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In the weeks after her confrontation with Emily’s mother, Chasity withdrew into her shell. Burying herself in her studies, she avoided Alex and the other girls. She couldn’t stomach her overbearing, meddling, and patronizing comments; Malajia’s mindless chatter and Emily’s gutless passivity were almost as hard to swallow.
Skipping up steps to the dorm, she hoped Sidra wasn’t in the room. She wanted peace and quiet. Crossing the entry hall, she checked her stride.
The woman standing at the front desk looked oddly familiar, sort of like her mother, but she brushed the possibility aside. I must have moms on the brain, she thought.
Relieved to find Sidra gone, she tossed her bag on the bed, and was heading for the bathroom when she heard a knock on the door.
Annoyed, she flung the door open and immediately wished she could slam it shut on the person standing in the threshold.
“Mom?”
Brenda Parker stared at her daughter, and all of the old resentment welled up. So beautiful and young was Chasity, such a constant reminder that Brenda would never be as pretty or as successful as her sister Patrisha. How she hated them both, with their looks and their attitudes.
“What are you doing here?” Chasity frowned, confused. She was certain that she would never receive a phone call from her mother, let alone a visit.
“Are you going to let me come in?”
“Do I have to?” Chasity replied, her hand still fixed to the doorknob.
With a disgruntled huff, Brenda pushed past her daughter, and looked around.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Chasity repeated, stepping away from the door.
“I’ve come to deliver some news,” she replied with a tight, hard smile.
“This sounds like something that’s going to piss me off.”
“Good thinking. At least you’re not entirely stupid.”
This is what Chasity had to grow up with, constantly being put down and criticized. And Alex thought I was lucky. How funny.
“Hurry up and say what you have to say, and get out,” Chasity spat out.
Sidra paused, wondering why the door was half open and who the hell Chasity was talking to. She wasn’t talking to anyone these days, except her professors. Chasity had been so distant, Sidra almost wished for the old Chasity. She could deal with the hostile bitch, but not the Ice Queen. Well, judging from the sounds coming from inside, hostile Chasity was back, and this was one conversation Sidra was not about to interrupt. But she’d be damned if she wasn’t going to eavesdrop.
“Chasity, I just want you to know that I don’t want you to return to my house ever again. I’m putting you out,” Brenda announced with less emotion than she used ordering takeout.
The flat statement, so coldly delivered, shocked Chasity. She wasn’t planning on going back anyway, but to hear her mother declare her unwelcome at home hurt. Chasity was surprised to find that it actually hurt, that her mother could still inflict pain.
“You came all the way from Arizona to tell your only child that she’s no longer welcome in your house again?” Chasity asked in a deadly tone. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Well, your father has asked me for a divorce.”
The answer confused Chasity—it explained nothing. “What the hell does that have to do with you coming here to my school?”
“After I got that phone call from the lawyer, I started thinking about our lives and what drove us to this place, to where he would want to leave me for good.”
“I assume he got tired of your drunk ass passing out on the living room couch every night,” Chasity sneered.
“My drinking started when you were born, you stupid bitch!” Brenda hollered. “This divorce is your fault.”
“Oh, you’re right. I shouldn’t have poured that vodka down your throat. My fault,” Chasity mocked.
“You watch your mouth, before you get slapped,” she hissed, pointing at her.
“Yeah, whatever,” Chasity shot back. “What was the point in coming all the way here? Why not just call me?”
“You have always been a burden. I wanted to see the look on your face when I told you that I no longer wanted you around me.”
Chasity bit her lip hard. She hadn’t cried in front of her mother in years, and she wasn’t going to let her see tears today. “Why do you hate me? What did I ever do to you to make you hate me?”
“I could stand here and tell you everything that led up to you being a part of my life, but I choose to spare you,” her mother said smugly.
The smug, sanctimonious reply steadied Chasity. She was only too familiar with her mother’s self-righteous bending of the truth.
“How considerate of you,” Chasity thanked her. Her tone was dripping with sarcasm.
“Truth is, I really never wanted you in the first place. I just thought that having you would make things better between your father and me, but that backfired in my face big time.”
Chasity stared at her mother, amazed once again at the woman’s coldness and her level of cruelty. “Something is seriously wrong with you. You are so fuckin’ screwed up.”
