Chapter 16
Jane damned the shaking in her legs as she walked as quickly as she possibly could from the park. Her nerves jumbled with confusion. When Matthew kissed her, his hand so firmly at her waist, a fervent and exciting throb had taken hold at the center of her most private place. She’d wanted him to touch her there. Yet, despite the heat between them, she was still desperately afraid to fully give him her trust and have him hurt her.
She waited for shame or remorse to come, but nothing but love lingered in her heart. Would she ever really, truly be able to halt her attraction to the man? It seemed not.
Hurrying across the cobbled street, Jane forced thoughts of Matthew from her mind and instead embraced her pride in at least asserting her independence and anger to him. Her libido cooled. How could it be that Matthew, the one person above all others, would be the one to open the first door in her pursuing her dream of working with abandoned children?
She stumbled along the road and glared ahead. To be reliant on his decision and sway with the Board was as infuriating as it was insulting. At least when she’d asked him to leave, he had acquiesced her demand. She would confront Mr. Howard and the Board. She would prove their need for a squire’s sponsorship invalid, prove she didn’t need Matthew’s vote of confidence in order to move forward.
Despite the continuing drop in the temperature, the streets were busy with people, horses, and carriages. The city was an endless bustle of activity, and Jane breathed deep. In Bath, people took chances, spread their wings, and tried different things. Who was to say she would not be one of those successful people one day?
Moreover, she would no longer be ashamed of her physical yearnings. She was attracted to Matthew, admired and respected him. Why would her body not be stirred when he kissed her with such passion? If only her want of him was purely physical, things would be far easier.
Physical yearnings could be ignored, tamped down, or controlled.
It was her stupid heart that bore the biggest brunt of their separation.
“Jane? Jane, wait for me.” A female call came from behind her.
Jane turned, and upon sight of Jeannie hurrying toward her, Jane’s optimism faltered. The thought of telling her friend that the Board could reject her plea to work at the house distressed her more than she had anticipated.
Jeannie stopped in front of her and frowned. “Why such a sour expression? It is a glorious day. Everyone should be smiling. Has something happened?”
Jane sighed. “The Board wants Squire Cleaves’s sponsorship before they will consider me working at the boardinghouse. In other words, they want him to almost act as my guarantor. Like a parent giving his permission.”
“Has the squire agreed?”
“That is hardly my point, Jeannie. Of course he’s agreed but—”
“You wanted to achieve this alone. I understand that, but if having the squire’s sponsorship means you get what you want, does it really matter? I’m sure he’s nowhere near as put out as you are.”
“That is neither here nor there. I want him to see me as a woman in my own right, not as a young girl who has leapt from needing her parents’ approval to his.” Annoyance heated Jane’s cheeks. “Matthew has always been the one man I could genuinely rely on, but in this instance, I wanted to rely on myself only. It’s so infuriating.”
“He won’t see it that way, I’m sure.” Jeannie smiled. “I’ve seen the way the squire looks at you since we have been in the city. At long last, the man has opened his eyes and sees who you are and what you are capable of. His sponsorship with the Board will just be another token of his belief in you. Nothing more. Trust him, Jane. He’s a good man who has lost his wife to another. The way the squiress’s infidelity changed him has been upsetting, but I see him coming back to who he was before.” She grasped Jane’s hand. “And I can’t help thinking that is because of you.”
The sincerity in Jeannie’s eyes caused a myriad of emotions to ripple through Jane. Could it really be that Matthew looked to her for strength, the same way she always had to him? She swallowed against the possibility rising inside her. “Do you think he and I could do this? Work together toward a common goal?”
Jeannie laughed and released Jane’s hand, her pretty eyes bright. “Well, of course. Haven’t you worked with the squire for the village? Stood against him when he disagreed with you, only to work out a satisfactory conclusion come the end? This will be good for you, him, and the children you will come to care for. I know it.” She arched an eyebrow, her gaze teasing. “Lord knows, unless the squire is looking at you, he carries a scowl of which I have never seen.”
Jane laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“It’s true.” Jeannie grinned. “You know it is.”
