PART NINE

I

Peppy and Jeff never have the same long line to wait in like Rudi and Delores and Dave. There was only a forty-five minutes wait at Customs, where the men in uniforms search through suitcases and stamp passports five and six different times.

Peppy spot Rudi right away. For although him look different, his knock-knees give him away. For only them alone knock that special, causing his feet to flare out at the edges while the knees gather together, no matter the cut to the trousers. His hair wasn’t as tall either. It was close-cut to the scalp and laying down flat with a part to the side, like she see the black guards wear at New York airport. Him never look as stout either, with all the junk food she hear so plentiful in America and bad for the heart, his clothes sit on him neat as always, colours blending in well. But the way him stand up now, back straight, head hold high as it turn from one end of the airport to the other, looking for she and Jeff, him give off a sense of sureness about life, almost as if him comfortable with himself; spirit was at ease. Only Pastor Longmore up at Aunty Cora’s church on Communion Sundays give off such an air.

‘Watch the bags. And please watch them properly. I going to call him,’ Peppy tell Jeff, for Aunty Cora tell her, if you not careful in America, them steal out your very eyes out your head and you don’t know it. Then she walk over to where him stand up—Peppy, now fifteen, limbs stretch out tall, lengthening her up to almost the same height as Rudi.

And is only when she reach up close and take a good look at his face that she realize what was so different about him. Him was happy. Not just glad she come, that too, but the happiness she see now that ripple out of his belly, widen out his face and brighten up his eyes is the same kind Pastor Longmore claim him get when the spirit fill his soul. And she know Rudi don’t go to church for him write often about the arguments between him and the mother, so it was a happiness coming from source Pastor Longmore don’t mention yet.

‘Where is everybody?’ she ask, after hugging, and Rudi explaining that him have so much to tell her and so many people him want her to meet and so many things to show her, that him don’t quite know where to begin.

‘Something happen to Mama’s shoulder,’ him say, as them walk back to where Jeff was guarding the suitcases, ‘so Delores stay home with her. Sometimes she’s alright and can work, but other times she have to take to her bed. Doctor say is stress-related, she must relax more. She think is arthritis, though.’ Him shrug.

And as Rudi hug and kiss Jeff and comment on how Grandma’s cooking well agree with him, for him certainly sprout up the short time him was living there and turn handsome from the fine haircut Grandpa give him, Peppy’s mind run on Aunty Cora who she left back at home in bed just recovering from a case of bad sickness.

Everything was going okay. Aunty Cora seem more than excited she leaving for Foreign. ‘Gal,’ she say to Peppy one day, clearing her voice and eyes that seem to be constantly watery these days. (Aunty Cora claim that it’s the cataract growing back and the plenty pressure it put on her brain cause her eyes to fog up and turn red often. But Peppy know better). ‘Gal, I know you have ambition, so you will go far. I won’t live to see or hear about it, but I will rest in peace, for I did me duty.’

Then one week before she leave, almost like a bad luck, Aunty Cora take down sick. Miss Gertie, who’d agreed to come back after some form of compromise between she and Leslie and Aunty Cora, try and nurse Aunty Cora as best she could. And when is not Cerosee tea she boil and give to her, is ginger root. And when is not Bitters, is dry Excelsior crackers or plain rice without salt and butter to calm her stomach. But Aunty Cora couldn’t keep down a thing in her belly. And all Peppy could do was sit down beside her and hold her hand. She’d never seen Aunty Cora so afraid, the eye water falling just as plentiful as the vomiting.

When the vomiting start up again the second day, with sprinklings of blood inside it this time, Leslie send for Doctor Lord to come quickly. And after him take temperature and perform tests, stop the vomiting and was inside with Aunty Cora alone for about two hours going on three, taking urine samples, asking her questions and probing her belly with his fingers, him finally step outside to where almost all of New Green was waiting in the yard to hear the final diagnosis.

Doctor Lord call Leslie alone, and the two of them walk towards the back of the house, talking together in low tones. Not long after, Doctor Lord gather up his bag and drive away. Leslie didn’t even bother to tell Miss Gertie, for him claim her mouth too blasted flightly, but him tell Peppy and a few of Aunty Cora’s close friends. Peppy wasn’t sure what him tell New Green people to pacify them, but when him tell Aunty Cora’s two friends, them just grimace and walk way, face and eyeballs expressionless, back bend slightly forward.

Peppy wasn’t quite sure what to do with the news. According to Doctor Lord, Aunty Cora didn’t have much time left. The cancer in her belly was spreading fast and that is why she can’t keep down her food. She’s too old to cut, him tell Leslie, so we just have to wait till she erupt. One day when she get up to go to toilet, the entire belly will just fall out. Him did leave plenty bagfuls of medicine and pain killers on Aunty Cora’s bureau, but him caution Leslie don’t say a word to her about how serious it is, for no matter how strong she might be, she will never bear up under this kind of news.

The news rest heavy on Peppy’s chest, this whole business about eruption and what it means. Leslie didn’t know either. Him tell her about the woman who did have it in her breast and how maggots take to the breast and eat it up. But Peppy tell him no, that different. That wasn’t going to be the case with Aunty Cora. Aunty Cora was too God fearing, and according to what she hear, that woman used to drink rum and curse plenty. Would never go to church and treat her children decent. Aunty Cora’s too good for that kind of suffering to overtake, Peppy explain. She have too much strength of heart. She joke around too much. Too many people love and respect her.

A few days later Aunty Cora was back on her two feet as Peppy expected, chatting and laughing with her friends again who climb all the way up the hill to visit her, and sipping her white rum on the side same way although Doctor Lord caution her against it.

‘Peppy, come on,’ Rudi bawl out, ‘time to go home.’

She never have much to carry. Only the same big green suitcase with the four wheels at the bottom that Aunty Cora travelled with three years ago. And with the heavy coat, Rudi brought, wrap around her body, Peppy run the suitcase through the sliding exit door into the cold January night over to where Rudi parked his car.

