Peter’s appearance was casual when he answered the door. His shirt was untucked and his sleeves rolled up. He scratched his head and yawned as he held the front door open for Adele.
‘You all right?’ he asked once Adele was sitting down.
But it was obvious by Adele’s appearance that she wasn’t all right. He could tell that even before she spoke. She had dark circles under her eyes, her skin was pale and she was twitchy. He noticed the way she kept picking at her nails. The police questioning combined with a lack of sleep the two previous nights had taken their toll. She looked physically and emotionally drained.
‘It was terrible, Peter! I’m sure they know,’ she said, referring to the police interview.
‘Don’t worry. It’s just par for the course,’ he said, pouring brandy into one of the two glasses he had lined up.
‘None for me, thanks. I’ve got to drive home,’ she said.
‘You sure? You’re welcome to stay if you want.’
‘No, it’s all right. I don’t want to get into that habit anyway.’
‘OK, but if you don’t mind me saying, Adele, you look like shit. You could do with a good night’s sleep.’
‘Cheer me up, why don’t you? What do you fuckin’ expect?’
She was wound up like a taut spring and Peter could tell that the slightest thing would set her off. It was worrying.
‘They asked me about my visit to the house when I came to collect Mam’s things. Like they were trying to trip me up. It was awful! I kept thinking I was gonna give the game away.’
‘I told you what it would be like. They’re relentless bastards. But, the important thing is, you didn’t cave in and confess.’
‘Yeah, but what if I do?’ Adele asked and Peter could detect the tremble in her voice.
‘Just stick to the story, Adele. Jesus! Don’t fuckin’ lose it now. You did well. Now try not to worry. The worst part’s over. They’ll probably be back again, asking more questions, but you’ve done it once so you can do it again.’
‘Do you think the neighbours will suspect us?’ she asked. Then she jolted her head as though something had just occurred to her. ‘What if they heard something or saw us taking him out?’
‘No, they won’t have done. Don’t forget, the telly was blaring and I checked around before we carried him out. There was no one in sight. So just sit tight and stop worrying. It’ll all blow over in a few weeks.’
‘I don’t know, Peter. I keep reliving everything. It’s really panicking me. I don’t know if I can live with the guilt.’
‘And do you think confessing to the police will make things any fuckin’ easier, Adele? Think about it. Whether you confess or not, it still happened. The old bastard deserved all he got anyway so don’t go beating yourself up! You’ve got to find a way of living with it. Because, I tell you summat, you start confessing to the coppers and things’ll get a whole lot fuckin’ worse. Have you ever been inside a prison, Adele? It’s no fuckin’ walk in the park, I can tell you.’
Peter was getting riled. The last thing he needed was for his sister to have an attack of conscience and confess to the police. That would land him right in it. And he had too much at stake to get banged up. Things were really taking off for him, but if he was out of the picture for a while, he might risk losing it all.
He tried to calm himself down. Shouting at her wouldn’t help so for the next half hour he concentrated on persuading Adele to keep quiet. By the time Peter let her out of his apartment, she was looking a little more relaxed than when she had arrived. But he was still concerned about her.
Although he had tried to appear relaxed in front of Adele, he wasn’t as laid-back as he seemed. A part of him was beginning to regret getting involved in the first place. But she was his sister and they’d been through a lot together. There was no one else she could have turned to.
Anyway, it was done now, but it didn’t stop him worrying about the consequences of Adele making a confession. As he swigged his brandy, Peter tried to think of a way he could manage the situation. Like most jobs, there would be a way of dealing with things. He just had to think.
He continued to ruminate as he paced his apartment, crystal tumbler in hand. Then it came to him. Like a flash of inspiration. He’d thought of a way he could put Adele out of the picture with the minimum of consequences.
In the meantime he’d still have to make sure she didn’t confess to the police or anyone else. But it was doable. And it would mean that he wouldn’t have the worry of it anymore.
*
Adele was helping her mother prepare sandwiches for their lunch. It was typical of her mother to invite her for lunch then have nothing ready, Adele thought, cynically. As she buttered bread they talked. Or, rather, her mother talked and Adele listened.
‘I do miss him, Adele,’ Shirley sniffed. She glanced across at Adele who didn’t comment, but it was as though her mother had picked up on what she was thinking. ‘Oh I know he wasn’t perfect. He had a bit of a temper, but he wasn’t always like that, y’know?’
‘I know,’ said Adele automatically but she didn’t really know. She had never seen that other side of her father, just the belligerence which he’d always displayed towards her and Peter.
‘It’s not easy being on yer own,’ her mother continued.
As if Adele didn’t know how that felt!
‘I’d love to know what happened. It’s bloody funny what happened to that brass cat, isn’t it?’
Adele shrugged but she could feel her face flush at the mention of the cat.
‘It was the only thing I had left of my mother’s too. And what about that rug? Bloody funny if you ask me,’ Shirley then sighed and stopped what she was doing. When she began speaking again, Adele could hear the crack in her voice. ‘I wish he’d come back, Adele. He might be dead for all we know but it’s not as if we can even have a funeral for him. Not without a body.’ She sniffed and wiped a tear away with the back of her hand.
A tremor of guilt ran up Adele’s spine. She walked over to her mother and kissed her on the top of her head. ‘It’ll get easier,’ she said but her words were spoken through a stiff jaw. Combined with her feelings of guilt was irritation at the way her mother pined for the man who had made all their lives a misery. But she bit back her irritation. Part of her still felt sorry for her mother. He might not have been the perfect husband but her mother was clearly missing him.
Adele didn’t know how she would get through today. The guilt was eating away at her. She was so tempted to confess all to her mother; to put her mind at ease. While Tommy’s disappearance was a mystery, Adele knew that her mother would still hold out a flicker of hope that one day he would walk back through the door. And Shirley would welcome him heartily.
But Adele resisted the temptation to confess all. She couldn’t trust her mother not to tell anyone, and she wouldn’t have her mother’s support as she did with Peter. Shirley’s feelings about Tommy were far removed from those of her children.
‘It’ll get easier’ she had said to her mother. She hoped to God that it would get easier for her too. Because she didn’t know how much longer she could live with this guilt.