Gigi
The only dark cloud that seemed to hover over my life with Danny was my constant feeling that he didn’t believe I truly loved him.
While our idyllic marriage seemed to work perfectly, with a dynamic that flowed seamlessly and without any major clashes, I would still catch a shadow of solemnness in his eyes every so often.
It broke my heart.
As the pregnancy progressed, he became more and more attentive. He would help me around the house, in the kitchen, and even as I did some gardening—which I had recently grown fond of.
Every free moment he had was invested in me. He was behaving like the perfect husband and the ideal father-to-be. A little too much, in fact, that I worried he was trying to overcompensate for something.
Whenever I told him I loved him, a swift glimpse of sadness would appear like a ghost on his face, before he would quickly mask it with a smile and a sweet response.
It would only last a fraction of a second. But I always caught it.
He was like an open book to me.
Making sure that I wouldn’t let this baby take over our lives, I made sure Danny understood that I still wanted him to do things that made him happy. I insisted he would still see his friends at the bar, do a little reading when he had the time, and go horse riding every day.
I knew the latter was one of his favorite things to do, and that it helped him clear his mind when the thoughts just wouldn’t stop tormenting him.
This afternoon, he went riding before dinner.
I sat on the living room couch with a book and a cup of tea, trying to immerse myself in the fiction in my hands until he got back home.
Why couldn’t he just accept that I loved him?
That I was truly happy to be his wife?
That I couldn’t wait for more years of our existence in the same orbit, keeping each other company and giving endless love through the ups and downs of life?
My stomach churned, and I knew that the beverage must have disturbed it, so I put it down on the table and resumed reading. I was exhausted as I mostly was these days, and focusing on the book was taking a lot of energy.
I turned the page, and my stomach cramped once more, this time radiating downward as the ache surged below my navel. Pulling my back away from the chair, I straightened up as I paid attention to where the pain was coming from. I couldn’t exactly tell.
Many women spoke of fake labor pains and false alarms toward the end, so I didn’t want to freak myself out by worrying too much. When it passed, I sat back and relaxed, picking up my book once more.
The spasm that followed felt like a sudden attack, prompting me to abruptly drop the book and lean forward in agony. “Ow,” I whined as I shifted in my seat. They said that sometimes changing positions helped with those pangs.
But this time, it wasn’t going away.
My breathing began to quicken as I started to panic.
Was I in labor? All alone in a ranch house in the middle of nowhere?
Even Michael was about a ten-minute walk away. I couldn’t possibly walk that far in my state, and it was getting dark out there.
The contraction subsided, and I immediately got up, rushing toward the window as my eyes searched for a sign of Art or Danny.
They were nowhere to be found.
I marched toward the phone and dialed the doctor’s number. The ringing lasted forever, with no sign of life on the other side of the line. Finally, someone picked up.
“Hello?” It was his assistant.
“Mandy, It’s Gigi Downton. I think I may be in labor.”
“Oh, shoot,” she tittered. “Doc just left.”
“What do you mean left?” I was flustered.
“He walked out, ‘bout three minutes ago. Briefcase and everything.”
“Well, can’t you reach him?”
“I’ll sure try honey. But his car’s at the shop. Be best if someone came to pick him up.”
“Just call me back when you reach him.”
Without waiting for her reply, I placed the receiver back down and turned to look around. Hyperventilating, I knew I was far too scared to be thinking straight.
Was I having this baby alone?
Danny, where were you now?
Another contraction started building up, and I sat down on the sofa, desperately trying to regulate my breathing to calm my nerves. I could feel the nervous impulses as they streamed through my back and around my waist, sending a flood of pain down to my hips and thighs.
Whimpering in agony, I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed for Danny to come home to me.
“Please. Please. Please. Just come home.” I mumbled from between my breaths. “I can’t do this alone,” I cried.
A brief shriek escaped my lips, and I wished someone had told me how much it would hurt.
As the pain started reaching its peak, I threw my head back and gritted my teeth in an attempt to not scream. At that moment, I heard the door crack open.
“Gigi!” Danny’s exclamation pierced through my ears, and my squeezed eyelids immediately parted open.
“Danny,” I cried, finally letting the tears roll down my face. “I can’t reach the doctor.”
“It’s happening.” His hands gripped mine before quickly letting go again.
“Don’t leave me.”
“Pete.” I heard him yell as his footsteps stomped back toward the door. “Pete,” he opened the door, shouting, “Go to the doc’s house and get him. Right now. Gigi’s in labor.”
His voice came from a faraway distance as my consciousness momentarily faltered. The pain was becoming worse, and I didn’t know if I could handle it. The pressure kept creeping downward, and suddenly, I’d forgotten everything I had learned about childbirth.
“Okay, breathe.” His voice was now closer. When I opened my eyes, he was right there in front of me.
His expression carried a mix of worry and compassion.
