“PLAY THE COMPUTER AT TIC-TAC-TOE.” The innocent invitation was posted at a local corner shopping center one sunny Saturday afternoon. “Not much of a challenge,” I smugly mused. “How hard could this be?” After all, I had long since mastered this game for tots.
Mind you, I wasn’t exactly sure what a computer actually was. But no matter. This was the early 1960s, I was nearly eight years old, and everything was possible. It was going to be a battle of the ages: Boy versus Computer. And I was gonna kick the computer’s electronic butt.
I confidently strode into the exhibit tent, which was sponsored by IBM or Bell Labs, or some other creator of futuristic technological wonders. As I took my place in line, my eyes were drawn to a massive sign hanging ominously above the computer screen: “YOU CAN’T BEAT IT. SEE IF YOU CAN TIE IT.” I scoffed at the very notion, utterly convinced that I could figure out a way to slay this pompous behemoth.
I approached the massive, soulless black screen. The primitive white cursor blinked at me arrogantly, daring me to make my move. I was not to be intimidated. I took a deep breath, and The Challenge was on…
Game 1: Tie. (“Okay, you’ve got this covered.”)
Game 2: Tie. (“Come on, you can do it!”)
Game 3: Loss. (“What the…?”)
Game 4: Loss. (“This can’t be happening!”)
Game 5: Tie. (“Okay, now don’t panic.”)
And so it went…seemingly random sequences of losses and ties. But not one win. As my veneer of denial began to slowly erode, the realization crept up my back like an army of cold spiders: I could not win. But, surprisingly, after the initial frustration, a tie started to feel not-so-bad; as a matter of fact, it felt pretty good. (Or at least, it felt acceptable.) There was no such thing as a “win.” A tie was a win. I walked home alone that day, humbled but wiser. Tic-tac-toe was never the same again…
But this was more than just a game of tic-tac-toe. It turned out to be about all kinds of challenges. Especially challenges in important relationships, like with friends, family, or partners. It’s not about “winning.” In fact, when you “win,” you usually don’t really win. (You actually lose.) And when they “win,” they don’t really win. (They actually lose.) The best outcome is a tie. If you can both walk away equally satisfied — or even equally dissatisfied — that’s the real challenge. And the real win.