Ghetto Girls Too

On the bus ride to see her mother, the thought of explaining the shooting never left her mind. Coco sat in the back with her bag on the floor and her headphones glued to her ears. She listened, rewound, and paused the CD player. No matter what, Coco could not clear her mind.

She knew that her mother was gonna be very angry after she heard what happened. Should she give her the news version or tell her what really happened? Coco knew that in either case, her mother would be angry but that the version on the news would be best thing at this time. Coco rewound the story over again. Her mother would wanna know not only why and how but also when, where, who, what and every other detail.

Soon enough, the bus pulled to a stop and Coco knew it was time to face her mother. She got off the bus and trudged slowly through the gates of the rehab center. Her thoughts were still engaged. Coco delved into the information she already had on the incident and thought of any loopholes her mother might see. She would definitely give her the news version, Coco decided.

“Rachel Harvey,” the receptionist said on the phone, “please come to the visiting area. Your daughter is here.” Then she turned to Coco and said, “You can have a seat over there. Your mother will be right with you.”

“Thank you,” Coco said and sat in the visitor’s area. No sooner had she picked up a magazine when her mother walked out.

“Let’s go to my room cuz we‘ve got to talk,” she said without any greeting and turned around. Coco followed knowing that trouble was there ahead of her. When they reached the room, Coco presented her mother with the bag.

“Miss Katie is such a sweet lady,” Rachel said taking the bag and looking at the contents. “Oh a few more underwear and a pajama set. That lady...” Rachel started but stopped as she found a card Miss Katie had sent. She read it quietly as Coco glanced around the tiny but clean residence.

The place contained a single bed, a desk with a chair and wall locker. It was neat and well organized. On any other day, Coco would be happy to be here but today she knew as soon as her mother was through with the bag of goodies Miss Katie had sent, she would let her have it. Coco readied herself for the worse. The news version, she reminded herself.

“And don’t think I’ve forgotten about what your fresh ass did, Coco. You were out all night then next day, you’re at this music producer’s apartment where some people got shot. Look, you’re gonna have to realize that guns kill and bullets don’t have eyes. I don’t want to sit around here and have anyone call telling me that you were killed in a rap war.”

“I’m saying they...ah, this guy, he ran up in Mr. Ascot’s apartment and he shot the other girl.”

“He was just sitting around and then decided, all of a sudden without anyone else saying anything to him, to run up in this man’s apartment? C’mon Coco, that’s the story he told y’all to tell the cops? Well, y’all can fool the cops but you know you can’t fool me, girl.”

“This ain’t nothing about fooling anyone, ma. It’s the truth. He probably tried to rob the place. I mean, Eric Ascot is big time. He’s got a lot of money.”

“Coco, let me tell you what else they told me. They know you know something that you’re not telling.”

“That I know something and I’m not talking? Mommy, what kind of nonsense they talking about? Please.”

“You wanna know what else they told me? That my daughter is looking at ten years in prison. Ten years.” Rachel Harvey broke down and sobbed as she repeated the penalty for perjury and cover-up.

Coco looked on in disbelief and anguish. Should she come clean? At least tell the truth to her mother? She thought about it for a while before speaking.

“They came here, Coco. One black and one white. Said they were detectives and showed me their badges. They say you could be a suspect in the shootings.”

“Stop playing. I mean, they don’t know what they saying. They just trying to get everyone scared that’s all. They picked me up Friday night and threatened me if I didn’t tell them the damned truth.”

“Then why don’t you tell the truth? And be easy with the raising your voice and cursing, all right. This place is quiet for a reason. I keep reminding you that you’re not talking to your hip hop thugs on the street corners.”

“My bad, mom, but that sh…ah, just upsets me. I been told ‘em. When they first talked to me, I told the cops that Lil’ Long came there to kill, I mean, to rob someone and he shot and killed the girl that was there, Kamilla, and then Eric shot him.”

“Whatever, it just doesn’t sit right with me is all. I mean, why would anyone want to do that?

“What the news left out is that Eric Ascot is a target because he’s out in the forefront doing his thing. People gonna hate. You can’t stop them. People are envious and jealous and all that pushes ‘em to be angry and start hating.”

“I know what you mean because they got some haters up in here. Oh my God, they just decide, ‘Fuck it, I’m a hate on Rachel’. I don’t know what that’s about but I gotta go. I just gotta get up out of here. Can’t stay here no more, Coco.”

“What I mean, girl? What I mean? Are you deaf? You’re not listening. That’s another reason I’ve got to get up out. You don’t listen to no one but yourself.”

“What do you mean I don’t listen to no one? Mom, I always listen. I’m not out there pregnant. I’m in school all the time. I do my schoolwork. C’mon, give me some credit.”

“Mommy, I’m gonna always be there. You know I’m not gonna be like you always talk about dad and how he was running from town to town. I ain’t gone be like that with nowhere to lay my head. Because of the music biz, I’m gonna be somebody, mommy.”

“Well, that was your father. Always running around,” Ms. Harvey said. “He too had wanted to be somebody.” Her somber tone was lost on Coco.

“Mommy I’m telling you...” the girl continued but her mother interrupted. She was direct and straight to the point.

There was a moment of silence as mother and daughter looked directly at each other. Coco saw the tears in her mother’s eyes but was so far removed from the emotion that she just continued.

“Who? Who’re you talking about?” Coco asked and Rachel felt the denial in her daughter.

Rachel Harvey repeated the words and got Coco’s undivided attention. The teenager, dressed in throwback Celtics warm-up suit, watched her mother break down and sob for the man who was supposed to be her father. Coco felt sympathy for her mom but couldn’t shed tears for someone she’d known only from pictures. It still hurt to see her mother crying this way. The teenager reached out and hugged her.

“I’m sorry, mommy, but I can’t waste my tears for someone I didn’t know,” Coco said as her mother poured her heart out. She allowed her mother to mourn her loss. As the two sat in silence, her mother opened the brown envelope and removed pictures of the man Coco had only heard was her father. They stared at the photos. When she was ready to leave, her mother handed her the guitar and saw the look of bewilderment spread across her face.

“So on behalf of your father, I’m giving you this guitar,” Rachel said and broke down sobbing again. This time, Coco could not hold back her tears and cried for her mother.

“They already buried him somewhere in South Carolina. His family members sent the guitar to you. He had said he wanted you to have it.”

Coco stayed a little longer and listened as her mother reminisced. May God rest his soul, Coco quietly wished.