II

Gwennie was lying-up in bed when the children come in, four soft fluffy pillows holding up the hot water bottle pressed to her back. With every car that pass, she hold her breath and listen, waiting to see if it was Rudi. Then just as she start to doze off again, the slamming of doors wake her up.

‘Come in,’ she say to them, motioning with her head as them file in. ‘I’m as sick as a dog, but I want to see how me children look.’ And them walk around to her bed, Jeff first, then Peppy.

‘Jeff, is you this? Oh my goodness! Where you growing to, boy? Dead stamp of your uncle, Samuel. Same pinch face smile. Same flare out nose. How the asthma?’

And as Jeff turn around to explain that him think the asthma is psychologically based, for ever since him relocated down to Mile Gully it wasn’t as persistent, Gwennie’s line of vision shift from off Jeff to focus on Peppy, whose size and height and looks was unfathomable.

‘Peppy, is you that? But look at me dying trial!’ And in her haste to raise up and look close at Peppy, the pain rip through Gwennie’s shoulder blade, causing her to shut her eyes tight all of a sudden and squeeze out the pain. ‘This can’t be,’ Gwennie think half to herself and half outloud. ‘This can’t be the same little girl that was up at Aunty Cora.’

For in truth, it was as if a total stranger was standing up in the room with her. The little resemblance to Luther that was there earlier, gone. Every last drop. And it make Gwennie think maybe all those times she thought she’d seen resemblance, it was her own head telling her nonsense. For in front her now was a brand-new person. Face pretty like money, but a hardness around the eyes and mouth corners bringing to mind people who suffer from hard life or preparing to meet it. No resemblance whatsoever to anybody in her family as far back as she can think.

‘Rudi say you have arthritis. How’re you feeling?’

Gwennie never know what to answer. Her mind was back down at Grandma’s listening for the ring in the voice, the joke that was always lurking around door corners, the mischief in his eyes as them used to twinkle up to her, but nothing a tall like Luther. Peppy’s tone was dead flat. No sign of life. Almost as if the question come natural, she ask it all the time out of sheer good breeding, but in actuality couldn’t care less if Gwennie was really okay or not.

‘Not too bad,’ Gwennie answer, everybody else in the room blind to her. She never see Jeff hovering around the other side of her bed, eyes and nose wide open with the newness of Foreign. She never see Delores in the doorway blocking it with her tall frame, or Rudi peering in from underneath Del’s arm. Only Gwennie and Peppy alone in the room. ‘The doctor say is stress, me worry too much. But them don’t know what them talking about. And them charge so damn much to look at it and not even know what it is.’ Gwennie kiss her teeth. ‘Is arthritis. Mama did have the same thing and her mother before that. It knife you more than usual when the weather turn cold. When it get warmer, it won’t be as bad.’

‘You have ointments for it?’ Peppy ask, glancing at the bureau. No signs of the plenty bottles of Arrowroot or Bitterbush or Bayrum and other bad smelling vials of rubbings. Nothing except for the small black-and-white-radio-television at one end; matching comb and brush set, underarm deodorant, dish of face powder, tube of lipstick bunched up together at the other end, and a family photo in the middle.

‘No, me dear,’ Gwennie answer her. ‘Him say I must take vacation. Take time off from work and travel for a while. Lay down sleep and wake late in the mornings. Exercise, jog or walk long distances. Too many things on my mind. But I can’t afford vacation now. Too expensive.’

And she and Peppy continue to talk, nothing personal that would make them uncomfortable first thing, but about Miss Gertie and Leslie, Aunty Cora and the shop, school and the quality of education these days and plenty other trivial things. A little later, Peppy cry excuse to Gwennie, say goodnight to Rudi and make her way into Delores’ luxurious queen size bed, that she’d bought to replace the twin bed not long after her first paycheck. There, she settle in for the night, twisting and turning over on her belly then her back and sides till finally she drop asleep, body bruise-up and tired from all the hassling.

III

Peppy’s first letter to Aunty Cora ran almost five pages back and front. She dispatch it off exactly one month after her arrival. She write Jasmine too, for them did grow closer and closer over the years, and Vin.

It was a Saturday morning when she write the letter. And except for the heater knock-knocking now and again, the house was dead quiet, everybody sleeping. Peppy take her time and crawl out the bed, blanket and pillow dragging behind, careful not to wake Delores, for Delores is a woman who don’t like anything to wake her up before one o’clock Saturday afternoons. Sprawl-off on the carpet, head cover-up, windows rattling from the howling wind outside, she start her letter Dear MaCora.

At first she ask after Aunty Cora’s arthritis and lump, if any improvement taking place. Then after Marlon, Leslie’s little boy him have with the Creole woman, and who Aunty Cora raising now, if him bad as yaws same way and giving plenty trouble? How Babbo and Miss Doris? How poor Miss Gertie and Leslie making out? Then Peppy tell her about the school she and Jeff attend, that’s not too far from the house; how the Black Americans in her class laugh at her accent and the other West Indians standoffish. Always acting as if them better, refusing to speak to her. Then Peppy tell her about teacher Biggs who’s been advising her about the plenty scholarships she must apply for next year so she can go on to university. And Peppy remember to tell Aunty Cora that yes, it look as if her plenty prayers working, in truth.

Home life. Peppy pause long and hard on this one before she continue. For in truth only she and Rudi really get on. Delores too steep in the church and in her Western and Mills & Boon Romances to give attention to anybody or anything else. And furthermore, her moods too swing-swang. One day, nicer than Delores you can’t find. Chat and laugh loud and plenty. Next time, she don’t speak whatsoever.

Peppy and Gwennie? Well, them just sort of step outside one another’s way. Sometimes she get the feeling that her mother just constantly waiting to hear questions she imagine Peppy plan to ask. The two definitely have to get to know one another. Sometimes when everybody around the dining room table chatting and laughing, she notice the definite familiarity among Jeff, Delores, Rudi and Gwennie. Knowing glances only them alone understand. Old jokes and secrets, them alone privy to.

