FOR THE
MANAGEMENT OF A FAMILY.
ALL persons should endeavour to discharge the duties of the station they may fill, so as to claim the respect of their compeers; and afford a beneficial example to the younger branches of society: to such as are desirous of respect, this mode of conduct is a matter of necessity, the neglect of which no excuse can extenuate.
The accomplishments proper for the female character, are not so seriously attended to as formerly, when all persons, whatever might be their rank, were studious to render themselves useful. Yet domestic occupations should never for one moment be neglected, as such neglect must produce misery, and may, perhaps, ultimately terminate in ruin. At no very distant period, ladies knew but little beyond their own family concerns; now, alas! there are few things of which they know so little. Viewed either way, this is running into extremes, which should be carefully avoided, because elegant acquirements may, with some little care, be easily united with useful knowledge, and without which they become ridiculous. That this may be done, we have numerous examples, even in the most elevated ranks of society, in which the mistress of a family, possessed of every possible feminine accomplishment, may be frequently seen superintending her family arrangements, investigating her accounts, instructing her servants, and keeping within the bounds of her husband’s income; by such means, reflecting credit on him, as well as herself.
If such minute attention to domestic concerns reflects honour upon females of elevated rank, at the same time that it is useful to them, how much more therefore must it be beneficial to such as possess contracted incomes, and who can only support an elegant, nay even a neat appearance, by exerting the most rigid economy, and attentively directing their efforts to the proper management of their domestic affairs.
Females should be early taught to prefer the society of their homes, to engage themselves in domestic duties, and to avoid every species of idle vanity, to which thousands of them owe their ruin; and, above all things, to consider their parents as their best friends, who are interested only in their welfare; then indeed we might hope to see all as it should be, and to have daily evidence of real comfort and happiness. Were females thus instructed, they would soon learn to discriminate between the solid enjoyments of domestic peace, and the fleeting phantoms of delusive pleasure.
It is natural to imagine, that when a female marries, she does so from a principal of love. It must surely, therefore, be admitted, that her duties then become still more seriously important, because her station is more responsible than it previously was. She will then have to superintend the affairs of the man with whose destiny she has united her own; the domestic part of which falls particularly within the sphere of her management, and the duties of which she ought actively to execute, and at the same time to support as neat and elegant an appearance as is consistent with prudent economy; without which even princely fortunes must fail; in which case, her husband will soon discover her merits, and place a proper value on the treasure he possesses.
A person who desires to please, will seldom fail to do so. This conviction should of itself be sufficient to stimulate to the attempt, as domestic knowledge in a female is of more real importance than vain acquirements, not that accomplishments, when properly directed, are incompatible with domestic duties; on the contrary, they become intimately combined with them, because they add to the rational enjoyments of that home which should ever be the centre of attraction to the husband, to her children, and others connected with it; and this is what an ignorant, unsocial, and unaccomplished woman can never render it. It is the abuse of things from which alone mischief can originate, not from the temperate use of them.
The domestic arrangements of a family belonging entirely to the female, the table, of course, becomes entitled to no small share of her attention in respect to its expenditure, appearance, and general supplies.
Taste and judgment are highly requisite in this department, because the credit of keeping a good and respectable table depends not (as of old) on the vast quantity of articles with which it is covered, but the neatness, propriety, and cleanliness, in which the whole is served up, which alone can confer real credit on her who directs the preparation.
Dinner parties are very expensive, and certainly fall very heavy on persons whose incomes are moderate; such persons, therefore, should not support a custom productive of unpleasant consequences, by lending it the sanction of their example. But if it is found requisite occasionally to give dinners, it should be done in a liberal and genteel manner, otherwise it is far better to decline it altogether.
Dinners are not so sumptuous now as they formerly were, which may be accounted for from the increased price of provisions; in consequence of which, persons who possess a moderate property are compelled to be as economical as possible, in order to support that genteel appearance necessary for the promotion of comfort.
