22

 

I packed my clothes into the thin plastic back the nurse gave me, not knowing why they’d saved them to begin with. Cut off me in the emergency room, they were nothing more than blood stained confetti. The image reminded me of that day in Randy’s hotel room, his clothes strewn about the room in tatters, and I felt a well of sadness and anger bubble up. I pulled on the lavender sweater and jeans my mother had left and tied on my sneakers.

Outside, a sullen sky brooded over the cold, windswept parish and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was on the verge of something dark.

Jake wheeled me to his squad car despite my protests that I could walk.

Not seeing my family on our way out, I was relieved that I didn’t need to argue with anybody. I wondered where they went.

My mother visited me earlier in the day before the doctor discharged me and seemed to be in great spirits. The abrupt change in her mood was odd, and I felt a rush of nerves quiver my stomach. Yet, being with Jake, finally alone, I put the worry out of my mind.

He helped me into my seat, slipped behind the steering wheel, and looked at me with a big smile.

“Feel good to be out of there?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s get you home, then.”

I put my hand on Jake’s arm. “Speaking of home…” I bit my lip, trying to think of a way to ask him my next question. “Do you live with Citrine…at the Lightning Bug?” I felt insecure and dumb, but I had to know. How much was Jake’s life entangled with Citrine’s?

Jake’s smile faltered, and he looked down at his hands. “Citrine owns the Lightning Bug, Riley. She was married to my brother and when he…passed.” A sad look crossed his features. “I gave her and Michelle my half. It’s her property, her business. I stayed as a guest that night because I live down the bayou a bit and was exhausted.”

My sigh of relief was obvious, by the look on his face. “I’m sorry…I just thought—”

“I know what you thought, Riley, and that’s my fault. My staying there wasn’t wise. I didn’t see the hurt or confusion it might cause.”

“Oh, I mean, it’s no big deal…” I tried to back pedal, sorry for making him feel bad.

“It is if it made you doubt my intentions or my integrity.” He reached over and kissed my fingers. He smiled, his dark eyes sending a flutter through my chest. “What you think matters, Riley. What you think of me is important.”

I nodded, unable to answer over the knot in my throat. The closer I got to Jake, the more he seemed from another time, another place. Honorable and noble, how could I not have seen this before?

We drove through back roads on the way to the Lightning Bug and I watched the swaying of the huge cypress branches as we passed under them. The trees and plants littered our windshield with debris, and I bit my lip, nervous.

Jake’s low drawl cut through my worried thoughts.

“Don’t get much weather in southern California, do you?”

“Well, we have sunny and really sunny.” I touched the windshield with my fingertips. “This storm is definitely more than I’m used to. It’s not just rain, its…formidable. Like something out to get you.”

“That’s not far off. As a rule, these storms pass without much damage, but this time of year we’re apt to get tropical storms. Those can turn ugly.”

Alarm jangled through my already frayed nerves. “Like hurricane-ugly? With downed power lines and blackouts?”

“I’ve noticed you and the dark aren’t exactly on friendly terms. Something happen?”

“No,” I answered too quickly, and then sighed heavily. “Yes.”

“You don’t have to…”

“It’s not that terrible, really.” I tried to sound like I didn’t have sweaty palms. “I got lost as a child.”

“In the dark?” Jake cocked an eyebrow. “Were you outside?”

“Yeah, my family was camping; it was just me and Raymond then. Randy wasn’t born yet. I think I must have been around four or five years old. We were at a big group camp for one of my father’s causes, and I wandered off. I meant to get more marshmallows and somehow got turned around.”

“You got lost in the woods at night? For how long?”

“Overnight, actually.” I hugged myself. “I realized I was lost when I couldn’t see the campfire anymore, and panicked. I ran and stumbled down a ravine. The fall knocked me out and when I came to it was to a snorting or grunting. I think it was a raccoon or a skunk, but as a child…” My voice trailed off as I remembered the overwhelming fear that squeezed my chest. “It was pitch black, and I was so cold. It felt like I was going to shiver my eyeballs right out of my head, but the pain…the pain in my arm is what sent me screaming.”

