Tyff kept his eyes on the floor, not daring to look up. He knew Whelon and Yazen were just desperately trying to understand, but they were giving him a look that seemed just slightly judgmental. Maybe he was imagining it since he was certainly judging himself.
He could not bear to look into Renay’s face. She was full of longing and hope, and no matter how hard he tried, his heart simply would not open for her. He kept searching himself, waiting for the wave of power to rush through him. He was actually beginning to think something might be wrong with him.
“Tyff.” Yazen’s hand on his shoulder startled him so badly he jumped out of his chair. “You are in perfect health. I know what you are thinking. That maybe you’re injured in some way, but I tell you, you are fine.”
“Are you sure?” He looked up, begging Yazen for a better explanation. “There must be something! Please, tell me there’s something—”
Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m injured, damaged, anything!
Yazen shook his head.
“This is fascinating, Yazen,” Whelon said with some excitement. “You must document everything. This has never happened before, not from the Preor side.”
“No, it has not,” Yazen agreed. “And the women had physical enhancements that blocked the Knowing.”
“Any suggestions, Yazen?” Whelon clearly didn’t have any.
“Heart Master,” Yazen said, immediately. “It’s a pity Khaza is down at the Tower with Chashan. I’d like her opinion.”
“She trained Dawn,” Whelon replied. “I think Dawn can certainly give you some guidance.”
Yazen nodded. “Will you see her, Tyff?”
Tyff nodded, letting his eyes slide back to the floor. He held Renay’s hand as tightly as he dared, but he couldn’t look her in the eyes.
“I have to go. The hospital is still full over here,” Whelon said.
The monitor clicked off, and Tyff was at complete odds with himself—with all the things he felt like he should be feeling. Instead he felt completely alone.
You aren’t alone, shaa kouvi! Renay’s hand gripped his even more tightly and he heard her words in his mind. He managed to smile at her, but he was unsure if he had actually heard her, or told himself he had because he wanted to.
In the quiet after Whelon’s call, Yazen took a few more readings. While Tyff finally looked into Renay’s eyes and tried to feel something—anything—Yazen called Dawn.
“She can see you soon,” Yazen said, breaking them both out of contemplation. “I assume you’ll be staying here?”
“I can’t.” Tyff stood up, ready to leave the room. He looked down at his hand in surprise, because even though he had taken a step away from the bed, he had not let go of her.
“What?” Yazen asked uncertainly.
“The ship routines have only just been put back in order,” Tyff said firmly. “They need me. The ceremony will be in a matter of days. I can’t stay idle.”
“Yes, my love,” Renay said gently. “You have to go.” She let go of his hand and pulled back on the bed, putting space between them. She looked up at him with compassion and understanding, and Tyff felt like he should apologize for some reason.
“I’m going to put you to sleep, Renay,” said Yazen quietly. “You will heal much faster. She won’t even know you’re gone, Tyff.”
He opened his mouth to speak, desperate to make this situation right. He didn’t even know what to say to her. The harder he reached into his mind and heart, the less he felt.
“Go, shaa kouvi,” Renay whispered. “Go and lead your warriors. I’ll be waiting.”
Tyff stayed until her beautiful eyes fell closed, knowing she was far away now. He also knew there was no safer place for her to be, even if part of him did not want to leave her.
Muster your strength now! he told his dragon fiercely. Many a time a Preor had to leave their mate to fight! If I do not perform my duty, the ship is not safe for her.
Tyff thanked Yazen and left, telling him he would catch up with Dawn later. He felt an intense trepidation about the event, as if he were afraid of what she might find.
As he headed down the halls, he couldn’t stop thinking about Renay. He could literally feel her skin on his work-worn hands, smell her and taste her. His dragon rolled somewhere deep inside him, filling his blood with fire. Lust was not the problem. She inflamed him completely and only her injuries had prevented him from claiming her right there in the medbay.
Her skin was so very pale, softer than spider silk. Her hands were fine and smooth, her body rounded and soft. He couldn’t wait to lose himself in her, touch every inch of that curved loveliness with his lips.
He wanted her. He loved her, but it wasn’t enough. Not without the Knowing.
As he headed back into the training room to join the drills, he was relieved to see that Choler had taken on command and was keeping all the warriors working. For one thing, this incident had only heightened the need for an infallible chain of command.
He jogged around, grabbing a medicine ball and tossing it through the ranks so everyone had to bend, twist, and throw as well as keep pace. The hard exercise brought clarity to his mind and he finally realized that the horrible feeling in his chest was fear.
I fear nothing! No enemy! I am Preor!
Even though he tried to deny it, fear still trickled through him, freezing his heart.
He was afraid of Renay.
What if she’s like Lane or Sasha? What if she is against us and brings hatred to us? What if our situation demands that I sacrifice my position, as the others have? What if—
Tyff had never considered himself a heavy thinker, but at this moment he was storming with more thoughts than he had ever believed possible. He felt sure anyone could see the storm of emotion playing out across his skin because it was so intense.
Beyond all that, far heavier questions waited. Okay, so he had fears and doubts. The Knowing was supposed to take care of all of that. Wasn’t it?
If I have any reservations at all, the Knowing should soothe them. Anything I need to know is given to me for that express purpose—to join us in complete love and trust. So why isn’t it happening?
He couldn’t help but think of assassination plans and further sabotage by the resistance. What if this was a ploy? Could she be faking it all, just to get close? He was horrified by the idea, but it would explain why he didn’t feel the Knowing.
His energy only grew the longer he worked. Eventually he called the troops in and headed up to the training platform to begin aerial maneuvers. If the man was not responding to the hard work and exercise, it was time to let his dragon take some of the pressure.
As he stood on the edge of the platform and called the change upon him, he expected to feel an intense longing. He expected to be swept away, ripped from his moorings of doubt so he could run to her and be with her.
Surely, the dragon would Know.
As he let himself drop from the edge of the platform his wings opened and grew. He drifted, the change coming over him all at once, like a running wave.
His dragon was quiet. They were not at ease, but at the same time, they felt no urgency. Tyff threw himself into flying, pushing across the jet streams and lifting as high as he dared. He set the warriors to the most exhausting, daring moves they knew, so he could lose himself in the magic of movement.
He craved her. He longed for her. He just couldn’t feel her, and it was tearing him apart inside.