Yet a certain degree of caution is requisite in providing even a family dinner, as a casual visiter may unexpectedly enter, whose company cannot be avoided, and every man feels his consequence hurt, should such a visiter chance to drop in to a dinner not sufficiently good or abundant; a table should therefore be furnished according to the income and rank of its master; thus I would not have a tradesman emulate the expenditure and appearance of a noble, nor a noble of royalty. A good plain dinner, of which there should be sufficient, with clean linen and decent attendance, will obviate every difficulty; and the entrance of an unexpected visiter will occasion no additional trouble, and all uneasy sensations on account of the appearance of the dinner, will be banished from the breasts of the master and mistress, by which harmony and enjoyment will of course ensue.
This mode of providing a table may be extended to every class of society, where each individual should have a table provided according to the fortune which must pay for it, and such an arrangement will meet with the respect and approbation of all serious persons.
Carving also, though seldom attended to, merits attention; for, without a due knowledge of it, the honours of a table cannot be performed with propriety, or without considerable pain. It also makes a great difference in the daily consumption of a family. I therefore recommend my readers to study this useful branch of domestic knowledge, which can be attained only by constant practice, as written instructions can merely point out the way which practice must render perfect, and without which no person can preside with honour at the head of a table.
Where there are young persons in a family, it would greatly improve them, were they made to take the head of the table, under the superintendence of their parents, by whose salutary directions they would soon discharge the duty thus thrown upon them with equal ease and grace, and learn more in one month’s practical employment, than they would in twelve months’ observation. This would also prepare them to discharge their duties in a proper manner, when they become mistresses themselves. For my own part, I can imagine nothing more disagreeable than to behold a person at the head of a well-furnished table, presiding only to haggle and spoil the finest articles of provision, by which great waste is occasioned, and, we may add, some disgust, because many delicate persons, when helped in a clumsy manner, absolutely loathe the provisions (however good) thus set before them.
Every lady who fills the situation of a mistress of a family, will, I am confident, upon mature reflection, be convinced, that much depends on the vigilance of her conduct, as far as respects good management and domestic economy; the most trifling events should claim her notice, for the keen eye of a superior can alone restrain servants and dependants within proper bounds, and prevent that waste which would otherwise ensue. This is a line of conduct which the present price of every article of life renders still more imperative. No female should ever harbour a moment’s doubt respecting her power to conduct and manage a family, even if previously unused to it, as many of her senior friends will freely give her their advice, and a short practical experience will soon render her able to estimate the best mode of management, and also teach her how to keep her family expenditure agreeable to her income, and how to lay out her money to the greatest advantage. To execute this in a proper manner, a strict account of the yearly income set apart for domestic expenses, should be carefully taken; and that it may not be ignorantly exceeded, a minute account of the daily expenditure should be invariably made out, by which a regular habit of prudent economy will be obtained: and should the expenses of one week then exceed their bounds, it must be made up by retrenching on those of the following weeks. For where persons depend for their support and comfort on the skill and active exertions of a father, much also depends on the mother, who, should she be a bad manager, will soon undo all that her husband has done; but should she understand her duties, prosperity will smile upon the family, and perhaps fortune may be ultimately secured.
To prevent useless trouble in the household accounts, a FAMILY BOOK-KEEPER should be purchased, when the sums laid out will only require to be noted down, as the various articles are printed, with a column for every day in the year, by which means the exact expenditure is always ascertained for any period in a few minutes.
Persons who possess the means, should always pay for every article in ready money, the benefit of which they will very soon experience; and tradesmen will be careful to supply such valuable customers with the best of their goods. They are also willing to sell their goods cheaper for money than on credit, consequently, by properly attending to this circumstance, a considerable saving may be made in the course of a year. I would also recommend my readers never to change their trades-people without some serious cause of offence, as, after dealing some time with a tradesman, he considers you a valuable customer, obeys your orders with punctual attention, and invariably serves you with the best goods he can procure, with the view of securing your future support, and a recommendation of his shop to your friends.