“Ma chèr,” Jake intoned. “I’m so sorry.”

My hand found the spot in my arm that still ached in the rain, the healed-over break.

“I kept passing out and waking up to cry. After hours of lying in the dark, I was so exhausted I didn’t have the strength to brush the bugs from my shirt anymore.”

A shudder rocked me and I clasped my arms together trying to hide it from Jake.

“How did they find you?” Jake’s hand entwined with mine, squeezed softly. “Who found you?”

“Search dogs followed my scent and they found me by dawn the next morning, but I was terrified of the dark for years.” I smiled sheepishly. “I still don’t like it.”

“I know.” A shadow crossed his face and I leaned forward.

“That was a long time ago, Jake.”

He didn’t answer, looked out the window instead, and I wondered what he was thinking. Did he find me cowardly? Had I shared too much with him, too soon? We pulled to a stop in front of the Lightning Bug, and I knew what made him frown.

Sitting on the porch, piled neatly under the overhang, were all of my bags.

“Qu'est ce que c'est?” Jake growled as he pulled to a stop and turned the car off. “What is this?”

I knew what this was. This was Citrine’s line in the sand. I’d just crossed it, apparently. The pain in my side kept me from getting out of the car before him, and I walked through the wet wind to join him on the porch.

Citrine stood at her door, the screen closed in front of her clearly upset features. “She can’t stay here anymore, Jake.”

“Ce n'est pas juste, Citrine,” Jake said over the wind and jangling chimes. “This isn’t right and you know it.” Jake slipped into French whenever he was upset.

It was hard for me to understand what they were saying to each other.

Citrine took a step out of her doorway and crossed her arms. “My daughter sleeps not ten feet from where that man attacked her, Jacob.” Her voice broke.

I understood. I understood the fear completely. “Jake, it’s all right—”

“Non ce n'est pas,” he interrupted. “It’s not all right, Riley.”

“I know but…”

He spoke low to Citrine and the anger in his voice made me pause even if I couldn’t understand what he was saying. “Je ne ferais jamais cela à vous.”

“No you wouldn’t ever do this,” Citrine said through a trembling lip. “But not all of us are so noble, Jacob. Not all of us are so brave.” She pointed to me. “She was right the first night when she told me that trouble follows her.”

Citrine and Jake stood facing off on the porch in the rain and wind, their faces set with the hurt and regret of years of unexpressed pain.

I didn’t know what to do. A cold wind chattered my teeth and I bit my tongue between them.

Jake’s hand went to the rail, his voice tired. “Vous voulez me faire du mal, pas Riley.”

Citrine wiped her eyes with her hands. “I don’t want to hurt you.” Her gaze caught mine, full of anguish. “This is not jealousy or…or loss. I just don’t want to do this. I don’t want her here anymore.”

I didn’t want to be the cause of this. Hissing back the pain in my side, I pulled on Jake’s arm. “It’s OK, Jake, she’s right. Michelle could have been hurt, too. Everyone in the house could have been hurt because of me.”

He looked at me with sorrow.

The rain whipped onto us as we stood on the porch and Jake wiped my face with the back of his hand before turning back to Citrine. “Why are you doing this?”

“You know why.” She looked back at the house, her hair now matted to her face with rain and tears.

I looked at the window and my stomach fell.

Hands on the glass, face pulled into a broken sob, Michelle watched us.

“Citrine…” Jake murmured and I wished I could sink into the mud.

I shouldn’t be seeing this. I shouldn’t be here at all.

“Vous choisissez.” Citrine jutted out her chin, her lip pulled into a trembling frown. “Choose what you want, Jacob.”

“Citrine I—”

“Choose, Jake,” She snapped, and fear ran across her features.

He stepped back, put his arm around me, his head shaking slowly. “Je l'aime.”

My heart stopped and the crushed look on Citrine’s beautiful face told me I’d heard right.

I love her.