“No bitch, what’s wrong with me is you,” Brenda charged. “But, now that’s over. With you gone, I can move on with my life.”
“Screw you,” Chasity jeered. “You think your life will be good after all the hell that you’ve put me through?”
“No matter how my life turns out, it will be ten times better without your spoiled little ass in it,” her mother shot back. “You think that you’ll be better off living with my bitch of a sister, but it will just be a matter of time before you ruin her life too. The difference is, she deserves it.” Brenda Parker turned on her heels, walked calmly to the door, and slammed it on the way out.
“Who the hell are you are staring at?” she yelled, tripping over Sidra. “Get out of my way.”
Sidra followed the rude woman’s progress down the hall. She could have run up and tripped her, but her main concern was for her roommate. Sidra walked slowly into the room, only to find Chasity pacing with her hand on her forehead.
Sidra put her books down. “Chasity, are you okay?”
Chasity looked over at Sidra, eyes glistening with tears. Such bad timing on Sidra’s part.
“You were listening, weren’t you?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. If you need to talk—”
“I don’t,” Chasity cut Sidra off, and sought the only privacy available. She locked the bathroom door and sat down on the floor, her back to the door.
“Chasity, I’m going to go out for a while and leave you alone, okay?” Sidra called softly.
“Fine.”
“Um. Do you want anything while I’m out?”
“No.”
Once Chasity heard the outside door close, she broke down, and sobbed.
––––––––
Shaken, Sidra made it only to the steps outside the dorm and sat down, the cold stone never registering, and buried her face in her hands. The conversation she’d overheard repeated in an awful playback loop, over and over in her head. Imagine having to live in the same house as that evil ass woman. I’d tell her to go to hell, too, Sidra swore.
“Hey, girly,” Malajia sang. “We’ve been waiting for you. You were supposed to meet us in the lounge so we could go to dinner.” Malajia shook an accusing finger at Sidra.
“Sorry, I got held up.”
Sidra’s reply was so wan, so flat, it set off alarm bells. Instead of ripping into her, as Malajia had planned, she leaned against the wrought-iron railing. “What’s wrong?”
Betraying confidences was high on Sidra’s list of Don’ts, but she couldn’t keep it bottled up, and the whole incident came tumbling out.
“You should have heard the things that her mom said to her, it was unbelievable.”
“Kicked out? Shit, I’d tell the old bitch to go to hell too.”
Hearing Malajia echo her own verdict, and in almost the same words, Sidra blinked in amazement. She and Malajia had not agreed on much since middle school. Certainly not on the big stuff, that’s for sure.
“Uh, Sidra, we might want to chill on this conversation. Alex is coming up the walkway,” Malajia whispered.
Alex marched up to them, her curiosity piqued. Malajia and Sidra sharing whispered confidences? “So, what’s got you two so cozy and so serious?”
Sidra glanced at Malajia, who shrugged. “Might as well. She’ll nag and bitch and moan until she drags it out anyway.”
Sidra gave a barebones account, stripping it of detail and sticking only to the facts, the divorce and Brenda Parker’s announcement.
“Well, Alex, maybe now you can understand why Chasity feels a certain way when it comes to mothers,” Sidra suggested softly. “She hasn’t had a good example of one.”
“And maybe, just maybe,” Malajia proposed in much harsher tones, “growing up in that rich household ain’t all you think it’s cracked up to be.”
Alex sat for a moment, making no reply. Then she stood up, and turned toward the dorm entrance.
“Leave her alone, Alex,” Sidra advised, tone traced with frustration. “You know that she doesn’t want to be bothered.”
“Look, I’m not going to stand here and let someone feel this bad. I’m going to go up there and talk to her,” Alex protested.
“I hope Chasity kicks her nosey ass,” Malajia muttered as Alex disappeared inside.
––––––––
Chasity let out a heavy sigh at the sound of a knock at her door. She rolled her eyes when she opened it. Alex was standing there.
“What do you want?” she spat out.
“I came to be a friend and to talk to you,” Alex declared, stepping into the room.
“Sidra told you, didn’t she?”
“Yes, can you blame her? She’s concerned about you; we all are.”
