YOU’RE CANCELLED
Usually when people say something is ‘political correctness gone mad’, what they really mean is they’re upset that someone has been called out for saying something racist, homophobic or sexist. So political correctness is a good thing. It basically means having respect for other people, not saying things that might upset people, make them feel uncomfortable or excluded. But – and I’m about to contradict myself slightly – it has got slightly out of hand.
Now, people are constantly being hammered for accidentally saying the ‘wrong’ thing. It might not even be racist, homophobic or sexist, it might just be a word or an opinion that was perfectly acceptable last week but has suddenly become problematic. There are also people policing what people are and aren’t talking about, or whose social-media posts they’re liking or retweeting. Sometimes it’s difficult to know what you’re allowed to have an opinion on, how to say it and whether you should open your mouth at all.
It used to be easy to spot if people were being nasty or rude. And if you saw someone being nasty or rude, you’d d0 something about it. Or would you? Recently, I watched a drama series called The Loudest Voice about Roger Ailes, the former chairman of Fox News, who was a serial sexual abuser. I found myself wincing a lot and thinking, ‘I’ve never come across anyone like this. How is it allowed to happen? Why didn’t anyone stop him?’ It’s tempting to think that had you been there, you would have said something. But clearly it’s not as simple as that. The horrible truth is that had I been around 40 or 50 years ago, I probably would have been a complete dinosaur by modern standards. You see clips of old sitcoms now, like Love Thy Neighbour (which is about a white couple who live next door to a black couple) and can’t believe it ever got made, because it’s just so racist. They made eight series, so obviously it was a big hit in the ratings.
The difference now is that people who have genuinely made mistakes are being hammered. Their crime might be making a point too clumsily or using the wrong terminology. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re prejudiced or discriminatory, it might just mean they didn’t get the memo. Take people identifying as someone or something else. If someone wants to be a dog or whatever they want to be, I’m not bothered. That’s their business. But if I forget that they think they’re a dog, don’t get your knickers in a twist about it. I just forgot! And no doubt if I use the phrase ‘don’t get your knickers in a twist’, someone will pop up and tell me that that’s a horribly sexist phrase, which perpetuates the stereotype that women are more likely to get hysterical. That just shows you how ridiculous it is, because I thought men were allowed to wear knickers anyway? People are so intolerant, unforgiving and spiteful. That’s why we’ve got this cancel culture, because people love getting offended and jumping on people’s mistakes or opinions that vary from theirs. It’s a national sport.
That’s why I’m better off away from social media, because I can’t keep up with the terminology. I’m a bloke from Preston, end of story. The idea of identifying as something or someone else means nothing to me. It makes no sense. If someone else wants to identify as something or someone else, that’s fine by me. I’ll be polite and go along with it. But it’s like Catchphrase, ‘say what you see’, in that I might get it wrong. I’d sincerely apologise for that, but I wouldn’t mean anything by it. I won’t do it on purpose or mean to hurt anyone, I’ll just have made a mistake. Not everyone has to understand each other, as long as people respect each other. There are people out there saying all sorts of stuff that’s quite obviously horrible and nasty, on purpose, so have a go at them instead!
The closest I’ve come to being ‘cancelled’ was when I was on social media a few years ago and having a bit of back and forth with Jimmy Anderson about Preston and Burnley, which is where he comes from. I said something about people from Burnley having a special six-finger handshake and the town crier having to read out his tweets, all of it in good humour, and people started having a go at me for being prejudiced against under-privileged people and people with disabilities. Of course I wasn’t, but I’ve learned that the excuse that you were just having a laugh and a joke with a mate doesn’t wash with some people. Then there was an interview I did with Piers Morgan for GQ magazine. I told him a story about being in a hotel, phoning reception and the woman not being able to understand my food order, because of my thick Preston accent and the fact she wasn’t originally from England. The media picked up on it and suddenly I was a racist, the second coming of Enoch Powell. The Daily Mail headline was, ‘Andrew Flintoff in bizarre anti-immigration outburst.’ I thought, ‘Do I really have to explain this?’, before ignoring it and letting it go away. You could drive yourself mad trying to analyse if what people are saying about you has any merit, but I knew I hadn’t said anything wrong. And they wonder why so many sportspeople don’t give interviews, or if they do, they sound so vanilla. Why would you bother if saying something innocuous can get you into hot water? It’s got to the stage where there are opinions I hold that I’d never make public, for fear of never working again.
