“COME ON, ETHAN,” MARK CALLED FROM THE PORCH. “You’re going to be late for school.”
Ethan grabbed his lunch box and dashed out the front door.
Mark glanced past him at Priscilla, who smiled and shook her head. She was beautiful today, just as beautiful as every day since they’d married exactly a month ago. There was something in her eyes too. Maybe he was imagining it, but she seemed more at ease this morning and less timid with him.
“Let’s go!” Ethan called as he hurried down the path toward the driveway. “Mei freinden will be waiting for me, and they don’t like it when I’m late.”
Mark took longer strides to catch up with him as the cool October breeze wafted over them. “How do you like school these days?”
“It’s gut.” Ethan nodded. “Mei freinden and the teacher are nice.”
“Gut. What’s your favorite subject?” Mark asked.
“Math.”
“Really?”
“Ya.” They hurried down the driveway to where his group of friends always met him so they could walk together to school.
When the group of children came into view, Ethan quickened his steps.
“Hey, wait a minute,” Mark said.
Ethan stopped and spun.
“Where’s my high five?” Mark asked.
“Oh! Sorry!” Ethan giggled as he gave Mark a high five. Then he ran off.
“Have a gut day,” Mark called after him.
“Thanks, Dat!” Ethan tossed over his shoulder with a little wave.
Mark’s smile widened at the name. He enjoyed it when Ethan called him Dat. He relished being someone’s father.
Mark walked back up the driveway and breathed in the crisp air. He smiled as the daadihaus came into view.
The past month had been better than he’d expected as he, Priscilla, and Ethan settled into a routine. He enjoyed walking Ethan to meet his friends in the morning and then working with Yonnie during the day. He ate lunch with Priscilla and then returned to chores in the afternoon. Ethan joined him after he returned from school, and then they worked together until supper.
Everything was comfortable—until they went to bed at night. Priscilla continued to sleep in Ethan’s room. This shouldn’t have surprised Mark since she’d made it clear the day they met with the bishop to schedule the wedding that she wasn’t going to consider this a real marriage. He’d had second thoughts on their wedding day when he realized he’d love to have a child with Priscilla, but then he’d accepted her decision. Hadn’t he?
So why did it still bother him so much?
He dismissed the question and jogged up the porch steps. He smiled at the fall flowers Priscilla had planted in front of their little house. Just as she’d told him, it was apparent that she loved to work in a garden.
When he stepped into the kitchen, he found Priscilla setting clean dishes into a cabinet.
She looked over her shoulder at him. “Did Ethan make it in time to meet his freinden?”
“Ya, he did.” Mark leaned his hip against the counter beside her. “He told me his favorite subject is math.”
She smiled. “That’s great.”
“I know. He’s schmaert, like his mamm.”
She shook her head.
“What?” Mark said. “You were brilliant when you married me.”
She groaned and rolled her eyes as he laughed.
“Let’s do something fun today,” he said.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know.” He clapped his hands as an idea filled his mind. “Why don’t we go on a picnic?”
“A picnic? On a Thursday?” She studied him as if he were crazy. “I have a pile of laundry waiting for me, and you have chores to do. We don’t have time for a picnic.”
“Come on.” He spun her toward him and rested his hands on her shoulders as she peered up at him. “Let’s forget our chores for one day.”
“What makes you think mei dat will let you take a day off?”
“I don’t know. Let’s just do it.” He stared down at her, his eyes locking with hers. His heart kicked as he ran his finger down her soft cheek.
Her eyes widened as she stared up at him. Something unspoken passed between them, and the air around them felt electrified. He was certain to the very depth of his marrow that she felt the attraction too.
This was it. He was going to kiss his wife.
“Priscilla,” he whispered as he leaned down.
She sucked in a breath and then stepped away from him. “I need to get started on the laundry.”
“What?” He shook himself.
She swiveled away from him and hurriedly disappeared into the utility room.
