldn’t keep the nurses long, but still she hesitated before touching him. She was afraid. The black tidal wave of her earlier attempt to heal him appeared before her inner eye, and with it came the poisonous vapors. Intent upon killing Frank, the smoke inside the burning liquor store had hardly troubled her, but the mere thought of these etheric fumes made her choke. They were connected with death, she knew, in all forms. It was no coincidence that her first vision of the future in the moonlight had also been thick with smoke.
But now, with her resolution to heal Scott, she had to ask herself if she wasn’t once again moving against the currents of what was meant to be. Perhaps she was only compounding her earlier sin—she didn’t know. Yet her mother’s words came back to reassure her. She could only try to do what she felt was right. If God didn’t like it, then at least he would understand. Julia bowed her head and prayed the simplest of all prayers.
Be with me, God. Stay with me.
Then Julia sat up and put her left hand on Scott’s left hand and her right hand on the top of his head. She concentrated on nothing in particular. She was sitting beside her friend, and he was hurt. All she wanted was for him to be well again.
Julia closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
As she exhaled, the breath went out of her body.
Julia slumped forward across Scott’s chest.
Julia was walking in the woods with her mother. The day was bright and warm, and they were looking for herbs. A soft breeze rustled the leaves and played with Julia’s long hair. The birds in the nearby branches were full of song, and her mother sang with them. Julia was happy, yet she knew something about the setting was wrong. She stopped her mother.
“Where are we?” she asked.
Her mother smiled. “Home.”
Julia frowned and surveyed her surroundings. “I don’t recognize any of these trees. Why is that?”
“Because you’ve never come this deep into the woods before. Don’t you remember the way we came?” Her mother indicated a path behind them.
Julia shook her head. “I don’t remember.”
“Tell me what you do remember,” her mother said gently.
Julia rubbed her head. “My head feels funny.”
“Why does it feel funny?”
“I don’t know, Mom.”
“What is the last thing you remember?” her mother repeated.
Julia thought for a moment. “I was at school. The principal came and called me into his office. Amy came with me. He told me something—I can’t remember what it was. But I got worried about you. I got in my car and drove home as fast as I could. I ran into the woods, looking for you.” Julia wrinkled her forehead. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.”
Julia smiled, although she was still confused. “That’s good.”
Her mother indicated the path behind them once more. “Don’t you want to see the way you came?”
Julia eyed the path uneasily. It led into a thickly shadowed part of the woods. It was much brighter where they were standing, and Julia saw no reason to move. The sunlight on her bare arms felt wonderfully reassuring.
“Not really,” she told her mother.
“What if I came with you?”
“Why do I have to go back when I just got here?”
“Because you left school a few minutes too early.”
“OK,” Julia said, even though she was not sure what her mother meant. Her mother offered her hand, and Julia took it. They started back along the path. Soon they had moved into the thick shade, and the sun vanished. Yet Julia felt no fear with her mother beside her.
Until they came to the lake.
“Do you know where we are now?” her mother asked as they stopped near the water. The sun was in the sky once more, shining down on both of them, yet Julia had the distinct impression that now it was only shining on her mother. It was as if the sky had drawn a curtain over Julia’s head.
Julia shivered. The air was cold, and she knew the lake would be even colder. She had no desire to stand beside it. She remembered that Scott had almost drowned in it. She mentioned the incident to her mother, and although she knew she had never told her mother about it before, her mother nodded as if she knew all about the time Scott had cramped.
“You almost died when you tried to rescue him,” her mother said. She held up her fingers, a fraction of an inch apart. “You came that close.”
“Were you there?”
Her mother took a seat on the shore. “I don’t know. I guess not.”
“Then how did you know?”
Her mother picked up a stick and began to draw on the white sand that led to the water. “I know you, Julia. You’re my daughter. You would do anything for anybody. You let Scott have the rope first, even when you felt your own muscles begin to fail.”
“Scott must have told you. Or Amy told you. Is that it?”
Her mother continued to draw with her stick. “I told Amy about you. About your gifts.”
“Why? You said we had to keep them secret.”
“I knew one day you’d need her help.”
“Amy’s? When?”
“Today.”
“What is today?” Julia began to ask, when she noticed that her mother was not drawing in the sand but writing. It was a word, one word. Hospital. “Hospital,” Julia whispered, and suddenly she remembered everything. The liquor store. The gas station. Her half-sister. The motorcycle accident and the cerebral hemorrhage. Julia felt weak. “You’re dead, Mom,” she said.