Whenever Gwennie address her about anything: ‘Peppy, how school today?’ or ‘Peppy, where you and Rudi been all afternoon?’ ‘How Aunty Cora, when last you hear from her?’ It’s always like a cloud cover over her brain and she can’t remember. Almost like the room suddenly hot and she suffocating. And she can feel sweat trickling down her back bone. And she want to scratch for everywhere itching at once. But somehow, some way, she always manage to answer, her voice barely audible, her answers far from coherent.

And Gwennie have to always ask her over and over what is she saying, voice gaining in irritation each time. For after Peppy finally answer ‘Me and Rudi was driving around’, depending on the question, she just purse up her lips, sullen-like, for she couldn’t think of what else to say to her mother. And during these times she always see the strained expression on Gwennie’s face, in her eyes, sometimes even in her voice, almost as if she can barely contain that scream struggling inside her chest.

Her relationship with Jeff and Dave, come and go. So that really only leave she and Rudi, or better yet, she and Rudi and Craig—thirty-three year-old Craig, whom she meet the very next day after she arrive, and who’s been sharing the same apartment with his mother for over twenty years. Rudi met him at the same bar Percy Clock used to frequent several years back when him was living in America.

‘We just connect with each other really well,’ Rudi tell her, not long after her arrival. ‘We don’t have that much in common. For one, him way older than me. But him really nice. We travel all the time. Him really caring and giving. Father died during the war. Korean, I think. Him write poetry on the side like me . . .’

And as him go on talk, Peppy could see it in his face again, that same surety bout life she saw at the airport. And she get the sudden feeling that when his mother find out about his way of life, for that bound to happen soon with this new attitude she see, is either Gwennie put up with it, or she don’t do anything a tall. For it seems as if Rudi reach a stage now where no coaxing or begging can change him. She could just see the constant fighting that would take place if the father ever come. It always please her to hear Rudi say that if is a tall up to him, Walter’s two feet never touch Foreign soil.

‘Craig say him want to meet Mama and Delores and everybody,’ Rudi continue. ‘Him even want us to go back home on vacation for a week. But I don’t know.’

She could tell too that Rudi was just bottled up with plenty things, that him was just waiting to unload on her what letter can’t convey. The first two weeks, them stay up till two o’ clock each night, catching up on nine months’ worth of news. News about Percy: how Martel leave him for one of Percy’s good friends; and that even now, Percy still hurting from the break-up. But according to Martel’s letters, Percy was cloaking him too much. Him needed breathing space. Him getting plenty of that with Bill, the new fellow.

Then she ask if him remember her friend, Jasmine, for Jasmine’s mother, the higgler lady, was that way too. Jasmine invited her over to her mother’s house and she met the lady, Miss Pearl.

‘Is almost like them married,’ Peppy tell him, ‘for them each wear a gold ring. I did expect that maybe one of them would play the father while the other one play the mother. But nothing like that.’ Peppy shake her head. ‘Miss Pearl was just coming back from work, when me see her, and she did have on high heel shoes and silk frock, looking like Queen of Sheba, ownself. Jasmine say every Sunday morning Miss Pearl get up early, ready Jasmine’s two little brothers, and carry them to St Richard’s Catholic Church where she sing tenor in the choir. She not manlike a tall,’ Peppy assure him, ‘she just as feminine as Jasmine’s mother.

‘And them loving to one another, too.’ Peppy continue on. ‘Jasmine say them have quarrels, but nothing compared to what used to go on when the father was there.’

‘Then, Jasmine tell children at school about her family life?’ Rudi ask her. ‘She not afraid them laugh?’

‘She only tell me, I think, since me and she close.’ Peppy’s face was pensive. ‘To other children, she refer to Miss Pearl as her mother’s second cousin from country who just spending time.’

But that was all Peppy could tell Rudi. Somehow she never feel comfortable telling him about New Green people, about Leslie and his little boy, about Aunty Cora and her lump. Him ask after them, and Peppy tell him, them hearty, but she don’t get the feeling that him really care, or want extended information. It’s almost as if New Green belong to she, same way Del and Dave, Jeff and Gwennie belong to Rudi.

So as Peppy hear Delores raise up in her bed, turn over and continue to snore, she tell Aunty Cora that family life going okay. She and everyone getting along fine. Don’t worry herself. For somehow she just couldn’t tell Aunty Cora that even though she and Rudi get along fine, every time the two of them talking, no matter how important the subject matter, if the phone ring any a tall and it’s Craig on the line, everything else put on hold. For whenever Craig clap, Rudi jump. The foundation of them relationship it seems. Then Peppy tell Aunty Cora about the coldness of weather, how sometimes temperature reach as far as thirty below. Still no signs of snow, although it’s suppose to this weekend. She tell Aunty Cora about Gwennie’s old boyfriend, Clive, who don’t come over as often anymore, and who is only on good terms with Rosa. Then Peppy ask her to please reply soon, she can’t wait to hear more news. And when she finish lick the airmail envelope shut, she start on Jasmine’s letter and then Vin’s.

IV

So as March turn into April and April into May, and the few seeds of tomato, hot pepper and carrot Gwennie sprinkle behind the house started budding, and the pain in her back and shoulders subsided to only spasms now and again, the things that used to clog up Peppy’s brain back home, that was on hold now till she finally settle down and was comfortable with Foreign life, started to flood her mind again. The dreams about the man: medium height and dark-skinned; whom Aunty Cora hadn’t seen herself, but was quite certain him was a contractor on the bridge that separate Mile Gully from the town Walter’s people come from.

And the man would never show his face in any of her dreams. Everytime she’d go up close, him would always turn his back or disappear from her line of vision completely. But she know him wear glasses, thick dark glasses to protect his eyes from splinters. And she know him wear khaki trousers sometimes, or wash-out dungarees other times, but always with the behind and knees tear out and patch several times. And she know him always smell of sweat, sweat that drip from his neck down into the collar of his open-neck dirty shirt, ripped underneath the arms, staining it, a musty yellow.