Mark leaned against the counter and held his breath while working to slow his racing heartbeat. He’d almost kissed her. He had been so close, but then she’d run off.
Face it. She really doesn’t want to be more than freinden.
He closed his eyes and took deep breaths until his pulse slowed to a normal rate. Then he headed out the front door, disappointment weighing down his strides as he hurried off to complete his chores.
Priscilla leaned against the utility room door as she drew shallow breaths to slow her racing heart. When Mark spun her to face him and rested his hands on her shoulders, she was certain she was dreaming. But then he’d run his finger down her cheek and whispered her name, and she knew exactly what he was doing. He was going to kiss her.
At first, she’d wanted it. In fact, she’d craved his touch. But then she remembered that Mark wasn’t in love with her, and she wasn’t the woman he’d wanted. She couldn’t allow him to worm his way into her heart only to reject her later when he realized he was disappointed in her. They needed to keep living as friends before they made a mistake they’d both regret.
When Priscilla thought about Mark and Ethan, she admitted the past month had been wonderful. She’d enjoyed witnessing how their relationship was growing as the adoption process progressed. Ethan had started calling Mark Dat, and it was obvious Mark enjoyed it because of the smile he wore every time Ethan said it.
Priscilla couldn’t jeopardize that by allowing Mark to take their relationship to a deeper level. She had to keep it platonic, no matter how difficult that was.
When she heard the front door click shut, indicating that Mark had gone outside, Priscilla retrieved a laundry basket from the shelf in the utility room and then stepped into the bathroom to gather dirty laundry from the hamper.
Soon she was running clothes through the wringer washer, and her thoughts wandered as she worked. She was grateful Ethan had not only made an easy transition to an Amish school shortly after they’d arrived, but now to living in the daadihaus. He had also accepted that Priscilla wanted to sleep in his room until the new house was built. She explained she and Mark preferred sleeping in separate bedrooms, and Ethan never asked any questions, not even when she told him that fact should be just between them. She and Mark didn’t need the world to know their marriage wasn’t . . . traditional.
As she washed a pair of Mark’s trousers, she thought about how her heart had raced when he touched her. She didn’t recall feeling that kind of excitement when Trent touched her or kissed her. Did that mean her feelings were deeper for Mark than they’d been in the beginning with Trent?
She dismissed the thought. She couldn’t allow herself to fall for Mark. It would never work. Remaining friends was the best solution.
If only she could convince her heart to believe that too.
“How’s it going?”
Mark turned toward the barn entrance and found his older brother standing in the doorway. A van he hadn’t heard coming sat in the driveway.
“What are you doing here?” Mark leaned the pitchfork against the stall wall and wiped his hands down his trousers.
“Well that’s a nice hello.” Jamie grinned. “I was out picking up supplies and thought I’d stop by.”
Mark shook his hand. “It’s gut to see you.”
“You too.” Jamie seemed to study him. “Is something on your mind?”
“No.” Mark shook his head and tried to smile, despite the disappointment still eating at him. He’d spent all morning doing hard labor to try to dispel the frustration his wife’s rejection had caused him, but it still clung to him like a scratchy wool sweater. “How’s Kayla?”
“She’s doing well.” Jamie’s face lit up. “She had a doctor’s appointment yesterday, and the due date in a few weeks still seems right.”
“Aren’t babies early sometimes?” Mark waved him off. “You should be at home.”
“It’s fine.” Jamie shook his head. “Calvin was a week later than expected, and my driver has a cell phone handy. Kayla will call me if she needs me, and I can be there quickly.” He leaned back against the barn wall. “How are things with you? How’s married life?”
Mark snorted and kicked a stone with the toe of his shoe.
“Uh-oh.” Jamie’s smile drooped. “What’s going on?”
Mark hesitated. Should he be honest with his brother? He longed to keep his confusing feelings to himself, but maybe Jamie could offer some helpful advice. “I was hoping that somehow Priscilla and I could have a real marriage instead of just a marriage in name only. But it’s impossible.”
