5 Pasty White Flesh

Through his middle school years the troubled boy remained in a quandary about women. “I didn’t understand them. I was hopeless. When I saw a nice girl, I would tell her I liked her, and then she’d reject me. I never went to a prom or a dance. I liked girls from a distance—some I loved. But mostly I worked.”

He still fantasized about the red-haired femme fatale of his grammar-school years in Chilliwack. In high school he kissed a few girls and enjoyed it, but he was too shy to proceed. He stood guard for Bruce and the older boys during make-out parties but learned nothing from the sighs and groans in the shadows. As a Jesperson, he was nervous about female nudity and avoided a nearby home where parents permitted their children to run around half-naked.

In his fourteenth year his attitude began to change. He caught his first close look at the female breast and later wrote about the shock.

Dad took us on a ten-week trip across thirty-three states and four provinces, and on the way we visited relatives and old friends. We ended up with his brother on Fogo Island off Newfoundland. Uncle Ivan was the minister to a bunch of fishermen and boatsmiths.

On the island I met an eighteen-year-old girl looking to find a way off Fogo. There I was at fourteen, alone with a mature girl that kissed great and smelt like a woman. We made out on the grassy bluffs, but even though I had a hard-on I didn’t dare do anything about it—not with my uncle being the island minister. For an hour or so I played with her breasts through her sweater—that was good enough for a first time. After a while she pulled the sweater off and out popped these pale white breasts with blue veins. Gross! Her pasty white flesh made me want to throw up.

At a party I met a sixteen-year-old with long brown hair down to her tight little ass. I was comfortable with her and I kissed and felt her through her clothes. I was a little relieved that she didn’t expose herself because I didn’t want to go too far and piss her off. Later on I found out that fourteen-year-olds were already getting married on Fogo.

Apparently no one on the island could keep a secret, and pretty soon Dad was talking about “Keith’s girl troubles.” He rubbed it in till everybody was laughing and giggling about the naive Keith, how dumb, how backward. I ran down to the dock and crawled under some fishing nets. For hours I pretended to be the Creature from the Black Lagoon, waiting to ambush the next person who came along. That’s how angry I was. Luckily no one showed.

For the rest of our time on Fogo, I resorted back to the monster-under-the-net fantasy whenever I thought somebody was about to mention my sex problems. As time went by, I forgot the sixteen-year-old and could no longer see her face, but I’ll always remember those chalky sloppy breasts with the ugly blue veins.

When we got back to Selah I began to read up on sex and what really happens between male and females. I fantasized about returning to Fogo and starting over. I should have played with her big bare breasts instead of being turned off by them. We should have had sex. I wonder if she ever got off the island.

Later in his eventful fourteenth year, Keith discovered sexual intercourse. In his self-designated role as habitual victim, he described it as rape in his later writings:

Dad took me on a fishing trip to the Washington coast and on our last evening I was walking on the beach when I came upon a woman of eighteen sitting next to a campfire. We sat and talked, and she told me how handsome and tall I was. We kissed, and after a while she began to take off my clothes. She grabbed my hand and guided my fingers into her, opened up the blanket and flashed some tit.

I got hard and she said, “That’ll do nicely.” She laid me on my back and climbed on top and popped my cherry, raped me over and over until I couldn’t get it up anymore.

As I walked her to her pickup, she told me she’d be there tomorrow night, but Dad and I had to head back to Selah the next day. That weekend put my sexuality into overdrive. Now I knew how exciting it was to be seduced by a loving and willing woman. Now there was nothing else on my mind.