Heat seared through Jane at the memory of her and Matthew’s ardent kissing in the park. Was Jeannie right? Was her pride foolish? By refusing Matthew’s help, would she hinder rather than advance her new life? She could not afford to make such a silly mistake.
Jane pulled back her shoulders. “You’re right. There is nothing wrong with accepting Matthew’s support if it means gaining access to working at the house. I will still have to prove my competency regardless of Matthew’s signature on a piece of paper.”
“Exactly.”
Renewed eagerness to see Mr. Howard and the Board rushed through her. “And what of you, Jeannie? Would you like to work with us too? It could be an adventure for us both.”
“Me? But what could I possibly have to offer? I have only ever worked in your family’s service. I wouldn’t know how to deal with children from such dire—”
“Then we’ll learn together.” Jane took Jeannie’s hand and squeezed it. “Do you really want to return to Marksville? Or would you rather we were friends living and working together toward our independence? The future is an exciting prospect for women of every class, Jeannie. Don’t you want to be a part of that?”
Fear and doubt were clear in every dart of Jeannie’s gaze over Jane’s face. Yet, slowly, the fear became delight and the doubt, hope. Her friend nodded. “I’d love to work with you.”
“Then it’s settled.” Jane slid her arm into Jeannie’s. “We shall go to the Board now and put forward the proposal of us both working with Mrs. Cage. They may say no, or even separate us, but if we don’t ask, we’ll never know. Come. We’ll be a little early for the appointment, but I am too excited to wait.”
Jane preceded Jeannie into Mr. Howard’s office, and they sat upon the two chairs in front of his meticulously tidy desk. She folded her trembling hands over her reticule and lifted her eyes to Mr. Howard’s.
He flitted his gaze from her to Jeannie and back again before raising his eyebrows. “Is this another advocate, Miss Danes? Did you not feel Squire Cleaves sufficient?”
Annoyance raised her hackles and Jane tilted her chin. The man’s derision was abominable. “The squire’s advocacy is still entirely intact, sir. I understand you have contacted him requesting his sponsorship. . .” She arched her eyebrow. “Even gone as far as asking him to consider a future position on the Board. You really must have been most impressed by the squire during our short meeting.”
He narrowed his eyes. “I have learned Squire Cleaves is a well-respected and amenable man. These are attributes that are necessary to the Board and its benefactors. So much so, I cannot consider your proposal to work at one of our houses without the squire’s backing.”
“I see.” Jane glanced toward Jeannie and sent up a silent apology for the white lie she felt necessary under the circumstances. “Might I introduce Miss Jeannie Ashby, my friend and companion? I have spoken to Squire Cleaves and he is not only willing to sponsor myself, but also Miss Ashby. He believes our working together will be of a great benefit to Mrs. Cage.”
Howard steepled his fingers, his elbows on the desk, and glared. “He does, does he?”
“Yes. He will be writing to you shortly confirming as much. I hope by bringing Miss Ashby with me today, you will understand I am not a lone woman in my endeavors, but one of many”—she looked at him steadily—“women looking to make a difference, a change. We wish only for the chance to prove ourselves.”
Jane’s heart raced. Surely if Matthew was willing to sponsor her, he would Jeannie too? He had known her and Jeannie equally as long. There could be no reason for him to doubt her passion, kindness, or determination.
Mr. Howard slowly removed his spectacles and laid them on the desk. He narrowed his eyes and leaned back in his high-backed chair, raising his hands to tap his fingertips together in front of him. “Well, you most certainly have the fortitude to carry out the desire to work with Mrs. Cage, but that means little if you decide the work is not for you within a few weeks.”
“That won’t happen.” Jane held his cynical gaze. “I want to do this more than anything.”
He looked to Jeannie. “And you, Miss Ashby? You seem to have little to say about the matter.”
Jane pulled back her shoulders and waited for Jeannie’s reply.
Her friend inched forward in her seat. “I am only quiet because Miss Danes has articulated my thoughts. I worked for Miss Danes’s family for a long time before I became her companion. Our minds and thoughts are often the same. If we were to work together, under Mrs. Cage’s instruction, I am sure the house would be a happy one.”
Howard lifted his eyebrow. “Have you met Mrs. Cage, Miss Ashby?”