“I don’t understand.” Jamie’s brow furrowed.
Mark shared how Priscilla had made it clear long before their wedding that they would never have a real marriage, and how she slept in Ethan’s room and shied away from any affection he tried to give her. He ended with telling him what happened earlier.
“She won’t even let you kiss her?” Jamie asked.
“No, but I know she cares about me, and I feel like she wants me to kiss her.” Mark swallowed as the reality hit him. “I thought I could be okay with this, but it’s starting to get to me. I adore Ethan, and I wouldn’t mind having a few more kinner running around. In fact, I’d love to have more kinner, but we’ll never have them. This is more difficult than I thought it would be when I agreed to live only as freinden.”
Jamie folded his arms over his wide chest and pressed his lips together.
“What are you thinking?” Mark asked, hoping his brother held the answers.
“You’ve never had this problem before, have you?”
Mark rolled his eyes. “That’s all you have to say? You want to rub my nose in my failure?”
“No, no. It’s not that. I’m just surprised.” Jamie grinned. “You’re asking me for advice after all those years you taunted me and told me to get married. How does that feel?”
“Forget it.” Mark walked over to the stall and picked up the pitchfork. “Danki for stopping by.”
“Hold on.” Jamie followed him. “I’m sorry.”
Mark glared at him.
“I’m just a little stunned.” Jamie paused. “I think you should give her time. Don’t give up on her. Let her come to you. I have a feeling she will.”
Mark nodded as hope lit within him. “Okay.” He set the pitchfork against the barn wall. “So let her kiss me first, then?”
Jamie shrugged. “Or at least let her give you the cues that she’s ready. You’ll know when it’s time.”
“That makes sense.” Mark smiled. “Danki. Would you like some lunch?”
“Do you think Priscilla will mind?”
“No, but will Kayla worry about you if you’re gone too long?”
“She’ll be fine.”
“All right,” Mark said, teasing. “But I don’t want to hear about it if you get into trouble.”
Priscilla climbed out of the shower and dried off before dressing in her warmest nightgown. Now that it was November, the temperature had dropped, and she shivered as she pulled on her pink terrycloth robe. She stared at her reflection in the bright-yellow light of the lantern and then combed her waist-length, darkbrown hair.
After brushing her teeth she opened the bathroom door and was greeted by the pop and hiss of the fire in the fireplace. Her eyes adjusted in the dark, and she spotted Mark sitting on the sofa, staring into the flames.
Regret settled over her as she recalled the two weeks since she’d rejected Mark when he’d tried to kiss her. He seemed to be pulling away from her ever since that day, and she had longed to go back in time and replay that event with a different ending. But the thought of allowing Mark to kiss her also frightened her. What if a kiss wasn’t all she’d imagined? What if a kiss turned into more and she wasn’t ready for it? Would he have stopped if she’d asked him to slow down?
“Come sit by me.” Mark had seen her, and his voice was gentle. “There’s a seat by the hearth for you.”
“Okay.” She crossed the room, and instead of sitting in the rocking chair, she sat down on the sofa beside him. She stared into the fire as its heat surrounded her like a soft blanket.
“I see why your mammi wanted a fireplace.” Mark shifted on the sofa, moving away from her. “It’s not only warm but soothing after a long day.”
“It is.” She looked toward Ethan’s bedroom door.
“He’s asleep,” Mark said as if reading her thoughts. “I checked on him while you were in the shower.”
“I can’t believe Thanksgiving is in three weeks.”
“I know.” Mark rested his elbow on the sofa arm. “Florence wants to know if we’re coming over for a meal.”
“Do you want to?” She turned toward him. His handsome face was lit by the glow of the fire, making his chiseled features, coupled with his sprouting light-brown beard, even more striking.
“It’s up to you.” Mark shrugged. “Your parents could come too. Florence loves being surrounded by family.”
“I’ll ask mei mamm if she and Dat would like to have Thanksgiving dinner at your dat’s haus.”
