Steve Anthony, clinical psychologist, looked at the attractive young woman sitting across from him. Despite her attempts at composure, she bore all the signs of stress. Her face was flushed and she continually dabbed at it with the tissue that she clasped in her sweat-drenched hand. With her other hand she was twisting her forefinger around a lock of her dark, glossy hair.
He could see that the tissue was becoming sodden so he offered her a fresh one and passed her the wastepaper basket. She uncrossed her legs, which she had been clenching tightly, while she dropped the tissue into the bin and grabbed another.
‘So, what do you think prompted this disagreement?’ he asked.
The disagreement had, in fact, been a major row with her partner, but it was part of Steve’s job to play it down. He didn’t want to add to her stress. Instead, he wanted her to analyse the row calmly so she could perhaps find a way to handle similar situations better in the future.
Adele was visiting him as a private patient and he respected her decision to seek help. In many aspects of her life she was a successful young lady. That was obvious from her appearance. The clothing she wore and the way she presented herself showed that she was an intelligent, sophisticated and savvy woman.
But there was one area of her life in which she wasn’t successful. It concerned her ability to maintain loving relationships. Instead of ignoring the problem however, she had chosen to confront it, and had therefore sought his help.
‘It started over something trivial,’ she said. ‘I found some hairs in my brush. I knew they weren’t mine because they were blonde. There was only one person it could have been so I asked him. He’d used it without my permission and I got really annoyed because he’d gone behind my back.’
‘I see. Do you think you were annoyed because he used something of yours or because he did it behind your back?’
‘Both. But mainly because he used my brush.’
Despite his thoughts about this, Steve was careful in the wording of his next question. ‘Would you have let him use it if he had asked?’
‘No!’
‘Really? I’m surprised,’ Steve replied, keeping his voice deliberately calm so his response wouldn’t sound like a challenge.
He allowed Adele to digest his words for a few moments, remaining silent so she would feel pressed to respond.
‘Don’t get me wrong; I’m not selfish,’ she added, when she realised the implications of her sharp retort. ‘It’s just that I look after my things. It might sound daft but I always wanted a nice brush, comb and mirror set. It’s silver-plated. I saved for ages to buy it, and I don’t really like anyone touching it.’
Steve noted the awkward expression on her face and knew that the importance she attached to the brush was nothing to do with selfishness.
‘So, what happened next?’ he asked.
‘Well, he started going on about me being selfish, then about my jealousy, and then things just escalated.’
With a little probing, Adele went on to describe what had happened during this latest argument with her boyfriend. Steve was convinced that her inability to maintain relationships was rooted in her difficult childhood. Her reaction concerning the hairbrush, and other facts she had divulged in a previous session, hinted at this.
In order to move forward, Steve would have to explore what would have been a traumatic period in Adele’s life. But she was ready to go to the next stage, and Steve had already decided that this was where they would venture during today’s session.
When they had finished discussing the row with her boyfriend, Steve said, ‘Adele, I would like to find out a bit more about your family relationships. Let’s start with your brother, as you’ve referred to him quite a bit during our sessions. Did you have a good relationship with him when you were a child?’
‘At first, but then things changed. When we were kids we got on most of the time. He was always up to mischief though and some of the things he did were bad, even as a young kid. But I tried to look out for him, being his older sister.’
‘OK, do you know what caused the change in your relationship with your brother?’
Adele sighed heavily and rolled her eyes, ‘It’s a long story.’
‘OK, well perhaps you’d like to start at the beginning. I’d like you to take me back to your childhood and tell me about your relationship with Peter when you were children. Think about when things may have started to go wrong between you, and try to focus on that. Then we can gradually move onto the present.’
Adele took a sip of water followed by a deep breath to compose herself. Then, hesitantly at first, but gaining momentum as the memories resurfaced, she began to recount her troubled childhood.