Chapter Sixty-Three

A week later, they were still waiting impatiently for Jim to respond to Noah’s requests. Angel monitored Noah’s emails daily, but so far it was only condolences for the death of his brother, with hints of offence that Noah would even assume the sender was involved.

Noah was probably a mess, thinking everyone suspected him. She had hidden her sent messages in a different place than his email files so he wouldn’t know why everyone was emailing him out of the blue. The little weasel deserved a little panic.

Surely by now, this Jim person was feeling the squeeze. One by one, every viable software company had been shut out from his possible offer of the stolen technology. He was only left with one possibility now—Noah. Jim should be getting desperate enough to make a move on Noah, one way or the other.

She’d also sent taunting emails to Redgamer3, but had gotten no reply. And she still hadn’t been able to find him.

On the Viktor Kulakov front, the good news was that Colton’s cover came up solid. He was safe from the ruthless drug lord and his goons.

For now.

There was nothing for them to do but wait. And not very patiently.

She was going stir crazy. Last week’s trip to the shooting range had been her only venture outside the house and yard in ages.

Thankfully, the nights were anything but boring. They were almost through the box of condoms, and she had no intention of leaving any time soon. Time for a new box.

“Oh, hell,” Colton said while sitting at the kitchen table with a pile of mail.

She glanced up from her laptop. “What is it?”

“I forgot I’m going to a wedding this Saturday. One of the teachers I work with is getting married. I already RSVP’d I would go.”

“Then you should go, so it doesn’t seem suspicious. Maybe you could sneak out a piece of cake for me.”

“I could make you cake if you want.” He wrapped his arms around her and tugged her down onto his lap.

She grinned. “I really only want the icing.”

“Even better, we could have a lot of fun with icing.” He licked her neck, making her laugh. U.S. deputy marshals weren’t supposed to turn to mush when a man kissed their necks.

She waggled her eyebrows and stood up to halt the distraction of his tongue. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I’d rather stay here with you,” he said.

Once again he was willing to put his life on hold to stay with her. She couldn’t continue to be selfish. “It might seem odd if you don’t show up. You’re usually dependable. People might think it’s suspicious.”

“Normal people don’t think things like that are suspicious,” he reminded her.

He was right. Normal people were oblivious. They turned up on the news claiming they had no idea their neighbor was a serial killer. Regular folks were always shocked to find out their co-worker had body parts in his freezer.

The general population mainly assumed everyone was good until proven otherwise, and someone shoved a camera in their face to tell them how wrong they’d been.

She knew better. She knew what darkness lurked in people’s homes. How a normal family could easily include a psychopath.

She suppressed a shiver. Colton needed to go to this wedding to keep up appearances, but she really didn’t want to be left behind, alone with her thoughts.

“I’ll go with you as your date,” she said brightly, without really considering the implications.

He frowned. “No way. It’s not safe.”

“I’ll make sure it’s safe.”

She would have to dress up, even more than usual because she’d need to be in disguise. A real disguise, not just a hat and glasses. She’d had to dress up when she was “dating” Heath, and hated the thick makeup and heels. But at this point, she would do just about anything to get out of the house.

“There’s a lot of overlap at weddings. I shouldn’t even have agreed. What if the bride’s cousin is married to the girl I took to prom?”

“Then why did you agree?” she asked.

He was right, of course. But the rules were starting to blur. They needed something fun to do while waiting for Jim to take the bait. She’d even almost suggested they take Kenny shooting again as a distraction.

Colton glanced away and bit his lip.

She’d expected him to tell her he was lonely and wanted to be with people, but…there was something else going on here. He looked…guilty.

Then it hit her.

“Do you already have a date for this wedding?” The words blurted out, sounding accusatory.

Damn it! She had no right to be jealous, or to expect any level of exclusivity. She’d made it clear she had nothing to offer him long term, and he was trying to make a new life for himself.

“No. Not a date. Just another teacher. I told her I would meet her there.” Another look of guilt.

