37
Amy
Mother told me that many people who discover she has a deaf daughter ask, “Does Amy read lips?” Mother asked me what she should tell these people, since I can read some lips.
I said, “You should reply, ‘Do you know sign?’ Duh!”
Do I use lipreading? Sometimes, but I try not to because I may misunderstand the communication. I only use lipreading during a conversation that does not require much communication or does not affect my life. When ordering food, I may use lipreading. If a server asks me, “Do you want cheese?” I can read their lips and reply back, “No.” If the food I order is not accurate, I can remove the item I don’t want from my plate. I can live with wrong lipreading on my food order.
However, if the conversation is about something that will affect my personal life, such as a discussion at the bank for a loan or a visit to a doctor, I do not use lipreading. These conversations are complicated and I don’t want any confusion. I’d rather receive all the information accurately. In these situations, I use an interpreter or paper and pen. An interpreter is better when having a serious conversation. The business or medical office provides an interpreter if I request one. This is not my expense.
There is a law requiring interpreters to be provided the Deaf, but it does not have a very strong emphasis on some small businesses and companies. Businesses are supposed to provide an interpreter if a Deaf person attends or works at their place. The employer is to pay for it because it is their employee or client. Sometimes a Deaf person wanting an interpreter can stir up problems and the matter ends up in court. Or worse, a deaf person might have to quit their job or find a new doctor if they don’t provided any interpreters.
Sometimes I lipread my relatives, but not all the time, as I cannot always understand them. For them I use pen and paper. On special occasions, if Mother is with me, she will hire an interpreter for me. This allows me to talk easily with my family since my relatives do not know sign.
When I meet hearing people for the first time, they often ask me, “Do you lipread?” I usually say, “No.” I ask them to write, as it is easier and less confusing.
Is lipreading hard to learn? Yes. My lipreading ability is based on my knowledge of speech. Since I was sixteen months old, I had speech training and memorized the mouth movements. I can recognize many mouth movements and identify some words, but I can only do this if the hearing person speaks clearly and at a normal pace. Even then, I only recognize some of the words, never the whole sentence. I catch the mouth movements I know, and then try to figure out the possible meaning of the whole sentence. Lipreading involves a lot of guesswork.
If the hearing person speaks too fast, does not move their mouth much, is in a shadow, the sun is in my eyes, or if their mouth is covered by their hand or a thick mustache, I will not be able to lipread their words. I can lipread hearing people that I see often better than I can a stranger. If I have just met someone, I may be able to lipread their mouth movements if they speak normally, but if several people are speaking at the same time, it is impossible for me to follow the conversation. Lipreading really only works on a limited one-to-one conversations.
I prefer not to use lipreading. I think hearing people need to learn how to deal with Deaf people in the community. Why do I have to do lipreading? Why don’t hearing people sign?
I find it funny when a hearing person asks me, “Do you lipread?” When I answer, “No,” they reply, “Okay.” How ironic, I can understand what they just asked and answer properly. That must be confusing to them, so I always have paper and pen to use, which is the best solution.
When I was a child, sometimes Mother’s family gathered for Thanksgiving. One year when I was about ten, my mother hosted and cooked the turkey feast. Mother told me and my brother, “Set the table. Put on the place mats, dishes, glasses and silverware.”
Naturally, I could not hear any sounds I made with the dishes and silverware. While John and I were in the dining room setting the table, my Aunt Helen from Chicago came into the room and said something I did not understand. I frowned. She put her finger on her mouth and acted out, “Sshhhhh!”
I thought to myself, what? I did not yell or make any noise. I looked at John. He just shrugged. In a few minutes, Aunt Helen came back and told me the same thing. She even scolded my brother since he was doing the same thing I was. I did not know what was wrong. Then my Aunt Susan came into the room and told me, “You are making too much noise.” I did not know what noises I made, because I cannot hear myself.
Mother heard the discussion and came into the dining room. Of course my aunts knew I am deaf, but sometimes hearing people do not fully understand what that really means. Mother said, “Amy can’t hear the noise she makes like moving chairs, dropping silverware, or clinking glasses. She hears NOTHING!”
My aunts said something to Mother and I asked John what they were talking about. John interpreted the conversation for me. He said, “Aunt Helen and Aunt Susan said to Mother, ‘How can you bear all the noise that Amy makes?’” My Mother replied, “When I hear those noises, I know John and Amy are okay and nearby.” I bet all the noise I made would drive my aunts crazy! Mother never seemed to care.
Sometimes my aunts called me by name. Of course, I never replied. I remembered one time when my Aunt Margaret called to me several times and wondered why I did not answer. Within a few seconds, she realized that of course I couldn’t hear her because I’m deaf. Duh!
I know some deaf people can hear due to different degree of hearing loss. Well, that does not apply to me. I am “stone” Deaf, like a rock that can’t hear.
My aunts, uncles, and cousins, they don’t sign to me at all. Sometime, they will try to write something down on a paper or speak to me and I have to lipread, but most of the time I don’t understand them. Basically, I am left to myself at family gatherings or I ask my brother or mother what they are saying, but that does not tell me the whole conversation.
At a young age, I usually watched TV or read something when I was with them. Now that I am an adult, I either stay with them for a short time or do not go to family gatherings at all since I know I will be BORED when they are talking and talking.