When I used to play for England in South Africa, they had a quota system, which meant that they had to pick X number of black players. That could be a little bit frustrating from a competitive point of view, because it meant we weren’t playing against their best possible team. But when I think about it now, it made sense. Making sure black people got opportunities that had been denied to them for so long was more important than the outcome of a game of cricket. For the same reason, maybe a woman getting a presenting job is more important, in terms of changing the overall culture, than a bloke missing out on a job that he should have got according to his credentials.
In the meantime, there will be disgruntled people on both sides, like we’re seeing now with sports punditry. There are still people who have a problem with female pundits in men’s sport, whether it be football, cricket or rugby union. The argument goes that they can’t possibly know what they’re talking about because they haven’t played it. But someone like Alex Scott is amazing, she clearly knows what she’s talking about. And she’s miles better than some of the men. They’ve all played men’s football to a high level, but they’re not very good at articulating their knowledge. It’s the same in cricket. I listen to them sometimes and think, ‘What are you on?’ It’s like they never played the game. Playing at the highest level isn’t everything.
And I don’t understand the problem with female sports presenters at all. Laura Woods on talkSPORT is brilliant at what she does.
In some ways it’s a good thing that people are more open about what offends them, because it means that people take more care over what they say and maybe we live in a kinder society. I popped into the England dressing room not so long ago and it seemed very different to my day, a far nicer place. Twenty years ago, any chink in your armour and people would be all over you. Because I was overweight, I got slaughtered. I couldn’t say anything, I just had to own the jokes and take the piss out of myself, however much it hurt me inside. Doing that meant I had some semblance of control. It was a very different world 20 years ago, people said far harsher stuff than they do now.
I also got a terrible kicking in the press for being fat, and walking out for one game between England and Zimbabwe at Old Trafford was one of the worst feelings ever. I was overcome with this feeling of self-loathing and shame. Because it was cricket, I couldn’t even run away, I just had to stand there for hours getting abuse from the crowd. And while I was eventually able to manage the abuse, I never really came to terms with it. It was a lonely place for a long time and opened up wounds that will probably never heal.
But while it’s good that racism, homophobia and things like fat-shaming are now frowned upon, and that certain environments are less ruthless and more welcoming, it would be a very bland world if piss-taking was outlawed completely. If my mates stopped taking the piss out of me for being slightly ginger, having a big mole in the middle of my head or having a belly I can never get rid of, I’d be slightly worried. Because in my circle of friends, having the piss taken out of you has nothing to do with nastiness, it’s a test of how strong the bonds of friendship are and means you’re accepted.
I don’t mind having a laugh about my mental health. I realise my behaviour is a bit irrational at times and my mates take the piss out of me for it. For me, that’s a way of getting through it. I’m not saying it works for everyone, but if I don’t mind people taking the piss out of my irrational behaviour, and it actually helps me deal with it, that should be the end of it.
I’m never going to be an advocate of the ‘pull yourself together and man up’ school of snapping someone out of depression. But I sometimes have to do a bit of that to myself. I’ll give myself a talking to and tell myself to buck up. The way I see it, if you’re not willing to put any effort in, it’s difficult for anyone else to help. But not everyone is like me. Some people talk about their depression a lot. But that could be a form of therapy in itself, and if it makes them feel better about themselves, I can’t really criticise them. But others like to point the finger and claim that certain people aren’t ‘doing depression’ the right way. That’s not fair, because who knows what’s going on in people’s heads and everyone has different ways of coping with things.
Sometimes, it’s hard to know the ‘correct’ way of behaving. The truth is, there is no correct way. It’s lovely that a lot more people now are understanding and sympathetic, but that approach isn’t for everyone. I’m not hanging around with lads who cuddle each other and tell each other they’re brilliant all the time. That’s not for me. And I find a lot of it is false. I’m always hearing people say ‘be kind’ nowadays, as if it’s some kind of deep philosophical directive. But just because someone is going around telling everyone else to ‘be kind’, that doesn’t necessarily make them kind. It’s similar to people who say ‘be humble’. Often, they need to take their own advice.
