Luka
I’d been thrown against the wall all over again. Flashes of my best friend losing his own autonomy and my body crashing into the wall of books. All I could see when Elm knelt beside me was Baz’s monster form staring at me with blood lust.
Nothing I did could stop the tears from burning down my face. I struggled for breath. Just couldn’t consume enough air to calm my lungs. They were working double time, trying to keep up with my racing heart.
Elm apologized. I heard his muffled voice through the ringing in my ears, but replying was impossible. Every bit of my body was focused on just breathing. Anything more than that was futile.
His hand on my knee startled me. I jerked despite the comfort he’d intended. For a moment, he was a child again, his face crumbled with a broken spirit.
No, I wanted to say, I’m sorry. Don’t go.
But he was already gone, enveloped in black shadow. It felt painfully similar to the time he’d left Dullahan for the Hunt. I hadn’t wanted him to go then, either, but this time there was at least the promise of his return, so my chest didn’t burn nearly as badly.
I was only partially aware of Kol’s body heat as he squatted down beside me. He didn’t reach out to touch me, didn’t even say anything. Just sat in my company until I was finally able to catch my breath.
“That’s it,” he murmured soothingly, his eyes resting on my face. Never once did he look away.
We sat that way for the better half of an hour before the panic attack released its grasp on me. My body felt jittery, and I wanted to gorge myself on whatever leftover food was in the kitchen, though I knew there was none.
Kol lifted his hand to my face, stopping just before his fingers brushed my cheek. He retracted it quickly, but the tingle of his presence still lingered on my skin.
“Sorry.”
I blinked, my eyes dry and itchy from all the crying.
Starved. I was absolutely famished and craving someone’s touch. “N-no, it’s — okay.”
Looking at me for confirmation, he brought his hand to my face. His touch was gentle and cold as he wiped the last of the tears from my cheek with the back of his fingers.
“Why,” I sniffled, rubbing furiously at my dripping nose, “Why did you defend me?”
I’d deserved the brunt of Elm’s anger. He’d depended on me to keep Rhen safe, yet I’d let her run straight into danger. I hated myself for it, so he was justified in hating me, too.
Kol slowly lifted my chin with one hand, his gentle finger resting on my jaw. His silver eyes glowed brightly under the feylight. His gaze was hypnotic and captivating, and I could have stayed in that moment forever if he hadn’t lightly chuckled, breaking me out of my trance. “I don’t know. You had that look on your face like you were breaking, and I don’t know. I wanted to protect you.”
I wanted to say that I didn’t need his protection. That I was able to take anything Elm dished out, but he hadn’t even hurt me physically and he’d brought me to my knees. So, I said nothing.
“You know it’s not your fault, right? She’s her own person who makes her own decisions. There’s literally nothing you could have done aside from locking her in the dungeon, that would have stopped her.”
I felt defeated. He was right, but I did feel responsible. “I know.”
“Gods, you’re adorable when you pout.”
His words they shocked me. I met his gaze to see his crooked grin.
I felt my cheeks flush with heat. “Wh-what?”
He laughed. “I’m sorry. It’s fun to mess with you. I couldn’t help myself.”
Embarrassed, I covered my face with my hand. But I realized how easily I’d forgotten about the gnawing ache in my gut that was usually never satiated. It was like he knew exactly what to say to distract me.
He reached out and patted my head, lightly at first, with playful gentle taps. His fingers slowly sunk into my loose waves as he tenderly ran his hand through each strand. I watched as the muscles in Kol’s arm relaxed into his body, reflecting a sense of calm. That was until he noticed me looking up at him. He dropped his hand so quickly from my hair, like it had been scalded by a hot stove. His eyes widened in surprise and his cheeks turned a light, rosy shade.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed, eyes dropping to the floor.
I shook my head, “It’s okay.”
“You don’t mind?”
The corner of my mouth turned inward, and I shook my head again sheepishly.
“What about—” I watched in almost unbearable slow motion as his hand reached out again, hovering ever so slightly above my shoulder before settling lightly on the back of my ear. He moved his thumb gently in a circular motion. His touch was comforting yet electrifying at the same time, sending waves of pleasure radiating throughout my body.
A shiver ran down my spine from his touch. His hands were so cold, yet there was something comforting in the sensation. He quickly jerked his hand away, as if I had rejected him, even though I hadn’t. To tell the truth, I liked it.
Needed it.
“Your hands are cold,” I said, hoping he understood that I hadn’t wanted him to pull away because despite the voice of reason that told me not to get attached, I truly was touch starved. But there was another voice that told me to give in.
The silver sylph grinned and confidently scratched behind my ear. “I suppose it’s overkill if I call you a good boy, hm?”
I laughed nervously in agreement. Then I remembered what he’d said about my effortless kindness. But he was kind, too. He’d been nothing but since I’d turned up half dead on their steps.
“Thank you.”
His brows knit together. “For?”
“Being so kind.”
Our eyes met, and he smiled sadly. His wings shifted as he leaned his head against the wall. “Dumb fox. I’m not kind at all.” Kol flicked his eyes at me sideways, a cocky grin on his face. “But you make me want to be.”