Baz
Sticky, red blood covered my hands. I angrily tried to wipe it off onto my white t-shirt, not daring to look down at what I’d done. My mind had gone into a frenzy when Drea ordered me to murder Luka; it was an unbearable task that destroyed the last of my free will and filled me with a boiling rage. But in the end, no matter how hard I fought against it, it still hadn’t been enough.
The memory of the moment when I’d plunged my hand deep into Luka’s gut played back in my head like a never-ending nightmare. Tears filled my eyes as rage boiled up inside me so hot that I wanted to scream and hit something until it broke.
When I’d finally regained control of my body again, I tracked the scent of his blood through the Dark Forest hoping to find him slumped against a crooked tree still alive.
But instead, I’d found a dark circle of wet earth and drag marks that appeared to disappear into the murky water just outside of the Solemn Witch’s cabin. And that was where the scent ended abruptly.
I’d killed my best friend.
I had killed my best friend, and there was nothing I could do to take it back.
Injured him so badly that the scent of his blood brought a kelpie up from the depths of the swamp, only to drag him in and finish his corpse.
I’d done that.
It was my fault. Overcome with guilt, I decided I was done fighting. With his death went the last minuscule remnants of my sanity—my humanity.
Okay, beast. I thought, Take over. I don’t wanna feel this anymore.
Rhen didn’t want me. I’d known that the moment she walked into my brother’s room, yet I’d taken advantage of the situation despite knowing her background. It was a petty, disgusting moment because.
They always wanted Elm.
He had everything I didn’t. We had the exact same face, yet he was able to make people like him with minimal effort. Girls flaunted their bodies around him. Men respected him. And he threw all that away each time someone got close to him.
He’d had Emeri for Gaia’s sake! Beautiful, sweet Emeri that loved him more than anything. And he’d thoughtlessly destroyed her. Fucked someone else and instead of facing the consequences of his actions, he’d run away.
I was always so careful, acted the role of prince I was given, when all I ever wanted was the same freedom as my brother.
Taking responsibility for Luka’s death—the only person that ever stood by me—hurt something fierce.
So, I was going to take a page out of Elm’s book and kneel. I’d let the beast consume me. Give myself over to him because I had nothing left to live for.
A daemonic laughter echoed in my head, and my head split open with pain as the horns grew through my skull. But instead of fighting against it, I stood tall.
Drea greeted me with a curling finger, beckoning me to siphon her magick from her blood. Wordlessly, I moved toward her and pressed my lips against her neck. My fangs slid into her skin as if it were as delicate as the flesh of a peach. Sweet warm blood coated my tongue, and I felt the tingle of magick flow into my mouth. With each gulp, it entwined with my own and coated my muscles with an overwhelming strength. Still, it did not matter how much of my own power I held. As long as I drank from the goddess, I was hers to control.
I wondered if my body had ever truly belonged to me. Feeling myself slowly slipping away, I let the numbness of everything I’d done consume me. Maybe it was better this way, so I didn’t have to feel the pain I’d caused. A brief moment of panic hit me, and I found her striking brown eyes staring straight into my soul.
Save me, Rhen. I thought, as my consciousness slowly leaked away.
Rhen
I couldn’t remember how I had ended up back in the room at the inn. All my memories from childhood felt like they’d been wiped away and turned to dust, leaving me feeling completely desolate. As if that wasn’t enough, I was shivering from the icy rain, my clothes drenched through and causing me to feel clammy against my skin. Even though it was dark, a few embers still glowed in the fireplace where Elm must have lit it.
I was drawn to the warmth and shuffled towards it, desperate to feel its heat on my skin. My frozen fingertips trembled as I reached for a small piece of wood, already feeling less chilled than I had moments before. Carefully nurturing the embers with what little kindling remained, soon enough flames licked at their surfaces and spread around them.
I had carefully placed the necklace that Elm had so kindly retrieved for me on the dresser beside my bed, feeling too overwhelmed to even consider wearing it around my neck. It was a beautiful piece of jewelry, gleaming in the lamplight. But it made my heart ache even more knowing that Mama wasn’t with me.
“Hey,” Elm said, his hand trembling unsteadily at his side. “Why won’t you take a nice hot bath to warm you up?”
I firmly shook my head no, as my wet hair brushed against my face and swung back in place. The sensation of the cold droplets still lingering on my skin was a stark reminder of just how numb I felt inside.
“I don’t have any clean clothes.”
Heading into the grand walk-in closet, he flicked on the light switch and began shifting through different hangers. After a few brief moments, he emerged out of the dimly lit room with a pristine white button-up shirt in his hands. He gracefully strutted towards me and handed me the crisp garment, allowing its fabric to dance between us.
