2 Apologia

Inside Oregon State Penitentiary the serial killer penned a book-length counter-draft of his own in the classical protagonist-antagonist form. He wrote about the deaths of cats, alcoholism, his father’s belt, dead dogs and horses, electric shocks, family favoritism. He sent the hand-printed text to his father, who demanded an immediate denial in writing.

Keith stewed for a few weeks before he concluded that his father was only trying to save face and probably intended to flash the exculpatory document before old and new cronies, his banker, his barber, and the other members of his family. No harm done. At last Keith complied with the request:

A lot of times I’ve wanted to sit and write to you and tell everything, to let you know how I feel and to let you know the whole truth. Sometimes I would write it all and just flush it. So much has happened in my life I have been ashamed of. To blame my father for my childhood is crazy. He is a good father….

The long letter again posited the existence of two Keith Hunter Jespersons, one normal and law-abiding, the other a work of the devil:

This man that rides along with me carries out the evil deeds. I try to keep him under control but at times he protects me the only way he knows how.

In any case, he stressed, his childhood was not to blame.

 

Swept up by his conciliatory mood, Keith then wrote to his old mine bosses in Elkford, B.C., and apologized for stealing the leather pants and other items. He also reached out to old childhood and family friends. At Christmastime he wrote:

I remember the good times I had with Dad and Mother and the fun we shared. It wasn’t always hardships. And I want to make up to my ex-wife Rose. I want to go back to the day we separated and swallow hard. If I had just sat and talked it out instead of rushing out the door to drive another load….

Regrets? Damn right. I regret ever leaving my family and not having the balls to swallow my pride and admit I was wrong.

A similar mea culpa arrived at two of Keith’s home newspapers, the Selah Optimist and Yakima Herald:

I wish to apologize to the Selah community and the Yakima Valley, along with my friends, coworkers and family for my actions in my crime that brought everyone undue hardships and criticism in their lives.

The problems in my life that caused me to be a serial killer were problems that I brought on myself, not from my childhood. My brothers and sisters are not murderers and yet they had the same parents and lived in the same community as I had. I am not the Green River killer like some people want to believe. All of my crimes happened after I left the Yakima Valley.

All of my friends and relatives are not responsible for my actions. But many people act like they are. I have lied to everyone at one time or another. So please people of Yakima and the surrounding area, don’t punish them for my crimes. It is bad enough to lose me to what I’ve done without dragging everyone I have known through the mud as well.

Sincerely,

Keith Hunter Jesperson, the so-called by the Press ‘Happy Face Killer.’

A scribbled addendum instructed the editors to “please print this letter in its entirety in your paper.” His letter was ignored.

 

When there was no public reaction to his apologies, Keith threatened suicide. He wrote his father:

I miss my kids and…if they visit me in the next five years then we can still come to love each other. If not I will overdose on something to end the misery or stretch my neck to get it over with. I have thrown my life away….I will not prolong it…. Death will be a comfort to me.

He still had accounts to settle with Les. He wrote:

Dealing with your antics all of my life it isn’t hard to see how I turned out the way I have…. You are up to your old tricks again in that thing you call a brain…. Thank God for that letter you begged me for. Thank God for the apology you demanded from me. You know why you wanted it and it wasn’t to give you peace of mind like you said. It was to discredit me as telling anyone of abusive behavior I was dealt by your hands. Hell Dad!…It only shows the world how desperate you are to save face.

Sure we had some good times, but we also had some bad times too. I have always been afraid of you and treated you as my friend to only watch out for the games you were playing on us kids…always for control….

You’re screwing with the wrong people Dad…. At least now you admit you used the strap…. You might as well stop writing me and visiting me. I feel like the boy named Sue. I look at you as in the end of that song. You are my Dad because of the gravel in my gut and the spit in my eyes…. You created me to be like you. If you don’t like what you see, then leave me and never come back. I can live without you and sometimes I feel better for it. With you, everything is a price tag, well I’m tired of paying you….

Forget I exist….I do love you Dad! Because you are my Dad.

The patriarch of the Jesperson family wrote a friend that he was “floored” by the outburst.

I now realized I had a very sick son in that prison. I called Brad and read him some of the letter. I felt so depressed that I had to talk to someone. I did not and never have felt guilt for Keith’s crimes. I did feel however that by talking to my other son, my grief would be relieved somewhat.

Brad confirmed without hesitation that what Keith wrote was straight bullshit, to put it in his own terms. He advised me to drop the whole thing and forget Keith. He said that Keith was just disturbing the whole family and life was not worth the hassle.

I looked back in my correspondence file and dug out the letter in which Keith told of a normal life as a child….I took that letter along with the hate letter and had copies made….I wanted all to know the truth as Keith was actively spreading this propaganda around in an effort to blame someone for his crimes. This is a hard pill to swallow with all the love I still have for my son.