I’m not sure kids are growing up soft but I worry that they have a very low tolerance to certain things. I know everyone wants the world to be a lovely place, but it’s really not. There’s always going to be people who think differently to you, you’re always going to be competing for things and sometimes it’s going to be ugly and unpleasant. That’s why schools that don’t believe in competition are letting kids down because they’re not preparing them for reality. They don’t pick the best people for their teams in the name of inclusivity, but that’s not how the real world is.
In the real world, the people who work the hardest get the jobs. Now, kids are entering the workplace and expecting to be handed things on a plate, because that’s what they’ve been taught will happen. Well, that can’t happen, because the older people in the company probably worked bloody hard to get where they have. What do they think their boss is going to say? ‘Right, so you’d like a promotion, but you’ve only been here six months and don’t really know anything yet? Fine, you can have Trevor’s job, he’s probably been here too long now and knows too much.’
That’s why I’m tough on my boys when it comes to their cricket. So many people play sport, so you’ve got to be bloody good at it if you want to turn it into a career. People think sport is romantic, and it can be. But it’s just so bloody cut-throat and not always the healthiest environment.
They need to learn that no one is going to give them anything, they are going to have to fight tooth and claw for everything they get. They have to learn that there will always be rivals trying to get one over them. That being the case, you have to be prepared to crawl over broken glass to get one over them. That applies to every sportsperson, even the likes of Michael Jordan and Lionel Messi. Yes, they’re extremely talented, but they might never have made it if they hadn’t been ruthless and worked like dogs. I think giving kids tough home truths is better than pretending that everything and everyone will be lovely.
Too many people are too self-righteous nowadays. They think that because they find something offensive, everyone should find it offensive – and whoever doesn’t find it offensive is guilty by association. But there aren’t many things that someone, somewhere, won’t find offensive, so people are always having to watch what they say. Apart from Piers Morgan, who says what he thinks, usually backed up by facts, which is why so many people dislike him.
Some people want to create their own truth, believe what they want to believe, and deny any facts that don’t fit their narrative or ideology. Even if you show them actual scientific facts, they’ll say they’re wrong and start getting abusive. When did this start, this denial of scientific facts? And when did people start bullying people who believed in scientific facts? It’s so weird.
Anyone being abused for what they look like is horrible. I know, because I had a taste of it. And I’m all for body confidence and people feeling comfortable in their own skin. That’s something that everyone should aim for. But we shouldn’t allow the waters to get clouded. We now have a situation where fat activists are claiming that there’s nothing wrong with being obese, and that anyone who points out that being obese isn’t great for you is bigoted. That’s just ridiculous. There’s a difference between fat-shaming and stating facts, and it’s scientific fact that being obese is bad for your health. It increases the chances of you getting all sorts of diseases and anyone who thinks otherwise is deluded.
Nowadays, everyone’s got an opinion on everything and isn’t afraid to shout about it from the rooftops. Or, as we call the rooftops in this day and age, social media. Everyone knows how to play football better than actual professional footballers, everyone knows science better than actual scientists, everyone knew how to run the country during the coronavirus lockdown, everyone knew what the long-term implications of coronavirus would be. There was a time when people went to university or learned a trade and could then claim to be an expert in something. But now, everyone thinks they know everything because they’ve got a Twitter account. And they can’t handle being told what to do, because they think they already know the answers.
My head doesn’t work like that. When there’s a discussion going on, I’ll often go really quiet, either because I’m desperately trying to think of something to add to the conversation or I simply don’t give a shit. Or, if I’m in the mood, I’ll say exactly what’s in my head, which sometimes doesn’t go down very well. I try to keep it short and as honest as possible, but I can tell you from experience that it doesn’t normally go down very well, because people don’t like opinions that are different to theirs. Other times, a topic will come up that I genuinely know quite a bit about. Maybe it will be cricket, which I obviously know inside out. And I’ll be sat there listening to a conversation thinking, ‘Everyone’s talking absolute bollocks. People are actually making things up.’ And it’s usually the people who are talking bollocks and making things up that are telling other people they’re wrong. But I can’t be arsed saying anything. Except maybe when they leave, when I tell everyone they were full of shit.