“I can retrieve some of your clothes from the house if you’d like, but this is all I have right now.”
I looked him up and down. He was also drenched from the sudden rain shower that had ironically only hit him and me. His hair was plastered to his face, and his shirt was clinging to his body.
“What about you?”
He gestured behind him to the closet, stuffed full of clothes. His eyes roamed over the array of garments that filled it from top to bottom. “I’ve got plenty.”
“I meant, aren’t you going to shower, too?”
Pressing the shirt into my hands, Elm slipped into the bathing room and twisted the knob to the shower. He leaned against the doorframe; his eyes lit by the warm glow of the fire. The flickering light caught in them and danced as he studied me. Then tilted his head, a cascade of white waves falling to the side. “Are you asking me to join you?”
Though I could sense that he was attempting to provoke me, it had no effect on me. I was so drained of emotion at this point, feeling nothing but a numbness in my heart. Everything dear and beloved to me had been robbed away. Taken from my life in an instant. It hit me that I would probably never get the chance to see my mother again, if she’s still alive. The thought of her being held captive somewhere generated unbearable fear within me. Are they giving her enough food? Is she safe? Had she fallen ill again? She’d barely been able to call herself healthy when she was taken —
“If you want.”
Elm suddenly drew in a sharp breath, and before I could blink, he was in front of me, taking my hands gently into his own. His eyes were soft and kind as he held my gaze, understanding swelled in his look, without saying a single word. “Are you okay?”
The deep burning sensation behind my eyes ached, a pain that felt like I was going to burst into tears but had somehow lost the ability to do so. The agony ripped through my entire body, making it impossible for me to think clearly or bear any additional burdens. It was as if I’d become completely drained of all energy and emotion, leaving me with only despair in its place.
“I just keep thinking this is all one big dream. That I’d picked the wrong mushroom for dinner, and I’m hallucinating all of this. I keep expecting to wake up and see Mama laying on the bed smiling up at me. But,” I pinched myself. “I’m not waking up, Elm. And it’s gone. She’s gone.”
“Hey, hey.” He cupped my chin tenderly with his hand, lifting it lightly to meet his gaze. There was an intensity in his eyes that sent a shiver down my spine and made my skin prickle with anticipation. Every movement of his fingers felt electric against the warmth of my skin as he brushed the pad of his thumb across my jawline. “We will get her back, I promise. And if you want, we can rebuild your house. Kol should be better in a couple weeks. With both of us swinging hammers—”
“No.” I broke free of his grip, stumbling forward and sprawling onto the bed. My face connected with the mattress; my body too tired from the struggle to move. “No, you don’t understand.”
It wasn’t my house being destroyed that bothered me. It was what it represented. Had I not agreed to go with Baz those months ago, I’d have never seen Mama stand on her own two feet again. Had I not thrust myself into the feyrie realm, I’d have been stuck in that broken down piece of shit I called home until it crumbled down on top of me.
As much as I hated him for everything he’d done, Baz saved me in the same way that Elm saved my mother.
“Then tell me.” His eyes were a brilliant blue under the artificial light that bored into my soul. He reached out both hands to me, and for the first time in my entire life, it felt like someone saw me. Truly saw me as I was. Not a broken girl with no father. The desperate child whose sick mother couldn’t work. Not an innocent babe to be exploited when I’d lost all hope. Or even a human meant to change a feyrie prince’s fate.
Just me. Just Rhen. A girl in pain.
“I’m so selfish. I spent my entire life keeping Mama alive by forcing her to eat my portions, slipping sleeping herbs into her tea, and letting adult men fuck me just so I had enough money to prolong her suffering. You saved her when I couldn’t. You gave her back a life. So why do I wish I’d never met you? Why do I wish that both me and Mama could have been trapped inside the house when it collapsed?”
Elm looked stunned, his eyes glazed over with a vacant expression. The muscles in his shoulders relaxed, and he dropped his hands to his sides. “Because that little girl? She’s gone. She’s fulfilled her purpose. She healed her mom. But this one?” A single finger poked my chest. “This one is stronger. And her purpose is to heal the world.”
Anxiety released her icy grip on my throat at his words. He wasn’t making excuses for me. Wasn’t telling me not to be upset. But he was reminding me I did have a reason to be alive.
We would take down the Driech one way or the other. Together.
“Water’s running.”
I took a quick shower behind the massive rock wall. The hot water soothed my aches and the tension in my body melted away.
When I emerged from the steam, my skin shimmered from the lavender body wash, and I felt truly squeaky clean. With a towel wrapped around my head to absorb my freshly washed mane, I took a second to look in the fogged full-length mirror at my naked reflection.
