Chapter Seventy-One

Angel’s plan to ignore her feelings was demolished by Colton’s request to talk. He hadn’t even budged from his truck, as if it was safer there.

Her team. He wanted to talk about the other members of Task Force Phoenix, the people who were like a family to her. The people who had been there for her when she’d had no one else.

“You’ve met pretty much everyone who’s still active. Garrett does some odd jobs here and there when needed, and Donovan does a lot of international stuff, but we’re fairly small.”

“Plus Dane, Justin, and Thorne?”

“There are a few people on the inside that provide intel, and there are other tech agents. But yeah, the five of us are it right now. When Garrett left, Thorne started looking for a replacement. But he hasn’t found the right person yet.”

She thought she might have found the right person for him. Though, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to stand it. Waiting for Colton to come back from a job she wasn’t working would be torture.

Still, she knew he’d be a perfect fit, and it would give him the excitement he so desperately wanted. It wouldn’t be right to hold him back. Besides, there was no guarantee she’d ever be able to go back, even if this whole mess ended well.

If she didn’t find the real killer, she’d be exiled forever.

Or in prison.

“Garrett left the team so he could be with someone?” Colton asked, his voice quiet.

She knew what he was thinking. Garrett left Task Force Phoenix to be with Samantha, but Angel hadn’t made the same decision. She hadn’t taken the chance with Colton.

“Yes. Garrett is Thorne’s son-in-law now.” She still found it funny. Especially on the few occasions she’d heard Garrett call Thorne “Dad.” Thorne seemed less than amused by the endearment.

“And Dane?”

“Dane and I have worked a lot of missions together.” They were like a single unit when they worked. They rarely needed to speak out loud, using just a gesture or a look to communicate. He was dependable and steady. Like a machine.

“And the two of you never…”

It took a full ten seconds to understand what Colton was asking. Then she burst out laughing. “Dane and I? Together? No. Never. It’s never even come up.”

“For you. I’m sure it’s come up for him.”

Angel laughed again and shook her head. She couldn’t imagine Dane ever looking at her in that way. “He’s the older brother I should have had. The kind that offers protection along with teasing and annoyance.” The laughter faded and she frowned. “We’re all wounded in some way. Everyone on the team comes with baggage and sadness. Dane had to walk away from his wife and young son to protect them. I doubt he’d ever get close to anyone again.”

Somehow, that seemed a lot worse than never having the courage to get close to anyone in the first place. He’d once been normal, and happy, and knew exactly what he was missing.

Which only made Angel even more wary of putting herself in that position.

“Why didn’t his wife and son come with him?” Colton asked.

“I’m not sure. He’s never said, and I don’t want to pry. We’re like a family, but there are still things we don’t tell each other. I’m not sure how he did it, though. For me, it was easy. My family was gone. There were no tough choices to be made. I can’t imagine walking away on my own.”

Although, true, she’d come close when she’d left Colton.

“It’s a bitch, let me tell you,” he said.

“Right. I guess you know very well.” Although he hadn’t been given many choices, either. He’d been fighting for his life at the time.

“Not on that level. It’s one thing to leave my brothers and my mom. It hurt like hell, don’t get me wrong. To know I would never see them again just about killed me for real. Fortunately, by the time I figured it out, I was on a lot of pain meds to numb everything.”

He laughed, but she could still see the pain in his eyes when he spoke of his family. “They all had lives with other people. They were married or had girlfriends. My mom has the grandkids. But to walk away from the woman I love—” He swallowed and shook his head. “Like I said, I can’t imagine.”

Could he not imagine because he’d never loved anyone, or because it was too painful to think about? She knew he would answer if she asked, but she remained silent, not really wanting to have her fears confirmed.

So she changed the subject. “Justin is a different story. He asked me out the first day on the job. He’s always been a flirt and the happy-go-lucky one of the bunch. But it’s just an act.”

“What’s his story?”

“Don’t know. He’s never shared. Thorne hasn’t said. No one really knows, but it’s there, plain as day under the surface.”

“And Thorne?”