On the contrary, those tradesmen who give long credit, are obliged to charge a proportional interest, without which they could not carry on their business; and it is this circumstance which contributes in no small degree to keep up the high price of every necessary of life. You will therefore easily perceive that, by having long credit, you will lose money, respect, and comfort.
A person of moderate income should make every purchase herself, and to do this well, she should make herself acquainted with the best articles, and the relative value of each, by which she will occasionally make her pound go as far as many less active and experienced persons would two. Although I do not intend by the above to advocate the cause of bargains, which generally in the end prove losses; on the contrary I recommend whatever may be purchased to be of the best quality, which, you may rely on it, will go farthest. Stated rules cannot be fully given, as rank, fortune, and habit, must determine many points; however, attentive inspection can be no disgrace even to the most elevated or wealthy. One great advantage resulting from this close attention is, that servants will soon discover that such a mistress must not be trifled with, and will consequently respect, fear, and serve her, better than they otherwise would do.
Waste of every description should be cautiously avoided; nothing can be more criminal, when we reflect that there are thousands of our fellow-creatures suffering from want, while, by the bounty of Providence, we have the full enjoyment of every good thing. Wastefulness, therefore, should never be tolerated in any of the necessaries of life. Every respectable family, by proper attention, may do much good to their poor neighbours, without injury to themselves, by properly preparing the offal of their houses, and distributing it to such as are in want; this would be affording much actual relief at the expense of little more than trouble.
Regularity should be punctually observed in all families, as by keeping good hours much time is gained. By breakfasting early the servants have a fair day before them; and they should, when convenient, be suffered to retire to rest at an early hour, by which means they will not be late on the following morning.
This method will also render less servants necessary. I am sensible that many of my fair readers may imagine this to be of little consequence, but I can assure them that they will ultimately find, that regular and early hours in a family is of serious importance to every branch of it, as far as relates to comfort, and it should be remembered that servants have feelings equally with ourselves.
It is prudent and economical to have a sufficient quantity of household articles and culinary utensils. The stock should invariably be well kept up, and to do this effectually, requires some consideration.
The best, and indeed only regular method of doing this, is to keep a correct account of these, as well as different articles of household furniture, linen, plate, china, &c. &c. and the various articles should be occasionally examined, and every article replaced as soon as broken.
Much time will also be saved, if every article is kept in its proper place, clean; and remember every thing should be mended the moment it is injured, and never applied to any other use than that for which it was originally designed, by which mode of management any thing will last much longer than it otherwise would do.
What an active person may perform in the course of one year by a punctual attendance to regular hours, and a persevering industry, would, if calculated, astonish a common observer by its extent and utility. In respect to servants, a mistress should be extremely careful whom she hires, and be particular in procuring a good character from the persons with whom they have previously resided. It is also the solemn duty of a mistress, to be just in giving a character to such servants as leave her, because a servant’s whole dependance rests entirely on the possession of a good character; destitute of which, inevitable ruin must follow. This is a duty, the breach of which nothing can extenuate; for by giving an undeserved bad character to a good servant, through caprice, eternal infamy must be reflected on the person who does so. Faithful, honest servants should be treated with respect and kindness, and when an occasion offers, they should be duly rewarded, which will create emulation in others; but never more kept than sufficient.
Should you deal on credit, a book should be kept, in which every article, with its weight and price, should be inserted the instant it is received, which will prevent imposition, and also serve as a reference.
In a well regulated family, every article should be kept in constant readiness, such as broken sugar, pounded spices, &c. by which much trouble will be prevented when such articles are wanted for immediate use. Servants should also be required to pay the same attention in waiting on the family, when alone, as they do when there is company: this will soon become a regular habit, and visiters will occasion but little additional trouble, while every thing will appear to go on smoothly.