March 23, 1899 (continued)

For so many years, I have spent my time living in constant fear of what I am. I only ever saw my magic as something to be hidden away, something to be ashamed of. I realize now that I have my parents to thank for that. My differences made me something they couldn’t understand or control. And so they assumed others wouldn’t understand or accept me, either. Always hiding me away, like some sort of terrible secret—that is, until they realized they could profit from what I am.

But being with Sav has shown me the loveliness of it all. I have accomplished things I did not even know were within my capabilities. I have created constellations in my bedroom; I have grown flowers from stone… Why, just yesterday, I was attempting to write some new poems (I have a lot of free time now that Neville is on bed rest, recovering from his injuries). Most of what I wrote was pure drivel—even the inspiration that has come from being in love does not always produce the most masterful of art.

Much of it was tossed aside into the waste bin beside my desk. I was starting to grow frustrated and a bit bored. I leaned back in my chair, letting my mind wander, and my attention landed on that pile of freshly crumpled paper sitting in the bin.

It got me to thinking…

A few nights ago, Sav asked me to do magic for him. But before he made the request of me, I rarely ever exercised my supernatural muscles. In fact, I spent a good majority of my time managing the “gift” so that it did not accidentally slip out at a less-than-ideal moment.

Upon Sav’s request, I was able to create a miniature galaxy above our heads. Just what else could I do?

With this in mind, I directed the rest of my focus on those crumpled pages of paper. One by one, the balls of stationery floated out into the air and began to unfurl. Once they were back to their original shape (if not a bit more wrinkled than before), I focused as hard as I could on making the pages tear into smaller, more manageable shreds. And they did exactly as I commanded!

Now that I had several shreds of paper floating about me, I focused my energy on changing their form and, once again, the paper obeyed. I held my breath, waiting to see the final product. Dozens of white paper butterflies started to flutter about the room!

Though beautiful, even in its splendor, it was technically a failure, I must admit here. I had been trying to turn the shreds into tiny paper cranes.

All the same, I could not help my smile and even a bit of gleeful laughter as my paper butterflies flew around me in a sort of whimsical dance.

And to think all this time, the capability to create such things, to bring such precious moments to life had been lying dormant, merely waiting for me (or for someone else) to tap into it and bring it to life.

I know, and have known for some time, that my abilities are wasted on the self-serving magician. And I know that I must still keep my guard up and proceed with caution when it comes to the circumstances under which I use my powers. But it is a nice change of pace to actually appreciate what makes me different from the rest of the world, rather than ignore it. And I owe it all to Sav. The moment I first saw him, I knew he was an original, one of a kind. He is not the type who would ever let himself blend in with a crowd. And that is exactly what I have been doing: blending, hiding. And though I may still have to hide from those who would intend me harm, I can at least stop hiding from one person in particular…

Myself.