The Business of You

Confidence Is the Difference-Maker

As Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.”

Confidence is the difference-maker. When you have confidence (or pretend you do), people respond to you in ways that will significantly aid in your future success. Half (or more) of the game in sports, business, and life is belief in yourself.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

Confidence has a huge bearing on how you perform. It drives self-fulfilling prophecies—both positive and negative. If you believe you are going to be successful, you are, in fact, more likely to be successful. This is because:

You are less likely to self-sabotage.
You see the positives and opportunities in situations.
You are more likely to get up and dust yourself off after a failure.

What are you saying about yourself with your speaking tone and the manner in which you carry yourself? Take the time to monitor them. You may be surprised at the number of ways you are undermining your success.

How are you perceived?

The way you carry yourself has a huge impact on how others view you. It is not just the words coming out of your mouth that your coworkers are evaluating; it is your tone and body language too. If you deliver your message with a lack of confidence, your coworkers will think you don’t believe in your own words or—even worse—you don’t know what you are talking about. Think back to a time when someone walked into the room beaming with confidence. How did that make you feel about that person?

Our minds need to categorize everything and everyone, so you most likely believed that that person was knowledgeable and competent before they even spoke a word. Think about that. Confidence is a huge advantage that gives you the benefit of the doubt, and it will take stumbling a couple of times for you to lose that status. On the flip side, if you walk in meekly, you have an uphill road to being viewed as competent.

How do you present to others?

Confidence can carry significant weight when you are presenting to others. When you present your ideas, the audience is not only listening to the words you are saying; they are evaluating how you present the material and how you carry yourself. A mentor early in my career made me aware of this phenomenon, and listening to that advice played a major role in many of my early successes. I made a conscious effort to deliver my material with conviction and confidence, and I believe it played a big part in how my ideas (and I) were embraced. Think about it this way. If someone is half-hearted in their delivery of a proposal, why should the audience care, even if the proposal has merit?

Check your tone

Take a step back and monitor your delivery when communicating with others (in both formal and informal interactions). You may find it helpful to record yourself often during different interactions and study your verbal pauses, pace, and tone. Make sure you are conveying your message in a confident and reassuring manner. A strong and confident tone comes from projecting your voice from deep in your diaphragm. Once you’ve practiced your delivery, record it, refine it, and adjust your voice to the proper level.

Choose your words carefully

Your choice of words contributes greatly to how people view you. Avoid using hedging phrases like kind of, sort of, and maybe, because they undermine your message and other people’s perceptions of your confidence and belief in the statements you are making. Compare the two examples below and tell me which makes you feel more reassured:

“Based on the research, I kind of think we may need to consider pursuing an alternative path.”
“Based on the research, it has become abundantly clear to me that we will need to pursue an alternative path in order to find success.”

Obviously, you would feel much more confident following the second recommendation, because it is direct and definitive.

Grow your vocabulary

Another way to project confidence is to expand your vocabulary. Consult the thesaurus regularly. Learn industry terms that should be included in your vocabulary arsenal. Bolstering your vocabulary will demonstrate a strong command of the English language, which can translate into your being perceived as more competent in other areas too.

Watch the self-talk

That internal dialogue going on in your head has a way of manifesting itself into actions, behaviors, and approaches that can shape how you perform. It’s important to channel and redirect it into productive directions.

Examine your internal dialogue and note the kind of conversation and tone you’re engaging in.

Negative self-talk is the worst. We’ve all been there—when we’ve had negative thoughts in our head prior to a performance and then gone on to perform poorly. The self-talk was not the sole cause of the poor performance, but it was a contributing factor.

Rewrite the script in your head

The best-case scenario is to have positive and uplifting internal conversations in your head, in which your thoughts are focused on your strengths and inevitable success. But let’s be realistic, that’s not going to happen often for most of us. Especially right before a big event like a presentation. A healthy dose of fear and anxiety does creep in and can hijack your thoughts.

THE BEST-CASE SCENARIO IS TO HAVE POSITIVE AND UPLIFTING INTERNAL CONVERSATIONS IN YOUR HEAD, IN WHICH YOUR THOUGHTS ARE FOCUSED AROUND YOUR STRENGTHS AND INEVITABLE SUCCESS.

When this happens, focus your internal conversation in a more productive direction. Rather than beating yourself up by focusing on your weaknesses or fears, take a practical approach to work through the situation. Let’s look at someone who is waiting in the reception area of a client’s office, only minutes away from delivering one of his or her most important client presentations to date, and having an internal conversation:

As I sit here waiting for my contact at the company, all these thoughts of doubt begin to rush in my head. What if I choke and stumble through the presentation? If I mess up in a spectacular way, I may lose my job. If that happens, how am I going to find another job . . . ?

Stop! See how dangerous this line of thinking can be? You’ve likely experienced this at one time or another, where your thoughts begin to turn into a runaway train. Let’s jump back into this situation and break the negative cycle.

Obviously, I am a little anxious and that is completely natural. This is an important meeting for me and the company. What did I do to prepare? I spent countless hours researching the client’s needs, secured great pricing, and have practiced this presentation over a dozen times. I know it cold. And I have had recent success in these types of big pitches. In my last two critical presentations I have knocked them dead and won the client’s business.

Notice how the thought process changed. First, break the cycle by acknowledging your nerves, because you won’t be able to push them down. Then focus your energy on any and every positive entity you can. Make sure your glass is half full. The next step is to shift your focus to practical execution. Let’s jump back into this hypothetical situation again.

What am I going to need to perform my best today? When I am a little anxious, like I am today, I tend to rush my delivery. I will make sure to take my time and let my points land. Especially on my first slide—that will set the tone and pace for me throughout the rest of the presentation. Also, encourage questions during my presentation. I know this product inside and out and thrive in a question-and-answer setting. When I get to the support slide, remember to ask Bill what are the most important factors in customer support that will help them achieve their business objectives.