Her mother nodded, gazing over the serene lake. “In a way, I suppose. But everybody’s day eventually comes, and life still goes on. The flower bud dies, but the rose blooms. It’s a mystery.” She smiled and shook her head. “It’s pretty here. I don’t feel dead.”
Julia knelt by her side. “Where are we? Am I dead, too?”
Her mother took her hand and looked directly in her eyes. Her mother did not have the power of her aunt to force people to do things against their will. But she had an inner strength that flowed out through her eyes. It gave people the will to accomplish what they wanted to do.
“No, Julia,” she said. “You’re still alive. But you’ve taken a step out of life, and I’ve taken a step toward it, to meet you here. You’re trying to do something beyond your power. You can’t heal Scott, not by yourself.”
Julia glanced toward the flat surface of the lake. There were no ripples, yet there was no reflection from the neighboring trees. The lake existed in the woods, but it was not a part of the woods. The surface shone like a mirror placed in an empty sky. The lake held a special fear for her—because once she almost drowned there. That was why her mother had led her there.
“I need your help,” Julia said.
“You need God’s help.”
Julia turned back to her mom. “But I’ve already asked for it.”
“That’s true. But you asked without knowing what you were asking. No one can bring back the dead, Julia. Only God can do that.”
“But Scott isn’t dead.”
“I’m not talking about Scott.”
Julia froze, then nodded slowly. “I will die if I try to help him.”
“Yes. You had your suspicions. They are true.” Her mother let go of her stick, and it fell to the ground beside the word she had carved out. “It’s a hard decision to make.”
Julia felt as if the sun had vanished from the sky. Yet when she looked up, it was still there, even though it felt as if the last ray of warmth was drained from it. She began to tremble as she had when Amy finally pulled her to shore, half-drowned, half-frozen.
“I thought I already made my decision,” Julia said.
“You did.”
“Then why am I here? Why are you asking me to make it again?”
Her mother looked away. “It’s so wonderful to have you beside me again. You know that?”
“I’ve missed you terribly,” Julia said.
Her mother nodded. “But we could be together in another time, one farther off. Do you understand?”
“Yes. You brought me here. You want me to reconsider my decision.”
Her mother clasped Julia’s hands. “It wasn’t your fault Scott was shot. It wasn’t your fault you looked into the future. I knew one day you would try it. The moment you did, your powers began to increase—you noticed that. Your aunt may blame you and think you have upset the natural course, but these things happen. You have acted blindly, impulsively, with vengeance blazing in your heart. That was a mistake. When you do something because you’re angry, you almost always do the wrong thing. But we learn from our mistakes. We learn when we are acting blindly. But even a blind man pauses when he finally approaches the edge of a lake, Julia. He feels the water; he does not have to see it. He knows when it is too deep to cross.”
“I don’t understand.”
“To heal Scott, not only will you have to give up your life, you will have to drown, as you almost drowned that day. Only that way will you truly understand the consequences of your decision.”
Julia was aghast. “But why does it have to be so horrible?”
“Because of another wish you have prayed for.”
“What is that?”
“To be with me again,” her mother said. “You have a death wish, Julia. When you went after Frank, you didn’t care if you died. It is the same with your desire to heal Scott. You would throw your life away on anything.”
“That’s not true!” Julia cried. “I love Scott. How can you say that, Mom?”
“Because that’s the way it is.”
“It’s not! I came to the hospital to help.”
“Who?”
“Scott! Mother, you’re twisting how I feel.”
Her mother grimaced. She patted Julia’s hand again. “I’m sorry I have to say these things. I would just as soon sit here in the sun with you and talk about the flowers we could pick, or the songs we could sing. I know what’s in your heart. I’ve already said you would sacrifice anything to help someone. But sometimes the deepest sacrifices we make are really for ourselves.”
“Are you talking about the time you tried to heal Kary?”
Her mother closed her eyes briefly. “Yes. I tried too hard, I think.”
“Why did you do it?”
Her mother opened her eyes and looked up at the sun. “I felt I owed your father something. He had given me you, but he never got to see you. Then Kary was lying there on the hospital bed, and he was begging for me to help her….” Her mother shook her head. “I found it impossible to say no.”
“Why did he leave us?”
Her mother nodded. “I suppose I felt guilty, too. He left because he had an affair with another woman. She became pregnant with Kary. He didn’t love the other woman. He loved me; I know he did. But he couldn’t bear my silence on the subject.” Her mother shrugged. “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know what to say. But just a word from me might have made a difference. I suppose I was mad at him, after all.”
“You never got mad.”
“People would say the same thing about you, until yesterday. But your anger came from somewhere, Julia, and it was me. I wasn’t perfect when I was alive. I’m not perfect now. I can’t tell you what to do. A part of me longs for you to stay by my side. The other part can’t bear to see the world deprived of your grace.”