Chasity again rolled her eyes. “Alex, spare me this crap, okay? I’m not in the mood for your advice, or your friendship.”
“Look, I know that we haven’t really been speaking to each other these past weeks—well you actually stopped speaking to me...”
“Do you have a point?” Chasity interrupted.
“Yes I do, my point is...I wanted to apologize to you, I didn’t know that your mom was so crappy to you—”
“Alex, please stop acting as if you have me all figured out. Do you get off on this kind of thing? Why do you just have to have everyone all figured out?” Chasity’s voice rose steadily.
Alex sighed. “I didn’t come here to upset you, Chasity. I came here because I consider you a friend, and I want to be here for you.”
“Alex, I don’t need you to be here. What I need for you to do is go away so that I can be by myself.”
“Why? So that you can feel sorry for yourself?” Alex admonished.
“What are you talking about?” Chasity growled. “I don’t feel sorry for myself—you get on my nerves!”
“You can’t push me away, Chaz,” Alex promised. “Why don’t you just let those ten foot steel and brick walls down so someone can be there for you?”
“I want you to leave me alone! I don’t need you. When are you and everyone else gonna realize that?” Chasity shot back.
“You know what? You are so used to everyone giving up on you because of your attitude. You are used to people being afraid of you,” Alex argued. “And you are okay with this, because it keeps people from getting to know the real you.”
“And since you know so fuckin’ much, who is the real me?” Chasity asked, folding her arms across her chest.
“You are more kind, caring, funny, and sensitive than you want people to realize,” Alex responded. “You want to be understood and accepted, just like everybody else. And if you didn’t care about anything, then this whole situation with your mom wouldn’t bother you.”
Chasity just stood there. She was so angry that she couldn’t bring herself to say anything. Alex figured that she had said enough. But before she left, Alex put her arms around Chasity. Even though Chasity’s arms never unfolded to return her hug, Alex squeezed tight. “Sweetie, if you need to talk or yell or cry or whatever, you have four ladies that you can call who won’t judge you.”
Chasity held the hard expression on her face as Alex walked out of the room. Once the door shut, her eyes began to well up with tears.
––––––––
“Trisha, I really don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Chasity plumped up the pillows on her bed and checked the time on the phone. Twenty minutes, she thought, twenty fuckin’ minutes I’ve been listening to my aunt rant.
“I wish I’d been there. I would have killed her,” Trisha fumed. Chasity was only half listening.
Trisha had hated Brenda for as long as she could remember, and the feeling was mutual. All during her childhood, Chasity had walked on eggshells, waiting for another eruption between the two siblings. When Trisha bought Chasity a Miami condo, Brenda had exploded. She couldn’t stand having Trisha’s success crammed down her throat. Beautiful Patrisha, with her glamorous life and thriving real estate business, never missed a chance to show her up, and she had to put up with it.
Chasity held the phone away from her ear as the angry tones droned on. Finally, she decided, it was time to interrupt. “Why are you more upset about this than I am?”
“Because,” Trisha said, “she was supposed to take care of you, not treat you like shit.”
“Yeah, I know, but what are you gonna do?” Chasity parried. “It’s over. I hate her, and she hates me, so what?”
Trisha sighed. “I’m sorry that everything turned out this way. I never wanted you to get hurt.”
“I know you didn’t, but it’s not your fault,” Chasity replied, twisting a strand of hair around her finger, and wondering when she could hang up. The line went silent. “You gonna say something else, or is this conversation over?”
“I’m sorry sweetie, I was looking out my window at something,” she temporized. Even though Chasity never said anything to her, Trisha suspected that Chasity knew that she was keeping something from her. “Anyway, do you want to come down to Miami next weekend? We can go shopping and hit up some clubs. You can even bring your friends.”
Chasity drew in a deep breath. “They’re not my friends.”
“Shut up, girl. Let someone like you. You know that they enjoy your company, even though you are giving them hell.”
“Funny,” Chasity responded sarcastically.
“So, why don’t you all come down?” Trisha pressed playfully.
“Sounds good, but no. I’m not in the mood, but thanks anyway.”