See how that practical shift can change the dialogue dramatically? The focus of your energy is now aimed squarely at the tactical elements that will help you perform better, rather than fixating on irrational negative thoughts.

VISUALIZE

It is commonplace for athletes at the highest levels to use visualization as part of their preparations. Studies have demonstrated the physical and psychological benefits of this practice. The power of visualization lies in demystifying the event you are concerned about. If executed correctly, your visualization will increase your confidence and comfort level going into your event, because you have already experienced the event in your mind.

Everyone’s approach to visualization is a little different. Below I have outlined a common framework to start from, but feel free to tweak and modify according to what works best for you.

SET THE STAGE

Find a quiet place where you will not be interrupted. Start by taking a series of deep cleansing breaths to clear your mind.

USE ALL YOUR SENSES

This practice is most effective when you employ all of your senses so you can immerse yourself deeper into the situation, making it more realistic and impactful.

When I am preparing for a presentation, I start my practice reps by reliving what it feels like to wait right before going onstage. I am not a fan of waiting and often get a little anxious. To calm those nerves, I practice waiting to go onstage in my mind.

Q: What thoughts are racing through my mind?

A: The sound of the voice of the individual who is onstage before me and the song that will be playing when I walk up on the stage.

I feel the temperature of the room and the slight tension that I typically carry in my shoulders. Engaging those senses makes it feel like I am actually there waiting to go onstage.

PRACTICE

This exercise should not be completed with wishful thinking. It should be a detailed walk-through. As with any other form of practice, you gain competency by practicing whatever you are working on step by step. As you walk through each step in your mind, live and experience it like you are performing in that moment.

Visualization is a powerful preparation tactic, and if it becomes a regular part of your routine, you will see noticeable performance improvements over time.

Don’t put yourself down

There are little things we do that ultimately undermine our confidence and how others perceive us. Many of us (I am guilty of this) use things like a self-deprecating sense of humor or false modesty to fit in. Don’t get me wrong: There is a time and a place for these types of responses; however, they are few and far between.

Many of us will utilize false modesty or a self-deprecating sense of humor because we are not truly confident. When used regularly, it frames your message in a negative light because it plants seeds of doubt in the person receiving your message. It also can reinforce negative self-talk or insecurities that you have. For most of us, being confident is hard enough. Do not add any fuel to your “doubting” side. Instead, speak with conviction and confidence. You don’t need to boast, but you need to believe in yourself and acknowledge credit for what you accomplish.

Accept compliments with grace

When someone pays you a genuine compliment, it may make you feel uncomfortable. An unconfident approach is to play it off or trivialize the compliment, saying something like, “I was lucky.” Do not do that to yourself. Look the person in the eye and shake their hand while you thank them for their kind words. Let yourself enjoy the words and accept the compliment. Think about what happens after a stage performance. When the actors come out for their applause, most take a bow and soak in the recognition from the crowd. You should do the same.

WATCH WHAT YOUR BODY LANGUAGE SAYS

Posture plays a large role in how you are perceived and how you feel. Others will make snap judgments on you at first sight based on how you carry yourself. Would you rather be viewed as strong and confident or as weak and meek? Humor me for a second and participate in this little exercise, because I bet you already know more about body language than you even realize.

Close your eyes and visualize someone who is unconfident. Now jot down what you see that makes you believe they lack confidence.

What did your mental image look like? Was it someone with their chin ducked down? Maybe someone in a hunched-over or shoulders-slumped position? Or arms crossed in a protective-type pose? Avoiding eye contact? If you do a search online for images using “lack of confidence,” you will see the same thing.

RESHAPING YOUR BODY LANGUAGE WILL TAKE TIME— LIKE CHANGING ANY OTHER HABIT.

Why was that exercise easy for most of us? It was easy because we see it and live it every day. The key here is to recognize what projects confidence and then be more mindful of how we carry ourselves, so we project a more confident, executive-type presence.

Reshaping your body language will take time—like changing any other habit. Take time daily to practice your posture. Be mindful and correct course when you recognize yourself slipping into older habits. Here are the key posture elements that will aid in your projection of confidence:

Keep your chin up. Burying your chin down into your chest indicates a lack of confidence.
Roll your shoulders back and slightly puff your chest out.
Take up a wider stance with your feet, and rest your hands on your hips when standing. This is known as the “Superman” or “Wonder Woman” pose. Taking up larger amounts of space with your body equates to confidence.
Make a conscious effort to make eye contact with everyone. Eye contact helps to project confidence and trust. Think back to a time when you had a conversation with someone and they never looked you in the eye. How did that make you feel about them? Likely it was a bit unsettling and you did not have an overly positive impression of them.

I have found that focusing on one area (like standing up straight) each day is easier to manage than trying to tackle all methods at once. Focus on one area for a couple of days in a row, then shift to a different focus area. This will help you build good habits in one area before shifting to another one.

Implementing these tips will help you to be perceived as more confident. Another benefit of using positive body language is it can help you feel more confident.

Throughout this section I have outlined a number of different tools you can leverage to improve your daily performance. They have been some of the most important things I’ve used to consistently achieve more highly productive days.

Your attitude is the underlying fuel for your performance, whether in front of others or not. The practices I’ve outlined are designed to replenish the confidence elements of that fuel. They certainly have propelled my career at a rate faster than I ever could have imagined.

IDEAS IN ACTION

▸Tools to boost your confidence and your performance

Positive self-talk

Breaking negative thought cycles

Speaking with authority

Avoiding false modesty

Practice and visualization

Strong body language