And she know him wear gloves, heavy brown gloves that protect his fingers that she more than certain resemble hers: long and slender with rounded tips and half moons. And she know him always carry a canvas work bag with the zipper torn out, fill up to the neck with the water bottle, plane, saw, flashlite, box of cigarette, trowel, tape measure, hammer and nail. All different shapes and sizes of nails.

Sometimes the dreams come once a fortnight. Sometimes once a week. Other times every night. And even when she get up in the middle of the night thirsty, or to go to the bathroom, by the time her head hit the pillow again, the smell of sweat was upon her so strong, her nose twitch. And she did get up one Sunday morning determine to ask the mother about the man: the man whose name she wasn’t certain about, but whose voice she recognized as him laugh and joke around with the other contractors, the grin—widespread and engaging, covering over his face like hers; the man who Aunty Cora imagine still living, although she don’t quite know whom him is herself, Gwennie the best one to ask—but careful how you ask, for things have a way, especially when them hard to talk about, to come out in ways you don’t quite expect or even want.

The Sunday morning Peppy put on her robe and proceed inside the kitchen where her mother was frying ripe plantains, eggs and johnny cakes for breakfast. Not quite certain how to begin, she find the dusting rag and start to dust off the mahogany table, Gwennie don’t allow anybody to sit down around unless them have to, then she spread the table cloth over it for breakfast.

‘Nice to see you out of bed bright and early.’ Gwennie remark, as if noticing Peppy for the first time. ‘Have things plan for today?’

Peppy open her mouth to begin, but not a sound.

‘Whatsit?’ Gwennie lift her head, waiting for the response, back turn to Peppy sameway as she watch the johnny cakes turn golden brown in the frying pan.

‘Nothing,’ Peppy sigh out. ‘Just can’t sleep, that’s all.’

And after she set out the plates and forks, Peppy crawl back into her bed defeated, but planning ways nevertheless to broach the subject.

And out it came, full force and flushy one day while Rudi was out carousing with Craig as usual, Delores was gone with Rosa and Jeff to a programme at the church, and only Peppy and Gwennie were alone at the house. Gwennie was frying fish the Saturday, lovely red-belly porgies she buy at the Grand Union. And as Peppy is not one to start up conversations with her mother, Gwennie did have to call her into the kitchen.

‘How school?’ Gwennie roll the fish in the bowl with the flour. ‘Jeff bring his report card to show me. Where yours?’

‘Inside.’

‘Here, peel this.’ Gwennie hand Peppy a big piece of yellow yam she get at the West Indian store. ‘What it doing inside? You must bring it and show me. I want to see how you doing at the school.’

‘I will bring it when I finish,’ Peppy reply, her voice meek and mild, for she always feel tender under Gwennie’s gaze.

‘If you’re bright and work hard, them will give you scholarship. Your Aunt Dorothy did get a scholarship.’

And she and Gwennie continue on in conversation, her tongue and mind loosening with each new sentence. Peppy tell her about Miss Biggs, and how only encouragement and praise fall from her lips. Then Gwennie tell her she’d be more than lucky if she can get a scholarship to attend university, for sometimes she wish she could take classes up at the community college few nights a week, herself. Social Studies and Civics her favourite. But she don’t have the time.

And as them go on talk, it roll out of Peppy’s mouth with such ease, she never even have time to stop herself. ‘Ma’am,’ she start off, for she still not used to calling Gwennie Mama like the others, ‘Who is me father? What’s his name?’

Peppy turn around to look at her mother. But Gwennie’s back was still facing her, straight and rigid same way.

‘What you mean by that? You don’t know your father?’

‘No. I mean yes. But them say Walter’s not me father. Them say . . .’ Peppy couldn’t continue anymore. Clouds rolled threateningly crossway her brain. She rub her fingers against the slices of yam on the plate, waiting for the pot of water on the stove to start boiling.

‘Who is them?’

Gwennie’s back still faced Peppy.

‘Grandma. Aunty Cora.’

‘I don’t know what you talking about, me dear,’ and as if to bring the conversation to a close, Gwennie drop the fish into the hot oil, and the frying was so loud, it cut off all forms of communication.

Peppy turn on the tap and rinse off her hands. Then she dry them off with a sheet of paper towel. And without another word to Gwennie, whose back was just as straight and as rigid, she step inside her room, pick up her jacket and let herself out through the back door.

Outside was warm. Tiny breezes caress her cheeks and blow against the eye water that was running down. She could feel the dreams crowding her head, the sweat even though faint, pinching her nostrils. She try pushing away until night time, but all her efforts seem hopeless. Evelyn Street was empty. She turn onto Watson Avenue and step inside the Convenient Store. She miss the sound of dominoes slapping hard on tables, the triumphant laughter of victors, the haunting face of the loser, back hunched over, hate in hims heart. She nod hello to the man around the counter, and play a game of Miss PacMan before leaving.

She continue on her walk, pass the parlour where Delores and Rosa get them hair straightened every two weeks, and Gwennie get her perm every six weeks. She pass the barber shop where Jeff get his hair cut, and Dave too, when him visit. Rudi cut his at the place Craig recommend. She call to the fat man who always stand up outside the Kentucky Chicken place, no matter what day of the week or what hour, and walk pass the bank where her class mate work as teller. There were no children in the street skipping, no firewood smells or overripe fruits. Nothing. Peppy walk on over to Gutman Park where she sit down and watch ducks waddle in the pond and concentric circles formed by the rippling water.

Monday morning she join the after school programme Miss Biggs suggest, and so when she leave home each morning, she don’t reach in again till six o’ clock, just time enough to do her homework, eat her dinner and go to her bed.

And when Gwennie stop her, ask her, ‘Peppy, why you coming home so late in the evenings? I know school let out from two and I expect that since you’re older, you should stay home with Rosa and Jeff.’