Angel smiled and shook her head. “He’s the reason I’m not sitting in prison. He gave me a chance to change my life. To use my skills to help people instead of causing them a lot of inconvenience when I stole their identity.”

Colton chuckled.

“I was having trouble dealing with being the sole survivor. I guess I didn’t think I deserved it, so I was going out of my way to punish myself and sabotage my own life.”

He reached over and squeezed her hand. “You deserve happiness, Angel.”

“I’m starting to get that.” Slowly but surely, she was coming around to that way of thinking.

“It’s also okay to care about people,” he whispered. “Not everyone goes away, or hurts you.”

She wanted to allow herself to care, to want, to commit fully and be more than she was, but she didn’t know how. She didn’t know how to give herself over to feelings she couldn’t address in words. Not without being terrified.

She leaned over and kissed him. Silently telling him how much she cared about him, when she didn’t dare say it out loud.

Instead of getting out of his truck on her side, he pulled her over onto his lap then out the door. They were kissing and walking—or stumbling—toward his bedroom. He stopped in the kitchen long enough to open the door and let Pudge out, then they kept right on going.

But rather than lead her straight to the bed, he stopped at the bathroom.

“Take them out,” he said while kissing up her throat.

She had no idea what he was talking about, her mind in a daze. “What?”

“The contacts. Take them out. I want to look into your eyes.”

She choked on the air caught in her throat. She’d known men who never even noticed what color her eyes were. But Colton wanted her—the real her.

Or as much of the real her as she was able to give.

With a quick nod, she rushed in to take out the contacts. She pulled a brush through her hair to release the curls, and when she looked in the mirror she was startled by how much she looked like her old self. Her real old self.

Cassandra. Not Angel.

Her hair was this color naturally, and it suited her better than the platinum blond or the jet black. As Angel, she was all about extremes. But now…she had mixed emotions about all the things she once thought black and white.

Not everything had to be black or white. There was a whole bunch of gray to be had, too.

She could be a good deputy marshal and also want a quiet life with the man she—

God.

She swallowed down the thought before it blossomed, and let out a breath.

Taking off her bra and panties, she went to the bedroom in just the flowy dress. He was waiting for her on the bed, gloriously naked and ready for her.

She practically fell onto the bed, and he pulled her on top of him. As he moved his hand under her dress to her ass, he moaned when he found no obstructions.

“Were you like this the whole time? Hell, if I’d known, we would have found a dark corner somewhere at the reception. Then we wouldn’t have had to worry about getting home so fast.”

She kissed him again. “I just took them off. For you. I didn’t want anything in the way.”

They worked together to cover him first with a condom, then with her body. A slow breath left both of their lips in unison as they joined.

She moved on him as he bunched up her dress and pulled it over her head to expose the rest of her.

His gaze brushed over her, and she felt more than naked.

She felt…vulnerable.

Normally, that wasn’t a good thing to feel. But like every other time she was with him, she also felt safe.

Wrapping both feelings around her, she smiled down at him and lowered her body over him in one easy slide, until he filled her completely.

They fit together perfectly, and she took a second just to enjoy the delicious sensation before she started moving on him faster. His large hands moved up her thighs to her hips and her waist. Never restraining or demanding, they followed her movements as she rose up and down in an enticing rhythm.

She felt pleasure building in her body, and moaned in anticipation of the orgasm that was bearing down on her. As the first spasms hit, he groaned and arched up off the bed to thrust deeper into her with his release.

When they’d caught their breath, he slipped off to the bathroom. She didn’t move when he got back in bed and flipped the covers over them both, kissing her hair.

“Please be here in the morning,” he whispered before his breathing evened out in sleep.

And her heart squeezed.

They were not new words. He said them nearly every night. But tonight, they really hit her hard.

She’d hurt him when she left before, but she’d hurt herself, as well. She could admit that now, even to herself.

Leaving the way she had gave her no closure, and was surely one of the reasons she had ended up back here. When she left again, she would have to do it differently. She would have to face him, and explain why they couldn’t be together.

But for the life of her, she suddenly couldn’t remember any of the reasons. She didn’t know how she would convince him leaving was the best thing for both of them.

Not when she couldn’t even convince herself.