FIFTY-THREE

1921

Dear Lilian,

Well, to say that I miss you all would be a statement of extraordinary inadequacy. I miss all of you, every moment of every day (except, perhaps, your younger brothers!). I miss London, I miss the buses and the motorcars, the noise and the smell. I miss parties with Minu and the music. I really do miss the music. How are you all? How are the building works going? I suppose it will be a long time before the house is ready for you all to move back in. But then, an apartment in Hyde Park is likely a fine compensation for you all in the meantime.

I am sorry that I left so suddenly and without proper farewells. Now that I am away from everything, I feel I can share with you the exact reasons for my disappearance. I overheard Godfrey having a conversation with a young girl about their unborn baby. She gave him back a sum of money that he had given her to deal with the situation and told him that she “couldn’t do it.” Now I, more than most, can understand that, as you know. It is no one’s fault. I left Godfrey without explanation, he owed me nothing. And this poor girl is just doing what she feels is right. There is no one to blame, no one to be angry with, but Godfrey has to be free to do the right thing with regard to this girl, and he won’t be able to do that easily with me in the picture.

So, here I am, back where I started. My mother is so happy to have me back. Already my time in London feels like a dream. Travel really is just a momentary pause in the ongoing rhythm of real life. Nothing changes. Not really. But Lilian, I need you to do something for me. Please would you stay in touch with Godfrey? I want to know that he is well and happy, that his baby comes without any drama, that he finds a way through this. Please? As far as I know he will be in London for the whole of the summer. I still love him so very much, and I know I always will.

Love and best wishes to you all,

Your friend,

Arlette

Dearest Arlette,

How shocking! Your dilemma is clear and I hate to say it but I think you have done the right thing. Poor Godfrey. Poor you. Poor little baby. It should all have been so very different, I feel.

I did see Godfrey last week. Minu and I went to a Love Brothers show at the Blue Butterfly. He looked very sad, his eyes like the eyes of an orphaned spaniel. I can’t tell you.

Anyway, I did talk to him after the show. I told him that you’d written, that you were well. He did not mention a baby, but I did see a young girl sitting in the wings, knitting something in white wool. I took her to be the young lady in question. I was not introduced. The whole affair seems very much steeped in sadness and consolation.

We are all well. The house is very far from being repaired. I cannot bear to look at it when I return on occasion to visit Philip.

Fondest love to you, my friend,

Lilian

Dearest Lilian,

Thank you so much for your report and I’m sorry I have not written for so long. Mother was taken ill, a bout of terrible bronchitis, and I have spent these last weeks going back and forth to the sanatorium. Thank goodness I was here. I feel more than ever I made the right decision. Although, if I can share with you a terrible truth, every time I think of Godfrey I feel so angry at the world, at my mother, at the unfairness of everything.

Please send more news, of you, the family, and of course Godfrey, whenever you get a minute.

Yours,

Arlette

Dearest Arlette,

Well, I start with joyful news. Philip has asked me to marry him and I have accepted! I will become Mrs. Philip Love. Is that not the most charming name, worth marrying for that alone! I will be having a joint twentieth birthday party and engagement party in September. If your mother is feeling better and you can face the journey back to London, it would be so super if you were to be there. It will be a really happy, splendid night. One I feel we could all do with after the many sadnesses of the last year.

As for Godfrey, I have not seen him, but I hear he is off on tour again. Minu saw him a couple of weeks ago and apparently he mentioned that he has a new girl and a baby on the way. He said it is due in November. But more than that, Minu did not ask and I do not know. He asked after you. She said he still has the sad eyes. And that his music is more piquant than ever.

Sweet dreams, my lovely friend, and best wishes to your dear mother from my dear mother,

Lilian

Dearest Lilian,

Oh, my dear friend! I have been dancing with joy at your news! Philip seems such a good man and you will be the loveliest, sweetest little wife. You already have so much practice in running a home. Where will you live? Oh, I’m sure it will be somewhere utterly divine. You two lucky people, I could not be happier. Whether or not I will be able to make it across for your engagement party remains to be seen. I will most definitely do everything I can, be assured of that much.

I wish that I could write and say that my heart is healing, that I am missing Godfrey less, but that would not be true. My mother and her family are forever introducing me to nice chaps, really, perfectly nice chaps. But I see them, and their bland faces and their small lives—some have never left the island, you know—and I cannot bear for that to be the end of it. There has to be more, don’t you think? For me, at least. As long as I shall live, I will always know, deep in my heart, that the best has passed me by, in a terrible chaos of tragedy and bad luck. Nothing will ever compare. I shall live out my life in a state of pitiful resignation.

Best regards, my dear girl,

Arlette