Peppy only mumble something about study programme and Miss Biggs, her hooded eyes lodged somewhere over Gwennie’s head top.

‘That is nice. How come you didn’t mention it before? You don’t think I want to know how you progressing?’

And Peppy just shrug her shoulders and walk away. She know Gwennie’s back started paining her again, but she couldn’t find any pity inside her belly for her mother.

Two weeks later, Peppy start the weekend job Dorothy find her at the hospital filling up her days. For she never want to have time to think. Think say maybe her mother telling her lies, her own mother. And it seem like after the incident, nothing ever come as surprise to Peppy anymore. She felt numb inside. And so when Rudi move out, it never shake her any, for the same way distance had grown between her and her mother, it had started to grow between she and the other children as well, Rudi included. For as much as them close, she still don’t feel comfortable bringing up things to him about the mother, even though now would be a good time since him and the mother also at odds.

Gwennie came home one evening only to find a copy of one of the magazines Rudi bring home from the bars on his bed where him carelessly leave it. Usually him hide it somewhere under his bed, or throw it way. But this time him leave it out. After Peppy watch Gwennie carry it to her room and flip through it, pace around the house, her face tight with agony, she know hell was going to burst loose that night. And from where she perch herself, Peppy could hear everything going on.

‘So this is what you interested in?’ Gwennie fling down the magazine on the floor and start to stamp on it. Eye water was in her voice. ‘This sin and nastiness. This is the example you setting for the younger ones? Well, it can’t go on inside here. You have to go or change your ways.’

‘Alright then, I will go.’ And Peppy could hear the same sureness of self she been noticing about Rudi ever since her arrival, almost as if him grow ten feet taller since him leave the father’s house. And she could tell Gwennie wasn’t ready for this response, for her face just turn grey all of a sudden. Rudi help plenty with the bills too. If him leave, things sure to fall heavy on her shoulders.

‘The church,’ Gwennie tell him, her voice weak, ‘that will change you.’

But she never say anymore, for Rudi started packing.

When Peppy reach home from school the next evening, his room was empty, every trace of him gone. And Peppy did have to come to the conclusion that maybe Rudi set the newspaper there as bait so him could move out. For him never put up any struggle, never try to compromise, him just leave. Say him need to live his own life now. She did miss him a little, for even though him was getting more and more estranged, him was still her favourite.

V

The telegram with the news of Aunty Cora’s death came two weeks after her reply to Peppy. When Delores give Peppy the telegram the Saturday evening after work, all Peppy could do was just to take it from Delores’ hand and sigh out loud. Then she lock up herself in the bathroom and sit down on the floor, back turn to the door.

Out in the living room merry-making was taking place. Delores had several of her friends over from church. Now and again peals of laughter ring out, shattering her solitude inside the dark room. Them never know much about Aunty Cora. Only that she had a big shop where them could get handfuls of paradise plum, icymint and ju-ju during visits. Them know too that she whoop long and loud, but that’s all. Them don’t know anything about the constant rum drinking to ease her maladys, the arthritis that would render her immobile now and again, the lump that was threatening her life. Delores say Gwennie doesn’t know as yet. That she been gone all day.

Lock-up inside the bathroom, Peppy couldn’t holler out a sound. Everything seem bottled-up inside. People die like flies up at the hospital where she work. This very morning, the old man she used to talk to on division 86, pass on. When she walk pass his room on her way in, the door was wide open, mattress turn over. By lunch time them wheel in somebody else. The new name was on her dinner list.

She figure it must be Leslie who send the telegram. Only him, George and Peppy call her MaCora. MACORA DEAD 25/5/80 AT HOSPITAL. FUNERAL 3/6/80. She reread it several times, opening and closing her eyes. She reread it again. Peppy think back on the last letter Aunty Cora send. If there was any indication that she worse than usual. But nothing. The last letter was no different from the others. Aunty Cora always complain that she on her last and don’t have much longer to go. But then next month a new letter would always come, the very same complaint attached.

‘Peppy,’ Jeff knock on the bathroom door, ‘coming out soon?’

‘Go outside and stop bothering me.’

Jeff kiss his teeth and kick the door. Then she hear him sigh and walk off.

The telegram was still in her hand. She imagine Buddy must be happy now. Him get all the land to himself. Peppy’s mind run on Aunty Cora’s only son and the constant quarrels that occurred between them. Whenever him want to quarrel with Aunty Cora and Peppy was in the room, him use to tell her to please leave. Big people talking. She couldn’t bear him. Like father, like son. Him and Leslie piggish alike. Him could barely wait until Peppy leave before roughing up Aunty Cora.

‘You change the will yet, old lady?’ him use to style her.

And Peppy would always wonder why is it Aunty Cora would never tell him to take his ass and go to hell, why she’d tolerate his out-of-orderliness instead, her voice always soft and weak, always pleading towards him.

‘Give me more time so I can think it over.’

Peppy could tell that Aunty Cora’s heart was heavy. You could hear it. But she know Aunty Cora would do exactly as him want.

‘Peppy not you pickney. Send her to her mother. George not you pickney. Send him to his father. Miss Gertie not you pickney, how come she getting land? Babbo, that nasty old drunkard, getting cow? Old lady you crazy! What me get, you only son? Two and one half acre of rock stone! Not even good land, but rock stone, break back, tough dirt that can’t grow anything.’

And Aunty Cora never would say anything, almost as if she afraid of him, almost as if she deserve the way him manhandle her. After quarrelling with Aunty Cora, him would step outside, call Leslie and quarrel with him as well, about how him worthless and lazy and won’t work the land. Not to mention George. Him hate George and Miss Gertie like poison. When him start on Leslie, Leslie would never say anything. Just sort of hang his head. Careful not to jeopardize anything, for him want Buddy to bring him back to England. When Peppy go back inside Aunty Cora’s room, she would always find her sitting up on the bed, hands holding up her jaw, the emergency flask she keep under the mattress, not too far off. And Peppy could do no more than to pray and hope Buddy’s two-week visit would make haste and come to an end so him can return to England where the constant drizzle hurt his arthritis and the stressfulness of his job raise his blood pressure sometimes even to the point of stroke.

