In his haste to escape, Munchauser dropped the sandwich. There on the gray cobblestone lay a delicious cheese sandwich on thick sourdough bread. Theo, a true sandwich devotee, couldn’t help but try to pick up the scrumptious item while running after Garrison. It was only Madeleine’s reminder that stopped the boy from satiating his ever-growing hunger.
“Dirty fingernails, Theo! Years’ worth of dirt!” Madeleine hollered with her hands above her head, attempting to shield herself from the great outdoors.
Garrison and Lulu were first to turn the corner, spitting them out onto a long and equally foliage-enshrouded straightaway.
“Impossible! There’s no way he could cover so much ground with a fifty-pound dog in his arms!” Garrison screamed while scanning the road ahead. There was nothing but green.
“Maybe he went into the forest?” Lulu added.
“I don’t think so; if he was willing to brave that, he would have done it already.”
Much like animals in the desert, Lulu and Garrison were moving slowly in an attempt to stalk their prey. Madeleine and Theo were oblivious companions, both terribly preoccupied with their own issues.
“Thank you so much, Madeleine,” Theo whimpered. “I don’t know what came over me. I’m not used to skipping breakfast, I guess. To think I could have ingested a sandwich that Munchauser had his dirty fingernails all over.”
“Skipping a meal can be quite a shock to your system, kind of like losing your shadow,” Madeleine said in reference to her veil.
Completely unaware of the emotional turmoil Madeleine was undergoing, Theo blabbered on. “Mad, will you be my sponsor on the trip? Stop me if I try to eat something dangerous or dirty or a meat product. I would hate to lose my many years of vegetarianism over —”
“Theo, look at my head! I’ve lost my veil. There’s nothing between me and them,” Madeleine said excitedly. “They could lay eggs in my hair! Or just drop them while flying by!”
“Give me your cans. I’m going to drench your head in so much repellent that your hair may actually fall out. You saved me, now I’m gonna save you.”
“That’s just great,” Garrison said sarcastically, “but who’s going to save Mac and Schmidty? How is it possible that a tall man in a purple suit carrying a fat bulldog can vanish without a trace?”
“Do you think it’s unusual to develop arthritis in a day?” Theo asked as the glum foursome continued down the straightaway with no sign of Munchauser or Macaroni. “’Cause my joints are really starting to hurt. I wish other people used this road; they could take me straight to the doctor. Not that I believe in hitchhiking, because normally I would never even consider getting into a stranger’s car. But in this situation, I think I would revise my rules,” Theo babbled on, seemingly unaware that no one was responding to him.
“Would you please stop talking?” Lulu interjected.
“Someone’s being more than a little rude,” Theo loudly whispered to Madeleine.
“I am not speaking to you, Theodore Bartholomew,” Madeleine screeched with dripping wet hair.
“Mad, I said it was an accident! I had no idea your cans would run out. At least you can rest assured that no bugs or spiders will come within ten feet of your head.”
“But what about the rest of me? My arms, legs, and face! They’re completely open for attack! Look at me: no veil, no repellent on the front line of the war on spiders. Everywhere I turn it’s nature, nature, and more nature, and everyone knows that spiders and insects live in nature!”
“I’m pretty sure you have repellent built up in your bloodstream. It will be years before a mosquito even comes near you,” Lulu said.
Madeleine said nothing but quietly considered the merit of Lulu’s statement.
“How long have we been walking? It feels like days since I’ve had any food or water.”
“It’s been two hours, Theo. Calm down,” Lulu said.
“Two hours? That’s it? That’s only 120 minutes, 7,200 seconds.”
“Thank you for the mathematical breakdown, Chubs. Definitely going to come in handy as we walk down a cobblestone road in the middle of nowhere!”
“No reason to bite my head off; I was merely commenting on how long we’ve been out here, braving the elements.”
“You know what, Theo? It may have only been two hours, but if it makes you feel any better, your incessant whining has made it seem much longer. More like an entire day, which in case you didn’t know is twenty-four hours, 1,440 minutes or …” Lulu paused trying to do the math in her head. “… a whole lot of seconds!”
“I see I’m not the only one who’s feeling a little grumpy from lack of food.”
“It’s 86,400 seconds to be exact,” Madeleine quietly mumbled to Garrison.
“You think this is grumpy? By the time we get to town you’ll be smiling about the good old days before I gave you a black eye for talking too much!”
“Are you threatening me?” Theo asked with disdain.
“Maybe.”