Jane stiffened. Mrs. Cage had hardly welcomed Jane into her house with open arms. Two new recruits might well shut Mrs. Cage’s generosity down once and for all.
Jeannie cleared her throat. “I have not, but Miss Danes has told me how well she likes her.”
Jane pursed her lips, stopping her smile. How well she liked Mrs. Cage? Jeannie really was the most dearest of friends.
Mr. Howard blew out a heavy breath. “I have never known Mrs. Cage to be so well-liked on a first meeting.” He looked at Jane and Jeannie in turn. “Your affability is to be commended. Now, I have another question. What if either of you were to marry? What then? I can hardly see a husband being happy with either of you pursuing work of this nature.”
Irritation formed as heavy and hard as granite in Jane’s stomach. “If a future beau can’t see how important this work is to us, then I can’t imagine Miss Ashby or I marrying the gentlemen concerned. Of that, you can be certain.”
The wall clock ticked by the seconds. After an insufferably long time, Mr. Howard finally leaned forward to place his forearms on his desk and slid some papers in front of him. “As you know, I have considered your interest, Miss Danes, and will also take Miss Ashby’s into consideration. As much as I doubt your longevity in the role, I can’t turn away what I believe to be competency when I’m presented with it.” He looked at Jane and Jeannie in turn before looking at the paper in front of him. “Having spoken at length with Mrs. Cage, and with Squire Cleaves’s sponsorship, I give my authority for you, Miss Danes, to work at Mrs. Cage’s house.”
Jane fought to not leap from her chair and press a kiss to the Guardian’s bald pate. Instead, she gripped her reticule tighter and held his gaze. “And Miss Ashby?”
“Once I have the squire’s authority for you both in my hands, I will speak to Mrs. Cage, and then it will be up to you to impress her enough to allow Miss Ashby’s involvement. Mrs. Cage might not have the most friendliest of attitudes, but she cares for her children with more aplomb than many matrons I have known and continue to know.”
Jane detected a trace of genuine admiration for Mrs. Cage in Mr. Howard’s tone. His obvious respect and belief in Mrs. Cage didn’t coincide with Jane’s first impressions of her. Maybe that was to Jane’s detriment, rather than Mr. Howard’s inaccuracy.
Her pulse beat hard and she held her reticule in a vise-like grip, desperately trying to hold on to the excitement and anticipation flooding through her.
“And so,” he continued. “Your position will only be temporary until myself and Mrs. Cage are convinced the arrangement is beneficial to all concerned and are duly satisfied with your contribution. There will be no financial payment for your work. The position is entirely voluntary, and you will be under Mrs. Cage’s instruction. Are those terms agreeable?”
Jane glanced at Jeannie and she nodded. Smiling, Jane faced Mr. Howard. “It is, sir.”
“Very good.” He splayed his fingers on the desk and pushed to his feet, holding out his hand. “Then once I receive the squire’s support, we will reconvene to arrange an agreeable day on which you will report to Mrs. Cage.”
Jane took his offered hand and held it firmly. “I thank you, sir. You will not be disappointed by your decision.”
He nodded before turning to Jeannie and shaking her hand.
Jane swallowed against the happiness bubbling in her throat as she and Jeannie walked toward the door. Pride that the Board had made the decision for her to work at the house before she’d even arrived with Jeannie, burned inside. Even that one small vote of confidence gave Jane a much-needed boost to forge ahead.
As for Jeannie, Jane hoped this new work would, once and for all, illustrate Jane’s belief in her former maid’s abilities. Jeannie deserved to work for herself and make her own life. Mr. Howard had said the position wouldn’t pay, but who knew where this work could lead her friend? Working with Mrs. Cage might be just the start of a new life for Jeannie, as much as for Jane.
Hurrying down the stairs, afraid her elation might burst forth at any moment, Jane grinned as she flung open the front door and she and Jeannie stepped onto the pavement. As if sensing Jane’s internal glee, Jeannie slipped her hand into Jane’s elbow and pulled her close. The two of them strode along the street, and it wasn’t until they’d turned the corner, out of sight and sound of the Board’s office, did they erupt into raptures of laughter and jubilation.