Angel was torn between relief and confusion. “You didn’t offer to pick her up?”

“It’s not a real date.” He spread his hands as if his excuse made sense.

She knew Colton planned things better than this. “But if you wanted to hook up afterward, she would have to follow you in her own vehicle.”

He held out his hands. “That’s why I didn’t offer to pick her up. I wanted to make sure we wouldn’t be hooking up.”

“Why?” He’d obviously made these plans before she came back, so her feelings hadn’t been a factor. Not that they should be now, either.

“As the person I’m sleeping with, you’re not supposed to encourage me to hook up with other people,” he snapped.

“I’m not encouraging,” she said, baffled. “I’m just wondering why you didn’t take advantage of the opportunity.”

There was something going on here. Something she instinctively knew ran deep with him. What the hell?

There was a long moment of silence, as if he was trying to come up with an answer—any answer but the truth.

Finally, he let out a gust of breath and said, “Because I’m still hung up on you, and Danielle is not you.” The second it was out of his mouth, his expression said he wished he could suck it back in. Then with a defiant lift of his chin, he leveled a look at her. “You burned me, Angel, and I’m not over it.”

And there it was.

His admission almost broke her heart.

She stood and stepped back from him. And the truth just burst out of her. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left like I did. But…I didn’t think I could go if you were awake. You would have said something to make me stay, and I would have, and it wouldn’t have been good.”

It felt good to let it all out, finally. To tell him how torn up she’d been to leave him.

He shook his head sadly. “You’re wrong. It could have been very good.”

Could it?

From the first moment he’d ever kissed her, she’d felt safe and balanced when they were together. Sure, there were the normal butterflies of excitement. But it was the safety in his arms she treasured most.

In her career, she was trained to protect herself from all types of threats, but she had never felt truly safe unless Colton was with her. Back then, and especially now.

It had taken a long time before she’d realized what that feeling was.

Even now, she refused even to think the word, let alone say it out loud.

Only after recognizing how she felt about him did she realize that, in her entire life, she’d never experienced the sense of safety she felt with him. Growing up with a brother who was volatile and dangerous meant she had never been able to let her guard down. It meant she had never been free to care about anyone. Not the way she cared about Colton now.

After her family was taken, she had been thrown from one dangerous situation to the next. Even with her team, she worried she wouldn’t be truly accepted if she didn’t toe the line, meet their expectations.

The biggest of those expectations was loyalty to the team. Leaving Task Force Phoenix to run off and live with Colton had not been an option. Not back then, not now. If things didn’t work out, she wouldn’t be able to go back to her job.

Colton thought things would have been good between them, and maybe they would have. Maybe it would have worked out. Maybe it could still work out.

But there was no guarantee.

“You would grow bored with me. I’m not that exciting. I can sit for hours in front of a computer and not even notice the outside world.”

“I’ve seen how you get. I understand that. I’m not looking for someone to entertain me. I want someone to share my life with. Not every second of every day. Just knowing you’re there would be good enough.”

She understood what he meant. It was the reason she’d run before. Because what he described made perfect sense to her, and she wanted it more than anything. But the whole idea terrified her—of letting herself fall in love and be happy.

Because something always happened when she gave in to that kind of happiness. Something ugly, and violent.

“I can’t be that person. I’m sorry,” she whispered.

How she wished she knew how to be that person.

He came up behind her and wrapped his warm body around her. She shivered away the chill of their conversation.

“I didn’t mean to push. I just…” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She felt her hair stir from his deep breath. “Would it be safe for you to come to the wedding? I’d love it if you could go with me, but I don’t want to risk you getting caught.”

She was glad to let the heavy moment go. For now. Though, she knew it was far from over. At some point she would have to leave again.

And she just didn’t know how she would do it.

She straightened, and plastered on a smile. “When I’m done with the makeup, you won’t even recognize me.” She was determined to squeeze in every single possible minute of happiness with him while she still had the chance.

“Then I’ll call my friend and tell him I’m plus one.”

She knew those memories would have to last through a lifetime of loneliness.