“I think I should tell you that anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.”
“The Miranda rights,” Madeleine said to Garrison, as if offering play-by-play commentary. It occurred so quickly and suddenly that it actually stopped Garrison’s breath for a second. He was absolutely enchanted by Madeleine’s bare face. In plain old thirteen-year-old boy speak, he thought she was cute.
“I’m not under arrest!” Lulu shot back at Theo.
“That phrase can be used at other times. Anyway, I just thought you should know that I am making a mental note of all your threats so that I can tell my mom and my lawyer once we get back.”
“Would you stop? At the moment, you don’t even have a cell phone, let alone a lawyer!”
“I may not have a lawyer right now, but this is a country where anyone can file a lawsuit, even a twelve-year-old. So get ready, Lulu Punchalower —”
“Wait!” Lulu interrupted Theo seriously. “Did someone just whimper?”
“You heard that, too?” Garrison responded, immediately on high alert.
Theo, Madeleine, Lulu, and Garrison froze, waiting to hear which direction the whimpering was coming from. It took a few seconds before they heard the muffled sound again. Lulu walked toward the forest’s edge, eyes wide with a mixture of curiosity and anticipation. The recognition was sudden and jarring, but to her credit, she didn’t scream.
“It’s him.”
“Who?” Garrison asked. “Munchauser?”
“Abernathy. I recognize him from the time I saw him peering in the dining room window,” Lulu said while staring at Abernathy’s thick and ashen face between the trees.
“And you waited until now to tell us,” Theo admonished Lulu.
“I thought I’d imagined it … ,” Lulu mumbled. “That face …”
Madeleine stepped behind Lulu, absolutely captivated by Abernathy’s face.
Abernathy returned the children’s stunned glare, never moving from just inside the forest’s edge. The strange man knew that he was protected. No one, let alone children, would try to brave the dangers of the forest.
“Maybe we should say something? Offer him a snack or a drink of water,” Theo said sincerely.
“Um, hello? In case you haven’t noticed, we’re not at the Four Seasons,” Lulu snapped to Theo.
“Yeah, but by offering him something at least we’re being polite. Maybe he’ll warm up to us?”
Before anyone else could weigh in on the matter, Theo, making sure to speak loudly, launched the welcome wagon: “Hello! Hi, I’m Theo and this is Madeleine, Garrison, and Lulu. We’re from the school on the hill; although, I think you may already know that since you’ve been spying on us, Mr. Abernathy. And by spying, I mean politely looking in the windows. Nothing wrong with that. We’d love to offer you some beverages or appetizers but we don’t have any,” Theo babbled on as Abernathy slowly moved his finger across his throat. Fortunately Theo was far too preoccupied by a strange noise to notice the intimidating gesture.
Now inches from the forest, Theo heard the whimper again and realized that it was far too close to be coming from Abernathy.
“Wait a minute,” Theo said as he turned to his left, “you evil genius!”
Munchauser and Macaroni, covered head to toe in Greenland Fungus, were perfectly camouflaged against the forest’s lush backdrop. Before anyone could mobilize, Munchauser tossed a mass of small yellow particles at the students. The smell was paralyzing, knocking all four students off their feet and to the ground. So rank and putrid was the stench that the foursome actually passed out. The last thing they remembered was the green silhouette of Munchauser and Mac taking off in the distance.
Madeleine was first to come to after the great tonsil stone battle. The smell was ripe, rancid, and overwhelmingly strong. She touched her face and realized that she had two stones glommed onto her cheek. Without hesitation, she ran to the forest’s edge and began madly wiping her face with a leaf. So vile was the smell that she didn’t even worry that insect eggs could be on the leaf.
“I think I’m going to die,” Lulu moaned from the ground.
“Wipe your face!” Madeleine hollered, while remembering what Lulu said about having repellent in her blood. She prayed that it was true as she cleaned her face with a possible spider’s home.
“Abernathy’s gone,” Garrison said as he surveyed the forest.
“Can you blame him? The smell. We need to move,” Lulu said. “Garrison, drag Theo. He was hit the hardest. It may be days before he wakes up.”
Garrison wiped Theo’s face clean of tonsil stones while holding his breath. Luckily, Theo woke, overwhelmed by the olfactory purgatory.
“Help! The smell … the smell …”
“Come on, we gotta move,” Garrison said firmly while pulling Theo to his feet.
The foursome jogged as fast as their sour stomachs would allow, keeping one eye open for suspicious green masses and the other for Abernathy.