Illness: The Land of Desolation

When suffering comes, the darkness has arrived. The light is out. Even your faith falls away. When you are at the heart of great pain, you enter a land of sheer desolation. A strange and strong poem by the Conamara poet Caitlīn Maude captures this desolation:

Between the rosary

And the thirty acres

The pearl of your belief fell

On a land without blessing.

Translated by the author

The land of suffering feels like a land that blessing has never touched. Illness is a form of suffering that quickly takes us into the land without blessing. Illness is a terrible visitor. We never value or even see some things in our lives until we are just about to lose them. This is particularly true of health. When we are in good health, we are so busy in the world that we never even notice how well we are. Illness comes and challenges everything about us. It unmasks all pretension. When you are really ill, you cannot mask it. Illness also tests the inner fibre and luminosity of your soul. It is very difficult to take illness well. Yet it seems that if we treat our illness as something external that has singled us out, and we battle and resist it, the illness will refuse to leave. On the other hand, we must not identify ourselves with our illness. A visit to a hospital often shows that very ill people are more alive to life’s possibilities than the medical verdict would ever allow or imagine.

When we learn to see our illness as a companion or friend, it really does change the way the illness is present. The illness changes from a horrible intruder to a companion who has something to teach us. When we see what we have to learn from an illness, then often the illness can gather itself and begin to depart. A friend of mine has been through an awful illness in the past three years. It was a strange viral illness. He lost his walk and his sight for a period. I was overwhelmed by the gentleness with which he was able to meet this hostile destroyer. Of course, he focused his mind firmly on the horizon of healing and tried to shelter in the luminosity of his soul. He did not constantly quarrel with the illness or turn it into an unworthy enemy. Sometimes, when you see a thing as the enemy, you only reinforce its presence and power over you. He befriended his illness; he travelled with it, remaining very mindful and holding on as far as he could to the shelter of blessing. Well, the illness took him on an amazing journey over mountains that he could never have anticipated. He has returned now and has entered health again. But he is a changed person. He has learned so much. His soul now enjoys a quiet depth; his gentleness has grown. His presence enriches you when you meet him.