“But what about Scott?” Julia asked.
Her mother sighed. “I always liked that boy.”
“Mom, you didn’t just try to heal Kary because you felt guilty. I saw you with her after Frank cursed you. I saw you crying. You thought of her as your own daughter, didn’t you?”
Her mother smiled wistfully. “I suppose.”
“Well, I feel that way about Scott. He’s been chasing me since we were kids, but I’ve always felt like he was my brother. It’s true—I do have a morbid streak in me. I feel like I don’t belong in the world. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help it. But Scott loves his life. Everything’s a joy for him. I think he’s the one who will grace people’s lives, not me.”
Her mother was silent for a long time. Finally she gestured to the lake. “It’s cold. It’s deep.”
“I know.” Julia gazed over the flat surface, remembering her nightmare. “Does it have a monster in its depths?”
“You’re sure about what you’ve decided?” her mother asked.
Julia hesitated. “Yes.”
Her mother leaned over and hugged her. “Then you will have to see for yourself, my daughter. I can’t help you.”
Julia understood. She kissed her mother goodbye, stood up, and walked to the end of the shore, where she touched her toe to the still surface. A faint ripple spread out from her foot, yet there remained no reflection to disturb. The water felt like ice, but she took a step forward, feeling the cold sink into her heart. She was not dreaming. She was not outside her body. Life pumped in her veins, in her warm blood, and it screamed for her to stop, with each step that she took. The water reached her waist. It touched her breasts. It climbed to her mouth even, before she started to swim toward the center of the lake.
But she never reached the center. Her muscles began to harden halfway out, to cramp into useless knots, as they had long ago. Her chin slipped beneath the surface, and a mouthful of water got sucked down the wrong tube. She began to cough, to choke, and she fought to stay afloat, even though she had only moments ago chosen to drown. It was impossible not to fight. It was impossible to comprehend the horror that swept over her in that instant. Yet Julia realized something very clearly then, just before she went under.
It was possible to have a death wish and not want to die.
She had leapt after Frank, but if just one of his shots had laid open her guts, she would have sat down and reconsidered. She wanted to reconsider now, to scream for her mother to save her. But a final, frantic glance toward the shore showed her that her mother had disappeared. The water went over Julia’s wide-open eyes, the cold biting down on her optic nerves and sending ice daggers into her brain. She sucked in another breath, but this one was pure liquid, worse than the deadliest smoke. She kicked toward the surface with all her strength, but her limbs hardly budged. Sorry, they said, we have turned to stone. We are dead rocks, and we’re going to drag you down with us for putting us in this godforsaken lake.
Julia began to sink.
Down she went, deeper and deeper, until the cold sun above the icy surface turned to a dying star shining through a gray atmosphere onto a black world. She could not scream, she could not move. Her diaphragm, which drove her lungs, went into an insane convulsion, with nothing to pump into her insides but water the coldest fish would have refused. Then suddenly it stopped, practically wrenching her in two. Her heart almost stopped then, too. It would have if it weren’t for the white light that began to shine beneath her. It was a weird light to have at the bottom of a lake. It was like the quality of light found in an office building or hospital room. She knew God was not waiting for her on the other side of it.
It was fluorescent light.
Julia hit the bottom and rolled over, face down.
Hospital
The word her mother had written in the sand.
The floor of the lake was made of clear glass. The floor of the lake was also doubling as the new roof of the intensive-care cubicle where Scott and she lay dying. Julia was so amazed that she almost forgot her agony. Sitting off to the side of their two unconscious bodies was a second Scott. He looked as if he were waiting for something to happen, anything. He was dressed exactly as he had been when he entered the gas station.
Julia tried to call to him to get his attention. It was difficult, being underwater. She tried pounding on the glass, which was even more difficult, since she couldn’t move. Oh, but there was a part of her body that had a spark of life left in it. Julia flexed her neck back, then snapped it forward. She struck the glass with her head. It was funny—it didn’t hurt. She didn’t even know if she broke it. But suddenly she was inside, inside looking out.
She was in the hospital but outside her body.
“What are you doing here?” Scott asked.
They were sitting on the two chairs in the corner of the cubicle, looking at their sorry physical selves. Everything seemed to be fairly normal, except each of them had a silver cord trailing off their bodies. The cords were attached at their solar plexuses. Julia’s was thick and glowing. Scott’s was thin and pale.
“Scott!” Julia cried. “How are you?”
“You should know. You heard what the doctor said.”
“You were watching us?” Julia asked, amazed.