Seeing myself, I understood Boris’ reaction when he saw me. My cheeks were fuller, chin rounder. And I had a glow of health behind my skin where it’d looked lackluster and half-dead before. My ribs were no longer visible as I’d packed on muscle and—dare I say—a bit of fat in my belly. And my breasts were notably larger than the barely handful they’d been before.
I dressed myself in Elm’s dress shirt, which was more like a dress on me, and slipped on my previous pair of panties. I knew he could probably summon me a new pair with a flick of his wrist, but the idea of him even thinking about my underwear had my face hot with embarrassment.
The door to the bathing room creaked open slightly, and I saw Elm peering up at me from the edge of the bed. His clothes were heaped into a wet pile on the floor; he had changed into a pair of pale blue joggers.
Breath caught in my throat when I saw the hundreds of angry pink and white lines that marked up his bare back. Even in the dim light of the room, his scars were visible.
“Oh my god,” I exhaled, crossing over to him, hand outstretched. “Elm.”
How long had these scars been there? Just like the tattoos, they weren’t there when Baz impersonated him, so either they were fresh or Baz not known they’d existed.
“What happened?”
They had to be recent. Some of them were still fleshy red. And didn’t the fey heal rapidly compared to humans? So, when?
His face darkened. With dull eyes, he sighed heavily. “Ugly, aren’t they?”
As if any part of him could ever be considered ugly.
My fingers trembled lightly as they moved cautiously across his skin, gliding over the scars that decorated his back. I stared at the intricate markings as if they were rivers of white streaming through him. He shuddered at my touch, hesitating for a moment before letting me explore the lightning-like designs etched into his body. His breathing deepened as I traced my fingertips carefully in across his skin, feeling my own heartbeat faster with each stroke.
“They were my punishment,” he told me, voice somewhere far away. “Every little thing I did wrong, Father used his magick like a whip to carve his lesson into my back. That one on top is because I painted on the wall in the dining room. Dear old dad doesn’t like anything artistic. Thought it was a waste of ‘potential.’”
“Wait, you painted the mural?” I recalled the wall vividly. It was the only creative suite in the entire palace, a family portrait handcrafted with immense detail. The colors had been so vivid and alive that it felt as if you were actually there looking at the royal family.
Muscles in his strong back tensed as he pivoted to face me. His expression was thoughtful, as if he was remembering it as well. “Yeah, but that was back when I still gave a fuck what he thought.” He waved a hand. “The rest were more severe transgressions, though the bulk of them were on Baz’s behalf.”
“What?” My brows knitted. “What do you mean? He did that to you?”
Elm’s still damp hair slapped against his chest as he shook his head. “No, no. Bastian didn’t know—”
The truth of what he had done for his twin brother finally sank in. He had shielded Baz from their father’s cruel beatings and concealed it by turning the wrath onto himself instead. He pretended he wasn’t worthy of inheriting the kingdom, just to keep his brother in their father’s good graces.
He walked over to the door and pressed a little white button, which somehow contacted the lady at the front desk. I’d witnessed nothing like it before, but he ordered two plates of food, which arrived only a few moments later along with a bucket of ice and a bottle of wine.
Not that I needed another glass.
By the time we scarfed down our food, it was almost time to head back to the tavern. Most of the regular day crowds would be gone, making way for the darker comings and goings to take place. That was part of the tavern’s allure; it was the perfect place for secrets and clandestine deals.
Since Boris somehow knew Elm was fey, we both decided he should stay concealed in shadow. The fewer people that knew, the better. So, I trudged through the dismal village seemingly alone in the dead of night.
The atmosphere when I waltzed through the door of the tavern differed from earlier in the day, but was still familiar to me. I’d made many a trip in the wee hours of the night to meet potential clients, so I wasn’t sure why the hairs on the back of my arm rose as I slid up to the bar.
Boris cast a gaze at me and then tilted his head toward the back. He nervously surveyed the bar, as if searching for Elm, but when he didn’t find him, he seemed to have a moment of panic. His features became more strained and serious, his alert eyes darting in all directions as if trying to find Elm among the crowd. He looked back at me with an alarmed expression.
“Where’s the big guy?” he whispered under his breath, moving closer and pretending to wipe up a spill.
“Not here.”
“The praetor is in the back. He’s waiting for you.”
I nodded, but he caught my hand. “Rhen, be careful.”
As I gave one more nod of acknowledgment, I confidently walked through the red curtain at the back end of the bar and opened the door ahead of me. The praetor’s smirk met my own as I sized him up at that moment.
“Hello, Rhen.”