“Baby,” I whined. “I can’t do this now, I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” He squeezed my hand. “Look at me. Gigi. Look at me.”
I struggled to keep my eyes open as I felt another one coming.
“I’m here, that’s all we need.”
“You’re not a doctor,” I squealed, throwing my head back.
Beads of sweat were forming on my face, and I could feel them dripping down my neck.
“I’ve delivered dozens of cows.” It sounded as though he were trying to convince himself, not me. “How different could it be?”
“Very different,” I cried.
His hands gently caressed my belly, making their way down to the hem of my dress. He lifted it up, sliding his fingers underneath the fabric before grabbing my panties and tugging, pulling them down my legs.
“No,” I moaned, drawing it out.
“You’re having a boy, Gigi, right here and now. You’re gonna have to trust me.”
“We,” I stressed from between strained breaths. “We’re having a boy.”
“Yeah.” I could hear him panting as his anxiety rose. “Okay.”
Bless his heart; he was trying hard to conceal the panic on his face.
But then again, I knew. He wasn’t sure he could do it, either, but he went to great lengths to comfort me.
“At least I won’t have to pull its legs like a calf,” He murmured.
“Where’s the doctor?” I wept.
He leaned over me, cradling my face with both hands. As his gaze pierced through me, I managed to calm down for a minute. “I won’t let anything happen to you or the baby. Okay?”
Swallowing past the lump in my throat and the pain in my loins, I nodded.
His lips kissed mine, and for a few seconds, I told myself that everything was going to be all right. The moment our mouths parted, another wave of pain came rushing in, tearing through my insides as my back automatically arched.
I started sliding off the couch, and with one swift motion, Danny’s arms picked me up and laid me softly onto the soft rug on the floor.
“It hurts, Danny,” I sobbed. “I don’t wanna.”
“I know, Baby, I know. But we gotta get him outta you. You need to help me.”
His hands pushed my thighs apart, while all I wanted was to press them together hard enough to stop the labor from happening at all.
“Gigi, please,” he sighed. “You gotta push.”
“I can’t; it hurts too bad.”
“Is it not going away now?”
I violently shook my head, scrunching my eyelids together. I thought I was going to pass out from the pain.
“Okay, it has to come out. Any longer than this, the baby could suffer.”
“Don’t tell me that,” I wailed, unable to control the shudders along my spine as I bawled.
“Gigi.” He raised his voice an octave. “I can’t do this without you. Now, push.”
“Oh my God,” I cried. Trying to do as he said, I willed all my muscles to contract downward.
I felt the veins in my face and neck expand. It was like I was going to explode.
“You’re doing great, baby,” he encouraged me. “I can see the head, Gigi, c’mon, another time.”
The contractions had now melded into one long, torturous session of pain that didn’t allow me to take proper breaths. I gasped for air as I prepared for another push, and my fingers dug through the fibers of the carpet underneath.
I failed to muster the strength.
“I’m so tired, I can’t,” I whispered.
“What the fuck, Gigi. The chord’s around his neck.”
“What?” Panic returned, far more overwhelming this time.
“You need to push another time for me to untangle it,” he commanded. “Or else, he chokes.”
“Oh, my God.” My breaths were fast and shallow, and my heartbeats rang in my ears. “Fuck. Oh, my God. Okay. Okay.”
“C’mon, now, Gigi. I’ll do whatever you want if you do this now. We can’t lose him. C’mon!” he implored me.
As if his words managed to give me the energy I needed, I summoned every ounce of energy I had in my body and managed to drive one long push.
“Yes. Yes!” he exhaled.
Not wanting to lose momentum, I inhaled sharply and thrust one more time.
The excruciating pain between my legs stopped all feeling from reaching my brain, and I couldn’t make out what his hands were doing down there.
“Did you—” I panted. “Did you get it?”
“Yes, yes, it’s loose now.”
“Oh.” I breathed quickly, tears running down the corners of my eyes.
“One more baby, one more, and we’re all done.”
Psyching myself up that it was supposed to be the last time, I squeezed my eyes shut and drew a deep inhale, letting the air out of my mouth as I raised my head off the floor and squeezed down with all my might.
My scream drowned out all other sounds, and for a second, I thought I had fainted.
“Why isn’t he crying?”
My eyes suddenly opened, and I pushed myself up on my elbows.
The following few seconds were the most heartwarming thing I had ever witnessed.
Danny held the baby in his arms—wet and covered in goop—very close to his chest, oblivious to how it was ruining his shirt. The baby squirmed while Danny gently wiped his little eyes with his fingers.
The look on my husband’s face was indescribable, but for the sake of being a writer, I tried to reduce it to words in my mind.
In awe, his eyes scanned the child’s tiny body from head to toe. His gaze was filled with wonder as his fingers tenderly touched the baby’s toes, knees, chest, fingers, nose, and fine hair.
It was as though he had never seen a baby before.
He was entirely and wholeheartedly taken.