He shrugged. “There’s nothing else to do right now.” He gestured toward his cord. “I think this thing’s got to fall off before I can move around.”
“No,” she said quickly. “If that thing falls off, you’re dead.”
He didn’t appear overly concerned. “I’d say that’s a given already, Julia. I watched the operation they performed on me. My brain is scrambled.”
“But you can get better. I can help you.”
“How?”
She paused. “That’s funny: I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
Scott looked vaguely confused. “Hey, what are you doing here, anyway? Why did you pass out when you sat beside me?”
“You saw that, too?”
“Yeah. I thought you came to kiss me goodbye. How come you didn’t kiss me goodbye last night? I could have died during the night, you know.”
“I was in a hurry.”
He was mildly insulted. Everything about him was fairly mild. “But I’ve known you a long time, Julia. A kiss would have been nice.”
“I was anxious to catch the guys who shot you.”
“Oh, yeah. How did that go?”
“We caught them. Jim and I did.”
“Did you blow them away?”
“I shot the fat kid’s knee off. The police probably have the other guy about now.”
Scott nodded his approval. “Can’t have guys like that running loose. A couple of troublemakers. They wrecked my Friday night, that’s for sure.”
“Scott? Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“How come you don’t seem upset about getting shot in the head?”
He had to think for a minute. “I was at first. When I was floating above my body in the gas station, I was freaking out. I never liked the sight of blood—particularly my own. By the way, that was a great move you put on that one guy, dodging his bullet. But then I began to calm down after you touched my head and the angel flew by.”
“What angel?” Julia asked.
“I don’t know. She didn’t tell me her name. She said, Just hang in there, Scotty boy, and don’t worry. So that’s what I’ve been doing.” He flexed his arm. “You know, this new body here is great. It doesn’t get excited about anything. I never even have to go to the bathroom. I just sit here grooving.” He paused. “Hey, you didn’t answer my question. What are you doing here? How come you’re out of your body?”
“I’m here to heal you.”
Scott smiled. “Still trying to get my pants off, huh?”
“I never tried to get your pants off.”
“Did you get Jim’s off?”
She was offended. “What are you talking about?”
Scott continued to smile. “I saw the way you two looked at each other when you met. Do you know what I thought to myself? There goes another one of Amy’s boyfriend’s down the drain. Poor Amy—she lines them up for herself, and Julia knocks them down. Did Jim try to kiss you later on?”
“No!” She lowered her voice. “Jim’s dead. He got killed when we went after the guys who shot you.”
“Really?”
She grimaced. “It was horrible.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m sure he’ll be all right.”
“Scott! I told you, he’s dead. Jim’s dead.”
Scott shrugged. “It happens to the best of us. But that’s pretty neat—he died trying to get back at them for what they did to me. Jim’s a cool guy. If I see him, I’ve got to thank him.”
Julia shook her head. “I don’t think you know what the hell’s going on here.”
Scott wasn’t offended. “Am I missing something?”
“Yes! You’re about to die.”
“I know that. We already talked about that. Is there something else?”
“But you can’t die. I don’t want you to die.”
Scott gestured to his ruined body on the bed. “It doesn’t look too good from here. Can’t fix a bullet in the head with a bottle of pills. Hey, what do you think of all those tubes they got running into me? You know, they even got one for me to pee in. I saw this real cute nurse changing my bottle. She was blond. I wonder what she thought of my—”
“Scott! Stop! We’ve got to talk.”
“What would you like to talk about?”
“I’m here to heal you. I’m serious. I’m a witch.”
He chuckled. “Where’s your broom?”
“I don’t have one.”
“What kind of witch are you?”
“I’m a good witch. That’s how I was able to get outside my body right now to talk to you.”
Her remark gave him cause to consider. “You’re not pulling my leg, are you?”
“No. Do you see any of your other friends sitting here talking to you?”
“You’ve got a point there.” He stared at her still form, and the first trace of anxiety disturbed his features. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
He was relieved, slightly. Mild and slight. They could have been talking about bad weather approaching. “Have you always been a witch?” he asked.
“Yes. My mother was also a witch. She could heal people. I can heal people, too, sort of. I can also see things far off when I look in water with the sun shining on it. I even saw the future once. That’s how I knew we were going to run into a holdup.”
“I remember,” he said, showing some excitement. “You didn’t want us stopping at any liquor stores. That’s neat that you knew what was going to happen. Why didn’t you tell us?”
“You wouldn’t have believed me.”
“I might have. You never know.”
“You don’t believe me now.”
He gave her a sweet look. “Sure I do. I always knew you had magic.”
She was touched. “You did?”