Grandma Schmierer, my mother’s mother, was the one who would put in effort to learn signs, so she can communicate with me, her only granddaughter. I was named for her.
Every summer, when I was young, I spent one week with Grandma and Grandpa Schmierer without my brother. I asked Grandma why my brother could not come with me and she said Grandpa did not want too much noise in the house. Also, Grandma wanted to spend one to one time with each grandchild, so she could do what they want. My brother spent time with them on a different week either before or after I was with them.
What did I see in Grandma and Grandpa Schmierer? I always saw Grandma as lovely and funny. She walks and walks since she never learned how to drive. I had to walk with her to the food store and other places. We did four main things together.
We played many games together. I will never forget the one week I played the same game over and over, the Uncle Wriggly game. One day, Grandma told me to pick a different game but I proudly refused. All I wanted to play was Uncle Wriggly. One day, I decided, I was bored with it and picked a different game.
Grandma said to me, “After playing 101 times, you finally got bored?”
I said “YES!” I bet Grandma would say it was about time to change. Imagine it, I still have that Uncle Wriggly game.
Schmierer family reunion. Amy and her cousins goofing off. Front row: Tom Walthers, Richard Walthers, and David Soriente. Back row: Amy Willman, Tony Soriente, and John Willman, 2001.
Second we went to the library. I picked any books I wanted and I read to myself at night before going to bed.
One time we had a homemade sling shot. Grandma made the sling by finding a “y” wood stick. Then she used her old, torn panty hose for the strap. We used apples from the backyard and saw who could shoot the apples farther. Or sometime, we picked a target to see who shoot closest to the target. Years and years later, she finally brought a REAL sling shot.
Sometimes we had a tea party—usually just us or my cousins, Tony and David, who lived in the same town as Grandma and Grandpa Schmierer, joined us. They are younger than me. We just played together, games or at the park, I really did not communicate with them, just played as kids.
As for Grandpa, I saw him as an intelligent man, who always wore his fedora and was “tough” looking, a hard-working person. What we did together the most was going to his farm. There I would help him cut asparagus, which is my favorite vegetable. We watched baseball games on TV. I rode in his big, blue, old car around the town of Beatrice. Grandpa read the newspaper lot. I tried to imitate him. I read the comics or pretended to figure out the crosswords puzzles. He loved to do crosswords. Grandpa did not sign to me at all, but he would write on a paper to communicate with me while Grandma signed to me. The week I spent with Grandma and Grandpa Schmierer from age five to ten was a good fun week.
As for my grandma and grandpa Willman, my father’s parents, my grandpa died when I was only one year old, so I don’t remember him. Grandma Willman did not sign; she died when I was eight. I did visit their home for a day or several hours, but not often. She gave me a doll to play with. We lived in a same town, but I never spent a week at their home. I really never had much of chance to know her compared to Grandma and Grandpa Schmierer.
Sadly, but what is general true for many Deaf people is that their relatives don’t sign. Or far worse for the Deaf person, even their parents and brothers and sisters don’t sign. My brother and mother can sign, but what about my other relatives? Many deaf persons are left out when their hearing family gathers and everyone is talking through voice. Most deaf people don’t rely on lipreading in a large group of people. It’s hard to catch what they are speaking. In general, deaf people are left out, feel alone, and are not able to be part of the family conversations. Sometimes deaf people don’t even know what has happened to a family member, such as who moved away, got married, divorced, or had a baby.
There is a term for when Deaf feel “less than” or invisible. It is called audism. Audism is prejudice. It occurs when a hearing person acts superior because of their ability to hear and speak over those who don’t.
Do I feel that way with my family? Yes, but I know they don’t really mean it, but it happens anyway. It is really very boring when I sit all myself and wonder what they are talking about. They don’t learn how to sign, but once in a while they will use paper and pen to communicate with me. Still, most of the time, when they are having a conversation, I either read something or watch TV if I am home. If we’re in a restaurant, I look at the surroundings while other relatives are chatting. Yes, I ask them sometimes what they are talking about, and they either give me simple sentences or say, “It’s not important” or “I’ll tell you later.”
At a young age, my brother and mother learned how to communicate with me through sign language. My mother was a stay home mom, while my father worked many hours at the store that he owned. You could call him a workaholic. My father did not learn but a few signs. He did not communicate with me much like John and Mother did when I was young. At age seven my parents divorced. After that I usually visited my father at the grocery store or at his home once in a while if he was not working. We didn’t use sign language to communicate. Then and now, I relied on my brother by asking, “What did father say?” Sometimes father and I wrote messages, and I tried to lipread him. If we were talking about something simple, I could understand him. Even now as an adult it is the same.
I know it’s not possible to have ALL relatives learn how to sign, but the parents and siblings of a deaf person should learn how to sign because they live together daily. It’s important to have family communication at home, so the deaf person can feel and be part of the family and know what is going on. Living with my mother and John, we talk a lot because they sign to me. And I either sign or use my voice to them. I am so glad that John and mother can sign even though they are not fluent in ASL. I don’t care if we sign in Alien Sign Language or other odd sign languages, as long as we COMMUNICATE.
Growing up, I am very close to John because he is my only sibling. John now lives in same town as me and does many things for me. We communicate a lot. Sometime I sign and use my voice when I speak to him. Of course, he does not use voice back to me but signs only. He is the best brother you could ever ask for.