THE NEXT few weeks flew by. I finished up all my classes for the semester and lost myself under a week of grading and conferences with my advisees. Paeder and Declan returned to Ireland with Paeder’s secret still secure and their relationship intact. Travis’s work kept him busy too, but we spent as much time as we could together, even if all we had the energy for was watching television and eating takeout. Finally, on the wedding day, I woke up with “Get Me to the Church on Time” in my head and an empty bed. I lay on my side groggily, trying to remember if I’d sensed Travis leaving. Eventually the scent of bacon reached my nose, and I got up to follow it.
I found Travis in the kitchen, wearing my Rosie the Riveter apron and nothing else.
“That’s a dangerous way to cook with grease,” I said.
“My jewels are covered. Sit down and have some orange juice.”
“I have orange juice?” I asked as I took a stool at the breakfast bar.
“I went for a run and picked some up.”
“Of course you did.” Looking at him closer, I saw he was still dripping wet from his postrun shower. From my vantage point, I admired the rear view.
“Don’t get any ideas. I have to be at the church early. Oh, can I borrow a clean shirt before I run home and change?”
“Sure. Do you want a drawer so you can leave some stuff here instead of running back and forth, getting your clothes wrinkly in that duffel bag you carry?”
Travis craned his neck to look at me. “A drawer? That’s pretty serious, isn’t it?”
“It’s practical. You need a place for your things. You spend enough time here. You should have a toothbrush here too.”
“That’s serious,” he repeated.
“It’s, like, two feet by two feet.”
He hummed and returned to his bacon, leaving me to think that somehow we’d landed on different pages. I decided to drop the subject. Let him deal with the drawer if he wanted to. Never mind that I’d thought we were getting serious. I didn’t think we needed a drawer to establish that.
“You’re really over Paeder?” Travis asked.
“Did anything happen in the last couple weeks that made you think I wasn’t?”
“No, but you and Declan are so close. If he needs you again—”
“I’ll be there for him. Travis, Paeder’s always going to be a part of my life for a lot of reasons, but I don’t love him anymore.”
“No?”
“I love you.”
Travis handed me a plate of eggs and bacon, mumbled something about needing to go, and shot out of the kitchen like I was holding a hot iron to his ass.
What the hell had just happened?
AT THE wedding reception, things did not improve. It seemed like Travis made every effort to avoid me. He stayed at the wedding party table long after everyone else had separated, but when I approached, he suddenly needed to be somewhere else. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and cornered him in the hotel lobby outside the ballroom, where he’d gone to pretend to smoke or something. By that point the excuses were so lame he could have claimed to be a superhero changing into his secret identity.
“Did you forget how to speak?” I asked.
Travis stared at me. His jaw popped open.
“To communicate? Like an adult? What’s freaking you out? Is it that I offered you a place to store your things and you read too much into it, or is it that I said I loved you?” Yeah, I was pissed. Malik and Jordana had a beautiful wedding. Travis had given a wonderful speech. People had applauded when Jordana sang. And I’d spent the whole damn afternoon worrying that I’d lost Travis. I looked at him, stone-faced, waiting for his explanation.
He began to cry. Not sobbing, end of the world crying, but the kind in which your eyes water and your lip trembles and your knees get wobbly from trying not to cry. Well, shit. I didn’t have a clue what to do, so I fell back on what’s worked in my family over the years… rapid, intense apologizing.
“Shut up, shut up, shut up.” Travis sniffle-laughed and finally broke through my desperate, lost attempt to put this right. “I love you back. I do. I just got scared. I thought of my family and I got scared.” He flung his arms around me and held me. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and I want them to accept you. All of them. My sisters, I mean, and I’m so worried they won’t love you too because… because I’m gay and….”
“Travis? Honey?” I loosened his arms so I could look up into his eyes. “I know you’re gay. It’s kind of a key component of why we’re together. I want to meet your family. How about you arrange it, and we’ll deal with how they handle us after we see how they handle us. All right?” I wiped his nose for him. If that’s not love….
“You’re sure?”
“When I came out, I got thousands of death threats. Russell was arrested twice after he punched someone who insulted me. I think I can handle two homophobic sisters. I’m still standing after all that. Hell, I won a lot of those people over. I’m not worried.”
“Jordana never told me about that.”
“They kept it out of the news.” I figured it was time for a kiss, so I indulged. Travis latched on to me and tried to suck my tongue out of my mouth. It was so unsexy I had to shove him away before I started laughing. He grinned and wiped his mouth.
“I’m sorry I was such a dick today.”
“You were worried. Next time, we talk about it.”
He nodded. “Promise.”
I grabbed his hand and pulled him back toward the ballroom. “Come on. I have a surprise planned for the bride.”
Inside, I sent Travis over to the edge of the dance floor, and went to find Jordana’s father, Martin. I’d had an idea, which I’d cleared with him, and now it was time to put it into action. Aside from singing in front of my master class students, I hadn’t performed in public for quite some time. I tried not to think about how this would be the first time I sang in front of Travis. I walked up to the bandstand, where the bandleader waited for me. As I approached, he announced the father-daughter dance. I picked up my guitar, which Angie had delivered, checked the tuning, and began to play. The song was “More I Cannot Wish You” from Guys and Dolls. Martin had picked it, and from Jordana’s reaction, it was a special song to her too. She looked radiant as she danced with her father.
Afterward, she rushed up and hugged me. “Keelin! You didn’t have to do that!”
I squeezed her. Her dress was damp with sweat, and her face was flushed. “It’s your wedding gift. You didn’t think I’d stop with an extra lesson, did you?” Malik stood by her side. “And I’m covering your honeymoon. Two weeks in the Caribbean, right?” That earned me a bear hug from him. I grinned through the pain.
AS WE rode in a cab back to my place, Travis was quiet. “What are you thinking about?” I asked.
“You have an amazing voice. Do you really never think about being a singer again?”
“I am a singer,” I said calmly.
“No, but I mean in front of people. Stadiums, like you used to.”
“I’m not going to lie. Sometimes I miss it. But I like the life I have now. I love it. And I don’t want to change it.” I squeezed his hand. “Not now.”
“You’re sure? Because I bet you could go back and be that again, if you wanted to. You’re really good, Keelin.”
A ripple of affection, lust, and gratitude zipped through my body at his words and touch. “I am who I want to be right now. If I wasn’t in this place, now, I wouldn’t have you.”
Travis smiled and somehow looked even younger. “Then I’m glad.”
“The wedding was beautiful,” I said. “I’ve been to a lot of weddings, and I think that was one of the best. It was low-key but glamorous. Do you think they were happy with it?”
“I think it’s exactly what they wanted. Did you see Jordana didn’t stop smiling all night? And I caught Malik getting teary a few times.”
“I saw you crying a little too.” I poked him.
He grinned and poked me back. “Okay, kettle. My best friends got married, so I sprung a leak. Sue me. Plus, I was worried about us.”
“You don’t need to worry about us. We’re good.” I leaned over and put my head on his shoulder.
“If Angie’s in your house when we get there, I’m kicking her out so fast,” Travis promised.
The cab pulled up to my front door. “Deal.”
Travis swiped his credit card through the pay point, we both thanked the driver, and the race was on to get up the steps and inside.