I’ve had plenty of dads tell me about cricket, including about games I played in. I’ve had people tell me how A League of Their Own works, or how it should work. I’ve had people tell me stories about colleagues on various shows and what they’re ‘really’ like. I just try not to engage, mainly because it’s madness people telling me about my own life but also because that would mean having a longer conversation. Now I’m doing Top Gear, almost every bloke I meet has an opinion on it. People will start talking to me about how much they loved or hated Clarkson or how good or bad Matt LeBlanc was. And everyone wants to know what the best car is. My answer is always the same, and quite disappointing for some people: if you like a car, you like a car. Whatever your budget is, get the nicest car you can afford. Unless you’re a car geek, modern cars pretty much all drive the same. But that doesn’t stop people saying things like, ‘You say that, but from third to fourth, the BMW X5 is an absolute dream. But the differential on an Audi A6 is in a different class completely . . . ’ Sometimes I’ll think, ‘Turn it off, will you?’ But other times I’ll spout the biggest load of bollocks you’ve ever heard, while laughing inside.
While I do think that people are more likely to be offended nowadays, that’s not to say people didn’t used to get offended. The main difference is that people weren’t allowed to say they were offended and put up with it in silence, which is maybe even worse. I think that we now have a situation where people – especially younger people – are more sensitive, combined with the fact that there are more ways of being offended. Someone can offend you to your face, over the phone, via email, text or WhatsApp, on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook or TikTok. It doesn’t help that some people, including me, aren’t very good at expressing themselves online, which makes for misunderstandings. But on top of that, people have realised that they can use being offended – or pretending to be offended – to their advantage. By kicking up a stink, they can make people feel bad, get people to dance to their tune and stay relevant.
As I’ve got older, I’ve developed this thing whereby I mutter stuff under my breath if someone is talking bollocks, probably because I’m getting less tolerant of other people’s nonsense. My kids have picked up on it, so they’ll say, ‘Talking to yourself again, Dad?’ And my standard reply is, ‘Yes, it’s the only way I can have a sensible conversation around here.’ But sometimes if I disagree with something, the muttering will come out a bit loud and get me into trouble. It’s not quite Tourette’s, but it’s similar. If I’m talking to someone and they’re not paying attention, I’ll suddenly blurt out, ‘You’re not even fucking listening!’
When I’m in meetings now, I’ll say exactly what I think, because I think giving an honest opinion is the right thing to do. But I had one recently which I thought went really well, in which I thought I’d given lots of constructive input from a good place, and afterwards my agent Katie started shaking her head and said, ‘What was that? I was cringing all the way through.’ I replied, ‘Oh, really? To be honest, I thought it went really well.’ I was certainly getting it all wrong in my head. I’ve never really been tactful, but I think I’m getting worse. It’s like my filter has gone faulty and stuff is getting through that didn’t used to. And once it’s out, you obviously can’t put it back in. The deed has been done. And in these politically correct times, when saying what you really think can have terrible consequences, lacking tact can be dangerous.
Part of me can’t wait to get old, because old people don’t give a shit who they offend. Not long after our new baby was born, I took him to see my grandpa, along with a pie. We walked into his flat and my grandpa said, ‘I’m not feeling well, put the pie in the kitchen and go if you want.’ I said, ‘I’ve driven an hour to be here.’ And he replied, ‘Nah, you get off.’ I was there for about three minutes, but I thought, ‘Fair play, he doesn’t want us there.’ People might think that’s a bit weird, but I wasn’t offended. Why would you be? He didn’t want us round his house, that was the end of it. That’s one of the fun things about getting older, you’re allowed to say exactly what you think and people aren’t really allowed to be offended. That said, I don’t really want to wait until I’m 92 to be able to say what I want. And anyway, the rules for old people might have changed by then and perhaps it will acceptable to shout at them for saying the ‘wrong’ thing, just like anyone else.