Our lives reverted back to normal after that. Jules even returned working for the Hunt, though I made him visit the healer every couple of days to check the rash that still plagued his back.
And he continued consuming the fey dust. Just a pinch a day kept his illness from returning. It was a safe amount, enough to keep him alive, but not enough to drive him insane with fey magick.
It felt like a fragile balance, but Jules seemed more content than ever before. We filled our days either fucking or doing jobs for the Hunt. For the first time in a long time, things were looking up.
“You’re off early today,” Jules said in the doorway of our kitchen.
I looked over at him with a smile. “Yep. Top secret mission. Couldn’t pry it from my lips if you tried.”
He took my words as a challenge and before I knew it, he had me up against the door frame with his lips pressed firmly to mine.
“Mmmm, secret mission?” He whispered in between kisses.
I laughed and pulled away slightly. “There’s a dark force called the Driech. It comes through like a storm, killing dozens at a time. Since I’m the only sylph in the Hunt, I’m on scouting duty.”
“Aww,” Jules pouted, “That was almost too easy.”
I smiled and kissed him again. “You have that effect on me. I’ll be back tonight.”
The day seemed to drag on as I flew for hours ahead of the Hunt, searching for any signs of the Driech. We were only met with a few scattered groups of scorns, but we managed to get rid of them without much trouble. So, by the time I trudged back home, my body and mind were spent from the day’s events. I was desperate to find solace in Jules’ comforting embrace, hoping to ease some of my anxiety.
But when I arrived home, Jules wasn’t waiting for me like he usually did. In fact, there seemed to be a strange energy in the air that made me uneasy. I cautiously stepped closer and noticed a faint glow coming from his room down the hall.
As I entered, my eyes fell on Jules standing in the middle of the room. He was staring at something I couldn’t see, and then he slowly turned to face me.
“Jules? What’s going on?”
He seemed to be shaking, and there was a strange glint in his eye that sent a chill down my spine. “I’m sorry.”
His gaze tilted to the body of a lesser fey lying lifeless at his feet, a layer of dust coating his hands. He was trembling, and I felt like my heart was about to burst out of my chest.
“What happened?” I gasped, fear gripping me as I realized what had happened. I moved closer to him, my hands reaching out to touch him as I tried to make sense of it all.
“I didn’t mean to hurt him,” he said, his voice wavering. “He refused to give me more. I needed it, Kol. I needed it. So, I just shook him a little. But it wasn’t enough. So, I shook him some more, and—”
His voice cracked, and so did my heart. I was the one who had done this to him - caused him such anguish and pain. I knew all too well about the addictive qualities of that dreadful dust, but he seemed so—normal. I stupidly thought he’d been able to resist it, as if he were the exception.
I should have known, should have seen the signs. He’d been in such high spirits, had so much energy, and was always in the mood.
It was obvious that he’d been taking more dust than I gave him, yet —
“It’s okay,” I said, my arms wrapped around him tightly. “It’s going to be okay.”
He couldn’t contain his emotions anymore, and he crumpled to the floor, muffling his cries in his hands. His entire body shook with sorrow as uncontrollable tears spilled down his face.
“I killed him,” he repeated between sobs.
I had killed him, too. With my ignorance, with my carelessness. The pixie’s death was my burden to bear.
I gently rocked him in my arms, tears streaming down my cheeks as he let it all out, the guilt and anguish washing over us both like a wave of sorrow that could never be stopped or reversed.
When he finally calmed down a bit, he looked up at me with an intensity that I had never seen before. His coffee brown irises sparkling like the stars in the night sky.
“I can’t take the dust anymore,” he whispered, his voice low and filled with conviction.
I shook my head. No. If he stopped it altogether — the withdrawals would kill him.
“Yes. I’ve made up my mind. I don’t want to be like this anymore,” he said definitively.
There was a long pause between us. He was resolute in his decision, and nothing I said or did could persuade him otherwise.
“You can’t just stop using it. Maybe if we slowly weaned you off it—”
Jules shook his head no. “You don’t understand, Kol. The high it gives me, the electrical pull of magick in my system. I won’t be able to stop. It’s the only way.”
My fingers dug into his back. “But you’ll die!”
His lips trembled. “I know.”
I held him in my arms for what felt like an eternity, my heart breaking. I didn’t even hear Elm come in.
He sucked in a breath, peering down at us. His face contorted in horror at the sight of the dead pixie crumpled beside our sobbing bodies.
Wordlessly, Elm cleaned up the room and buried the poor soul before anyone got word of what happened. Then he offered to bring Jules to his fortress in Edelweiss so that Fern could tend to him while he dried out.
Maybe I’d judged the Prince too harshly when we’d first met.
Jules spent his last days writhing in pain. There was little Fern could do to ease his suffering. And there were moments where I just wanted to give in and hand over more dust to him, just to stop the agony.
I held him in my arms, stroking his hair and whispering soothing words. “You are the most beautiful soul I’ve ever known. You brought so much brightness to my life.”
“Kol,” he murmured weakly. “I love you.”
“And I love you. Forever. No one else but you. Until the day I die. And then I’ll search the entire Lake of Souls until I find yours, and we will spend eternity together.”
Jules tipped his chin up so that his brown eyes met mine. His smile was faint but there, and my heart softened as the last bit of life ebbed away from his body.
“I’ll wait for you.”