“Okay.”
A hush fell over the room, and Priscilla felt a tug on her scalp. When she turned, she was surprised to see Mark fiddling with a strand of her hair.
“What are you doing?” she asked, trying not to laugh.
“Sorry.” He grinned. “I just wanted to touch your hair. It seemed to be taunting me when it hit my hand.”
She suddenly felt the wall around her heart crumbling as she looked into her husband’s kind eyes. She longed to let him in and tell him everything about her past. She needed to let him in. Was it time to trust him?
“Are you all right?” He anchored a tendril of hair behind her ear.
“Ya.” She nodded. “I want to tell you something.”
“Okay.”
“It’s about Trent.”
A muscle tensed in his jaw. “Go on.”
“I didn’t tell you everything when we were in the barn that day,” she said, her voice trembling. “When Trent lost his job, he changed. He became angry and agitated.” She took a ragged breath.
“Take your time.” Mark moved his fingers across her back and over her shoulder, and his touch gave her the strength to go on.
“I kept working. In fact, I took double shifts and filled in for my coworkers to try to keep food on our table and pay our rent. One night I came home and found Ethan sleeping on the sofa. I think he was about three years old. Trent was drunk and sitting in his recliner. There were dirty dishes in the sink and the trash was overflowing.”
Her voice sounded foreign to her own ears, too shaky and high-pitched. “I was furious, and I told him I was tired of both working and taking care of the haus. I said it was time for him to do his part. That was the first time he hit me. He smacked me so hard I fell backward and hit my head on the wall. I’d never been so afraid in my life.”
Mark blew out a deep breath and then pinched the bridge of his nose. “How dare he hurt you like that.” He pulled her against his chest, and she rested her head on his shoulder.
“He was volatile, and I never knew what would set him off. I felt like I was walking on eggshells every time I walked into the room.”
Mark kissed the top of her head. “I’m so sorry.”
She stared into the fire as she spoke. “Trent never hit Ethan, but he used to yell at him. The day I realized I had to get Ethan away from him was the day I came home from work and found Ethan alone. Trent had gone out drinking with his buddies. He’d chosen alcohol over our sohn’s safety.”
Her lower lip quivered. “I couldn’t believe he had done that. That was when I decided I had to leave. I couldn’t stay there and give him the chance to hurt Ethan.”
She took a trembling breath. “I knew if I stayed, not only was Trent likely to endanger Ethan again, but he could turn his violence on him too. I couldn’t put mei sohn in danger. It’s my job to protect him. I can take it, but I can’t let someone hurt mei kind. If I had been a better mutter, I would have escaped with Ethan before I finally snuck out one day when Trent was out with his buddies. But I was afraid. I should have been stronger and left sooner.
“That was when I came home and found you here.” Tears splattered down her cheeks as sobs racked her body.
“Shh. It’s okay.” Mark pulled her against him, and she cried onto his shoulder, soaking his white T-shirt. “You’re safe now. You and Ethan never have to deal with Trent again. I’ll never let anyone hurt you. I promise you. I’ll protect you and Ethan for the rest of my life.”
She sniffed as she rested her cheek against his shoulder. “Danki.”
“Why are you thanking me?” He looked down at her. “I haven’t done anything.”
“You’re wrong. You’ve done everything. You’ve given Ethan and me a safe home.”
“I’m froh to do it.” He released her from the hug, and she remained beside him.
They stared at each other, and her breath hitched. She suddenly felt closer to him than she’d felt to anyone in her life. Mark had become important to her. He had become her closest confidant.
“I should get to bed.” He stood and then gestured toward the fire. “I put a big log on it, and it should last awhile. I’ll set my alarm and check on it in the middle of the night so we don’t freeze.” He started toward his bedroom. When he reached the door, he turned and faced her. “Gut nacht.”
“Gut nacht,” she said before he disappeared into his bedroom, leaving her alone by the hearth.