‘Peppy?’ Delores this time. ‘Coming out anytime soon, medear.’

Peppy sigh out loud. She long for the day when she can have her own room. Sometimes when she think about it, she can’t blame Rudi for leaving a tall. As it is now, Delores dictates the hours light must turn on and off, for it bother her eyes. The radio Peppy buy with her first month’s paycheck can only turn on when Delores not in the room, for according to her, the boom-boom music Peppy love listening to only disturb her meditation with God.

As the hours fall by, still not a drop of eye water trickle down Peppy’s face. And Peppy start to wonder if it have anything to do with the distance that started growing between she and Aunty Cora, after Rudi left and she did have to move back to New Green. For it got to the point where she couldn’t bear to listen to the same quarrels between Aunty Cora and Leslie about cows and pigs and land. She didn’t want to hear Miss Gertie complain about her chest and the coughing. She didn’t want to hear about Vin’s boyfriends. New Green boys just never hold her interest anymore.

She grow tired of the same old conversation with New Green people about hard life, unemployment, drought, sickness. Just about everything and everybody was getting on her nerves. She missed Rudi’s friendship and them heart-to-heart conversations. She missed his friends and the unusualness of them lifestyle. Back up in New Green Aunty Cora was starting to restrict her movements as a result of Leslie’s eye-watch reporting. ‘Now that you turning into a young miss,’ she tell Peppy, ‘you can’t run up and down with the boys and play dominoes as you have a mind. You have to stay in and study your books. Do well in school and set good example. Go to church. New Green people don’t take well to this tomboy business a tall.’

Aunty Cora’s speedy deterioration and Peppy’s pending departure was creating an even wider distance between the two. It got to the point where Aunty Cora wouldn’t complain about her bad feelings anymore, almost as if she was afraid to become burdensome. But Peppy could tell, for the rum drinking did pick up. It didn’t sit good with Peppy about leaving Aunty Cora to Leslie who constantly rude to her, and Buddy who manhandle her even in his letters from England, and Miss Gertie who live off her like parasite, but nonetheless she still count down the days till the plane ticket arrive.

When Peppy crawl under the sheet that night she was still numb. Gwennie come into the room later on and shake her up. ‘You see the telegram?’

‘Yes,’ Peppy answer, shutting up her eyes and trying to fall back asleep. Those were the only words exchanged between she and Gwennie ever since the stir-up not too long ago. For since then, the two of them been walking around one another even more.

The funeral was the following week Sunday. Monday come and Tuesday pass, and still Peppy don’t hear word mention about going back home for the funeral. As much as she like to rely on herself, she never have the money to purchase her own plane ticket. She have it hard asking Rudi, now that him paying his own rent and bills. She couldn’t ask Delores either, for with Rudi’s absence things fall heavy on her shoulder and she make it a point of her duty to remind everybody about that fact, too. She never ask Gwennie either, for them only go around and come around one another. And Peppy never have the gall to break the pattern.

Wednesday night roll into Thursday, and by Friday she decide well then, maybe she won’t be able to see Aunty Cora for the last a tall. Maybe she won’t get a chance to see them lowering her in the box. She won’t be able to sit up with the men while them drink rum and beers and dig the grave. She won’t be able to walk behind the pall bearers as them carry the box on them shoulders. She and New Green people won’t be following behind and singing ‘Nearer My God To Thee’. She won’t be able to watch as Pastor Longmore sprinkle dirt on top of the coffin as it roll down inside the hole and say ‘Ashes to ashes and dust to dust’. No, all of New Green will get a chance to bury MaCora except she.

And the eye water still didn’t come. June pass and then July, and still she wait for Aunty Cora’s letters. July turn into August, and letter come for Gwennie from Grandma, and Delores get letter from her friend down Mile Gully and still nothing from New Green. September, Peppy enter her last year, Jeff start eleventh grade and Rosa move up to middle school. Delores was just as steep in the church, Clive no longer called and Rosa was no longer missing him. Gwennie start a computer literacy course up at the community college two nights a week, and Walter’s immigration papers move from on top Gwennie’s bureau to inside a box in the corner of her closet along with all the passports and alien cards.

That same September, Craig move in with Rudi for two weeks, only to move back in with his mother the middle of the third week, complaining that she the only person him can live with. Dave finish the Youth Corp up at Springfield and then join the Air Force and Peppy get one letter from Vin.

Vin say she doesn’t know where to begin, but is a good thing Peppy never came to the funeral for her belly would burn her to see her Aunty in that fashion. Bloat-up, Vin say, black and blue, you couldn’t even tell if it was Miss Cora or not. Them couldn’t wheel the coffin inside the church, for it was smelling too bad. Them did have to leave it outside. Pastor Longmore did have to race through the service so the men could hurry up and bury it. The body was spoilt, Vin say, spoilt rotten. Five days she lay down cover up in a blood-up white sheet waiting, waiting for the refrigerator to empty so them can put her in. Every day Leslie go and beg the guard, do sir, put his grandmother on ice, take out one of those that already frozen. Everyday the guard promise yes, him would try, but look at the line of people waiting to put them dead on ice, as well.

It was Marlon, Leslie’s little boy, Vin continue on, and Miss Cora alone at the house when she first come down with the sickness. Miss Gertie and Leslie fight again and she claim that as much as she love her Cousin Cora, she can’t live with Leslie. It happen around seven in the evening. Aunt Doris was up there earlier, taking care of Miss Cora. Miss Cora’s been in plenty pain over a week now. But it happen after Aunt Doris leave the evening. Miss Cora get up to go to the toilet and it wasn’t urine that come out, but blood. And she call out to Marlon, boy, go and call Leslie, this business don’t look good a tall.

