Where are we going?” Val asked as she continued to hold my hand. It was getting dark, and I knew we would get cold even in our warm jackets. We needed to find a place to stay.
“I don’t know.” I was still too shocked to think clearly. Val was older than me, and yet she looked to me to guide her. “I was hoping you would know.”
As the cool night air started to ease my nerves, I felt strange holding her hand. I started to let go, but she held on. So I didn’t try again. We passed several neighborhoods where I had never really been. We must have walked twenty blocks before the neighborhood opened up into a shopping and restaurant district. Bright lights flooded parking lots. I looked at my phone and saw it was eight o’clock. The restaurants still had people busy finishing their dinners.
My stomach growled. “You want to eat?”
Val nodded. “You got money?”
I smiled. “Yeah, and so do you.” She checked her pocket and found several twenties and a couple of hundreds. I had a little more in mine.
“Where did you get this?” She raised her voice and her eyes narrowed.
“Where do you think?” I couldn’t believe she was getting pissed.
“BB’s going to be so,” she started. Then reality set in. BB was dead, and the money was going to be found. She looked at her handfuls of cash again. She spoke more softly. “I wish you’d taken it all. The police will take it.”
I knew what she was saying. But my gut had held me back from taking more than enough to get by until I knew my next move. Despair started to show on Val’s face. I squeezed her hand. “You’ll be all right.”
“You think?” She looked into my eyes. There was something there that scared me. She spoke the words I feared she was thinking. “As long as I’ve got you.”
I pulled my hand away from hers. I stepped back. “Listen, Val. I can’t take care of you.”
Her beautiful lips and long dark hair came in close. She was shaking. “Please, TJ. Pretend. Just for now. I can’t bear being alone. Not right now.” I let her put her head on my shoulder. I guessed she was still in shock.
I sighed. “Let’s get some food.” I took her hand, and we went into Taco Bell. I wasn’t spending more money than I needed to.
I went into the bathroom and pulled the money out of my pockets. I checked my exact amount. Three hundred and twenty dollars were tucked away in my jacket. That wasn’t much, but it would hold me for a week. Maybe a few weeks.
When I returned to the table, Val’s look had changed. I could see the old Val returning. It was like she was forcing the thought of BB’s death away. She was hardening herself. I knew the look. She asked me, “Are you going to lead us now?”
“What?” The question surprised me. I hadn’t thought for one minute about any of the remaining gang members. Kaden and Brian were dealing with the police, and Bull Dog and the rest of the guys seemed more loyal to their partying than to BB. Why would I want to lead them? I was the youngest one.
“BB always said you’d be the next leader if anything happened to him.” Her voice was strong now. Almost too strong. It was the Val I knew who earned her chain. Her chain that was longer than mine.
“I’m too young, and my chain is still only half way around my wrist.” I pulled up my jacket sleeve to reveal six small links. It looked like someone had forgotten to complete the tattoo.
Val leaned back in her chair and started laughing. She started laughing so hard that people started staring.
“Shh, people are looking at us.” I calmed her down. She wiped her eyes and sighed. We walked outside to a small concrete table that was set off to the side of the parking lot.
I walked around to sit on the bench opposite Val. But it was covered with old gum, so I came back around and sat down next to her. She was finally calm. “BB’s chain was as short as yours when he started. I guess he thought you’d be just like him. He was so blind. I was so blind. I thought BB knew everything. I thought he knew what he was talking about. I thought you were all he said you were. Tough. Strong. Fearless.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” I noticed Val didn’t want to hold my hand anymore.
“He was wrong you know.” She looked at me. The hardness was there. I sat up tall. I could take what she was ready to give. “He treated you like he was protecting you.” She looked out over the half-empty parking lot.
“What are you talking about?” I scooted away from her. Just a little.
She kept looking at the parking lot. “He let you stay even though you really never fit in. Look at you. You never got high. He always sent you on the easy drops.” Then she suddenly looked at me and pulled in close. Her lips were almost touching mine. “You never screwed one of us either.” I held her gaze. She stared. I stared. I knew she was wrong about one thing. I was strong. Nothing she said could get to me.
But it wasn’t what she said. It was what she did next. Her hand came up to my head and pulled me in for a hard kiss. It took me by surprise. Her lips were hard against mine. I grabbed her hand and jerked it way. I cussed. Her face moved away from mine. But her eyes stayed locked. She was searching. I was frowning. I could feel my anger rise. She finally asked, “What is it with you?”
I shook my head. I knew what it was, but I wasn’t telling her. I knew that I still held on to the little redhead who had taught me to dream. I broke my eye contact, held my temper, and got back to business. “I think we should go back. At least to our own homes.”
“I don’t have one,” she said. “But I do have some friends who would let me crash.”
We stood and started walking back the way we’d come. We were silent the whole time. Before we reached North High, Val stopped in front of an old apartment building. “My friend lives here.” She started to head for the door but turned back around. “TJ?”
“Yeah?” I watched Val’s face change.
She tried to smile, but it wasn’t easy. “I’m not going to see you again, am I?”
I smiled back. “I sure hope not.” She nodded and turned to go.
At the next corner I dropped the cell phone BB gave me into a trash can.
I never saw Val again.