“I did. I thought you were an angel, walking around in a body that wouldn’t quit.”
It was her turn to chuckle. “It’s a shame we didn’t get to go to Tahiti together. We could have gone swimming naked.”
His interest was increasing rapidly. “Would you really have gone skinny-dipping with me?”
“Absolutely.”
“That’s incredible. You should have told me this before I got shot. I would have been more careful where I stuck my head.” He laughed. “Of course, you probably would have ended up saving me from drowning again. I’m so out of shape. I’ve got to lose weight. I wonder if comas are any good for that. I noticed they’ve put me on a strict liquid diet.”
“Keep me from drowning again.”
“Scott!” she exclaimed suddenly.
“Don’t shout. This is a hospital.”
“I’ve got it. I know how to heal you. It’s the rope. I let you take the rope before. I’ve got to give you the rope again.”
“What are you talking about?”
She pointed to her silver cord. “I’ve got to give you this.”
He didn’t think that was a good idea. “It looks better attached to you. Besides, you don’t want mine. It looks like its batteries are about to run out.”
“That’s because you’re about to die.”
“Are we back on that subject again? I told you I understand that.”
“No, you don’t understand. You don’t have to die.”
Scott gazed at her for a moment. His casualness disappeared. “If you give me your cord, Julia, you’ll die. I know how it works. The cord connects you to your body. If you don’t have it, you don’t get to keep your body. I can’t let you do that.”
“But that’s what I’m here for,” Julia said. “Look, it’s already decided. I’ve talked to my mother about it and everything. You’re going to take my silver cord.”
“I don’t want it.”
“But if you die, you won’t get to go to Tahiti.”
“I don’t want to go if I can’t go with you,” Scott said.
“Goddamnit, listen to me!”
“Don’t swear. They might not let us into heaven.”
“You used to swear all the time!” she swore at him.
Scott lowered his head. “Why should I get to stay and you have to go? I don’t think it’s fair.”
She softened her tone. “It’s not what’s fair that matters, Scott. It’s what was meant to be. I see that now. When I saw the future, the holdup, I was outside my body. I think that’s because I was seeing my own death. I’m supposed to be here, on this side of the mirror. It’s where I feel most at home. You’re supposed to be in your body. You have screenplays to write and movies to film. You have girls to love. You have all these things to look forward to.”
“What about you?”
Julia looked upward. There was no glass ceiling, no icy lake floor above them. Suddenly she felt certain that if she took one final step, she would never have to sink into such cold depths ever again. She would fly upward, higher than the greatest bird, beyond the sky, where the sun never set, and where it was always warm.
But only if I take the step in love. Mom told me I can’t just want to escape.
“I’ve had a happy life,” she said. “I’ve walked in the woods in the morning. I’ve had friends. I’ve been in love.”
“With who?” Scott asked.
“With you. I love you, Scott. You know that.”
“How come you never wanted to have sex with me?”
She smiled. “Because I was afraid I would get pregnant, and then there would be two of you. And there can only be one Scott. There has to be one Scott. The world needs you.” She took his hand, and placed it on her forehead. “Take the rope, Scott. I gave it to you before and you took it. Take it now, and breathe, and live, and write a story about me. Take it because you deserve it, because I’m not going to leave until you do. I’ll stay here until we both die.”
He was watching her closely. “You’re serious?”
“Yes.”
“I still don’t think it’s fair.”
“No. But it’s right. That’s what matters.”
“It will break Amy’s heart if you die.”
“She’ll understand.” Julia reached over and hugged him. “Tell her goodbye for me.”
Scott hugged her in return. “Will I remember any of this?”
Julia sat back and focused on his eyes. She prayed to God to be able to do this one last thing, to have a portion of her aunt’s magic. She reached out with her heart to put the thought deep in Scott’s mind, while she spoke aloud for him to hear.
“Look in the pond a mile behind my house, at the base of the granite pillar. Look when the sky is bright. Bring Amy with you. You’ll see me, and you’ll remember.” She kissed him briefly on the lips and messed up his hair. “You’re the most handsome boy in the world.”
He smiled. “I’ll remember that.”
“I know you will,” Julia said. She pressed his hand once again around her silver cord and gently closed his fingers, while she closed her own eyes. Suddenly, something inside her solar plexus snapped. Then she felt a strange sensation, of another hand closing around hers and lifting her up. She was reminded of when her mother used to take her by the hand as a child, at the beginning of their long, wonderful walks in the woods. Her mother would say, “Stay close to me, Julia. I wouldn’t want to lose you.”
“I wouldn’t want to lose you, Mom.”
Now Julia understood that was impossible.