She died up at the public hospital the next day. Aunt Doris say she can’t figure out how come Leslie never bring her to a private hospital, for the few nurses and doctors at the public hospital, no matter how wonderful them training, just can’t take care of the long line of sick people that need attention. But Aunty Doris figure it out last month after the will read. She never have a penny. Miss Cora will out everything to Buddy. You name wasn’t even mentioned, Peppy. Leslie never even get an orange tree. Buddy run George off the property, telling him to go and look for work.

Peppy was outside on the back steps when she get the letter, the woollen sweater keeping her warm from the cool September breeze. She don’t like staying inside the house when Gwennie home, for a heaviness seem to always come over her. It remind her of when she used to live with Walter and him would come home drunk. And everybody, no matter how happy and glad they were before, would suddenly turn gloomy and wilt by the time Walter’s car pull into the carport. From where she sit down, Peppy could see Windsor Street and the people passing. Now and again she catch bits and pieces of a conversation.

When she was through reading the letter, Peppy fold it up and step inside the house. And the hollering that started never included any eye water. She open up her mouth wide instead and bawl out as if she cut her finger, or a piece of board fall on her toe. And when she holler out, Delores run over first, and then the rest of children start to gather around. But Gwennie never come.

And them watch Peppy as she crouch over in the middle of the room, the letter at her feet, her back to them, her two hands holding her belly. At first them could tolerate the bawling, but then it change. One by one them back out the room, hands fold over ears, face furrow-up, them own belly cringing, for the sound was desperate, was gut-wrenching, was sad, and them just couldn’t bear to hear it anymore.

VI

Graduation day, even before anybody inside the house started stirring, Peppy wake up early, pick up the piece of paper with the speech she and Dorothy spend long hours writing, and step inside the bathroom, locking the door behind her. From in front the full-length mirror she practise the speech over and over, making sure that back was straight, her head sit down on her neck in good angle, her mouth round up and stretch out as it pronounce each word and each syllable and she not looking down on the paper at all times, but out at the audience.

Peppy got five tickets total. One she give to Dorothy, since them grow close over the years. From the day she went over Dorothy’s house and expressed interest in the plenty pictures Dorothy have frame up in her little studio and darkroom she build in the basement of the house, Dorothy not only show Peppy how to use the 35 and 14 millimetre cameras she have, but for one whole month she lend them to Peppy alongside several rolls of film, for she claim Peppy have good eyes for colour and image.

She send a ticket to Rudi, as well. She wasn’t sure if him would be able to drag himself from Craig. But him call and say him would try, for him long to see her. Over six months now. She was hoping maybe she’d see him Christmas day. But when him phone and ask Gwennie if him could invite Craig, she point blank tell him no, not over her dead body, that kind of nasty living not going take place in her house.

She also invite Del, if she can manage tear herself way from Bible Study that evening, Mr Taylor, the man who run the After-School-Study Programme at the University and Merle Hennahan: twenty-three-year-old Merle who finish college one year early and worked for Mr Taylor in the programme. She can’t quite remember the occasion that brought she and Merle together, but without fail, every evening Merle drive her home in the little maroon Volkswagen she call Betsy and, on days when Gwennie working late, invite Peppy to her studio where she live with her small hairless, six-inch dog, Nagasaki.

Merle don’t have plenty furniture in her house, she still have her mattress on the cold tile floor, but she have plenty artefacts on her wall from her travels to West Africa and China and two months in Ireland where her father’s line of family come from, no mention about her mother. Evenings when Peppy don’t have plenty homework, she spend them with Merle. And sometimes during the warmer months, them sit down outside in the park and read and play with Nagasaki. Cooler months, them watch movies in theatre houses, or drink coffee and mint tea at cafés close to Merle’s house. She never have any tickets left over for Gwennie. She wasn’t sure her mother would come anyway. Plenty evenings she wanted to ask her, for Merle say she must try, but she was too afraid Gwennie would tell her she don’t have the time, for she working late all this week, and by the time she reach home she exhausted.

The small auditorium where them keep the graduation ceremony was full. And from where she take her seat up on the stage, next to the principal and the Deputy School Superintendent and Assistant Principal, and City Hall representative, Peppy could see everyone coming in. Those graduating, and those bearing close resemblance to them. And as them walk in, some with hair pile high on headtops, others in suits, trousers iron thin, feet stepping high and faces proud.

From her seat, Peppy could see the lights flickering on and off in the lobby as more people crowd into the auditorium, women stepping tall so the spike heels won’t arouse attention. Then the lights were off, and the room hush over, and she hear one or two coughing and clearing of throat and rustling of paper.

The Deputy Superintendent, with his hair scoop to one side to cover the balding, take his place at the pulpit, hands rubbing together behind him. Him take a sip of water them put from the plastic cup next to him, rinse his mouth and then swallow. And after the Deputy Superintendent grin with the crowd and apologize for the Superintendent who wanted to come and congratulate these bright young ladies and men, but unfortunately, important out-of-town call kept him away. And after him continue hoo and haw about the impact these bright young faces will have on the world, the representative from City Hall never have anything different to say. The Principal was just as bad with his speech about being the good shepherd, and how he’s helped to mould and make these young sheep who come into his fold four years ago better human beings.

Peppy’s mind didn’t linger long on the Principal’s speech, for it was her time next, and already her stomach was starting to flutter. So she tried concentrating on soft music, quiet afternoons and dim lights so her belly would settle back to normal. And then it was her turn, and she could hear the clapping and loud cheering from the faces below. She take her place at the pulpit, smile at the crowd as if she’s been doing this business for several years, clear her throat in the microphone even though no phlegm lodged itself there, sip a little from the cup even though her throat wasn’t dry, straighten out her folder with the speech and fix her eyes to a corner at the back of the room.