“All right,” Trisha accepted reluctantly, obviously disappointed. “Well, you and your friends have a standing invitation. Whenever you’re ready, just call me, okay?” She paused for a moment. “I put some more money in your bank account. It’s about five thousand, so you can go shopping or something.”
Chasity bolted straight up on her bed. “What do you want?” she asked suspiciously.
“Whatever do you mean?”
“Whenever you tell me how much money you’ve deposited in my account, you want me to agree to something that you know I’m gonna hate.” Like clockwork, Trisha automatically transferred money into Chasity’s account, but never mentioned it unless she wanted something.
“Okay, you figured me out,” Trisha admitted. “Your grandmother wants to have Thanksgiving at her house. She misses you, and she wants you to come.”
“What?” Chasity exclaimed. “No. I don’t wanna be around those people. Grandmom is cool and all, but everyone else makes my face hurt.”
“Ahh, you thought that you had a choice?” Trisha teased. Chasity’s eyes glinted with anger. Her aunt always couched her proposals, so they gave the appearance of choice, but only the appearance. Even when Chasity said “no” initially, she ended up doing what Trisha wanted.
“Anyway, I have to go now,” Trisha said abruptly, before Chasity could get another word in.
“Wait! No, I’m not done yet”
“Love you, miss you, bye-bye.” When Trisha hung up, Chasity stared at her phone for a few seconds, then pushed the “end call” button.
––––––––
Chasity frowned in concentration, her fingers flying. She was determined to beat her best score on Ski Ball. When her final tally flashed across the screen, she clapped her hands, thoroughly pleased, sighing in satisfaction.
Sidra watched the points accumulate. “Geez, Chasity, how did you learn to play like that?”
Sidra was relieved to have the game as a buffer. The last couple of days, she’d been treating Chasity with kid gloves. Chasity’s mom was the proverbial elephant in their room. If Sidra brought the subject up, she might remind her roommate that she had blabbed to Malajia and Alex. But if she didn’t talk about it, Chasity might think she wasn’t concerned and she was.
“So...how are you doing?” she finally asked.
“I’m fine,” Chasity said, pushing a button and starting the game over.
“You don’t sound fine,” Sidra pointed out.
“What? Do you and Alex subscribe to the same ‘let’s figure Chasity out’ magazine?” Chasity exclaimed, exasperated.
“I’m just concerned,” Sidra replied.
“Don’t be. I’m fine. I don’t care that my mom hates me. Guess what? I hate her too. So stop talking to me as if I’m a broken child, and stop feeling sorry for me.”
Sidra shook her head and looked Chasity squarely in the eye. “I’m not pitying you. I’m just trying to be a good friend.”
Chasity had to admire Sidra’s guts. She’d been so careful, so tentative around her, that Chasity knew she was feeling guilty about blabbing to the others. “Okay,” Chasity relented, feeling bad for snapping. “I’m just not used to people being all up in my business. I’m used to being by myself a lot. And I know that I’m not the easiest person to get along with, but that’s just me.”
“Fine. I understand,” Sidra nodded. “But don’t ever confuse me with Alex, because she’s just nosey.”
“Trust me. I’m aware,” Chasity admitted, “and contrary to how I act or what you might think, I do appreciate you asking how I’m feeling.”
“Anytime,” Sidra replied, pleased to have normal relations with her roommate restored, if relations with Chasity could ever be classified as normal.
“So, is everyone ready to go?” Alex asked, walking up to the space with Malajia and Emily.
“Yeah,” Sidra replied. At a groan from Emily, she spun around. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Ice cream, fries, and greasy pizza, deadly combination,” Malajia put in. “I swear, next time we go out, the child stays home.”
“I think that I’m gonna be sick,” Emily gulped, clenching her stomach.
Malajia grabbed Emily’s arm and yanked her forward. “Ugh, let me take her to the bathroom before she vomits.”
“Malajia, don’t. She’s gonna—”
Before Alex could finish her sentence, Emily threw up. Vomit splattered on the floor and hit the tops of Malajia’s red boots. Chasity, Alex, and Sidra took a step back and covered their noses.
“My shoes, you threw up on my shoes!” Malajia screamed as Emily made a beeline for the bathroom.
“Gross,” Sidra scoffed, face not hiding her disgust.
“Those two,” Chasity warned, “are not riding in my car.”
