Thanks to my kids for being epic humans, I love you both big time, you sexy jerks. Marchella, you frighten me with your brilliance, if I wasn’t at the actual birth I would question if you were mine. Odie, you glorious kook. You’re kind, smart and creative. You’re an absolute joy. I’m so glad you picked me to be your mum. To my long suffering husband, Scotty, if we’re still together when this goes to print – thanks for all your support and gentle encouragement. Sixteen years together is nothing to be sniffed at. I love your guts. If we’re not, I get the dogs. (Fun fact: we split up after I wrote this bit, spent six months apart and are now back together. I’ll tell you about it all in the next book.)
To Toby Dog, you’re my favourite, always have been, always will be.
Roy Boy, we love you too obviously but you need to stop pissing inside, we’re all sick of it. Lucky you’re literally the cutest dog in the world.
To my dad, Vincie, thank you for coming out of retirement and giving me a career. But mostly thanks for letting me be who I am. You’ve always had my back, you taught me about loyalty and hard work, and I appreciate all that you’ve done for me. Thank you also for being a certifiable lunatic, I am what I am (good and bad) because of you.
To my mum, Jen, you’re always there to catch me in a crisis. I’d have smashed into a thousand pieces by now if it weren’t for you, so thank you.
To Lyndon, my husband of the fabulous variety, you’re all a girl could ever want in life. You’re also my go-to should I ever need to dump a dead body.
To Michael Lucas, I love you big time, bitch. You’re my moral compass and life partner in every way except the sex stuff, obviously. Scott says thank you for sharing the burden of me, seriously, he just yelled that out.
Big ups to Andrew Taylor, Molly Taylor, Julie Lawless, Jeff Green and Heather Tyas who manage my work life. Yes, it takes that many people to control this situation. You can’t be suprised. You guys are a pleasure to work with and make my job very easy, thank you.
Special thanks to Janelle Koenig.
To my editors Larissa, Bert and Kylie, and my fabulous publisher Dan – bitches, you refined this pile of tangled thoughts and words into something that won’t get us sued! You allowed me to re-write it right up to the death knock, thank you for not breaking my balls. I wanted to get everything just right because books are forever.
I did it.
It’s done now.
I can stop typing.
I am stopping.
Now.
I am crying.
Again.
Now I am laughing. So the real quote I am going to end the book on is one from Dolly Parton’s character in Steel Magnolias, which seems far more appropriate for me than ending on Teddy Roosevelt (yes, this is the second reference to that film. It’s one of my absolute favourites). Take it away Dolly!