First she start off with the importance of education, and how where she come from, it was education that make you or break you. For is those with the education that get the good pay and is them who get the promotion and is them that gain the respect and is them who make the influential decisions. Feeling more and more relaxed with the audience, her eyes start to search out Merle. And at first she didn’t see her, for plenty curly-brown hair people were in the audience. But then she spot her, for only Merle alone have a lock of hair that fall crossway her face in that special way, causing her to constantly shake back her head and remove the hair from out her eyes. And her eyes search out Dorothy who she’d expect to see in the very front row, camera around her neck, mouth shouting out ‘Bravo, Bravo,’ for Dorothy loud that way. She see glimpses of Rudi in his white jacket, Mr Taylor, Del in her puke-green suit, but no sign of Dorothy.

And even when her speech draw to a close, and she wish her class good luck as them set out on the world, Peppy never hear any of the clapping and cheering that was just as deafening as when she started out, for she still couldn’t glimpse Dorothy. And she wonder why Dorothy didn’t call to say she wasn’t well, or that she was going out of town. For she could’ve given her mother the ticket. No, them don’t get along, but still, this is a special occasion, and after all Gwennie is her mother. And Peppy wonder what was running through Gwennie’s mind now, when she find out Peppy graduating and that she wasn’t invited. And although a little part of her felt guilt, it didn’t linger long, for there was a chuckle forming itself inside her throat.

So as the Principal call out names and children walk up one by one to pick up diplomas and scholarship cheques and shake his hand, Peppy find herself going up several times to pick up various awards, for she was a hard worker, so her rewards blossomed out.

After the ceremony conclude, and people started filing out the auditorium and little pockets of crowd started forming out in the lobby, Peppy make her way over to where Del was poised with her Instamatic camera. And after a series of photo taking, Del hug her up and tell her congrats. Merle come over too, with a handful of roses, and Mr Taylor with a package underneath him arm, face beaming from corner to corner.

And then Rudi in his white suit came over, and started hugging her up tight. But behind the hugging she could feel his eye water wetting up the back of her neck and hear him whispering to her over and over. ‘I didn’t know,’ him say, ‘I didn’t know a tall. I feel so ashamed. All this time I was so preoccupied with other things, I didn’t know you was doing so well. Me and you used to be so close. Share every little thing. Now you making long speech that sound so good and winning so much and I don’t know what’s going on anymore.’

And she was a little bit embarrassed, for some of her classmates started to gather around ready to congratulate her on getting away with so much scholarship money, and here was Rudi laying crossway her shoulder crying during this period of merriment. And so in all her embarrassment Peppy never notice Gwennie hovering in the background not quite certain if she to join the circle or wait till them go home. Peppy’s eyes meet Merle’s at same time, and all of a sudden she wish she was back at Merle’s little one-bedroom apartment, wrap up safe underneath her heavy quilt, with Nagasaki’s cold nose press close against her chest. But Peppy brace herself and introduce Gwennie to Mr Taylor. Then to Merle. And Gwennie was very polite. She engaged herself in small talk with them about the size of the auditorium, the excellence of the acoustics and the amazement of everybody about Peppy’s achievements.

Then Merle squeeze Peppy’s hand and tell her good night. Mr Taylor take leave as well, and Del too, for she did have Young People’s meeting to attend. Then it was Rudi and Gwennie and Peppy. Rudi cry excuse. Him was going go pick up the car and bring it around to the front. Then it was Peppy and Gwennie. And Gwennie’s face seemed older and tired. Her jawbone wasn’t as tight. She losing weight it seems, the purple frock she have on with the white embroidery at the collar wasn’t flattering, it just hang off. But to tell the truth, Peppy wasn’t sure if that was her natural weight or not, for from that day in the kitchen, Peppy and Gwennie’s eyes never connected again, going on two years now.

And Gwennie open her purse, take out a white envelope and give Peppy. And the heat that pass from Gwennie’s finger to Peppy’s as them accidentally touch was so hot, it cause Peppy to pull back same time, dropping the envelope.

‘Sorry,’ she mumble and bend down to pick up, for she didn’t want to stand up there with Gwennie. She wanted to leave and go home, she was tired, the day was long. Down on the ground, she didn’t take notice of what was inside the envelope, she think instead of the dreams about her father that don’t come anymore, Aunty Cora’s body, bloat-up and black. Then she hear Gwennie clear her throat from up above, so she straighten up herself and tell Gwennie thanks.

‘The University you going,’ Gwennie say to her, her face composed, eyes cover over expressionless, ‘I use to do day’s work for a man that teach there. Stevens. Nelson Stevens. I think him teach English literature, so many books about Dickens and Thackeray and Brontê were in the house, it have to be.

‘You will like Nelson Stevens,’ Gwennie continue on. ‘His wife not as pleasant, but him easy to talk to, kind gentleman. When you start school I will give him a call.’ Then she pause, waiting for Peppy to respond. But Peppy never have anything to say, her fingers were twined up around the envelope, her back tense. ‘The students at the University used to call the house all the time,’ Gwennie continue on, face pensive. ‘Sometimes him even invite them over, young children, gal and boy alike, young like yourself, and them would sit down in the study and chat with him about politics and geography and social studies. Them the courses you must take plenty of,’ Gwennie tell her, ‘teach you plenty about world affairs, and allow you to hold a point in long conversation.

‘Them did have a young baby.’ Gwennie’s face was far off, and a youthfulness and calm came over it. ‘Well, not so young now, about Rosa’s age. Cheryl was her name. The wife didn’t know a thing about baby caring, not one blast.’ Gwennie chuckle.

And as Gwennie go on talk about Nelson Stevens’ wife, Mary-Jane Stevens, and how she did have a child-care book in every room, perhaps so she can lay her hand on one in cases of emergency, Peppy couldn’t understand this peculiarness that come over her mother. Imagine two good years and not a word pass between them. Peppy sigh. Her mother was so cheerful now, her face almost peaceful. Aunty Cora used to say what don’t happen in a year, happen in a day. And Gwennie was still on the subject of Mary-Jane Stevens when Rudi came back inside to tell them the car was ready and waiting outside. The auditorium was empty by this time.