When the baby began to cry, he instinctively held him a little further from his chest. When he glanced up, and his eyes met mine, he immediately shifted closer, handing him to me.
I was still stricken by what I had just watched.
Oh, Danny, how much sweeter were you, really?
Hesitantly, I held him, not knowing exactly what to do. I had read nine books about what to expect, but there I was, my mind frazzled, and my defenses destroyed.
I was clueless, but he was so precious.
He stopped crying the moment I let him cuddle up to my chest.
“How are you feelin’?” Danny whispered, softly kissing my cheek.
“I wish I couldn’t feel my lower half at all,” I tittered with a low voice, afraid to disturb the baby.
“Are you sore?”
I nodded, and he instantly took me in his arms, sideways and careful not to press on the tiny creature I held.
His hand delicately patted my hair. “He’s perfect.” He spoke into my tresses.
I wondered how he felt.
“Yeah, I could tell you like him.”
Pulling away an inch, he looked me in the eyes. “I love him because he’s yours.”
“You lie.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“You love him just because, you big mush,” I joked past the exhaustion in my voice.
Lowering his gaze, he knew I could see right through him. When he looked back up, he had a big grin on his face.
“Ready to be moved?”
I quickly shook my head. “Nu-uh.”
“You can’t spend the night here.” He pushed himself up to stand before taking my arm. “There’s a grand, comfortable bed waiting for you.”
Maneuvering with ease, he managed to pick me up and take me upstairs.
The moment he placed us down on the bed, we heard Pete’s car pull over outside.
“That’s gotta be the doctor. I’ll be right back.” He rushed out.
I looked down at the baby and sighed. He was the smallest person I had ever encountered. But he was a person. My little person.
Our little boy.
The fine hairs on his head were blond like the sun. As I carefully stroked them with my fingers, I wished he would open his eyes so I could look at them again. He squirmed a little, making brief noises before lazily parting his eyelids a little.
Those bright, blue eyes were going to destroy hearts.
What were we going to name him?
I wanted nothing more than my husband’s decision on that.
Danny walked into the room with the doctor following two steps behind.
“Gigi.” The doctor smiled as he opened his briefcase. “Congratulations. Danny did a wonderful job, I must admit.”
“He did. I couldn’t have wished for better.” I gave my husband a grateful look, and he humbly smiled.
“Even me?” he chortled.
I shrugged.
“How do you feel?” He started measuring my vitals.
“Aside from the destruction I wouldn’t dare look at?” I giggled. “I’m okay. Really sleepy, though.”
“Of course, that’s natural.” He read my blood pressure. “You’ve exerted a tremendous amount of effort; it’s never easy. You need to rest.”
“What about the baby?”
“May I?” He extended his hands, and I carefully handed him over. “The baby’s gonna be fine. I see he’s quite calm.”
“Is that normal?”
“Each one’s different. They’ve got personalities, y’know.”
He began to inspect him, and from where I was sitting, I could see how keen Danny was on paying extra attention to everything he was doing.
“I’ll be giving Danny all of the instructions. You don’t need to worry.”
“Thanks, Doc,” Danny responded.
During the rest of the examination and the measures the doctor had to take, Danny eagerly hovered, assisting as much as he could. Moving between me, the baby, and the doctor, he wouldn’t let a detail out of his sight.
He was being dutifully loyal to the process. It warmed my heart.
After everything I had been through, the last thing I expected was to feel even more attracted to my husband at the moment. He was beyond perfect, even with blood and goo all over his shirt.
Exhausted, my eyelids began to close, and the moments that followed were difficult to discern.
I remember the doctor wishing us luck before leaving the room.
I recall hearing Danny send Pete out to buy some supplies.
Not wanting to leave me alone, he changed his clothes and came back to join me.
I remember him whispering sweet nothings in my ears every time I briefly opened my eyes.
I thought I felt him change my clothes, smoothly undressing me and sliding a fresh, soft sleeping gown over my head.
He even changed my underwear.
I remember wondering how he must have felt about the baby looking exactly like Matt with his fair complexion and small nose.
As I drifted off, I knew he gently washed the baby clean, clothing him in a white onesie he had bought for him earlier.
I knew I was in safe hands with him by my side, and I couldn’t feel more at peace. He truly made it all that much easier, and I wished I could do the same for him.
“I love you, Danny,” I purred and wasn’t sure he heard me.
“And I adore you,” he whispered as he sat next to me in bed with the baby in his arms. “You should let yourself sleep now.”
Aware that it wasn’t going to be simple, raising a child whose mere looks served as a constant, harsh reminder that it was not his own, I wanted to think more clearly. I needed to help him adjust.
But I couldn’t. Not right now.
Against my best attempts, sleep was pulling my consciousness away from my own deliberate grip.
Throughout the night, Danny never left my side.
This cowboy with a heart of gold was my man…and he was proving it, every day and every night.
If only he knew how much I truly loved him.